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Instincts...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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How often do you listen to your instincts? Do you find you're often right?
Are you the sort to jump to conclusions or are you more a wait until you have all the concrete evidence sort of person?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always been good with my gut instinct about people and situations. There's time where I haven't listened to it and regretted it afterwards. When you know, you just know and I always listen to that little voice now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely no good will come of this thread. I'm adamant I'm right about this."
Having had a chance to reflect, maybe this sort of thread does have some sort of merit.
I shall wait and see how it pans out before making any firm conclusions. |
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I listen to my instincts a lot.
I prefer not to immediately act on them as if they're the be all and end all. But I'm very aware of my gut feeling about people and situations, and when I do let them play out anyway I tend to have been in the right vein from the start. |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"How often do you listen to your instincts? Do you find you're often right?
Are you the sort to jump to conclusions or are you more a wait until you have all the concrete evidence sort of person?
"
Its only when I don't trust my instinct is when I am gutted, As thats when it all goes wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always listen to them, instincts often tell us that our conscious mind may I’ve missed something important.
What I don’t do however is trust my instincts implicitly, I’ll always question them to make sure they’re not the product of an uconscious bias |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good question.
I sometimes do jump to conclusions, mostly because I expect the worst (despite trying to be optimistic)
I listen to my heart and I follow it most of the time. Even when my brain knows I shouldn't!
My instincts then do a good job of preparing for the inevitable downfall
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I should listen to my instincts more, as they're invariably bang on.
Unfortunately, I too frequently talk myself out of it, because it's not fair to make snap judgements about people. By the time evidence to support my instincts surfaces it's too late. |
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Awesome question.
I nearly always follow my instincts. Except life admin stuff, which I despise and get out the way as quickly as possible, so I can get back to doing that.
In a sexual context, I have little choice as my drive is essentially primal and not running with my feelings historically has taught me that it won't work for me.
Are they always right? They are almost always not wrong.  |
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I think people very often choose to believe words over actions and when everything goes Pete Tong thing they've ignored their instinct but have really just fallen victim to their desire to believe the shiny promises |
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In person it has been a long time since my instincts were wrong so I'll always trust them.
Online they aren't infallible and have let me down a couple of times and as a result I'm more cynical now. |
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My first instincts are absolutely terrible. I'm cynical and think everyone is out for themselves and I'll get hurt. Which is absolute rubbish, yes there are people who will and can hurt me, but that doesn't include everyone. But I recognise my instincts are a bit on the negative side, so I question a lot and take my time with things. Some people think I'm not keen etc etc because of it, but others will understand and accept it. And they are my kind of people  |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I give my instinct a helping hand by asking waaaay too many questions. "
I almost lost a new buddy by asking one specific question.
He wasn't happy I thought he might be lying.
I explained that over the years I've dealt with a lot of lies, that caused problems, and apologised for lumping him in with the liars, but I need to be sure I'm not getting into something messy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have always regretted not acting on my instincts x When people have eventually wronged me/us I look back and know there were red flags that bothered me but chose to ignore. I can usually sense a wrong’un |
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I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. This has burned me in the past, particularly on here! So now I'm a little more cautious. It doesn't mean I don't trust my instincts, I'm just a bit more circumspect.
Mrs TMN x |
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"I give my instinct a helping hand by asking waaaay too many questions.
I almost lost a new buddy by asking one specific question.
He wasn't happy I thought he might be lying.
I explained that over the years I've dealt with a lot of lies, that caused problems, and apologised for lumping him in with the liars, but I need to be sure I'm not getting into something messy."
It's hard isn't it. I'm a very inquisitive person anyway. It's not specifically lack of trust more not taking anything at face value.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I give my instinct a helping hand by asking waaaay too many questions.
I almost lost a new buddy by asking one specific question.
He wasn't happy I thought he might be lying.
I explained that over the years I've dealt with a lot of lies, that caused problems, and apologised for lumping him in with the liars, but I need to be sure I'm not getting into something messy.
It's hard isn't it. I'm a very inquisitive person anyway. It's not specifically lack of trust more not taking anything at face value.
"
I don't relish the thought of another phone call from a wife or girlfriend.
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I think I attribute things to instinct when I'm just hyper observant and subconsciously process all of those tiny bits of information. It doesn't feel like a conscious thought so it must be instinct, if that makes sense. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I tend to listen to my instincts more as I get older. As I've found they rarely have been wrong in the past and even in recent times when I've ignored them I was completely wrong to do so. So yes I pay a lot of attention to them and if someone or something seems off then I'll do my best to have a little interaction as possible. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"How often do you listen to your instincts? Do you find you're often right?"
I've been screwed over by my "gut" and my "heart", which I think are the source of the instincts that you're referring to, OP, too many times. In fact, they're so rarely right that you would think I'd have learnt by now to nail their mouths firmly shut. And duct tape them. Then bury them at sea. Or at least to take the instinct and do exactly the opposite.
But no. I listen. And I often act on them. Time and time again I get battered, emotionally, mentally and/or physically because of that choice. Daft really. I'm sure there is something to be said here about the definition of insanity.
