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Great expectations
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures, ones that hide the not so good bits. I can look at most of mine and not even recognise myself, so when someone expects what they see, as they would, I panic!
Are there other reasons you doubt yourself?
Does it stop you actually meeting people? |
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I do this exact same thing, flattering camera angles and dodgy lighting haha then think shit I'm 47 and things are starting to age  So I ask, do you care? The resounding answer is always no, or never noticed or are you kidding!! I'm listening to those comments now and not my internal commentary. It's quite freeing as long as I keep myself grounded as somewhere along the line I'm bound to come across someone who says Yuk haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to send as normal pic as possible we all have our favourite angles, plus I’m terrible at taking pics full stop.
Yours look great Raven, I only hate I can’t fab em 
I think we all feel jitters I know I certainly do especially after chatting a while. But it’s also exciting to, that first meet feeling. I worry people will hate the way I sound, I get told I sound fine… but I hear my own voice back and I think I sound horrendous. So I worry about that! |
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A bit maybe but everyone knows most people post their best pics. I’ve met hundreds of people on here over time (socially) and the only thing people have been surprised at was my height and my voice for some reason. Even though my height is correct on the profile! |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I doubt myself with people who have even met me in person already. I'm a sod for comparison in the sense if I know they are with/interested in someone else I will drift away feeling the other person is likely to be way better for them and I wouldn't want to use their time that could be better spent.
I come across as quite confident, especially in messages but in reality I'm hyperventilating inside when in person - I relax though and talk a load of rubbish. I always think people are just to nice to say I'm annoying as hell.
It has and does still often stop me meeting. Deep for a Sunday morning! Isn't self sabotage a wonderful friend  |
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I feel like my pictures look better than what I actually am in person. Because of the angles. I have started taking more pictures that show my jelly belly because it is obviously there.
It does feel like people have high expectations of you on here and it's unnerving. I don't like to feel pressured and not feeling good enough because of their expectations.
I'm a mess every single day I just don't show it. 
Jo.Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A bit maybe but everyone knows most people post their best pics. I’ve met hundreds of people on here over time (socially) and the only thing people have been surprised at was my height and my voice for some reason. Even though my height is correct on the profile!"
People always ask me if I'm actually that tall! It's amazing we know our own height. |
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"I feel like my pictures look better than what I actually am in person. Because of the angles. I have started taking more pictures that show my jelly belly because it is obviously there.
It does feel like people have high expectations of you on here and it's unnerving. I don't like to feel pressured and not feeling good enough because of their expectations.
I'm a mess every single day I just don't show it.
Jo.Xx "
Jo!! Having met you in real life I can confirm you’re beautiful. And you know me, I’m not a smoke blower. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I doubt myself constantly and feel I can’t live upto expectations, I try to let them know what they are getting but I’m not sure anyone can prepare for this |
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"A bit maybe but everyone knows most people post their best pics. I’ve met hundreds of people on here over time (socially) and the only thing people have been surprised at was my height and my voice for some reason. Even though my height is correct on the profile!
People always ask me if I'm actually that tall! It's amazing we know our own height. "
I know! I get wow you’re tall. Erm did you read my profile?! |
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I choose to post the most flattering photos as well. I don't think they're so flattering though that they're a complete misrepresentation of my body. But in case someone thinks they could be, I show my dress size and describe myself as having a mum-bod in my bio.
My own hang ups won't stop me from meeting, but they do stop me from sending that first message. Looking at other peoples pictures and thinking "they won't be interested in someone like me". My confidence has definitely grown since being on here, but the fear of rejection is still strong.
Beth x |
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I'm exactly the same, I love our photos but they don't show the mum tum and wobbly bits a lot, I always worry people expect too much or that the photos are better than the reality.
It does hold me back meeting/messaging some profiles.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I doubt myself with people who have even met me in person already. I'm a sod for comparison in the sense if I know they are with/interested in someone else I will drift away feeling the other person is likely to be way better for them and I wouldn't want to use their time that could be better spent.
I come across as quite confident, especially in messages but in reality I'm hyperventilating inside when in person - I relax though and talk a load of rubbish. I always think people are just to nice to say I'm annoying as hell.
It has and does still often stop me meeting. Deep for a Sunday morning! Isn't self sabotage a wonderful friend "
Self sabotage, we are the best of friends!
I've had someone who in his words "adored" me, that was until we actually met  I do think online me is a lot better than real me.
Guys who come across as liking me too much, I run away from. I tend to go for guys who don't seem to have a high expectation of me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I feel like my pictures look better than what I actually am in person. Because of the angles. I have started taking more pictures that show my jelly belly because it is obviously there.
It does feel like people have high expectations of you on here and it's unnerving. I don't like to feel pressured and not feeling good enough because of their expectations.
I'm a mess every single day I just don't show it.
Jo.Xx "
This exactly. I could walk past half the guys that message me and I can guarantee they wouldn't even look twice! |
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I don't tend to meet people because I'm a misanthropic asshole.
I work hard to not let those creeping self doubts ever win. I think everyone has them rear their heads from time to time to try and ruin everything. Sometimes I don't shut them down well enough, and spiral into that feeling like I'm not good enough space. But I am enough, so fuck those feelings
For photos, I think everyone knows that people will pick their best sides and angles for advertising on a place like this. Unless they're the ones that have the heavily unflattering photos of themselves up. But I find it helpful to have a couple of videos on friends only I can send that show all of me in motion so I don't have to worry about making someone feel catfished. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"A bit maybe but everyone knows most people post their best pics. I’ve met hundreds of people on here over time (socially) and the only thing people have been surprised at was my height and my voice for some reason. Even though my height is correct on the profile!
People always ask me if I'm actually that tall! It's amazing we know our own height.
I know! I get wow you’re tall. Erm did you read my profile?!"
Pffft. You're not that tall  |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
I try and take pics that are on the realistic side of flattering or the flattering side if realistic, I don’t purposely post ones that make me look hideous but I try to not hide too much either. So it’s clearly just my personality that must be letting me down if I don’t live up to expectations |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I doubt myself with people who have even met me in person already. I'm a sod for comparison in the sense if I know they are with/interested in someone else I will drift away feeling the other person is likely to be way better for them and I wouldn't want to use their time that could be better spent.
