FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Considerate and kind
Considerate and kind
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"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " If it’s blatantly obvious you haven’t read our profile then it’s straight to delete, but if read, followed and send a decent message we always take the time to reply. That said if you don’t match our preferences and still message it’s a straight delete most the time. | |||
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"I understand - and I appreciate that the women on the site are inundated and not all of it is respectful. " Clearly you don’t understand - it’s nothing to do with whether it’s respectful or not , nobody owes anyone a reply and they shouldn’t ever need to explain why. No reply = Not interested. The end. | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " I get really 'polite' marketing emails that I'm not at all interested in every day. I bin them. We get well constructed, articulate junk mail through the letterbox that someone has put a lot of time into creating. That goes in the recycling without having been read. An unsolicited message on here is no different. You may think you're compatible with someone but they may think the complete opposite. We clearly advise people not to message asking to meeting our profile. Not because we don't meet, but because when we can (rare) we'll make it obvious. Sending any message about meets at any other time just tells us people haven't bothered reading our profile. No reply is all the response you ever need. And if people do reply it prevents any future message filters working for that person because two way contact has already occurred. So it's easier to just delete. If people can't handle a lack of response then there's one guaranteed way to ensure it doesn't happen...... A | |||
 if people would care to read it. Bit of a shame really as we enjoy the site, use the chatroom, yes sometimes even together, but some people seem to thing that because you are on here you are at it like rabbits all the time. So that's why we don't reply to everyone as the bad experiences make you think twice about replying.
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"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " I would say it’s very much based on people’s previous experiences. I have been on this site since 2015 and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have had a positive response to a polite ‘thanks but no thanks ‘ message It’s not just about guys becoming abusive straight away sadly a lot of them do. Some people will take a mile if you give them an inch. A lot of people will take from a message what they want - so a polite no thanks can often be seen as a positive response which some guys take as an opportunity to start a conversation about something else, which can lead to them messaging often and expecting reply. Guys will go down the ‘shall we just chat and be friends’ route which often culminates in them attempting to shoot their shot again in future, when you have already mtold them at the beginning it’s a no One neutral / positive response can result in guys sending (polite) message after message, without them even noticing you have not replied since you replied the first d time and it’s basically them having a conversation with themselves about things you have said on your status or pics you have posted and it seems like they think you are friends or they know you and it feels creepy/stalkery Sadly a lot of guys cannot take rejection no matter how mature and balanced they think they are, and a reply to some one your not interested in just gives false hope to many, and they seem to think they’re entitled to message in future whenever they want , and expect a response, or hope you will change your mind, or they will be able to change your mind in the future. No one is entitled to a response, no matter how well intentioned and thought out the message | |||
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"I agree O.P. People are not kind enough and they are not considerate enough. I think it would be kind and considerate of you to reply to every single post on this thread. It's not asking too much. Just be kind and considerate and do it. You started the thread so RESPOND to the people. Reply. Be kind. " Big fan of the sarcasm.  | |||
"I allways reply to messages I've opened! As b rude not to! That is why I leave most unread! U can tell by first couple of words if u think its gonna b worth a read or not! That and a quick look at their profile x" This is the way | |||
"I agree O.P. People are not kind enough and they are not considerate enough. I think it would be kind and considerate of you to reply to every single post on this thread. It's not asking too much. Just be kind and considerate and do it. You started the thread so RESPOND to the people. Reply. Be kind. " Brilliant  | |||
"To every single person who has posted and to any future "posties/posters" thank you for taking the time to respond. " No, you need to do the same as messages- reply individually to each post  | |||
"To every single person who has posted and to any future "posties/posters" thank you for taking the time to respond. " No no no! This is just like a copy and paste message or (as recently requested) a 'not interested' button. You should make it individual and personal if responding to people's comments the same way people should give a personal and individual response to a message. Otherwise it's pointless answering in the first place. 
A
*I'm joking, obvs....   | |||
"To every single person who has posted and to any future "posties/posters" thank you for taking the time to respond. No no no! This is just like a copy and paste message or (as recently requested) a 'not interested' button. You should make it individual and personal if responding to people's comments the same way people should give a personal and individual response to a message. Otherwise it's pointless answering in the first place.