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Are you the sort to jump to conclusions or are you more a wait until you have all the concrete evidence sort of person?
"
This part, though... I may jump to conclusions in my head, but for action I'll wait until all the concrete evidence is in before acting. All the concrete, all the circumstantial, all the hearsay, the rumour, the vaguely connected... takes me a while to actually act on it. I have the fear of being wrong about something and upsetting someone because of it. |
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No instinctive jumps here. More like overthinking everything and only moving when I'm absolutely certain. Which means that there must be occasions when I've failed to recognise approaches from people, perhaps just seeing them as casual conversation instead of an invite towards further interest.
Anybody that does want to get to know me better, please just be blunt with me. Life is too short to miss out, but I'm just not spontaneous enough to grab opportunities. |
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I think it's very unlikely that people will say their instincts are often wrong. If they are taking about actual instincts then evolution has honed them to be very useful. If we're taking about how we instinctively judge other people/situations then these reactions will be based on lived life experience and most, if not all the evidence a person collected in their life will confirm those instincts. Being able to recognise that our subjective experience isn't necessarily a true reflection of objective reality is far easier said than done. When push comes to shove its very difficult to see past our instinctive assessments |
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"My first instincts are absolutely terrible. I'm cynical and think everyone is out for themselves and I'll get hurt. Which is absolute rubbish, yes there are people who will and can hurt me, but that doesn't include everyone. But I recognise my instincts are a bit on the negative side, so I question a lot and take my time with things. Some people think I'm not keen etc etc because of it, but others will understand and accept it. And they are my kind of people "
I tend to be the opposite, see the good in others even if it isn't really there. On the plus side, I'm rarely bothered when it turns out I'm wrong, happy to walk away and almost never hold a grudge. It's wierd, I know and fully believe at an intellectual level that most humans are selfish arseholes who behave the way they do to maximise what they can get from life (even if some have learnt that being nice works pretty well). At the same time, on an individual level I act as though most people I meet are actually nice decent and kind. |
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Being towards the ‘Old Bastard’ age group, I’m increasingly finding that due to experience, I’m usually right even more than I was before, which can get a bit tiring when you also get ignored even more than before. Can often be heard muttering ‘told you so- it’s your shit to fix now’ as I depart the scene of devastation I warned about  |
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
I used to live by them they were always spot on until the time they led me up a garden path into a lava pit so i no longer trust them
Now i ignore both impulse and instinct its the safer way to be |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I've always been good with my gut instinct about people and situations. There's time where I haven't listened to it and regretted it afterwards. When you know, you just know and I always listen to that little voice now."
Yeah, that regret is a bit crap isn't it? Listening to yourself is important - not necessarily overthinking but acknowledging how you feel, listening to what you think. I guess what you know? That makes sense in my head. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Absolutely no good will come of this thread. I'm adamant I'm right about this.
Having had a chance to reflect, maybe this sort of thread does have some sort of merit.
I shall wait and see how it pans out before making any firm conclusions."
Ha! Clever. Like it. Waiting to see how things pan out isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sensible sometimes even. |
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As someone who's naturally very cautious, I once chose not to listen to my instincts,
I thought a guy was trouble.....but I thought I was just being my usually over cautious self......
Turns out he was a huge bellend, I should of listened to my gut but didntand I got seriously hurt, big time!
So now I'm back to super cautious behaviour!
I'll never not listen to my gut instinct again, it's usually always right! |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I listen to my instincts a lot.
I prefer not to immediately act on them as if they're the be all and end all. But I'm very aware of my gut feeling about people and situations, and when I do let them play out anyway I tend to have been in the right vein from the start."
They're not the be all and end all, far from it. Sometimes I think it's lots of little details that you register on some level, rather than a natural feeling.
I had a friend rather bluntly tell me this morning that I don't possess some superhuman power of predicting the future. It's just the neurospicy part of me that's very observant and notes the minutiae. Gutted I'm not a superhero though. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I give my instinct a helping hand by asking waaaay too many questions. "
But why is that a bad thing? I don't understand. You're trying to understand, learn more and not leap to the first conclusion.
You might not be able to tell but I ask a lot of questions. Eternally curious is a good way of describing me. It's because I like trying to make sense of things. I don't want to be unfair to people.
Sometimes people really don't like it which is fair. But, sometimes I come across a gem and they say "Meli, ask away". I like curiosity. People taking an active interest. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I always listen to them, instincts often tell us that our conscious mind may I’ve missed something important.
What I don’t do however is trust my instincts implicitly, I’ll always question them to make sure they’re not the product of an uconscious bias "
Yes - sometimes you can be holding on to biases without being aware that's what you're doing. If you've been hurt by something in a previous situation, if you're very cautious. Sometimes those instincts are the product of a bias and knowing when that's the case is a strength. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I listen to my instincts a lot.
I prefer not to immediately act on them as if they're the be all and end all. But I'm very aware of my gut feeling about people and situations, and when I do let them play out anyway I tend to have been in the right vein from the start.
They're not the be all and end all, far from it. Sometimes I think it's lots of little details that you register on some level, rather than a natural feeling.
