FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > My apologies
My apologies
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I am really enjoying the forums and both starting and posting on threads. Great people, great banter and often lots of care and love around. Sadly sometimes certain people take it too far with their posts. I am not talking about different opinions, obvious banter or even a low temperature heated debate. It's when people are really insensitive and even cruel to others that I can't understandand epecially when those others are not even at the time around. From character assassination to downright totally inappropriate assumptions about individuals. That's to me disgraceful behaviour. I am not here to argue with people but to pass the time, lift the spirit, make connections, that kind of thing. Why would anyone want to be nasty to others when they don't really know them or how they feel or what effect nasty personal comments can have on them. I apologise for the long post and I usually like nice lighthearted ones but I care about people and its not nice to see that kind of nastiness, even though its only a tiny minority that seem to thrive in that.  |
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"If it’s truly like that it’ll be removed and offenders banned. Mods are super efficient on here and don’t fuck around. "
You are of course right. But sometimes it's very subliminal and very hurtful to others. Especially if a personal thread is hijacked by someone who has a different agenda, talking in general terms but actually is about individuals or a group with certain characteristics. If everyone was the same, it would be a boring world. On a site like this, I would assume people would be generally more accepting of diversity. Well actually most are but there are quite a few that are certainly not and when their prejudices rise, they are definitely ugly. |
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In the past, if you dug a little under the surface, you discovered these forums were like a nest of vipers. You wouldn’t believe the misandry, misogyny, intolerance and cruelty I’ve witnessed from people. As for right now… I have no idea. We’ve been gone for a few years and only recently returned, so who knows if anything has changed. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"If it’s truly like that it’ll be removed and offenders banned. Mods are super efficient on here and don’t fuck around.
You are of course right. But sometimes it's very subliminal and very hurtful to others. Especially if a personal thread is hijacked by someone who has a different agenda, talking in general terms but actually is about individuals or a group with certain characteristics. If everyone was the same, it would be a boring world. On a site like this, I would assume people would be generally more accepting of diversity. Well actually most are but there are quite a few that are certainly not and when their prejudices rise, they are definitely ugly. "
Without knowing what you are referring to it’s impossible to give a reasoned response. That said people have differing views, opinions, preferences etc. what may be hurtful to you may not be to others, and vice versa.
The forum rules are clear so if it’s something still up then it must be valid. |
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Totally agree with this post. I rarely create threads now because I always seem to cause offense or annoyance, all the way to needing a thread removed because someone had said something so outrageous about Mr Fox (thank you mods for acting quickly!!)
Sending good vibes |
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"If it’s truly like that it’ll be removed and offenders banned. Mods are super efficient on here and don’t fuck around.
You are of course right. But sometimes it's very subliminal and very hurtful to others. Especially if a personal thread is hijacked by someone who has a different agenda, talking in general terms but actually is about individuals or a group with certain characteristics. If everyone was the same, it would be a boring world. On a site like this, I would assume people would be generally more accepting of diversity. Well actually most are but there are quite a few that are certainly not and when their prejudices rise, they are definitely ugly.
Without knowing what you are referring to it’s impossible to give a reasoned response. That said people have differing views, opinions, preferences etc. what may be hurtful to you may not be to others, and vice versa.
The forum rules are clear so if it’s something still up then it must be valid."
I understand what you say but to be honest I am not talking about rules or different opinions etc. As a person I, like anyone else I should hope, know what is decent behaviour in how we speak to others, be considerate, not make hurtful remarks and such like. I expressed what I have seen as not acceptable whether there are rules for it or not. I think it's now time for me to start a chocolate cake |
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Don’t go in the Politics forum mate it’s a positive minefield of character assassination if you say the wrong thing.
I have always found the Lounge very welcoming and the Mods do a great job.
As with every internet forum though it can seem a little wild sometimes. Go with the flow mate and don’t take it serious. It is as pointed out earlier in the thread a lovely evening. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"If it’s truly like that it’ll be removed and offenders banned. Mods are super efficient on here and don’t fuck around.
