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Would you date someone who earns more than you?
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Does that conversation even come up before dating? I have never had anyone ask me what I earn...
I would want to know what you do and want to know that you have a job, however. I ain't paying for everything.  |
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"Can I ask why it might be an issue in the first place? "
I would imagine if there is a vast difference in either direction. Chances are you would be used to living very different standards of life, and like someone said above risk is there of one spending above their means to keep up, or have to be comfortable with being paid for all the time which lots of people are not, or the upper earner has to change their spending habits to fall in line. |
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It's not something I would ask. But I think if there was a considerable difference it could make things more difficult. If they earned lots more than me, they may want to do activities I simply couldn't afford. And in the early days I would definitely want to pay my own way, as that is really important to me. I guess it would depend on both of us to see if a compromise could be found between us. |
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Money shouldn't even come into it. You either like someone for who they are or you don't
When we met each other we had no idea how much each other earned. It didn't crop up in conversation for quite a while as it was the last thing on our minds. |
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Yes, I would. But then again what someone earns doesn’t phase me, the only thing I care about is that they are working.
Though saying that, I did get asked once on a date how much I earned, suffice to say things ended pretty quickly. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
Y earns over double what I do, honestly on occasion I do feel a touch emasculated that she pays for a little more than I.. But that's my issue and apparently I more than make up the difference in other ways..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was not something I used to consider but given my experiences thus fat with partners I think I'd rather find someone who was in the very least very close to or more.
I find in relationships I've had because I made more , more was expected of me financially.... I don't mind us both equally contributing but thus far for me it's been 80/20 % with me being 80.
Example : I had a partner that was making 1/4 of what I made ...his lifestyle was completely different , things I would eat everyday he would consider a treat, they were a lot of budget constraints on his end. Our way of living had to mesh and when it did I jus became wary of him all of sudden he wanted to have what he considered a treat before everyday , he wanted a nicer car everything... as much as I loved him he just began to feel like one more person I was taking care of/responsible for ....
For a serious relationship finance for me is a consideration. |
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There is either alot of people on here lying (possibly to themselves) , so well off they are lucky enough to not need to think about it , or they read the OP as fuck someone rather than dating.
Would i ask someone for their salary on a first date … no
But would i be jumping in to dating a CEO without some careful consideration… no
And likewise to dating someone unemployed |
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Yes.
I have done likewise someone who earns less.
I found I tended to move in circles where people were more or less similar to me in lifestyle anyway so we were usually fairly evenly matched salary wise and when I was a student nobody had any money |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would and I wouldnt mind it, it doesn't play a role if I fancy them, a good heart and if our personalities click is what matters 
"
It would be irrelevant as to how much my theoretical partner earned as it would be none of my beeswax. |
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"There is either alot of people on here lying (possibly to themselves) , so well off they are lucky enough to not need to think about it , or they read the OP as fuck someone rather than dating.
Would i ask someone for their salary on a first date … no
But would i be jumping in to dating a CEO without some careful consideration… no
And likewise to dating someone unemployed "
Long term I'm inclined to agree with this. |
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"There is either alot of people on here lying (possibly to themselves) , so well off they are lucky enough to not need to think about it , or they read the OP as fuck someone rather than dating.
Would i ask someone for their salary on a first date … no
But would i be jumping in to dating a CEO without some careful consideration… no
And likewise to dating someone unemployed
Long term I'm inclined to agree with this. "
Long term yeah, but I've been on dates with people having no idea what they actually do for a living |
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"There is either alot of people on here lying (possibly to themselves) , so well off they are lucky enough to not need to think about it , or they read the OP as fuck someone rather than dating.
Would i ask someone for their salary on a first date … no
But would i be jumping in to dating a CEO without some careful consideration… no
And likewise to dating someone unemployed
Long term I'm inclined to agree with this.
Long term yeah, but I've been on dates with people having no idea what they actually do for a living"
Me too when I was dating |
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Because of my life circumstances, basically everyone I would meet, if I ever consider dating again, will earn more than me.
Luckily for everyone concerned, I don’t consider dating for the foreseeable. |
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It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do? |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
The voice of wisdom as always |
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I work for a charity so hard to avoid. I'm clear with people about what I can and cant afford. I tend to go on the rule of "if I asked you, I pay, unless I explicitly ask to split it". When partners know that it's a lot easier. |
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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago
Chipping Norton |
A friend quit working when it got to the point his wife was earning ten times his salary. Hasn't caused any problems in their relationship. She's happy working, he's happy cooking.
