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Ending things...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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Whether it's a friendship, a friends with benefits arrangement, a relationship - a dynamic of some sort. How easy do you find it? Whether you're the one doing it, the one receiving it.
What do you do for comfort when things end? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whether it's a friendship, a friends with benefits arrangement, a relationship - a dynamic of some sort. How easy do you find it? Whether you're the one doing it, the one receiving it.
What do you do for comfort when things end? "
Realize it's not meant to be and move on. |
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If it has a beginning, it has an end. I understand this so I’m not to dismayed when people end things.
I also ending things comes easily, the phrase “ well just fuck off then, if you’re not happy “ has been used many times.
The mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve recently ended things with someone and the best thing to cope was to cut contact, listen to good music, not sad music, and do my affirmations to remind myself that I’ma catch just as I am to more than enough people. If they don’t want you, they’re not your loss. |
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A Tinder fling last weekend, we had three dates but I realised we just weren’t compatible and did not want to meet again. She also lives an hour drive away so I wasn’t in the mood to do that on a regular basis.
No big showdown, met up had a drink and a chat and I brought it up, she agreed and that is that.
So I don’t find it that hard these days but also don’t want the other party to feel bad either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jeez Meli. Ending my marriage was difficult. I tried everything! EVERYTHING 
Ending other things with people is different, I find rejection difficult and hard to take, but it’s natural so I just try to move forward, after some sulking and self reflection type thing. I turn to doing things im good at, it gives me a boost and reminds me that I don’t NEED anyone. But needing and wanting someone to be around is different isn’t it, it’s a shame they’d rather be around others!  |
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When it's a surprise to me, I feel very lost and misled. If the person had been honest all along I'd have known it was coming. So I don't take the rare unexpected one incredibly well, and will wallow until I'm ready to pick myself back up when those happen.
For the most part, I'm aware when things aren't working for whatever reason, and have made peace with the resolution before that final conversation happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I usually take comfort in its the right decision. If I decide to walk away from someone there's always a good reason behind it which makes saying goodbye easier and gives me the closure I need. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I usually take comfort in its the right decision. If I decide to walk away from someone there's always a good reason behind it which makes saying goodbye easier and gives me the closure I need."
I say goodbye when Uber is 2 mins away. |
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I'm rubbish, I don't like change & I like to know where I stand when things end it leaves me questioning the prior weeks/months was it not as it seemed? What did I do? I generally find i overthink it all a bit much.
To comfort myself I try not to think so generally distract myself, music, stress cleaning, work etc.
Mrs |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
I spend a lot of work working through the psychology of endings with people who have been through a lot of trauma. And supporting staff to hold endings well with clients. It’s a fascinating topic and I could spend HOURS discussing it.
On a personal level for me healthy endings are important, but I also appreciate not everyone can engage in this and so I try to meet people where they are at and forgive them if the only way they can do it is messy and hurtful. Endings can be a positive sense of closure and achievement and they don’t have to negate the whole experience just because the closure has come. They also mark new times ahead, and provide us with growth and learning.
But I guess we’re tuned into having endings represented as only being a loss, a problem, a destruction and so on.
It can hurt, no doubt, but feeling your feelings is important and I see that as demonstrating how of worth the time/relationship was to me. And that’s actually rather joyous that we’ve experienced connections for however long that were of worth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer being ended with than doing the ending.
I treat it like a university essay in that I need 14 reasons all peer reviewed and cited correctly lol.
Honestly it's hard being me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to be an adult about it. I try to amicable. I try to stay friends.
That doesn't always work and I end up disappointed and upset at times. Particularly where it matters, when's it's important. And sometimes I despair when the other doesn't see it.
Comfort, I talk to a friend. I look for reassurance that my decision or actions were justified or valid. Even when I know I need to walk away and no one would be able to change how I feel.
Or I do that things that make me happy, and I allow myself to be a bit messed up over it for a while till I find my self again. And I allow for however long it might take me to go through the process and process it all. And that I might be a total twat along the way. And if I am I'll own it. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
When someone ends something with me I'm never very surprised. I always kind of expect it to happen like a self fulfilling prophecy.
I've only had to end things once really and that was hard because I genuinely cared about the person but it wasn't working. We are still friends though and keep in touch but it took a while to get there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I put off ending my last relationship because I'd convinced myself I was wanting too much. More than I deserved perhaps.
In the end I sat him down, told him I wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while.
I genuinely believe he needed someone not like me and I hope he finds it.
However I would probably have preferred if he had ended it with me.
When I ended my marriage, it was very practical. I wrote a list of all my 'unreasonable behaviour towards him' and told him to take it to his solicitor.
Fact was he was an absolute shit to me for years but it was easier to let him play the victim.
So maybe I'm not good at endings for me. Great for others but rarely for myself!