I come across as quite confident, especially in messages but in reality I'm hyperventilating inside when in person - I relax though and talk a load of rubbish. I always think people are just to nice to say I'm annoying as hell.
It has and does still often stop me meeting. Deep for a Sunday morning! Isn't self sabotage a wonderful friend "
 You could be my sister from another mister x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I try to send as normal pic as possible we all have our favourite angles, plus I’m terrible at taking pics full stop.
Yours look great Raven, I only hate I can’t fab em
I think we all feel jitters I know I certainly do especially after chatting a while. But it’s also exciting to, that first meet feeling. I worry people will hate the way I sound, I get told I sound fine… but I hear my own voice back and I think I sound horrendous. So I worry about that! "
Oh god yeah I hate my voice! Another thing to worry about! |
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"I try to send as normal pic as possible we all have our favourite angles, plus I’m terrible at taking pics full stop.
Yours look great Raven, I only hate I can’t fab em
I think we all feel jitters I know I certainly do especially after chatting a while. But it’s also exciting to, that first meet feeling. I worry people will hate the way I sound, I get told I sound fine… but I hear my own voice back and I think I sound horrendous. So I worry about that!
Oh god yeah I hate my voice! Another thing to worry about!"
I don't like my voice either!! 
Jo.Xx |
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I doubt myself constantly and feel I can’t live upto expectations. I don't know you guys but 90% of the profiles i look i find-big, huge, BBC,BWC, 8"+ 10" etc. As i'm 6" and most of the time submissive male not to many options. Also i do my best to improve my english but some messages (slank) i cannot understand them and it really affects me. |
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My levels vary a lot, mainly on socials I feel ill be ok appearance wise, as I've always felt my face is better animated than it is in still pictures. Although I'm an initially shy and introverted person, so it takes while for me to warm up, which sometimes doesn't even fully happen on a 1st meet. Outside of that my worries mainly come from with having eczema, where even the smallest feeling of a flair up can effect my confidence. Also ive got in my head that I'm slimmer than most people expect me to be, just because I've never been able to bulk up.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Not at all
When I was meeting I had full length body shots and face pictures on my profile. I never used flattering angles or filters. What you saw was what you got. So no surprises for anyone"
I actually hate photos in "real life". My friend jokes that if I ever went missing they'd have to use a photo of the back of my head.
So normal ones of me just don't exist! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For every one pic that I like there are two dozen that make me cringe and go straight in the bin.
I can relate to so many of the comments on this thread.
It’s the sharing of a face pic that always makes me feel at my most exposed and vulnerable (I guess this is when I reveal the ‘real me’ so to speak).
What I have found during my time on fab is that all those wee niggling doubts and insecurities I experience tend to disappear when I actually meet someone as they don’t see the ‘flaws’ that I tend to get hung up on.
Fab can be a very affirming place if you’re lucky enough to connect with the right people x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures, ones that hide the not so good bits. I can look at most of mine and not even recognise myself, so when someone expects what they see, as they would, I panic!
Are there other reasons you doubt yourself?
Does it stop you actually meeting people?"
I think I tell people repeatedly that I have stretch marks, cellulite and wobbly bits I just pick my photo angles carefully. I get a bit weird about it pre meet.
What I find hard, there are a lot of guys I’ve matched with on Bumble, Tinder, Feeld etc who have turned me down, ghosted or just not responded to opening conversations. Are on here, in my inbox, proclaiming what a great match we would be, yet me in a vanilla setting with clothes on, they wouldn’t even give me the time of day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I try to send as normal pic as possible we all have our favourite angles, plus I’m terrible at taking pics full stop.
Yours look great Raven, I only hate I can’t fab em
I think we all feel jitters I know I certainly do especially after chatting a while. But it’s also exciting to, that first meet feeling. I worry people will hate the way I sound, I get told I sound fine… but I hear my own voice back and I think I sound horrendous. So I worry about that!
Oh god yeah I hate my voice! Another thing to worry about!"
Ooops I very much doubt it, unless you sound like a Yorkshire Joe pasquale |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures, ones that hide the not so good bits. I can look at most of mine and not even recognise myself, so when someone expects what they see, as they would, I panic!
Are there other reasons you doubt yourself?
Does it stop you actually meeting people?
I think I tell people repeatedly that I have stretch marks, cellulite and wobbly bits I just pick my photo angles carefully. I get a bit weird about it pre meet.
What I find hard, there are a lot of guys I’ve matched with on Bumble, Tinder, Feeld etc who have turned me down, ghosted or just not responded to opening conversations. Are on here, in my inbox, proclaiming what a great match we would be, yet me in a vanilla setting with clothes on, they wouldn’t even give me the time of day. "
I can relate!
It's the half nakedness that attracts them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Nope. My pictures are posed, but fairly accurate.
My personality is the same online as in person.
Anyone meeting me knows exactly what they’re getting into
Bloody mad, anyone who braves it.
Mrs m"
Oh personality wise I'm very much the same, possibly slightly more annoying in real life.
It's just the looks side! |
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"Nope. My pictures are posed, but fairly accurate.
My personality is the same online as in person.
Anyone meeting me knows exactly what they’re getting into
Bloody mad, anyone who braves it.
Mrs m
Oh personality wise I'm very much the same, possibly slightly more annoying in real life.
It's just the looks side! "
I’m overly confident, clearly |
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I'm very much a you either like me or you don't type of person, most of us will only upload photos of ourselves from the best angles.
I'm not one to expect anyone to look exactly the same in photos in real life and I'm not vain so wouldn't be dissapointed at all.
I look alright but I'm no model or oil painting and I have plenty of bits I'd like to change about myself but I'm good company and I'm not bad at sex. |
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Yeah, I doubt myself all the time and probably come across more confident online than I am off it.
I don't change any of my pictures but do try and catch my best features.
I've never been the most confident person and as a result I can be very quiet at times when in person. I think of things to say rather than actually say anything which I think makes people think I'm not interested. Maybe it's overthinking?