You are of course right. But sometimes it's very subliminal and very hurtful to others. Especially if a personal thread is hijacked by someone who has a different agenda, talking in general terms but actually is about individuals or a group with certain characteristics. If everyone was the same, it would be a boring world. On a site like this, I would assume people would be generally more accepting of diversity. Well actually most are but there are quite a few that are certainly not and when their prejudices rise, they are definitely ugly.
Without knowing what you are referring to it’s impossible to give a reasoned response. That said people have differing views, opinions, preferences etc. what may be hurtful to you may not be to others, and vice versa.
The forum rules are clear so if it’s something still up then it must be valid.
I understand what you say but to be honest I am not talking about rules or different opinions etc. As a person I, like anyone else I should hope, know what is decent behaviour in how we speak to others, be considerate, not make hurtful remarks and such like. I expressed what I have seen as not acceptable whether there are rules for it or not. I think it's now time for me to start a chocolate cake "
I guess it’s just too subjective. Example; I’m very aware I can be blunt in my opinions, but I never go out my way to deliberately offend someone (I will in response to something). My opinions will/do upset some, but again it’s not because I’ve wanted to.
We’ve likely got different definitions of “decent behaviour” is all.
Something has clearly bothered you which isn’t great, so I’m sending the happiest of vibes and biggest of hugs bud. |
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We are on another very small site for naturists and it has forums, but they are sparsely used on that site; perhaps 4 to 8 posts on the entire forums per day.
None of the posts on that site are ever nasty or attract the bile of other people. Even if a person posts a slightly inappropriate comment, the response will be helpful and constructive and guiding.
I've never seen a hateful or belligerent post on those forums, ever.
It's really a breath of fresh air going on those forums. No sarcasm, no hatefulness just for the sake of it, just decent banter, albeit not too many posts a day; but that's maybe a sign of quality over quantity.
My theory is because it's a tiny community of people whose usernames are instantly recognisable by others due to the extremely small size of the membership, nobody feels 'anonymous' enough to start reducing the tone to a slagging off match which happens far too often here.
Not that these forums are all bad, the sensible and respectful forum users far outweigh the nasty people who just like sniping at others on the Fab forums.
I feel that it's the sheer number of people on here that attracts keyboard warriors and attention-seekers who want to crash and burn every forum.
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"In the past, if you dug a little under the surface, you discovered these forums were like a nest of vipers. You wouldn’t believe the misandry, misogyny, intolerance and cruelty I’ve witnessed from people. As for right now… I have no idea. We’ve been gone for a few years and only recently returned, so who knows if anything has changed. "
They are still exactly the same. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
There are asshats on here, but there are also some really lovely, funny, caring and thoughtful people on here.
They outweigh the bad I think.
If you see a post that you think is shitty, report it. Then the mods can check it and if it breaks rules it will be removed.
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Mods will need people to report things. It's got to be impossible for them to follow it all, and they may have to filter all the reports too. In some instances offence probably has to be taken to be noticed too. pt |
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These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You'll find some gems amongst the rocks, you just have to become a little thicker skinned i guess - ouvk your battles. As others have said the mods do a good clean up job.
I would say fab brings an amazing melting pot of all parts of society and just like in real life, you wouldn't be friends with them all |
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"You'll find some gems amongst the rocks, you just have to become a little thicker skinned i guess - ouvk your battles. As others have said the mods do a good clean up job.
I would say fab brings an amazing melting pot of all parts of society and just like in real life, you wouldn't be friends with them all"
I agree and seen it all for myself. I just feel its do unnecessary when people become nasty to others (perhaps no rules broken), highjack threads for their own agenda and in the process they be hurting vulnerable people. I am however now concentrating on my chocolate thread for inspiration, waiting for my g&to from the drinks thread and enjoying the view from room 69 on the hotel onec  |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
"
All of this.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
"
You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind."
Very fair point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In the past, if you dug a little under the surface, you discovered these forums were like a nest of vipers. You wouldn’t believe the misandry, misogyny, intolerance and cruelty I’ve witnessed from people. As for right now… I have no idea. We’ve been gone for a few years and only recently returned, so who knows if anything has changed. "
I remember cancel culture in the forums before it became mainstream! |
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"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind."
