FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > !!!!!!!! Confidence
!!!!!!!! Confidence
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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It's a lot easier said than done but your confidence shouldn't be knocked by being on here. These people? They're just random fuckers. Sometimes you'll get to know them as more than that but until that point, they don't know you. They don't really matter.
Rejection is crap. And I think that being on here as a single man/woman/person must be difficult at times. I think the day I'm rejected on here I might end up eating ice cream and having a pity wank.
If we frame it more as someone saying no to fucking you, rather than rejection (which always sounds like rejecting the person, rather than a randomer in my mind) maybe it's better?
I do think having a thicker skin is important on here, definitely. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Define 'rejection'.
Because if its simply people not wanting to fuck you then I have some news. 99.9% of the worlds population won't want to.
Rejection isn't getting turned down for a fuck by strangers on the internet. It's not getting a job when you’ve been for an in person interview. It's going on a date for a couple of hours and at the end being told politely or otherwise, that they don't want to see you again. It's being dumped by a partner or dropped from a football team because everyone else is more skilled than you.
It's definitely not having a message ignored or someone saying no thanks to a proposition made by a faceless stranger online.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The way I approach fab is a the same as I would a night out..
I will find other people attractive and other people will find me attractive.
The trick I think is to understand that if you approach a person who doesn't fall into the above bracket and is not attracted to not let it spoil your night and enjoying yourself.
Easier said than done but fab is like a night out without the challenge of having to actually physically approach a person your attracted too. |
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"Define 'rejection'.
Because if its simply people not wanting to fuck you then I have some news. 99.9% of the worlds population won't want to.
Rejection isn't getting turned down for a fuck by strangers on the internet. It's not getting a job when you’ve been for an in person interview. It's going on a date for a couple of hours and at the end being told politely or otherwise, that they don't want to see you again. It's being dumped by a partner or dropped from a football team because everyone else is more skilled than you.
It's definitely not having a message ignored or someone saying no thanks to a proposition made by a faceless stranger online.
A"
Perhaps not for you, but it does feel like that for some people. I think it's nigh on impossible to define how rejection is perceived by different individuals.
Mrs TMN x |
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"This site is a proper confidence knocker ...!!
So much rejection ..lucky im thick skinned and used to it !! Lmao"
Rejection really? Is it not how you internalise someone saying no thankyou. Unless you have a massive gods gift complex and believe every women wants to sleep with you. Little tip Op expectations and fab, are like oil and water they do not mix well... |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Define 'rejection'.
Because if its simply people not wanting to fuck you then I have some news. 99.9% of the worlds population won't want to.
Rejection isn't getting turned down for a fuck by strangers on the internet. It's not getting a job when you’ve been for an in person interview. It's going on a date for a couple of hours and at the end being told politely or otherwise, that they don't want to see you again. It's being dumped by a partner or dropped from a football team because everyone else is more skilled than you.
It's definitely not having a message ignored or someone saying no thanks to a proposition made by a faceless stranger online.
A
Perhaps not for you, but it does feel like that for some people. I think it's nigh on impossible to define how rejection is perceived by different individuals.
Mrs TMN x"
Surely it's all about realistic expectations though? We can't be attractive to all.
I could send an email to a premier league football club asking to be thie new striker and then say I've been rejected by them because they pissed themselves laughing.
I could apply for a job as a heart surgeon and say I've been rejected because I have zero medical knowledge.
If you have a realistic expectation of what joining an online contact site can do for you then there should be no sense of failure when people say no.
Otherwise it's more a question of just having your ego dented when you find out not everyone is interested.
And that's not the fault of the site at all.
A |
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By *.T.Man
over a year ago
Glasgow |
The easiest way to get a meet is to not try.
Building rapport etc takes time but the harder you try to get a meet, the more likely you'll come across as being desperate, therefore lessening your chances of getting a meet.
You'll catch someone's eye. Even with my horrendous username, dad bod and questionable profile, I get meets. Let the ladies come to you and let them suggest meeting.
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"The easiest way to get a meet is to not try.
Building rapport etc takes time but the harder you try to get a meet, the more likely you'll come across as being desperate, therefore lessening your chances of getting a meet.