E.g. I'd been chatting every day to a woman (not on fab) for over a week since we first met, and seemed to be getting on great, then after I sent a message (talking about my day etc), she liked the comment but didn't reply to the question I made. It's now been 3 days and I haven't messaged her again because I don't want her to think I'm chasing a reply or badgering her, but by not messaging does it seem like I'm not interested?! 
Ok, I'm now going to need a drink haha |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I have photos on here that don't just show my best angles, mostly in friends only. But they're still the best of the worst. And I've been reuploading ones from the last couple of years (well, some, a couple are new) because right now I hate myself.
I am absolutely certain, whenever someone likes me, that someone sexier and nicer, more accessible, less hard work, will come along and be worth more of their time. So I'm scared.
I'm also convinced that people who meet me will feel catfished. They'll see me from not that ideal angle, without my arm across my stomach to hide the rolls, or the apron, they'll see me from the side fully clothed. And they'll be disgusted like I am whenever I look in the mirror.
I get excited at the idea of meeting someone I've connected with, and also terrified. I've almost cancelled meets every time, because I absolutely know I'm not who they're expecting. I'm twice the size of the substantial woman in the pictures, and half as pretty. I babble crap, and am a proper weirdo.
But there are a couple of very important points that I can never seem to remember when I need to...
1) we have almost certainly been talking for a while. They've had random selfies sent. Sometimes body shots. Ones I haven't had time to scour for the parts that make me want to puke. And they've experienced my random word vomit. They know I'm weird. And they still rock up.
2) I've always been recognised. And always told I look just like or better than my pictures. I've been told that from what I'd said they were expecting someone much bigger than me, more nervous, and I'm not what I see in the mirror, I'm what the camera shows. And some of these people have always known they'll never see me naked in person.
If I could remember that at times other than when writing forum posts, that would be great. But I can't. I hate my body for so many reasons. And I can't see what others see. Not in person.
If you only read one part of my inane babble... make it this... unless you're editing the crap out of your photos... taking bits away and adding bits, those photos are you. They were taken of you. That's what you look like. People know that it's different when there is a living, breathing human and not a picture, but at the core that is you. You could never be a disappointment to someone who has looked closely enough. |
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"I actually hate photos in "real life". My friend jokes that if I ever went missing they'd have to use a photo of the back of my head.
So normal ones of me just don't exist! "
Yeah, this is me too. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I doubt myself. Not because the photos/videos, I've made a real effort recently to show photos that are accurate. Easily me. Tummy, wobbles. Frizzy hair.
I think because people put me on a pedestal at times. Expect me to be this image they have of 'Meli' and fall in lust/love with that ideal of me. And I know the reality is... I'm Meli sure. But I'm also a person who has doubts. Eternally curious and asks too many questions. Feels things deeply, not love but emotions in general.
So it's not my photos that make me doubt myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I try to send as normal pic as possible we all have our favourite angles, plus I’m terrible at taking pics full stop.
Yours look great Raven, I only hate I can’t fab em
I think we all feel jitters I know I certainly do especially after chatting a while. But it’s also exciting to, that first meet feeling. I worry people will hate the way I sound, I get told I sound fine… but I hear my own voice back and I think I sound horrendous. So I worry about that!
Oh god yeah I hate my voice! Another thing to worry about!
I don't like my voice either!!
Jo.Xx "
It’s just the Nottingham accent, it’s just sounds like city talk, with no sort of distinguishing sound. |
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For me , I'm the same on the forums and messages as I am in real life so the personality part isn't an issue.
I take pictures that are flattering,good angles and lighting. Parts of me that I don't like are strategically hidden. Everyone wants to portray the best image of themselves online that's normal but in person you can't hide those things and that's when I start to doubt myself.
I wouldn't say it stops me meeting people but it does make me want to send the most honest pictures that I can because I'd rather be told no in a message than watch the disappointed look on someone's face in person
Em x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm very much a you either like me or you don't type of person, most of us will only upload photos of ourselves from the best angles.
I'm not one to expect anyone to look exactly the same in photos in real life and I'm not vain so wouldn't be dissapointed at all.
I look alright but I'm no model or oil painting and I have plenty of bits I'd like to change about myself but I'm good company and I'm not bad at sex. "
See I'm like that with others, I don't need them to be perfect or look exactly like they do in pics. With myself I'm just a lot harsher! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures, ones that hide the not so good bits. I can look at most of mine and not even recognise myself, so when someone expects what they see, as they would, I panic!
Are there other reasons you doubt yourself?
Does it stop you actually meeting people?
I think I tell people repeatedly that I have stretch marks, cellulite and wobbly bits I just pick my photo angles carefully. I get a bit weird about it pre meet.
What I find hard, there are a lot of guys I’ve matched with on Bumble, Tinder, Feeld etc who have turned me down, ghosted or just not responded to opening conversations. Are on here, in my inbox, proclaiming what a great match we would be, yet me in a vanilla setting with clothes on, they wouldn’t even give me the time of day.
I can relate!
It's the half nakedness that attracts them. "
Exactly. They don’t like me as a person. Just the nekkid bits. |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
I always send a photo of myself as in an everyday photo, regular clothes and makeup prior to meeting. If they’re still ok to meet up then great. But everyone says I look just like my photos anyway so it’s cool. not here to deceive anyone! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have photos on here that don't just show my best angles, mostly in friends only. But they're still the best of the worst. And I've been reuploading ones from the last couple of years (well, some, a couple are new) because right now I hate myself.
I am absolutely certain, whenever someone likes me, that someone sexier and nicer, more accessible, less hard work, will come along and be worth more of their time. So I'm scared.
I'm also convinced that people who meet me will feel catfished. They'll see me from not that ideal angle, without my arm across my stomach to hide the rolls, or the apron, they'll see me from the side fully clothed. And they'll be disgusted like I am whenever I look in the mirror.
I get excited at the idea of meeting someone I've connected with, and also terrified. I've almost cancelled meets every time, because I absolutely know I'm not who they're expecting. I'm twice the size of the substantial woman in the pictures, and half as pretty. I babble crap, and am a proper weirdo.
But there are a couple of very important points that I can never seem to remember when I need to...
1) we have almost certainly been talking for a while. They've had random selfies sent. Sometimes body shots. Ones I haven't had time to scour for the parts that make me want to puke. And they've experienced my random word vomit. They know I'm weird. And they still rock up.