I agree with that, there's also the flip side that people look for 'offence', which is also lacking the skills to have a conversation with an open mind.
That for me is definitely a 2 way street |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind.
I agree with that, there's also the flip side that people look for 'offence', which is also lacking the skills to have a conversation with an open mind.
That for me is definitely a 2 way street"
There’s definitely an AWFUL lot of that in here imo. Goes both ways. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr "
Best way to be. Genuine and standby your convictions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One thing I've learnt, not that it's an excuse, is that hurt people hurt other people.
Maybe helps understanding, I prefer to think like that then just think people are a arseholes..well, some are, but ya know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am really enjoying the forums and both starting and posting on threads. Great people, great banter and often lots of care and love around. Sadly sometimes certain people take it too far with their posts. I am not talking about different opinions, obvious banter or even a low temperature heated debate. It's when people are really insensitive and even cruel to others that I can't understandand epecially when those others are not even at the time around. From character assassination to downright totally inappropriate assumptions about individuals. That's to me disgraceful behaviour. I am not here to argue with people but to pass the time, lift the spirit, make connections, that kind of thing. Why would anyone want to be nasty to others when they don't really know them or how they feel or what effect nasty personal comments can have on them. I apologise for the long post and I usually like nice lighthearted ones but I care about people and its not nice to see that kind of nastiness, even though its only a tiny minority that seem to thrive in that. "
Thanks for highlighting this. |
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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago
local, but not too local |
"One thing I've learnt, not that it's an excuse, is that hurt people hurt other people.
Maybe helps understanding, I prefer to think like that then just think people are a arseholes..well, some are, but ya know. "
I subscribe to this. It’s a learned behaviour. All you can do is try to help break the cycle. |
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"One thing I've learnt, not that it's an excuse, is that hurt people hurt other people.
Maybe helps understanding, I prefer to think like that then just think people are a arseholes..well, some are, but ya know. "
Everybody gets hurt in life, sooner or later, but not everyone goes on to hurt others. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Never apologize for what you believe in "
And you just gotta accept there are a lot of damaged people here. If they are not being the victim they will be being the bully.
Whether it’s kink, gender , being male, politics , religion - some people are clearly very angry and can’t debate, maybe they were not cuddled as children. |
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"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr "
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think "
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh.  |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Never apologize for what you believe in
And you just gotta accept there are a lot of damaged people here. If they are not being the victim they will be being the bully.
Whether it’s kink, gender , being male, politics , religion - some people are clearly very angry and can’t debate, maybe they were not cuddled as children."
It’s the thing that keeps me coming back to he forum tbh. So many different personalities it’s massively engaging and entertaining.
Love picking bits up I can take away for myself. |
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"Totally agree with this post. I rarely create threads now because I always seem to cause offense or annoyance, all the way to needing a thread removed because someone had said something so outrageous about Mr Fox (thank you mods for acting quickly!!)
Sending good vibes "
Interesting. Is offence given or is it taken ?
Just because someone claims they've been offended , doesn't make it so and for me the word of the shouter shouldn't always be taken as read. |
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"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh. "
Cheers bud. Tbf, that part is absolutely 100% right. I won't change for others though, love me or hate me, I'm gonna be me  |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Totally agree with this post. I rarely create threads now because I always seem to cause offense or annoyance, all the way to needing a thread removed because someone had said something so outrageous about Mr Fox (thank you mods for acting quickly!!)
Sending good vibes
Interesting. Is offence given or is it taken ?
Just because someone claims they've been offended , doesn't make it so and for me the word of the shouter shouldn't always be taken as read. "
Love love love this!!
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh.
Cheers bud. Tbf, that part is absolutely 100% right. I won't change for others though, love me or hate me, I'm gonna be me "
An opinionated bellend can recognise and appreciate their own. |
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"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh.
Cheers bud. Tbf, that part is absolutely 100% right. I won't change for others though, love me or hate me, I'm gonna be me
An opinionated bellend can recognise and appreciate their own. "
Well that's at least 3 of us now. I love this self-confession side of myself |
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"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind."