A
*I'm joking, obvs.... "It's all in good fun OP.. | |||
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"To every single person who has posted and to any future "posties/posters" thank you for taking the time to respond. " If only we could do one message for all the inboxes, an individual reply would be much more considerate Mrs | |||
"I see a lot of posts on here from people in dismay about not receiving a polite acknowledgement/ thanks but no thanks I struggle to see how a few polite words from someone who ultimate you will never meet really enhances your life / experience on here, when we are all looking for people where there is mutual interest I actually don’t buy it, and I think a lot of these ‘I just want a thanks but no thanks ‘ posters are kidding themselves and are frustrated because they genuinely believe’ if only we got into a conversation I would be able to change their mind ‘" That actually makes sense - and from your previous comments I understand a little more about the way people are on here | |||
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"I saw a status update the other day written by a single lady which said she had received over a thousand messages in less than a fortnight- if she was required to send a polite “thanks but no thanks” to every single one of those messages, it would be her full time job." Or, you know, she could learn to use filters. But hey, where's the fun in that? You can't get attention from the sea of cock pics taken over a toilet bowl. | |||
"I saw a status update the other day written by a single lady which said she had received over a thousand messages in less than a fortnight- if she was required to send a polite “thanks but no thanks” to every single one of those messages, it would be her full time job. Any single males on this site who get upset that they don’t get a reply to every message they send should reconsider whether the world of swinging is a safe place for their delicate little flower of an ego to be in." That's interesting - and you are right, replying to all those messages woukd be ludicrous | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " That is pretty much what I do  | |||
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'
Randomer 'Oh, why not?'
Me: 'you seem nice but not my type, thanks'
Randomer: 'Right, okay. But why not? Give me a go I'm sure I'll change your mind!'
Me: 'I doubt it, as I'm not interested thank you. But happy Fabbing!'
Randomer: 'But, you don't know that you'll not be interested do you? Give me a chance?'
Me: 'No, I'm quite sure...'
Randomer: 'I think you should still think about it'
Me: *hits block*
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"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " how do you people don’t? | |||
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"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " Same with the forums, especially this one, full of users on the defensive. Why not just be nice? | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " Mostly OP because I can’t be arsed. It opens a conversation with a stranger that I didn’t ask for in the first place | |||
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"I saw a status update the other day written by a single lady which said she had received over a thousand messages in less than a fortnight- if she was required to send a polite “thanks but no thanks” to every single one of those messages, it would be her full time job. Or, you know, she could learn to use filters. But hey, where's the fun in that? You can't get attention from the sea of cock pics taken over a toilet bowl. " You’re not wrong, but I think that’s a different example of someone not “getting” how to navigate Fab. | |||
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"Curious to know why there is a constant need for validation. A 'thanks, but no thanks' takes time whereas no reply means the same thing. I wouldn't get too bogged down by it. " Personally I just don't get it? I'd rather only receive back messages stating there's an interest to chat? Can't see the point in getting excited about a 'no thanks' reply  | |||
Also welcome to the forums OP | |||
"Curious to know why there is a constant need for validation. A 'thanks, but no thanks' takes time whereas no reply means the same thing. I wouldn't get too bogged down by it. Personally I just don't get it? I'd rather only receive back messages stating there's an interest to chat? Can't see the point in getting excited about a 'no thanks' reply "Yeah, precisely! You can even take no news as good news
It is dishesrtening when you try really hard and it stays unread for eternity, though. | |||