Can imagine it being a different thing had the difference been there when they first met. Not insurmountable. But it's easier if it happens when the relationship is already solid. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
Spot on  |
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"A friend quit working when it got to the point his wife was earning ten times his salary. Hasn't caused any problems in their relationship. She's happy working, he's happy cooking.
Can imagine it being a different thing had the difference been there when they first met. Not insurmountable. But it's easier if it happens when the relationship is already solid."
In an established relationship it's different I think. We've had periods of time when I've been the highest earner, when I've not been working at all and when we've earned similar salaries and vice versa. Once you're an established couple earnings just go in the joint pot, in our case anyway |
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"I would and I wouldnt mind it it, it desnt play a role if I fancy them, a good heart and if our personalities click is what matters
"
Only date those with a first class honours degree and are in the top 10 per cent earning bracket, as I love to feel insecure |
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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago
Chipping Norton |
"Totally. I don't consider our respective incomes to be a factor.."
Exactly the line I'm prepared to take with any woman earning ten times more than I do. Or with inherited estates, income and titles. Happy with either. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them "
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises "
That's not what im suggesting at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we got along in the right way it would be irrelevant.. I mean if I earned more I’d thankfully take some costs and if partner earned more they could.. it’s about chemistry and mutual thoughts and desires not cash x |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises
That's not what im suggesting at all"
I understand what you're saying. Money shouldn't come in to it but being realistic it does (in my opinion).
A couple of dates with someone with a vastly different income is fine, in an established relationship no problem but it's the bit in between that can get difficult. I'd like to believe that love conquers all but a huge disparity in living standards can and does cause problems. Of course lots of other things cause problems too but relationships work best *in the majority of cases* when people are of similar background and income.
I'm not saying don't date the wealthy woman or the lower income guy. Just don't live in a world where you think it doesn't matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I replied in the other thread about earning less.
As long as we can both go out occasionally an go thing we love it doesn’t matter to me on the lower end.
My ex husband, when I first met him early significantly less than I did. His career over the 20 years sky rocketed and by the time we divorced he was earning crazy money His annual bonus alone was 4 times my yearly salary. We were married the salary difference didn’t matter.
If we met now I would find it hard because there is no way on earth I could afford to go all the places he would want to go. Whilst I don’t mind someone paying for me occasionally I wouldn’t like it all the time. I prefer to pay my own way. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
You are right there as well and those are also good points you made there |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I would. but... if they were used to a lifestyle that I simply couldn't afford, I would walk away rather than put my family at risk living beyond my means"
That is a good point and yes. I probably would do the same there |
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I have this with my partner in some regards. Having made some financial boo boos when I was a bit younger I’m now far more financially literate, and sensible with what i spend and why as I look to get on the property ladder. She’s not that way inclined, which is fine but dies cause issues when she wants to do something that I don’t want to do, or pay for us to do.
im learning the importance of aligning financial mindsets as I get older |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
I’ve had this before. I went out for a few months with someone who lived on the outskirts of London and earned twice my salary. She continually wanted to go to expensive cocktail bars in town and go on holidays. It got to the point where I couldn’t financially keep up and it made me miserable. Not only did I have to keep turning down fun trips, it highlighted that I didn’t earn very much and that became more of a thing than it otherwise would have.
(Gender had nothing to do with it).
I don’t think it tends to resonate with the party with the higher salary as much as it does the other. Either way, it can become a divisive element of the relationship. It did for us and contributed to me facking orff. |
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I best answer yours too Shag but to confirm what I put on the other thread The answer is no but only for the reason that I don’t date. Not because of how much they earn.
As my dad would’ve said couldn’t give a shiny shite |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Yes. While it would not be a factor in my decision to date them. There are by far more important things that I would be looking for in a partner...
Refusing to date somebody because they earn more though, that is just insane... Financial security as a couple in the future being a bonus (not the core) should never be overlooked. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
I’ve had this before. I went out for a few months with someone who lived on the outskirts of London and earned twice my salary. She continually wanted to go to expensive cocktail bars in town and go on holidays. It got to the point where I couldn’t financially keep up and it made me miserable. Not only did I have to keep turning down fun trips, it highlighted that I didn’t earn very much and that became more of a thing than it otherwise would have.