2) I've always been recognised. And always told I look just like or better than my pictures. I've been told that from what I'd said they were expecting someone much bigger than me, more nervous, and I'm not what I see in the mirror, I'm what the camera shows. And some of these people have always known they'll never see me naked in person.
If I could remember that at times other than when writing forum posts, that would be great. But I can't. I hate my body for so many reasons. And I can't see what others see. Not in person.
If you only read one part of my inane babble... make it this... unless you're editing the crap out of your photos... taking bits away and adding bits, those photos are you. They were taken of you. That's what you look like. People know that it's different when there is a living, breathing human and not a picture, but at the core that is you. You could never be a disappointment to someone who has looked closely enough."
I'm just gonna go cry now.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nope. My pictures are posed, but fairly accurate.
My personality is the same online as in person.
Anyone meeting me knows exactly what they’re getting into
Bloody mad, anyone who braves it.
Mrs m
Oh personality wise I'm very much the same, possibly slightly more annoying in real life.
It's just the looks side! "
With yours, as many other posters pictures, it's hard to imagine bad bits in between the good bits, which I suppose is the goal. Short of the risk of being fuck ugly I'm sure most think it's worth a shot!
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"For me , I'm the same on the forums and messages as I am in real life so the personality part isn't an issue."
This is a thing for me. I feel good about meeting people I’ve met here, through the forums. They’ve got to know me - because this is me, I’m an open book here.
It’s the people from the rest of Fab I get nervous about meeting. If all they’re attracted to is my photos they’re probably heading for a big disappointment. Because I’m comfortable in my skin but I’m nothing special, physically. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"I doubt myself with people who have even met me in person already. I'm a sod for comparison in the sense if I know they are with/interested in someone else I will drift away feeling the other person is likely to be way better for them and I wouldn't want to use their time that could be better spent.
I come across as quite confident, especially in messages but in reality I'm hyperventilating inside when in person - I relax though and talk a load of rubbish. I always think people are just to nice to say I'm annoying as hell.
It has and does still often stop me meeting. Deep for a Sunday morning! Isn't self sabotage a wonderful friend
Self sabotage, we are the best of friends!
I've had someone who in his words "adored" me, that was until we actually met I do think online me is a lot better than real me.
Guys who come across as liking me too much, I run away from. I tend to go for guys who don't seem to have a high expectation of me. "
Yeah she's a bitch of a friend that gets around too much!!
The ones that don't have expectations or are just inaccessible and so unlikely to want to meet so you don't get too concerned about actually having to meet |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"I have photos on here that don't just show my best angles, mostly in friends only. But they're still the best of the worst. And I've been reuploading ones from the last couple of years (well, some, a couple are new) because right now I hate myself.
I am absolutely certain, whenever someone likes me, that someone sexier and nicer, more accessible, less hard work, will come along and be worth more of their time. So I'm scared.
I'm also convinced that people who meet me will feel catfished. They'll see me from not that ideal angle, without my arm across my stomach to hide the rolls, or the apron, they'll see me from the side fully clothed. And they'll be disgusted like I am whenever I look in the mirror.
I get excited at the idea of meeting someone I've connected with, and also terrified. I've almost cancelled meets every time, because I absolutely know I'm not who they're expecting. I'm twice the size of the substantial woman in the pictures, and half as pretty. I babble crap, and am a proper weirdo.
But there are a couple of very important points that I can never seem to remember when I need to...
1) we have almost certainly been talking for a while. They've had random selfies sent. Sometimes body shots. Ones I haven't had time to scour for the parts that make me want to puke. And they've experienced my random word vomit. They know I'm weird. And they still rock up.
2) I've always been recognised. And always told I look just like or better than my pictures. I've been told that from what I'd said they were expecting someone much bigger than me, more nervous, and I'm not what I see in the mirror, I'm what the camera shows. And some of these people have always known they'll never see me naked in person.
If I could remember that at times other than when writing forum posts, that would be great. But I can't. I hate my body for so many reasons. And I can't see what others see. Not in person.
If you only read one part of my inane babble... make it this... unless you're editing the crap out of your photos... taking bits away and adding bits, those photos are you. They were taken of you. That's what you look like. People know that it's different when there is a living, breathing human and not a picture, but at the core that is you. You could never be a disappointment to someone who has looked closely enough."
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
"A bit maybe but everyone knows most people post their best pics. I’ve met hundreds of people on here over time (socially) and the only thing people have been surprised at was my height and my voice for some reason. Even though my height is correct on the profile!
People always ask me if I'm actually that tall! It's amazing we know our own height. "
I had this several times on a dating site when they met me, saying things like, "oh, so you are as tall as your profile says you are". When queried, they replied with "men lie" |
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"I'm very much a you either like me or you don't type of person, most of us will only upload photos of ourselves from the best angles.
I'm not one to expect anyone to look exactly the same in photos in real life and I'm not vain so wouldn't be dissapointed at all.
I look alright but I'm no model or oil painting and I have plenty of bits I'd like to change about myself but I'm good company and I'm not bad at sex.
See I'm like that with others, I don't need them to be perfect or look exactly like they do in pics. With myself I'm just a lot harsher! "
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly 
I don't think you should worry about people being dissapointed as they're lucky to get to meet you at the end of the day  |
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"I try to send as normal pic as possible we all have our favourite angles, plus I’m terrible at taking pics full stop.
Yours look great Raven, I only hate I can’t fab em
I think we all feel jitters I know I certainly do especially after chatting a while. But it’s also exciting to, that first meet feeling. I worry people will hate the way I sound, I get told I sound fine… but I hear my own voice back and I think I sound horrendous. So I worry about that! "
Your pictures are awesome! Always happy to fab 'em. 
As for voice, as humans we are programmed not to like our own voice, so if we listen to our voicemail messages etc, we hate what we hear. That's because our voices are made to attract attention in others. I absolutely hate my own voice, don't like hearing my accent, but accept that it just sound ok to others. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
"
I have. |
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have."