I realise this is all a very big overshare  |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"I put off ending my last relationship because I'd convinced myself I was wanting too much. More than I deserved perhaps.
In the end I sat him down, told him I wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while.
I genuinely believe he needed someone not like me and I hope he finds it.
However I would probably have preferred if he had ended it with me.
When I ended my marriage, it was very practical. I wrote a list of all my 'unreasonable behaviour towards him' and told him to take it to his solicitor.
Fact was he was an absolute shit to me for years but it was easier to let him play the victim.
So maybe I'm not good at endings for me. Great for others but rarely for myself!
I realise this is all a very big overshare "
oh |
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If a relationship is deeply meaningful where attachment forms - then it's gonna hurt, no two ways about it. And they all end eventually.
The way I see it: you either put yourself out there and risk the pain when it comes or you don't.
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
These days i dont let anyone get close enough for it to matter
But i have my creed if i did let someone close enough to know me i dont never eeeeeever abandon friends to fate im there for them whenever i can be the friendship may evolve into a different type hell i may not even like the road it takes but no matter what happens down the line my job is to protect them defend them and be there when im needed
Thats my creed |
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If it's me that's ended it, then I'll have had a good reason and I do it to their face. I'll have a bit of a wallow after as I mourn what might have been.
If I'm ended with I hibernate for a while, over-analyse things, listen to sad songs and binge eat. |
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In real life I've not ended a friendship since school but have drifted away from friends. As for relationships my ex husband left me and after the first couple of weeks I was fine. Then I had a couple of relationships that eventually fizzled out. The last boyfriend I had before Jay I ended it after awhile but we still spoke once in awhile. Sadly he never got over it and would text me every six months or so to tell me he still loved me. Then sadly he died but we where still on reasonably friendly terms but he lived quite away from me so I never actually saw him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My second marriage took me ages to end as I was ashamed that I was getting divorced again. But when I eventually managed it was clean and easy to move on.
Last "relationship" I ended ... I think he wanted to end it and didn't want to tell me so behaved like a dick until I cleanly ended it and cut contact. Wallowed for a couple of weeks then got on with life.
Short term fwb or even fab chats that are not gonna go anywhere I end kindly and cleanly.
I have no problem if someone is honest and ends things with me just be kind and don't ghost.
Rejection never easy but some people in your life for reason, some for a season, important to realise when seasons are over. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Whether it's a friendship, a friends with benefits arrangement, a relationship - a dynamic of some sort. How easy do you find it? Whether you're the one doing it, the one receiving it.
What do you do for comfort when things end? "
Romantically I usually wallow for a bit. Listen to sad songs, have a sniffle, overthink every interaction we had. Mourn the loss. Then I tend to pick myself up, give myself a talking to and move on.
I usually stay on speaking terms with most unless it is better for us to have no communication, always best to end on a high than have angry words left in the air. At the end of the day they meant something to me once.
Friends? Well we tend to just drift apart unnoticed usually. I think if it gets to that point then there’s nothing really left to cling on to. Folks change, circumstances change - life goes on. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Jeez Meli. Ending my marriage was difficult. I tried everything! EVERYTHING
Ending other things with people is different, I find rejection difficult and hard to take, but it’s natural so I just try to move forward, after some sulking and self reflection type thing. I turn to doing things im good at, it gives me a boost and reminds me that I don’t NEED anyone. But needing and wanting someone to be around is different isn’t it, it’s a shame they’d rather be around others! "
Oh Woody. 
Needing and wanting someone are two very different things, you're right. I'm hopeful you'll find someone who wants you in the way you want them, x |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"When it's a surprise to me, I feel very lost and misled. If the person had been honest all along I'd have known it was coming. So I don't take the rare unexpected one incredibly well, and will wallow until I'm ready to pick myself back up when those happen.
For the most part, I'm aware when things aren't working for whatever reason, and have made peace with the resolution before that final conversation happens."
The unaware thing must suck a bit - I hate being surprised when it's not a pleasant one (who does like it? No one probably!). Yes, you kind of know when it's not working. Even if you're not ready to admit it fully to yourself - making peace with it is healthy. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I spend a lot of work working through the psychology of endings with people who have been through a lot of trauma. And supporting staff to hold endings well with clients. It’s a fascinating topic and I could spend HOURS discussing it.
On a personal level for me healthy endings are important, but I also appreciate not everyone can engage in this and so I try to meet people where they are at and forgive them if the only way they can do it is messy and hurtful. Endings can be a positive sense of closure and achievement and they don’t have to negate the whole experience just because the closure has come. They also mark new times ahead, and provide us with growth and learning.
But I guess we’re tuned into having endings represented as only being a loss, a problem, a destruction and so on.