(Gender had nothing to do with it).
I don’t think it tends to resonate with the party with the higher salary as much as it does the other. Either way, it can become a divisive element of the relationship. It did for us and contributed to me facking orff."
Yep. I've been on the receiving end of continual generosity in the form of people paying for me to go to places I couldn't afford. I found it humiliating and whether it's a thing or not you feel a certain obligation not necessarily sexual but it did make me feel I wasn't equal |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
That's why I've turned down quite a few men. I had very little personal spending money and we wouldn't have been able to do the things they liked, unless they paid, and I couldn't have that.
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If I'm dating someone who wants to do fancy things and they know I can't always afford it, then they can either pay for me or we break up. It's simple. I won't outstretch myself and I will focus on planning things I can afford that are lovely. I can't afford tickets to a festival. But I can afford making an amazing picnic to go and sit in the park and listen to a playlist I've made for that person. I can't afford to buy then designer clothing. But I can make them a scarf with love knitted in.
This is why the "if I asked, I pay, unless stated otherwise" works for me so much. Take it in turns to plan the dates. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I best answer yours too Shag but to confirm what I put on the other thread The answer is no but only for the reason that I don’t date. Not because of how much they earn.
As my dad would’ve said couldn’t give a shiny shite "
That is good that you answer mine as well little and yes, that is also a good point there |
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By *r Gr3yMan
over a year ago
london |
Why does money come into it? If you like someone you date them not their bank bank balance. If the person wants to shower the person with gifts then that’s up to them.. if your looking at money it tells me what kind of person you are… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does money come into it? If you like someone you date them not their bank bank balance. If the person wants to shower the person with gifts then that’s up to them.. if your looking at money it tells me what kind of person you are…"
Ok let me ask you this, would you date someone with no job? I personally wouldn’t as I wouldn’t want to pay for all the dates  |
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"Why does money come into it? If you like someone you date them not their bank bank balance. If the person wants to shower the person with gifts then that’s up to them.. if your looking at money it tells me what kind of person you are…"
Realistic? |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Why does money come into it? If you like someone you date them not their bank bank balance. If the person wants to shower the person with gifts then that’s up to them.. if your looking at money it tells me what kind of person you are…"
What if the person wants to go skiing in the French Alps and they want you to go with them? |
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"If I'm dating someone who wants to do fancy things and they know I can't always afford it, then they can either pay for me or we break up. It's simple. I won't outstretch myself and I will focus on planning things I can afford that are lovely. I can't afford tickets to a festival. But I can afford making an amazing picnic to go and sit in the park and listen to a playlist I've made for that person. I can't afford to buy then designer clothing. But I can make them a scarf with love knitted in.
This is why the "if I asked, I pay, unless stated otherwise" works for me so much. Take it in turns to plan the dates. "
That to me is a pragmatic attitude |
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"Why does money come into it? If you like someone you date them not their bank bank balance. If the person wants to shower the person with gifts then that’s up to them.. if your looking at money it tells me what kind of person you are…
What if the person wants to go skiing in the French Alps and they want you to go with them?"
I can't ski so that would be a sticking point. But I think that highlights the potential problems here. People from my background generally didn't ski so I'd be in the back foot before I'd even considered buying all the clothes required for a holiday on the slopes |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"If I'm dating someone who wants to do fancy things and they know I can't always afford it, then they can either pay for me or we break up. It's simple. I won't outstretch myself and I will focus on planning things I can afford that are lovely. I can't afford tickets to a festival. But I can afford making an amazing picnic to go and sit in the park and listen to a playlist I've made for that person. I can't afford to buy then designer clothing. But I can make them a scarf with love knitted in.
This is why the "if I asked, I pay, unless stated otherwise" works for me so much. Take it in turns to plan the dates. "
This works for me. Lots of really nice dates don’t cost much at all and some of the best and most thoughtful gifts and experiences I had cost very little. People with less tend to be much more creative.
But if I want her to come here and she can’t afford the flight of course I would pay it. |
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I earn more than my husband, it's not even a tiny issue. So long as collaboratively, we earn enough to keep ourselves and our family afloat, we don't care who earns what and are baffled by people who get affronted if a partner earns more. It's downright odd. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?"