Then they weren't worth your time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time "
Except they really were!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think like this far too often. I get really nervous about meeting anyone from here incase the image they have in their head of me doesn’t meet the reality. I doubt myself too much about everything. |
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
"
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off "
Because they were honest? You either like someone or you don't, I wouldn't tell someone to fuck off just because I wasn't their type. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off "
This is assuming you got the chance
I "met" one guy who saw me coming down the path
By the time I had unlocked the entrance gate, he'd got back in his van and driven off |
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off
Because they were honest? You either like someone or you don't, I wouldn't tell someone to fuck off just because I wasn't their type. "
You can be honest without telling someone you're dissapointed
I see that as them being rude not honest, there's a nice way to go about things and not give people a issue in the future which it seems them saying it did affect you going by what you said |
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I have had things breakdown a few times now. When women have have expressed concerns about not being enough for me. It's usually based around how they feel about themselves - physical attractiveness. I do get it - wish I had a magic wand sometimes.
I don't really have expectations. I don't think I can really know till I meet someone and even then it's never going to be definitive. If we are into each other and the sex is amazing - will it be next time?
I look at it like: if you don't find me attractive there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't find me attractive. That's nasty.
As stunning as you look in your pics, I can't tell if I would be attracted to you without meeting you, I can't with anyone.
What I can say is if the 'chemistry' was there. You'd probably drive me wild. My only doubt is the hula hoops thing. I think you could have me wrapped around your finger. |
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"Because they were honest? You either like someone or you don't, I wouldn't tell someone to fuck off just because I wasn't their type. "
I’ve had *amazing* nights out with women who just straight up said ‘Turns out I don’t fancy you. This isn’t going anywhere romantic. Shall we get another drink in?” |
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off
This is assuming you got the chance
I "met" one guy who saw me coming down the path
By the time I had unlocked the entrance gate, he'd got back in his van and driven off "
Maybe he suddenly got a iffy stomach and didn't want to ruin your toilet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As long as you live up to your own expectations, fuck the rest!
"
I also doubt myself more often than not, I don't think I'm worth anything and that everything I have is just luck.
As to stop meeting on here nah I like the banter and meeting 'like minded' people |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off
Because they were honest? You either like someone or you don't, I wouldn't tell someone to fuck off just because I wasn't their type.
You can be honest without telling someone you're dissapointed
I see that as them being rude not honest, there's a nice way to go about things and not give people a issue in the future which it seems them saying it did affect you going by what you said "
Well no they didn't say it in a horrible way. But at the end of the day they still were. That's the bit that hurts! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't like photos of me and I tend to forget what I look like (my dog apparently).
I do sent face pics to those I message and I am always pleasantly surprised that people are happy to chat and meet.
Somewhat shocked that people would be rude to a Fabster that they had arranged to meet, unless they really had been catfish. But even then, I would enjoy the social side and at the end of it say how pleasant it was to meet in person having chatted on line. But then I like chatting, find people interesting and have no expectation of jumping in to bed with anyone and everyone.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think like this far too often. I get really nervous about meeting anyone from here incase the image they have in their head of me doesn’t meet the reality. I doubt myself too much about everything. "
I'm terrible for looking at who they've met before and if I don't measure up I'm like hell no!
I did this with a guy end of last year, he'd met some truly stunning women and I turned him down so many times purely based on that. |
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"
I've never had anyone meet me and be dissapointed with how I look, I look pretty much as I do in my photos but not b&w and I have to tense to show my abs off properly
I have.
Then they weren't worth your time
Except they really were!
You think they deserved your time after telling you they were dissapointed?
I'd be telling them to fuck off
Because they were honest? You either like someone or you don't, I wouldn't tell someone to fuck off just because I wasn't their type.
You can be honest without telling someone you're dissapointed
I see that as them being rude not honest, there's a nice way to go about things and not give people a issue in the future which it seems them saying it did affect you going by what you said
Well no they didn't say it in a horrible way. But at the end of the day they still were. That's the bit that hurts! "
I thought they actually told you they were dissapointed and that's why my reply would be what I said.
Sometimes the attraction just isn't there in person, maybe I've just been really lucky with meets and dates. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have had things breakdown a few times now. When women have have expressed concerns about not being enough for me. It's usually based around how they feel about themselves - physical attractiveness. I do get it - wish I had a magic wand sometimes.
I don't really have expectations. I don't think I can really know till I meet someone and even then it's never going to be definitive. If we are into each other and the sex is amazing - will it be next time?
I look at it like: if you don't find me attractive there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't find me attractive. That's nasty.
As stunning as you look in your pics, I can't tell if I would be attracted to you without meeting you, I can't with anyone.
What I can say is if the 'chemistry' was there. You'd probably drive me wild. My only doubt is the hula hoops thing. I think you could have me wrapped around your finger."
Don't diss my Hula hoops. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think like this far too often. I get really nervous about meeting anyone from here incase the image they have in their head of me doesn’t meet the reality. I doubt myself too much about everything.
I'm terrible for looking at who they've met before and if I don't measure up I'm like hell no!
I did this with a guy end of last year, he'd met some truly stunning women and I turned him down so many times purely based on that. "
Why compare yourself to someone else? They're probably miserable as fuck and you're all sunshine and rainbows |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think like this far too often. I get really nervous about meeting anyone from here incase the image they have in their head of me doesn’t meet the reality. I doubt myself too much about everything.
I'm terrible for looking at who they've met before and if I don't measure up I'm like hell no!
I did this with a guy end of last year, he'd met some truly stunning women and I turned him down so many times purely based on that.
Why compare yourself to someone else? They're probably miserable as fuck and you're all sunshine and rainbows "
I am aren't I? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you think if I really enjoy talking to a guy and arrange a meet, that you’ll be opening yourself up to feeling hurt if there’s no connection?
I feel that way… but there’s something I like getting to know someone before a meet. Just chatting about life, loves and idea.
Having been chatting to you in and off a year at least, seeing your posts and comebacks on here I can’t think any normal guy would or could be disappointed,
And like it’s been said if they make you feel bad about yourself in anyway they really aren’t worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think like this far too often. I get really nervous about meeting anyone from here incase the image they have in their head of me doesn’t meet the reality. I doubt myself too much about everything.
I'm terrible for looking at who they've met before and if I don't measure up I'm like hell no!
I did this with a guy end of last year, he'd met some truly stunning women and I turned him down so many times purely based on that.