I had a friend rather bluntly tell me this morning that I don't possess some superhuman power of predicting the future. It's just the neurospicy part of me that's very observant and notes the minutiae. Gutted I'm not a superhero though. "
That’s exactly what intuition is , it’s science - neurons going through millions of similar past experiences evaluating the decisions you made annd the outcomes, all in a split second . But if you have a habit of not following it you mess it up. Luckily if you practice it, it comes back |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I think it's very unlikely that people will say their instincts are often wrong. If they are taking about actual instincts then evolution has honed them to be very useful. If we're taking about how we instinctively judge other people/situations then these reactions will be based on lived life experience and most, if not all the evidence a person collected in their life will confirm those instincts. Being able to recognise that our subjective experience isn't necessarily a true reflection of objective reality is far easier said than done. When push comes to shove its very difficult to see past our instinctive assessments "
That's true. We'll often go back and say "oh yes, I thought this was the case" because it makes us feel good to feel like we know what's going on.
I know I do that from time to time - I also know that it's a sad victory when I'll have written my instincts somewhere, be able read them back and know I was right.
I do think we can sometimes be in our own head too much with them. You know, overthink. Almost subconsciously fulfill them because we believe that's the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Instinct - if something feels 'off' it almost always is. It's a bit like leaving a toxic relationship even though you love the person.
It's hard, but you just have to, and in the long run the sadness fades. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have said, instincts can be based on flags that the conscious mind hasn't picked up on. Should be at least acknowledged & reflected on further.
Always reflect on my instincts & the following;
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. (Be open to them yet observant to possible flags).
Can't cheat consistency over time when observing someone's choices (actions/ behaviour/ words). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been burned when I have we seen what I want/ hope to in a person, or seen how they were initially but ignored that they have changed/stopped being that wau, &/or excused away the things that don't fit the image/ narrative I want to see.  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Instinct - if something feels 'off' it almost always is. It's a bit like leaving a toxic relationship even though you love the person.
It's hard, but you just have to, and in the long run the sadness fades."
Yes, that's sadly very true. I'm starting to realise that when I feel something is off - I'm not being irrational. I think because a few exs now have told me I'm wrong, being hormonal or jumping to the wrong conclusions, well... I start doubting myself a bit.
And inevitably when I'm right it's like a bittersweet confirmation I didn't actually want.
There's a lot to be said to listening to yourself I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Instinct - if something feels 'off' it almost always is. It's a bit like leaving a toxic relationship even though you love the person.
It's hard, but you just have to, and in the long run the sadness fades.
Yes, that's sadly very true. I'm starting to realise that when I feel something is off - I'm not being irrational. I think because a few exs now have told me I'm wrong, being hormonal or jumping to the wrong conclusions, well... I start doubting myself a bit.
And inevitably when I'm right it's like a bittersweet confirmation I didn't actually want.
There's a lot to be said to listening to yourself I guess. "
Being told you're being hormonal for voicing an opinion, or feeling, sounds quite gaslighty/red flaggy to me.
Being made to doubt yourself etc, not cool. If you feel something, then that feeling is valid. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I think people very often choose to believe words over actions and when everything goes Pete Tong thing they've ignored their instinct but have really just fallen victim to their desire to believe the shiny promises "
Yes, I think you're right.
I've never heard the Pete Tong thing before! Learned something new today.
I guess words are a siren song to those of us who are more susceptible, more wanting to believe. I'm a bit of a soft sap and hold words very dear to me - if someone says the sky is purple, I'll will myself to believe it until I have to admit it's never been purple, more a gentle blue.
My friends gently chide me, they can't believe I'm so quick to pick up on things and yet so willing to convince myself otherwise. I guess it's part of growing and learning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people very often choose to believe words over actions and when everything goes Pete Tong thing they've ignored their instinct but have really just fallen victim to their desire to believe the shiny promises "
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Instinct - if something feels 'off' it almost always is. It's a bit like leaving a toxic relationship even though you love the person.
It's hard, but you just have to, and in the long run the sadness fades.
Yes, that's sadly very true. I'm starting to realise that when I feel something is off - I'm not being irrational. I think because a few exs now have told me I'm wrong, being hormonal or jumping to the wrong conclusions, well... I start doubting myself a bit.
And inevitably when I'm right it's like a bittersweet confirmation I didn't actually want.
There's a lot to be said to listening to yourself I guess.
Being told you're being hormonal for voicing an opinion, or feeling, sounds quite gaslighty/red flaggy to me.
Being made to doubt yourself etc, not cool. If you feel something, then that feeling is valid. "
There's a reticence on my part to describe something as gaslighting/red flaggy, namely because I think it's oft quickly applied now it's become more common usage, almost trendy.
I have no doubt sometimes it can be. Sometimes I think a person just genuinely believes the other person is being daft.
But you're right, there's a validity to feelings. Having them dismissed is difficult to navigate. I know that when I get to the point where I know something is true and I'm being told otherwise, I delete because I don't want to cause hurt to/bother the other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How often do you listen to your instincts? Do you find you're often right?
Are you the sort to jump to conclusions or are you more a wait until you have all the concrete evidence sort of person?
"
Often, it's served me well |
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