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what. "
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what.
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking "
I wouldn't ask directly "how much do you earn", seems more like a job interview! Perhaps we have never thought it through because we met at school and have evolved through all aspects of our lives since we were 17/18, including establishing careers and making decisions over where to work etc. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what.
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking
I wouldn't ask directly "how much do you earn", seems more like a job interview! Perhaps we have never thought it through because we met at school and have evolved through all aspects of our lives since we were 17/18, including establishing careers and making decisions over where to work etc. "
Oh god neither would I  . I should have been more clear, one needs to ask these questions of oneself.
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what.
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking "
Utterly, we've been together for 3 years. The conversation regarding earnings was around 4 months in.. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises
That's not what im suggesting at all
I understand what you're saying. Money shouldn't come in to it but being realistic it does (in my opinion).
A couple of dates with someone with a vastly different income is fine, in an established relationship no problem but it's the bit in between that can get difficult. I'd like to believe that love conquers all but a huge disparity in living standards can and does cause problems. Of course lots of other things cause problems too but relationships work best *in the majority of cases* when people are of similar background and income.
I'm not saying don't date the wealthy woman or the lower income guy. Just don't live in a world where you think it doesn't matter. "
100% this |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what.
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking
I wouldn't ask directly "how much do you earn", seems more like a job interview! Perhaps we have never thought it through because we met at school and have evolved through all aspects of our lives since we were 17/18, including establishing careers and making decisions over where to work etc. "
I definitely think progressing through life stages together vs joining together later when already established puts very different spins on it |
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"I would and I wouldnt mind it it, it desnt play a role if I fancy them, a good heart and if our personalities click is what matters
"
Since I work part-time and am on disability they all make more than me. |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"I would and I wouldnt mind it it, it desnt play a role if I fancy them, a good heart and if our personalities click is what matters
"
I’d easily date someone earning more than me. Unfortunately not happened yet. But hey Ho, I am just more than a year on dating scene. Living in hope ) |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises
That's not what im suggesting at all
I understand what you're saying. Money shouldn't come in to it but being realistic it does (in my opinion).
A couple of dates with someone with a vastly different income is fine, in an established relationship no problem but it's the bit in between that can get difficult. I'd like to believe that love conquers all but a huge disparity in living standards can and does cause problems. Of course lots of other things cause problems too but relationships work best *in the majority of cases* when people are of similar background and income.
I'm not saying don't date the wealthy woman or the lower income guy. Just don't live in a world where you think it doesn't matter.
100% this "
Totally agree with this. This is a much more complex question than people think it is. I’m not loaded but I do relatively well so most people I’ve been with have earned less and it sometimes caused strain for different reasons, nothing major, just different expectations in life. I once dated a girl who’s job would have had her earning roughly the same as me (obviously I wouldn’t have asked) but her parents were filthy rich and I couldn’t keep up with her lifestyle, she went to the Maldives on a whim once. We did have some fun together, but ultimately we wanted different things and it didn’t work out. For the most part someone’s income is irrelevant but there’s different situations where it can create problems if the gap is significant. Not just income either, someone can earn less with vastly lower outgoings and have a better lifestyle. Best relationships I’ve had have always been with someone in a similar situation to me financially. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises
That's not what im suggesting at all
I understand what you're saying. Money shouldn't come in to it but being realistic it does (in my opinion).
A couple of dates with someone with a vastly different income is fine, in an established relationship no problem but it's the bit in between that can get difficult. I'd like to believe that love conquers all but a huge disparity in living standards can and does cause problems. Of course lots of other things cause problems too but relationships work best *in the majority of cases* when people are of similar background and income.
I'm not saying don't date the wealthy woman or the lower income guy. Just don't live in a world where you think it doesn't matter.
100% this
Totally agree with this. This is a much more complex question than people think it is. I’m not loaded but I do relatively well so most people I’ve been with have earned less and it sometimes caused strain for different reasons, nothing major, just different expectations in life. I once dated a girl who’s job would have had her earning roughly the same as me (obviously I wouldn’t have asked) but her parents were filthy rich and I couldn’t keep up with her lifestyle, she went to the Maldives on a whim once. We did have some fun together, but ultimately we wanted different things and it didn’t work out. For the most part someone’s income is irrelevant but there’s different situations where it can create problems if the gap is significant. Not just income either, someone can earn less with vastly lower outgoings and have a better lifestyle. Best relationships I’ve had have always been with someone in a similar situation to me financially. "
It is way more complex than it initially seems. It's so easy to say " I don't make decisions about people based on x,y or x" but realistically you do need to consider them. Relationships are about so much more than money but love doe not conquer all as the divorce rate will testify |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what.