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"I do try to give a polite response to nice messages. Sadly though, people then try to convince me to change my mind or hurl abuse at me for being "fussy" Its amazing how quickly you go from being attractive to being a fat slag who wouldn't be looked at twice in the real world. It's just not always worth the hassle. I realise it's frustrating but take no reply as a polite no thank you and move on. Don't dwell on your sent messages. " You have a gorgeous figure, so just leave them to wallow in their misery | |||
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"That well constructed nice respectful message can soon turn sour when they don't get the answer they are looking for. " Yes. I didn't sign up for abuse, particularly not when I've taken the time to send someone a message. | |||
"I agree O.P. People are not kind enough and they are not considerate enough. I think it would be kind and considerate of you to reply to every single post on this thread. It's not asking too much. Just be kind and considerate and do it. You started the thread so RESPOND to the people. Reply. Be kind. " | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " Because we just end up in a ‘but why?’ spiral | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " How about taking your time to make yourself aware of website FAQs. It’s all there. | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " A polite rejection to a 'nice message' doesn't always result in a nice response. For this reason, I (Mr) takes care of the messaging (mainly), because if it was left to Mrs, she'll have likely lost interest here, after some of the abusive messages we've received. How about reading the FaQ's, you'll find there that the site accepts and encourages that no reply should be considered a no thank you. Not to mention, it can be time consuming, replying to several messages, because apparently they need it spelling out for them. Do people really feel an inbox full of polite rejections is better than an empty inbox? | |||
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"It was just a question/suggestion/enquiry - so thank you for all the wonderful, informative posts and yes I will now go through the FAQs." It takes a while to go through the site and find all the features and random hints so all the best on your fab journey OP
It you do have other enquiries/queries you can also search the forums as a lot of newbie queries have several threads so you can have a browse of previous threads If you're on a desktop just go to forums then on the left hand side there's a forum search box | |||
"It was just a question/suggestion/enquiry - so thank you for all the wonderful, informative posts and yes I will now go through the FAQs." It's a vicious circle ... Profile A rarely receives any messages or replies to theirs, they finally receive a reply, they get excited, only to find it's a polite no. This annoys them enough to respond abusively after getting their hopes up, or they feel they've got a small bite and begin pushing. Profile B has replied with a polite no thank you, and that's that, right? No, instead they receive the abuse or attempt to persuade response. Profile B then decide to join the others in not responding, which in turn means less replies to profile A, and stronger expectations when they do receive a message, that turns out to be a polite rejection. Saying that, I'm one that does tend to reply to most, there are occasions I choose not to do, but a respectful message, I'm likely to reply. | |||
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"I see a lot of posts on here from people in dismay about not receiving a polite acknowledgement/ thanks but no thanks I struggle to see how a few polite words from someone who ultimate you will never meet really enhances your life / experience on here, when we are all looking for people where there is mutual interest I actually don’t buy it, and I think a lot of these ‘I just want a thanks but no thanks ‘ posters are kidding themselves and are frustrated because they genuinely believe’ if only we got into a conversation I would be able to change their mind ‘" Yes, this | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " Do you ring around all of the local takeaways that put a flyer through your door to tell them you don't fancy their pizza/kebab/curry tonight? | |||
". However I do reply to most messages just not the wanna meet, faf, and the worst cock pics (men don't seem to like me rating it )
Mrs "Oh my this sounds like a super fun game. 
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"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " I agree it would be nice to get a response from one human to another.