Why compare yourself to someone else? They're probably miserable as fuck and you're all sunshine and rainbows
I am aren't I?"
Like a majestic unicorn riding in clouds of cotton candy
Ergh, fuck Me I feel like my balls shrank 3 sizes writing that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave up giving a shit what other people that I don't know think about me years ago, I suppose there's got to be some advantages to getting older and wiser.
You can tell if I like someone because I will consider their opinions before my own and I'm in love when I'll argue your point vehemently.
When it comes to expectations turn them inwards - how can you expect someone else to like you until you start the process of liking yourself? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I gave up giving a shit what other people that I don't know think about me years ago, I suppose there's got to be some advantages to getting older and wiser.
You can tell if I like someone because I will consider their opinions before my own and I'm in love when I'll argue your point vehemently.
When it comes to expectations turn them inwards - how can you expect someone else to like you until you start the process of liking yourself?"
This is where the struggle begins. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Don't diss my Hula hoops.
Where do hula hoops come in?
I'm not saying."
A mate proposed to his girl friend (when d*unk) and did not have a ring, so a hula hoop was used then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
When it comes to expectations turn them inwards - how can you expect someone else to like you until you start the process of liking yourself?"
Yeesh, don't ask the difficult questions! |
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"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
"
Most people don't live up to their own ideals, so the assume that they won't meet other people's either.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I gave up giving a shit what other people that I don't know think about me years ago, I suppose there's got to be some advantages to getting older and wiser.
You can tell if I like someone because I will consider their opinions before my own and I'm in love when I'll argue your point vehemently.
When it comes to expectations turn them inwards - how can you expect someone else to like you until you start the process of liking yourself?
This is where the struggle begins. "
It is but there's wisdom in Mr Armstrong's iconic quote "one small step" and it's definitely a mission in itself getting to that point but you have the key to the rocket in your own hand.
I'll just leave that condescending bollox there for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love yourself for seeing the struggle and planning to overcome it, love yourself for the baby steps you take every day, high expectations of yourself is natural and good as it means everyone should be in the same boat trying to be the best version, also you are all lovely ….. there I said it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I spend my entire life worrying that people will be disappointed by me.
At work it's imposter syndrome, even more now I'm in a completely different environment.
As a mother I constantly think I'm not doing a good enough job.
When it comes to meeting people I'm always so nervous. I can fake confidence but I'm very often crumbling inside with self doubt.
Even after I've met someone socially, when it gets to the point things are going further it gets worse. Somehow I seem to believe my clothes hide my horrible mum/cake body and that they will absolutely be disappointed by my wobbly bits and all the bits I actually hate of myself.
I also think it's really telling that I did so badly on 'normal' dating sites showing my face. It left me feeling even worse about myself for a while.
In the past it's held me back in so many ways.
It takes a lot to push past it but I make myself.
I think knowing we all have these insecurities helps and understanding that we don't think less of others in the way we do ourselves, so why would others judge us as harshly?
Sometimes though that logic can be hard to find.
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I'm very well aware that I won't live up to a lot of people's expectations. Not because I believe I fall short but because their expectations are wildly unrealistic. 'older women know what they want and how to get it/are really experienced/' is just one oft quoted statement as an example |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It has done in the past but I'm much more secure these days. We aren't actually doubting ourselves for us, we are doing it on the expectations of others and that shit has to stop. I am who I am, my bodies not perfect, I don't exactly get giddy of what I see in the mirror but I'm okay with that and if I'm meeting the right people, they will be okay with the flaws too. |
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"I have had things breakdown a few times now. When women have have expressed concerns about not being enough for me. It's usually based around how they feel about themselves - physical attractiveness. I do get it - wish I had a magic wand sometimes.
I don't really have expectations. I don't think I can really know till I meet someone and even then it's never going to be definitive. If we are into each other and the sex is amazing - will it be next time?
I look at it like: if you don't find me attractive there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't find me attractive. That's nasty.
As stunning as you look in your pics, I can't tell if I would be attracted to you without meeting you, I can't with anyone.
What I can say is if the 'chemistry' was there. You'd probably drive me wild. My only doubt is the hula hoops thing. I think you could have me wrapped around your finger.
Don't diss my Hula hoops. "
I can't help it, I'm tormented with jealousy. I want to be your hula hoop. |
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We never alter our bodies at all as we don’t want the look of shock when they look at pics to real us
We like to make sure our pics look good but the reality is, we aren’t dressed like that 90% of the time
But we’ll make an effort when we meet and also wear sexy underwear so we aren’t cat fishing anyone.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures, ones that hide the not so good bits. I can look at most of mine and not even recognise myself, so when someone expects what they see, as they would, I panic!
Are there other reasons you doubt yourself?
Does it stop you actually meeting people?"
There are lots of reasons I doubt myself and if I'll live up to people's expectations.
One being my pictures leave people thinking I'm some hot chick but most haven't even seen my face. What if I'm a real paper bag job? I'll be OK to some and not to others. That'll result in either a block or no reply or a pleasant message back. But I hate that part. Like anyone else I fear the rejection or the thought that I'm not attractive. It never feels nice no matter how much you accept your not everyone's cup of tea.
Other reasons would include hitting hot pics and how people treat you after that. Messages from guys that will tell me I wouldn't even consider them because of my hot pic status at the time. It's actually pretty crap being accused of that because they're saying I'm shallow without knowing me. They will put you on a pedestal and think they know your personality when in actual fact I'm quite plain and boring in comparison. Sorry!
Comments made by people I've met saying I should have dressed up more for a social. I don't want to go looking like a sex worker, but jesus how should I dress to please in a coffee shop scenario?! But it left me conscious of what I did wear. Now that's a thought in my head each time. Thanks twats!
I came to fab with little confidence, and thought I'd get no where. I've been surprised to say the least but that not confident woman still resides in my skin no matter what. She's never left. I'll shake with nerves at a social still. I'll worry about what I'm wearing, I'll worry they'll think I'm plain boring and a total waste of time, I'll worry that I'll bore the hell out them.
It's only natural to be like that isn't it?
Then there's the negativity some have displayed towards me. Where I feel they really have got the wrong idea of me. But fuck them, they can carry on. Though it does leave you wondering what you did to give that impression to them and I'll doubt myself.