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking
I wouldn't ask directly "how much do you earn", seems more like a job interview! Perhaps we have never thought it through because we met at school and have evolved through all aspects of our lives since we were 17/18, including establishing careers and making decisions over where to work etc.
I definitely think progressing through life stages together vs joining together later when already established puts very different spins on it "
We've both made serious compromises on our careers and job choices at various times, to accommodate each other, family life etc. Neither of us has pursued our originally intended career path and we've both rejected opportunities to earn more because it wouldn't work for the whole family unit.
That's a relationship though, isn't it? |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises
That's not what im suggesting at all
I understand what you're saying. Money shouldn't come in to it but being realistic it does (in my opinion).
A couple of dates with someone with a vastly different income is fine, in an established relationship no problem but it's the bit in between that can get difficult. I'd like to believe that love conquers all but a huge disparity in living standards can and does cause problems. Of course lots of other things cause problems too but relationships work best *in the majority of cases* when people are of similar background and income.
I'm not saying don't date the wealthy woman or the lower income guy. Just don't live in a world where you think it doesn't matter.
100% this
Totally agree with this. This is a much more complex question than people think it is. I’m not loaded but I do relatively well so most people I’ve been with have earned less and it sometimes caused strain for different reasons, nothing major, just different expectations in life. I once dated a girl who’s job would have had her earning roughly the same as me (obviously I wouldn’t have asked) but her parents were filthy rich and I couldn’t keep up with her lifestyle, she went to the Maldives on a whim once. We did have some fun together, but ultimately we wanted different things and it didn’t work out. For the most part someone’s income is irrelevant but there’s different situations where it can create problems if the gap is significant. Not just income either, someone can earn less with vastly lower outgoings and have a better lifestyle. Best relationships I’ve had have always been with someone in a similar situation to me financially.
It is way more complex than it initially seems. It's so easy to say " I don't make decisions about people based on x,y or x" but realistically you do need to consider them. Relationships are about so much more than money but love doe not conquer all as the divorce rate will testify"
100% it’s definitely not a yes or no answer. I suppose the amount someone earns doesn’t really matter at all, it’s how they spend you have to consider and whether your goals are aligned. |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
There's a compromise. I don't see an issue with staying in most nights, as long as you get out some nights, too. Same applies to having a weekend away - just plan it in and if you can't afford it, be honest, but if someone is considering their future with you because you can't go to Paris on a whim and work in a supermarket, then you're better off without them
Probably better off without each other if one person is expected to make all the compromises
That's not what im suggesting at all
I understand what you're saying. Money shouldn't come in to it but being realistic it does (in my opinion).
A couple of dates with someone with a vastly different income is fine, in an established relationship no problem but it's the bit in between that can get difficult. I'd like to believe that love conquers all but a huge disparity in living standards can and does cause problems. Of course lots of other things cause problems too but relationships work best *in the majority of cases* when people are of similar background and income.
I'm not saying don't date the wealthy woman or the lower income guy. Just don't live in a world where you think it doesn't matter.
100% this
Totally agree with this. This is a much more complex question than people think it is. I’m not loaded but I do relatively well so most people I’ve been with have earned less and it sometimes caused strain for different reasons, nothing major, just different expectations in life. I once dated a girl who’s job would have had her earning roughly the same as me (obviously I wouldn’t have asked) but her parents were filthy rich and I couldn’t keep up with her lifestyle, she went to the Maldives on a whim once. We did have some fun together, but ultimately we wanted different things and it didn’t work out. For the most part someone’s income is irrelevant but there’s different situations where it can create problems if the gap is significant. Not just income either, someone can earn less with vastly lower outgoings and have a better lifestyle. Best relationships I’ve had have always been with someone in a similar situation to me financially.