I would agree with this.
If you were to send countless messages to anyone with a pulse, you would feel rejected.
I like how POF works for non-subscribers.
You are only able to send one unsolicited message in a 24 hour period.
You must take your time, choose wisely and put a bit of effort into your message because if you don't receive a reply, your hands are tied for 24 hours.
(Not that there's anything wrong with getting your hands tied!)
On here, I don't message first anymore.
I do receive messages and it's working for me.
Good luck!
You'll catch someone's eye. Even with my horrendous username, dad bod and questionable profile, I get meets. Let the ladies come to you and let them suggest meeting.
"
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"The easiest way to get a meet is to not try.
Building rapport etc takes time but the harder you try to get a meet, the more likely you'll come across as being desperate, therefore lessening your chances of getting a meet.
You'll catch someone's eye. Even with my horrendous username, dad bod and questionable profile, I get meets. Let the ladies come to you and let them suggest meeting.
"
This |
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Oh fab is terrible for confidence boosting, don't ever try and use it for that.
Christ the state mine would be in from the amount of abuse hurled after a simple no thanks if I let it matter doesn't bear thinking about.
Value yourself OP. Don't worry about what masses of faceless genitals on the Internet think about you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s not as bad as the old days, seeing a girl across a bar, plucking up enough courage to go talk to her. And getting rejected in front of your mates…
Walk of shame back while being laughed at  |
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Is interesting because as a woman when you first join and you get tons of messages it can go to your head. But then you realise as said above that it doesn't mean anything. But I have grown in confidence from the wonderful people I have met from here.
Just try to have a light hearted approach. Enjoy the forums, make friends from it and you will soon start feeling less rejected and dejected. |
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"It's a lot easier said than done but your confidence shouldn't be knocked by being on here. These people? They're just random fuckers. Sometimes you'll get to know them as more than that but until that point, they don't know you. They don't really matter.
Rejection is crap. And I think that being on here as a single man/woman/person must be difficult at times. I think the day I'm rejected on here I might end up eating ice cream and having a pity wank.
If we frame it more as someone saying no to fucking you, rather than rejection (which always sounds like rejecting the person, rather than a randomer in my mind) maybe it's better?
I do think having a thicker skin is important on here, definitely."
I know I’m not a regular yet but you had me at ice cream and pity wank…. Is this a ticket event or invite only? |
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Confidence in the online process can fluctuate for sure. I think I have a healthy skepticism there.
Other than that I look at it as I am free to engage as little or as much as I want with it, so if I get frustrated that's my issue. |
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"Confidence in the online process can fluctuate for sure. I think I have a healthy skepticism there.
Other than that I look at it as I am free to engage as little or as much as I want with it, so if I get frustrated that's my issue."
Well said… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP the numbers are heavily stacked against us of a male persuasion - Fab has always been a numbers game so a thick skin is definitely required.
We're the pond life of the online world. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
My confidence issues were well established well before Fab so I can't really blame the site 
But on a serious note OP - if being on here is not good for your mental health then maybe you should take a break  |
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"Define 'rejection'.
Because if its simply people not wanting to fuck you then I have some news. 99.9% of the worlds population won't want to.
Rejection isn't getting turned down for a fuck by strangers on the internet. It's not getting a job when you’ve been for an in person interview. It's going on a date for a couple of hours and at the end being told politely or otherwise, that they don't want to see you again. It's being dumped by a partner or dropped from a football team because everyone else is more skilled than you.
It's definitely not having a message ignored or someone saying no thanks to a proposition made by a faceless stranger online.
A
Perhaps not for you, but it does feel like that for some people. I think it's nigh on impossible to define how rejection is perceived by different individuals.
Mrs TMN x
Surely it's all about realistic expectations though? We can't be attractive to all.
I could send an email to a premier league football club asking to be thie new striker and then say I've been rejected by them because they pissed themselves laughing.
I could apply for a job as a heart surgeon and say I've been rejected because I have zero medical knowledge.
If you have a realistic expectation of what joining an online contact site can do for you then there should be no sense of failure when people say no.