There are other reasons I am conscious of myself. I'm not going to go into them because I can't. But they have left their scars. Some people really don't realise what they say to you on here. Wish I could explain that one!
I doubt myself because people are judgy and utter twats. And I lack the confidence to not let it affect me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nobody seems to be interested in me on here so yeah I’m full of doubt. Despite my best efforts, I am seemingly ineffective on here. Pretty sure I’m probably invisible for a good reason that I’m missing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures,….."
Where? |
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I doubt myself all the time. That's partly why I have socials first. I don't want anyone to feel obliged. Also I always expect the guy to be disappointed when meeting me and so I never expect a kiss or anything. I'm always surprised when that happens. I currently hate my body so much I don't believe anyone can like it, let alone be turned on by it. |
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With an absolute intention, I wrote my profile to be as off putting as it could be.
To avoid this kind of thing, that I can’t live up to someone’s expectations.
In fact I think I am a decent person who is a very good company to be around but i think it’s a kind of a guard we all put up. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Other reasons would include hitting hot pics and how people treat you after that. Messages from guys that will tell me I wouldn't even consider them because of my hot pic status at the time. It's actually pretty crap being accused of that because they're saying I'm shallow without knowing me. They will put you on a pedestal and think they know your personality when in actual fact I'm quite plain and boring in comparison. Sorry!
Comments made by people I've met saying I should have dressed up more for a social. I don't want to go looking like a sex worker, but jesus how should I dress to please in a coffee shop scenario?! But it left me conscious of what I did wear. Now that's a thought in my head each time. Thanks twats!
I came to fab with little confidence, and thought I'd get no where. I've been surprised to say the least but that not confident woman still resides in my skin no matter what. She's never left. I'll shake with nerves at a social still. I'll worry about what I'm wearing, I'll worry they'll think I'm plain boring and a total waste of time, I'll worry that I'll bore the hell out them.
It's only natural to be like that isn't it?
Then there's the negativity some have displayed towards me. Where I feel they really have got the wrong idea of me. But fuck them, they can carry on. Though it does leave you wondering what you did to give that impression to them and I'll doubt myself.
There are other reasons I am conscious of myself. I'm not going to go into them because I can't. But they have left their scars. Some people really don't realise what they say to you on here. Wish I could explain that one!
I doubt myself because people are judgy and utter twats. And I lack the confidence to not let it affect me.
"
This is part of the reason I take fabs off my pictures. I don't know if people like them or not and I'm happier with that!! Plus it seems to annoy some guys, silver lining and all.
The dressing part I've had, I'm a very casual person and just don't dress up. I joked with one guy I was gonna turn up in a hoody and he said if I did he'd just get up and leave!
Things that happen, things that people say, throw away comments, they stay with you.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We never alter our bodies at all as we don’t want the look of shock when they look at pics to real us
We like to make sure our pics look good but the reality is, we aren’t dressed like that 90% of the time
But we’ll make an effort when we meet and also wear sexy underwear so we aren’t cat fishing anyone.
K"
I don't alter my pictures but I do know my good angles and I know how to hide certain parts! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures,…..
Where? "
Ouch. |
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"Nobody seems to be interested in me on here so yeah I’m full of doubt. Despite my best efforts, I am seemingly ineffective on here. Pretty sure I’m probably invisible for a good reason that I’m missing. "
You’re right here joining in. So you’re not invisible. Keep at it. |
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"
Other reasons would include hitting hot pics and how people treat you after that. Messages from guys that will tell me I wouldn't even consider them because of my hot pic status at the time. It's actually pretty crap being accused of that because they're saying I'm shallow without knowing me. They will put you on a pedestal and think they know your personality when in actual fact I'm quite plain and boring in comparison. Sorry!
Comments made by people I've met saying I should have dressed up more for a social. I don't want to go looking like a sex worker, but jesus how should I dress to please in a coffee shop scenario?! But it left me conscious of what I did wear. Now that's a thought in my head each time. Thanks twats!
I came to fab with little confidence, and thought I'd get no where. I've been surprised to say the least but that not confident woman still resides in my skin no matter what. She's never left. I'll shake with nerves at a social still. I'll worry about what I'm wearing, I'll worry they'll think I'm plain boring and a total waste of time, I'll worry that I'll bore the hell out them.
It's only natural to be like that isn't it?
Then there's the negativity some have displayed towards me. Where I feel they really have got the wrong idea of me. But fuck them, they can carry on. Though it does leave you wondering what you did to give that impression to them and I'll doubt myself.
There are other reasons I am conscious of myself. I'm not going to go into them because I can't. But they have left their scars. Some people really don't realise what they say to you on here. Wish I could explain that one!
I doubt myself because people are judgy and utter twats. And I lack the confidence to not let it affect me.
This is part of the reason I take fabs off my pictures. I don't know if people like them or not and I'm happier with that!! Plus it seems to annoy some guys, silver lining and all.
The dressing part I've had, I'm a very casual person and just don't dress up. I joked with one guy I was gonna turn up in a hoody and he said if I did he'd just get up and leave!
Things that happen, things that people say, throw away comments, they stay with you.
"
I don't really care what people wear when I meet them, just wear what you feel comfortable in I say if they ask me how they should dress |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nobody seems to be interested in me on here so yeah I’m full of doubt. Despite my best efforts, I am seemingly ineffective on here. Pretty sure I’m probably invisible for a good reason that I’m missing. "
You are not invisible, I get how it can feel that way sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I doubt myself all the time. That's partly why I have socials first. I don't want anyone to feel obliged. Also I always expect the guy to be disappointed when meeting me and so I never expect a kiss or anything. I'm always surprised when that happens. I currently hate my body so much I don't believe anyone can like it, let alone be turned on by it. "
I can see why guys would like you!
Are women ever fully happy with how they look? |
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Others ppls expectations of me, are just that there expectations, the only expectations that are important are the ones I carry about myself. I.e how I conduct myself am I being true to that then if so nothing to worry about |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
It's all smoke and mirrors when it comes to online. Nobody is perfect, expect the imperfections. Even if their pics are the most jaw dropping of "attractive" appearance, it's a high chance it's a good angle.