Precisely Joe.
I smirk at the irony of posts that lament the supposedly offensive behaviour of others and refer to them as 'dickheads' 'asshead' 'cunts and twats' failing to see that they themselves are part of what could very well be seen as offensive behaviour on a public forum. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"These forums are a reflection of society in general, you'll find people who are nasty, people who are lovely and people who are just along for the ride on whatever side.
I'm sometimes very strong in my opinions and some people can take that for me being horrible, it's not meant in that way, it's just that I have strong opinions.
You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind.
Precisely Joe.
I smirk at the irony of posts that lament the supposedly offensive behaviour of others and refer to them as 'dickheads' 'asshead' 'cunts and twats' failing to see that they themselves are part of what could very well be seen as offensive behaviour on a public forum. "
Probably my biggest peeve in the forum tbh, but just giggle at the hypocrisy & double standards.
Can tell the genuine peeps a mile off and those that offer fake compassion. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh.
Cheers bud. Tbf, that part is absolutely 100% right. I won't change for others though, love me or hate me, I'm gonna be me
An opinionated bellend can recognise and appreciate their own.
Well that's at least 3 of us now. I love this self-confession side of myself "
We’re taking over!!!
At least when people like ourselves do offer a compliment, compassion etc it’s genuine.  |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"You can have strong opinions and know how to word it in a way that presents it as just that - an opinion. The only problem is that some people have all the subtlety of a brick when expressing their opinion because they lack the people skills to have a conversation with an open mind."
And this is why, despite sitting on opposite sides of most things, I/we massively respect and appreciate your contributions. |
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"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh.
Cheers bud. Tbf, that part is absolutely 100% right. I won't change for others though, love me or hate me, I'm gonna be me
An opinionated bellend can recognise and appreciate their own.
Well that's at least 3 of us now. I love this self-confession side of myself
We’re taking over!!!
At least when people like ourselves do offer a compliment, compassion etc it’s genuine. "
I rarely offer those things |
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"Some people have got their head stuck up their own arse. You just get used to it.
Most people probably think I’m a bellend. And they’re absolutely right
The mr
There's absolutely people here who think I'm a bellend, and some who think I'm a far right loony
Just let them think what they think
Agree with the Bellend thing tbh.
Cheers bud. Tbf, that part is absolutely 100% right. I won't change for others though, love me or hate me, I'm gonna be me
An opinionated bellend can recognise and appreciate their own.
Well that's at least 3 of us now. I love this self-confession side of myself
We’re taking over!!!
At least when people like ourselves do offer a compliment, compassion etc it’s genuine.
I rarely offer those things "
Nice to see I’m not alone, welcome gentleman.
Compassion ? I’ll need to look in the dictionary for that one.
The mr |
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Everyone is different but thankfully most people have the decency to respect others. As anywhere, you will find those that can't unfortunately help but show themselves up but that means you can stay away from them easily then. Personal hurtful comments have no place anywhere but people masquerade them as opinions often. When they become personal, they are not opinions, they are just insults and abuse. And as many said, mods do often address abusive behaviour when they see it or reported. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"Everyone is different but thankfully most people have the decency to respect others. As anywhere, you will find those that can't unfortunately help but show themselves up but that means you can stay away from them easily then. Personal hurtful comments have no place anywhere but people masquerade them as opinions often. When they become personal, they are not opinions, they are just insults and abuse. And as many said, mods do often address abusive behaviour when they see it or reported. "
Totally agree & some threads are an excellent filter. |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Everyone is different but thankfully most people have the decency to respect others. As anywhere, you will find those that can't unfortunately help but show themselves up but that means you can stay away from them easily then. Personal hurtful comments have no place anywhere but people masquerade them as opinions often. When they become personal, they are not opinions, they are just insults and abuse. And as many said, mods do often address abusive behaviour when they see it or reported. "
Can’t say I’ve seen much of that, but have been blocked by more than a few following forum posts. They’ve filtered themselves for us though so win win. |
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