Otherwise it's more a question of just having your ego dented when you find out not everyone is interested.
And that's not the fault of the site at all.
A"
Oh, I'm not blaming the site or saying that unrealistic expectations don't play a part in it. Just that people can feel rejected even if you wouldn't feel like that in the same situation. I'm not sure what telling them what rejection definitely isn't to you achieves.
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This site is a proper confidence knocker ...!!
So much rejection ..lucky im thick skinned and used to it !! Lmao"
Is it?
Why?
If you come here with expectations of none stop success, I suspect you're in the wrong place and with the wrong attitude.
There's zero reason to take any of it personally. I don't feel bad saying no, nor when told it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a lot easier said than done but your confidence shouldn't be knocked by being on here. These people? They're just random fuckers. Sometimes you'll get to know them as more than that but until that point, they don't know you. They don't really matter.
Rejection is crap. And I think that being on here as a single man/woman/person must be difficult at times. I think the day I'm rejected on here I might end up eating ice cream and having a pity wank.
If we frame it more as someone saying no to fucking you, rather than rejection (which always sounds like rejecting the person, rather than a randomer in my mind) maybe it's better?
I do think having a thicker skin is important on here, definitely."
What flavour ice-cream ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What were you expecting? Women to fall at their knees and worship you?
Well that’s what the men do to you isn’t it?
She does look kinda hot "
Yeah she’s *penggggg*
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By *oofy321Man
over a year ago
moon base zero |
"This site is a proper confidence knocker ...!!
So much rejection ..lucky im thick skinned and used to it !! Lmao"
I disagree...being here has actually given me confidence..ok im not meeting but some un named people in the forums have boosted it x |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Define 'rejection'.
Because if its simply people not wanting to fuck you then I have some news. 99.9% of the worlds population won't want to.
Rejection isn't getting turned down for a fuck by strangers on the internet. It's not getting a job when you’ve been for an in person interview. It's going on a date for a couple of hours and at the end being told politely or otherwise, that they don't want to see you again. It's being dumped by a partner or dropped from a football team because everyone else is more skilled than you.
It's definitely not having a message ignored or someone saying no thanks to a proposition made by a faceless stranger online.
A
Perhaps not for you, but it does feel like that for some people. I think it's nigh on impossible to define how rejection is perceived by different individuals.
Mrs TMN x
Surely it's all about realistic expectations though? We can't be attractive to all.
I could send an email to a premier league football club asking to be thie new striker and then say I've been rejected by them because they pissed themselves laughing.
I could apply for a job as a heart surgeon and say I've been rejected because I have zero medical knowledge.
If you have a realistic expectation of what joining an online contact site can do for you then there should be no sense of failure when people say no.
Otherwise it's more a question of just having your ego dented when you find out not everyone is interested.
And that's not the fault of the site at all.
A
Oh, I'm not blaming the site or saying that unrealistic expectations don't play a part in it. Just that people can feel rejected even if you wouldn't feel like that in the same situation. I'm not sure what telling them what rejection definitely isn't to you achieves.
Mrs TMN x"
I'm just sharing an opinion that differs. It's kind of what forums are for of course.
Yep - my definition will be different to others but if we never shared alternative views, debated what words meant or why things happen as they do, then this would just be an echo chamber of people agreeing, saying 'there there, it's not you it's them' and people would never see differing views that might help them understand things differently and benefit them.
I'm not saying I'm right. Just expressing how I see things differently. To me I'm right - to others perhaps not. 
A |
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"Define 'rejection'.
Because if its simply people not wanting to fuck you then I have some news. 99.9% of the worlds population won't want to.
Rejection isn't getting turned down for a fuck by strangers on the internet. It's not getting a job when you’ve been for an in person interview. It's going on a date for a couple of hours and at the end being told politely or otherwise, that they don't want to see you again. It's being dumped by a partner or dropped from a football team because everyone else is more skilled than you.
It's definitely not having a message ignored or someone saying no thanks to a proposition made by a faceless stranger online.
A
Perhaps not for you, but it does feel like that for some people. I think it's nigh on impossible to define how rejection is perceived by different individuals.