It is way more complex than it initially seems. It's so easy to say " I don't make decisions about people based on x,y or x" but realistically you do need to consider them. Relationships are about so much more than money but love doe not conquer all as the divorce rate will testify
100% it’s definitely not a yes or no answer. I suppose the amount someone earns doesn’t really matter at all, it’s how they spend you have to consider and whether your goals are aligned. "
Yep. I was married to a high earning man from a fairly wealthy family who had a gambling habit. Our goals were most certainly were not aligned |
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"It can be quite difficult to date a person who earns significantly more than you though
Paris for the weekend just before pay day? Eat out several evenings a week? Got enough clothes suitable for smart hotels, evenings at the theatre?
Same goes for someone with such lower income. Would you be happy staying in most nights, never eating out, paying every time you do?
Presumably in a serious relationship, both parties would know the score for each person and would make collective decisions? It wouldn't be considerate at all for a high earner to expect their min wage partner to pay for a 5* hotel. So, either they'd be willing to pay more/all or compromise on the plans? Ditto the not going out example.
Serious relationships are about compromise and sharing, not about one person insisting the other mirrors their whims and desires, no matter what.
I agree. That's why I asked the questions, dating in my opinion is when you're laying the groundwork for your relationship. Those questions need asking
I wouldn't ask directly "how much do you earn", seems more like a job interview! Perhaps we have never thought it through because we met at school and have evolved through all aspects of our lives since we were 17/18, including establishing careers and making decisions over where to work etc.
I definitely think progressing through life stages together vs joining together later when already established puts very different spins on it
We've both made serious compromises on our careers and job choices at various times, to accommodate each other, family life etc. Neither of us has pursued our originally intended career path and we've both rejected opportunities to earn more because it wouldn't work for the whole family unit.
That's a relationship though, isn't it? "
Yes completely but in that case what i mean is your started out young so it was the relationship that was already established when these decisions were being made so its easier to put it first.
When you get together later in life its your own life / career/ home/ standard of living etc that is established first rather than the relationship. So it becomes (or maybe just feels like) more of a compromise to push that to the side and put the relationship first without more careful consideration |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I dont think what people or partners earn is important. I own my own joinery company and have 4 guys working for me. I think hard work and work ethic is far more important then whqt people earn. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I would be embarrassed about not being able to pay my way... So if they lived above my means, then i don't think it would last for long "
Yes, that is also a good point, it wouldnt last long |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would and I wouldnt mind it it, it desnt play a role if I fancy them, a good heart and if our personalities click is what matters
"
A while back I would have answered that it matters not.
But having learned the hard way. When someone earns more than you when dating it can make things difficult. You can't always match their lifestyle or keep up with it. You can then hold them back from things they can afford but you can't. You could argue that a reasonable person would meet you half way or compromise but not all can or want to. Or they can lose interest in doing things with you as they are aren't as interesting to them or don't give them as much pleasure. Some high earners are very particular and refuse point blank to drop their wants and needs making it even harder. Others will happily pay but that van held over you and leave you feeling indebted to them.
There can quite often be a case of being looked down on and being left feeling that you live a lesser life. And that is very uncomfortable.
Also I've found some high earners just don't understand what it is actually like to live like you do and that in itself can cause problems.
And even worse when they think they are superior to you and aren't respectful.
So yes, it would matter to me, as I would need know what type of person they are with it before choosing to date them. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I would and I wouldnt mind it it, it desnt play a role if I fancy them, a good heart and if our personalities click is what matters
A while back I would have answered that it matters not.
But having learned the hard way. When someone earns more than you when dating it can make things difficult. You can't always match their lifestyle or keep up with it. You can then hold them back from things they can afford but you can't. You could argue that a reasonable person would meet you half way or compromise but not all can or want to. Or they can lose interest in doing things with you as they are aren't as interesting to them or don't give them as much pleasure. Some high earners are very particular and refuse point blank to drop their wants and needs making it even harder. Others will happily pay but that van held over you and leave you feeling indebted to them.
There can quite often be a case of being looked down on and being left feeling that you live a lesser life. And that is very uncomfortable.
Also I've found some high earners just don't understand what it is actually like to live like you do and that in itself can cause problems.
And even worse when they think they are superior to you and aren't respectful.
So yes, it would matter to me, as I would need know what type of person they are with it before choosing to date them. "
That is a good point and yes, it could make things difficult as well as one wouldnt be able to match their life style, yes, some of the high earners wouldnt know that either |
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