It can hurt, no doubt, but feeling your feelings is important and I see that as demonstrating how of worth the time/relationship was to me. And that’s actually rather joyous that we’ve experienced connections for however long that were of worth. "
I've missed your posts like these, little star.
It's fascinating isn't it? The myriad of ways people handle it, cope with it after - my friends and I are quite different and it's interesting seeing those differences and how experience has shaped them.
Trying to meet people where they are is important. I find that I can't quite find the right words to say, end up a tad frustrated at myself and give up until I can.
Endings can be a positive thing - that's not to diminish the sad that can come about but there's hope for new beginnings. And I think if it matters to you, if it hurts it's a sign it mattered. Still does.
I don't think any dynamic is forever; people change, life happens. I think it can be handled with care and compassion though. The right people for you are still part of your life in some way. If they're not part of it? It doesn't mean they weren't right for some small chapter in your life's story.
And those are my thoughts I guess. I've not had coffee yet though and it's much needed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whether it's a friendship, a friends with benefits arrangement, a relationship - a dynamic of some sort. How easy do you find it? Whether you're the one doing it, the one receiving it.
What do you do for comfort when things end? "
its a mindset! If you cant be alone. Why be with people and feel alone?
Everything has a date and sell by.
He whom is strong inteernally,walks and does not look back,keep looking forwards because that is where you are heading. .
What we think and assume of people and many is an image we have of them! When they are not that! We are perplexed deeply and at loss.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve recently ended things with someone and the best thing to cope was to cut contact, listen to good music, not sad music, and do my affirmations to remind myself that I’ma catch just as I am to more than enough people. If they don’t want you, they’re not your loss. "
110%  |
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I’m going through this now after things ending with a guy I have been seeing for six months. It was a mutual decision but still hurts as there were feelings there. It’s not something I’ve ever gone through before really as I’ve been with my husband forever really. It’s also not something I can talk about with most people so that’s hard.
I’ve had a few sad days and I’ve allowed myself this and then I gave myself a kick up the backside and told myself to stop wallowing! Im focusing on other things to keep my mind occupied. I’ve cut contact for now as we just kept going back over it, dissecting it all and it wasn’t helping. I’d like to think we can stay friends as the friendship was a big part of it but at the moment I can’t see how we would adjust ourselves to a new way of being with each other but we will see.
It has helped me though to see what I want and need going forward so it’s not all bad. I also have a lot of good memories of times spent together so I don’t regret any of it.
Kx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jeez Meli. Ending my marriage was difficult. I tried everything! EVERYTHING
Ending other things with people is different, I find rejection difficult and hard to take, but it’s natural so I just try to move forward, after some sulking and self reflection type thing. I turn to doing things im good at, it gives me a boost and reminds me that I don’t NEED anyone. But needing and wanting someone to be around is different isn’t it, it’s a shame they’d rather be around others!
Oh Woody.
Needing and wanting someone are two very different things, you're right. I'm hopeful you'll find someone who wants you in the way you want them, x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m fairly soulless. If I end anything, I walk away and sever ties right away. If I were on the receiving end, I’d do the same…..I’d accept the decision and remove it from my life.
I don’t get sentimental about these things. |
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"Whether it's a friendship, a friends with benefits arrangement, a relationship - a dynamic of some sort. How easy do you find it? Whether you're the one doing it, the one receiving it.
What do you do for comfort when things end? "
just move on its all you can do  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I put off ending my last relationship because I'd convinced myself I was wanting too much. More than I deserved perhaps.
In the end I sat him down, told him I wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while.
I genuinely believe he needed someone not like me and I hope he finds it.
However I would probably have preferred if he had ended it with me.
When I ended my marriage, it was very practical. I wrote a list of all my 'unreasonable behaviour towards him' and told him to take it to his solicitor.
Fact was he was an absolute shit to me for years but it was easier to let him play the victim.
So maybe I'm not good at endings for me. Great for others but rarely for myself!
I realise this is all a very big overshare "
Because I don't want to leave a post unacknowledged, especially if someone views it as an overshare (which it really isn't it!).
Wyld, you deserve it. That whole line of thinking about it being more than you deserve? No. It might have been more than he was happy/willing to give you, that's fine - you're not that compatible. You shouldn't ever feel like you don't deserve your brand of happiness - you do.
I've said before to friends - "well, maybe I don't deserve that". Like I'm some how not good enough a person, I don't deserve to be loved for me. It's bollocks. x |
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Telling some you love you're not "in love" with them any more is horrible, and I felt like such a prick for doing it. Looking back I've always known it was the right the thing to do, and for the right reasons. That said, the look that me saying that caused will never leave me.
Makes it even worse when you already know how it feels to be on the receiving end of similar things, and knowing it can leave you feeling a certain kind of way while questioning your own self worth on every level. |
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