Mrs TMN x
Surely it's all about realistic expectations though? We can't be attractive to all.
I could send an email to a premier league football club asking to be thie new striker and then say I've been rejected by them because they pissed themselves laughing.
I could apply for a job as a heart surgeon and say I've been rejected because I have zero medical knowledge.
If you have a realistic expectation of what joining an online contact site can do for you then there should be no sense of failure when people say no.
Otherwise it's more a question of just having your ego dented when you find out not everyone is interested.
And that's not the fault of the site at all.
A
Oh, I'm not blaming the site or saying that unrealistic expectations don't play a part in it. Just that people can feel rejected even if you wouldn't feel like that in the same situation. I'm not sure what telling them what rejection definitely isn't to you achieves.
Mrs TMN x
I'm just sharing an opinion that differs. It's kind of what forums are for of course.
Yep - my definition will be different to others but if we never shared alternative views, debated what words meant or why things happen as they do, then this would just be an echo chamber of people agreeing, saying 'there there, it's not you it's them' and people would never see differing views that might help them understand things differently and benefit them.
I'm not saying I'm right. Just expressing how I see things differently. To me I'm right - to others perhaps not.
A"
See, that didn't come across to me at all in your first post. Nowhere do you say "I think" "To me" "The way I see it" etc etc to suggest it's an alternative viewpoint. It just reads like you telling the OP they are wrong. Which, of course, you are perfectly entitled to do 
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"
See, that didn't come across to me at all in your first post. Nowhere do you say "I think" "To me" "The way I see it" etc etc to suggest it's an alternative viewpoint. It just reads like you telling the OP they are wrong. Which, of course, you are perfectly entitled to do
"
Everything I've ever posted in the forums over the last 15 years is my opinion - nobody else's. I assumed that was a given?
Even when someone says 'no, you're wrong' you're not obliged to agree. Likewise when people agree with you it doesn't make you right.
It's just shared or differing viewpoints.
If we had to start every post with 'In my opinion' there'd be a lot of wasted Internet ink.
A |
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"
See, that didn't come across to me at all in your first post. Nowhere do you say "I think" "To me" "The way I see it" etc etc to suggest it's an alternative viewpoint. It just reads like you telling the OP they are wrong. Which, of course, you are perfectly entitled to do
Everything I've ever posted in the forums over the last 15 years is my opinion - nobody else's. I assumed that was a given?
Even when someone says 'no, you're wrong' you're not obliged to agree. Likewise when people agree with you it doesn't make you right.
It's just shared or differing viewpoints.
If we had to start every post with 'In my opinion' there'd be a lot of wasted Internet ink.
A"
For me there's a difference in framing something as an opinion or presenting it as fact (here I am doing it!)
I think we differ though - so I shan't waste any more Internet ink, I heard it's in short supply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hiya OP, look at the declines as a blessing in disguise. Some things are simply not meant to be, so best to keep your spirits high; since it's only a matter of time before you do meet that someone special.  |
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Personally fab has given me more confidence than I ever had before by miles !!
That being said the one thing I want to say to a certain someone I won't because I know the answer haha ..
So maybe not THAT confident |
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I've only been on the site 6 weeks, so I'm no expert by any means, but I guess a lot depends on how you approach things. I can say I've not had my confidence knocked on here. I've not had any rejection either, but that's because I haven't actually asked anyone one for a meet yet!
I wouldn't ask a complete stranger for sex that I met out and about without getting to know each other over time, so I wouldn't do it here either.
If I ask someone on here for a meet after chatting for a bit and they say no, then I wouldn't take that to heart. I'd like to think that it's not so much of a rejection, but more that the other person or couple don't feel the connection/compatability that maybe I thought we might have had.
I treat this site the same as real life, not everyone is for everyone, it takes time and effort to find the right people for you and even then some of your people won't want to jump into bed with you, but you will have at least gained a new friendship instead. |
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"Personally fab has given me more confidence than I ever had before by miles !!
That being said the one thing I want to say to a certain someone I won't because I know the answer haha ..
So maybe not THAT confident "
If you never ask the question the answer will always be no....plus don't do there thinking for them, its never right |
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