I can't be arsed to read the replies. Sex meat open for business yada yada.  | |||
"Has this not been asnwered a million times. People on here don't owe you anything. Why should a woman, I'll use this as this is the gender being refered to, scrole through messages that involve dick pics, asking to do random and sometimes unpleasant things, abusive message to find one that perhaps is nice, just to reply and say no thank you. A post like this isn't actualy very polite anyway as it feels like a form of manipulation through sympathy. Why the fuck should that be on a womans shoulders." Hear hear | |||
"Has this not been asnwered a million times. People on here don't owe you anything. Why should a woman, I'll use this as this is the gender being refered to, scrole through messages that involve dick pics, asking to do random and sometimes unpleasant things, abusive message to find one that perhaps is nice, just to reply and say no thank you. A post like this isn't actualy very polite anyway as it feels like a form of manipulation through sympathy. Why the fuck should that be on a womans shoulders." ,, very true | |||
"Has this not been asnwered a million times. People on here don't owe you anything. Why should a woman, I'll use this as this is the gender being refered to, scrole through messages that involve dick pics, asking to do random and sometimes unpleasant things, abusive message to find one that perhaps is nice, just to reply and say no thank you. A post like this isn't actualy very polite anyway as it feels like a form of manipulation through sympathy. Why the fuck should that be on a womans shoulders." ^^^^^^ Hit the nail on the head! | |||
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"Has this not been asnwered a million times. People on here don't owe you anything. Why should a woman, I'll use this as this is the gender being refered to, scrole through messages that involve dick pics, asking to do random and sometimes unpleasant things, abusive message to find one that perhaps is nice, just to reply and say no thank you. A post like this isn't actualy very polite anyway as it feels like a form of manipulation through sympathy. Why the fuck should that be on a womans shoulders." Yeah, it's another form of manipulation | |||
"Has this not been asnwered a million times. People on here don't owe you anything. Why should a woman, I'll use this as this is the gender being refered to, scrole through messages that involve dick pics, asking to do random and sometimes unpleasant things, abusive message to find one that perhaps is nice, just to reply and say no thank you. A post like this isn't actualy very polite anyway as it feels like a form of manipulation through sympathy. Why the fuck should that be on a womans shoulders." Is there a clap emoji, will use a instead | |||
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"If someone is getting 40/50 messages a day, imagine how long it would take to reply to every single one.... You'd need a little fab PA " Rubbish. Copy and paste… we apparently do it and can send hundreds a day. | |||
"If someone is getting 40/50 messages a day, imagine how long it would take to reply to every single one.... You'd need a little fab PA Rubbish. Copy and paste… we apparently do it and can send hundreds a day. "We kind of do this, when the messages are thick and fast, when we're actively looking to meet, as an example. I'll type out a pleasant reply to one, and copy and paste that for the day. Sometimes we receive a polite response. That's nice. Sometimes we receive a polite, very complimentary response. That's nice too. Sometimes we receive a response trying to change our minds. Yeah I get, but that's not cool. Sometimes we receive a response telling us how we should adapt our filters, basically to suit them, as in they couldn't have messaged us if we had certain filters. Again, I understand the frustration but that's uncool and arrogant. Sometimes we receive a damn nasty, uncalled for response. Now, no matter the response, the fact is, that's a whole lot more messages needing to be read and taking up more time, time wasting time for both sides of the track. On top of that, often these are to people that have shown a lack of respect by not reading our profile. The amount of messages directed at Mrs, when the first line tells otherwise. I'll add, when we're looking, we do have more pictures of Mr on show. So, Woody, I'm sure I've seen your express several times that you don't read profiles because what's the point, you'll be ignored anyway. Apologies if I've got you mixed up. My point here is, if the lack of respect is evident from the first message, why do they deserve why extra respect simply because they like the pictures enough to message? Respect should be from each angle. Like I say, we do tend to respond to nearly all messages, though I understand why some choose not to do. Sometimes, a message is no more than a wolf whistle from across the street, and deserve no response. | |||
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"These threads, you rarely see the OP come back in. The thread title probably says everything really, but I'm sure the OP (and many newbies-especially besides) just don't realise how many messages women can actually get. Or indeed how many of them are where it's hard to just phrase "no thanks" - you either have to say a bit more upon replying or ignore. When people just say "hi how are you?" (which is natural enough), it's actually putting the ball in someone else's court (ie to do the conversational work). But (unless you are immediately interested) how do you respond when you get loads and loads like this? When I was a bit younger and had a different type of profile on Fabguys (a lot more of an inviting one with less filters), I gave up replying to every message I got, and that was loads less than women will get daily here. In the end you just think, fuck this! Even auto responses wouldn't make much sense of it all, I've tried to think of some (and 'copy and paste' is obviously a chore too lol) - so really all people can do sometimes is just not respond. And putting it simply, no one actually owes anyone a reply on Fab, as is so often said. So OP, if you are actually reading, it's not in-courteous at all - it's just Fab! pt" I was, as someone new to the forums, just asking, no agenda, no underhand reason and I appreciate the views and I'm grateful for those who have contributed. | |||