If I'm attracted to somebody's pics, I still assume it's a good angle. We go by what we are presented with, we then choose to expect it as truth of perfection or expect a deviation somewhat.
It is no different to make up, a tan in some cases, clothing we wear, even glasses/sunglasses can be ways to throw off our actual true appearance. All used to hide imperfections.
Expect that as the truth, and we can worry less about ourselves and others. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"My voice is very nice (small mercies). My belly on the other hand is enough to put anyone off. 
I reckon most females hate their stomach!!
"
I guarantee you that all the guys on here without a six pack suck it in like they're in a ' who can hold their breath the longest wins a free blowie from Margot Robbie' contest.
As do the guys with 6 packs.
Torso pics are probably as cleverly angled on most male profiles as cock shots.
And I speak as someone very aware he just ground another three pairs of trousers he can no longer fit in this weekend. 
Damn you donuts. Damn you all to hell...... 
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"…..
Are there other reasons you doubt yourself?
Does it stop you actually meeting people?"
Yes, others have said, ‘being out of someone’s league’, and I do look at a lot of people and think they’d never be into a guy like me.
There’s also the fact I may have projected my emotional issues on here from my ex-marriage, and nobody needs that do they!
And then there’s the expectations, yes, I enjoy sex, but when I here and listen (and even see) to something’s, is it possible to be the person they expect to find in here.
Just my thoughts.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No not that one.
A lot of people think they won't live up to someone else's expectations on here, why is that?
I get this, completely, but I only have myself to blame. As I'm sure most people do I upload flattering pictures,…..
Where?
Ouch. "
 |
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"I doubt myself all the time. That's partly why I have socials first. I don't want anyone to feel obliged. Also I always expect the guy to be disappointed when meeting me and so I never expect a kiss or anything. I'm always surprised when that happens. I currently hate my body so much I don't believe anyone can like it, let alone be turned on by it.
I can see why guys would like you!
Are women ever fully happy with how they look?"
I don't think we are and that's why I'm annoyed. I used to be really slim and put in my head that I was fat then. As someone else said, comments made but also some terrible experiences, one in particular when I was a teenager. Really shapes you. I spent years hiding my body and wearing baggy clothes. I still feel very uncomfortable wearing clothes that are too revealing, even if it's just my cleavage.
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging. |
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" I still feel very uncomfortable wearing clothes that are too revealing, even if it's just my cleavage.
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging."
So don't wear those kind of clothes. Wear what makes you comfortable |
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" I still feel very uncomfortable wearing clothes that are too revealing, even if it's just my cleavage.
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
So don't wear those kind of clothes. Wear what makes you comfortable "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wish that all of us could take on board what comes up in a thread like this. I'm trying to. It doesn't last very long though before the insecurity comes back again, does it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging."
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
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"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
"
I know but I also think that if we are that way it's because we were told that women are never happy with their body etc. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
"
We are, but that is often amplified and encouraged by the way we are treated by other people. Our experiences and influences we are exposed to. It's a lot harder to accept yourself when there is no support, or the support you do get is superficial, minimal, or simply bullshit. |
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"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
We are, but that is often amplified and encouraged by the way we are treated by other people. Our experiences and influences we are exposed to. It's a lot harder to accept yourself when there is no support, or the support you do get is superficial, minimal, or simply bullshit. "
It doesn't matter the level of support we get or do have. I have a great support network around me, if I don't like myself on an internal level, it'll never matter what they tell me about myself, as I will simply not believe ut, as I don't believe it about myself. There's a saying " if we don't go within we go without" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
We are, but that is often amplified and encouraged by the way we are treated by other people. Our experiences and influences we are exposed to. It's a lot harder to accept yourself when there is no support, or the support you do get is superficial, minimal, or simply bullshit.
It doesn't matter the level of support we get or do have. I have a great support network around me, if I don't like myself on an internal level, it'll never matter what they tell me about myself, as I will simply not believe ut, as I don't believe it about myself. There's a saying " if we don't go within we go without" "
What positive things people say to me now doesn't even register with me. So yeah I agree you need to believe it yourself first. But also what negative things people have said or have done in the past, stays with me everyday.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
We are, but that is often amplified and encouraged by the way we are treated by other people. Our experiences and influences we are exposed to. It's a lot harder to accept yourself when there is no support, or the support you do get is superficial, minimal, or simply bullshit.
It doesn't matter the level of support we get or do have. I have a great support network around me, if I don't like myself on an internal level, it'll never matter what they tell me about myself, as I will simply not believe ut, as I don't believe it about myself. There's a saying " if we don't go within we go without" "
Yes, but positive and negative reinforcement are very strong forces, and have a huge impact upon how we feel about ourselves. Especially negative reinforcement.
Often taking place without us even realising it.
Its much harder to get out of that pit of self loathing without the correct support.
Support, lack of, and both kinds of reinforcement come from much more than just close friends. Advertising, social media, pop culture etc all play their part in influencing us with positive and negative reinforcement. |
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By *aliskerWoman
over a year ago
Ayrshire |
I always send an honest photo of myself and I’m not even wearing makeup in it. Not because I’m confident in my looks, I’m absolutely not! But the pic is one of very few where my smile is completely genuine. The background is the Bangkok skyline, which I hope also says something about me.
Sometimes I follow it up with one where my makeup and hair is professionally done, pointing out that I scrub up ok lol.
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"
We need to stop all the superficial culture crap as it's really damaging.
We do, but I do think a lot of it is self inflicted. I can look at so many women on here and think how sexy/beautiful they are but I could never look at myself that way.
We're our own worst critic.
We are, but that is often amplified and encouraged by the way we are treated by other people. Our experiences and influences we are exposed to. It's a lot harder to accept yourself when there is no support, or the support you do get is superficial, minimal, or simply bullshit.
It doesn't matter the level of support we get or do have. I have a great support network around me, if I don't like myself on an internal level, it'll never matter what they tell me about myself, as I will simply not believe ut, as I don't believe it about myself. There's a saying " if we don't go within we go without" "
There's a significant level of truth to this statement, I think.
Some people need support to achieve that kind of congruence, though. Simply telling someone isn't enough.
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