"These threads, you rarely see the OP come back in. The thread title probably says everything really, but I'm sure the OP (and many newbies-especially besides) just don't realise how many messages women can actually get. Or indeed how many of them are where it's hard to just phrase "no thanks" - you either have to say a bit more upon replying or ignore. When people just say "hi how are you?" (which is natural enough), it's actually putting the ball in someone else's court (ie to do the conversational work). But (unless you are immediately interested) how do you respond when you get loads and loads like this? When I was a bit younger and had a different type of profile on Fabguys (a lot more of an inviting one with less filters), I gave up replying to every message I got, and that was loads less than women will get daily here. In the end you just think, fuck this! Even auto responses wouldn't make much sense of it all, I've tried to think of some (and 'copy and paste' is obviously a chore too lol) - so really all people can do sometimes is just not respond. And putting it simply, no one actually owes anyone a reply on Fab, as is so often said. So OP, if you are actually reading, it's not in-courteous at all - it's just Fab! pt I was, as someone new to the forums, just asking, no agenda, no underhand reason and I appreciate the views and I'm grateful for those who have contributed." It's ok to not know things. You're all good | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " This is why I block single men. If they want to communicate with me, they can come meet me at a social or a swingers club and I put the meet location in my status. Saves all of this faff about why didn't you message back because I was polite. I currently have 44 unread messages in my inbox because I have a life outside of Fab...and of course half of my time on Fab is spent on the forums. | |||
"Maybe read all the previous threads on this. As a single woman I get hundreds of messages. I do actually have a job and hobbies and a family. I don’t have time to reply to all the guys that message me. And the FAQ s are clear - no response means they are not interested " Exactly. This has been covered ad nauseum. | |||
"Maybe read all the previous threads on this. As a single woman I get hundreds of messages. I do actually have a job and hobbies and a family. I don’t have time to reply to all the guys that message me. And the FAQ s are clear - no response means they are not interested Exactly. This has been covered ad nauseum. " -It doesn't look like this forum can do 'stickies' unfortunately, as perfect would be a pinned thread that points out the forum Search (people don't seem to know it's here), the green arrow maybe, and just a couple of house rules. FAQs are typically a click or two away for newbies, esp using a phone. pt | |||
"These threads, you rarely see the OP come back in. The thread title probably says everything really, but I'm sure the OP (and many newbies-especially besides) just don't realise how many messages women can actually get. Or indeed how many of them are where it's hard to just phrase "no thanks" - you either have to say a bit more upon replying or ignore. When people just say "hi how are you?" (which is natural enough), it's actually putting the ball in someone else's court (ie to do the conversational work). But (unless you are immediately interested) how do you respond when you get loads and loads like this? When I was a bit younger and had a different type of profile on Fabguys (a lot more of an inviting one with less filters), I gave up replying to every message I got, and that was loads less than women will get daily here. In the end you just think, fuck this! Even auto responses wouldn't make much sense of it all, I've tried to think of some (and 'copy and paste' is obviously a chore too lol) - so really all people can do sometimes is just not respond. And putting it simply, no one actually owes anyone a reply on Fab, as is so often said. So OP, if you are actually reading, it's not in-courteous at all - it's just Fab! pt I was, as someone new to the forums, just asking, no agenda, no underhand reason and I appreciate the views and I'm grateful for those who have contributed. It's ok to not know things. You're all good " -Fab gives a hurdle or two of frustrations for everyone at first I think, but after you learn the ropes, ie realising the size of the place (how big it is yet frustratingly small sometimes too), regularly using Browse, realising people come and go all the time, the demographics in terms of being hardest for single blokes, working on the profile, considering clubs or events maybe (if they are for you, they are only small aspect of overall fablife), looking at Fabuys too if you're a bi male or trans - and basically persevering.... then it's great lol .
pt | |||
"I know through people on this site that messages received can be bloody awful - but if a nice message comes in and there's no interest. how about a polite no thank you and then if the sender persists, just block. " You don't get to decide someone else's level of response. You're. Owed. Nothing. | |||
