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Jokes :)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."

The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."

"Hmmm," said the ladies, "But I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."

"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting."

But there was another floor so further up they went.

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."

"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f*cking impossible to please.

The exit is to your left; we hope you fall down the stairs."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. As our passion began to heat up she said, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?! What was that?!" She said, "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The next day I took off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her as she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to go with her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the j3welry counter where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. She was so excited. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet. I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No baby, I don't feel like it." Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

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By *anda man.Man over a year ago

Stockport

Bloke walks into a bar and see's a Gorilla sat there will a pint..

"What the fucks going on here?' he asks the barman..."He's here for my pleasure"came the reply.....'"How the fuck can a Gorilla be if any use?"..." Watch this" says the barman...he comes from behind the bar,takes his cock out then hits the Gorilla in the back of its head with a baseball bat...the Gorilla kneels down and sucks the barman off..

"How's that for knowing who's boss? Do you fancy a try?"

"Yeh! I'm game,but don't hit me that hard with the fucking bat"

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By *anda man.Man over a year ago

Stockport

I put a porno in the dvd and sat down to watch it..just a picture of a fat guy with his knob in his hand...then i realised i hadn't turned the tele on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How many mexicans does it take to change a light bulb ???

Just Juan

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i met a girl at a party last night,i said..you remind me of my little toe..she said what small and petite..NO,i will probably bang you later on the table when im pissed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dear Deirdre,

A new neighbour recently moved in, she is 18, with gorgeous brunette hair, a sexy smile and a lovely tanned body. One day I was in the bathroom when I noticed her stripping off in the back garden to sunbathe, I stood on the bath to get a better look and as I was knocking one out I heard a noise behind me...My wife was stood there, with her arms folded just staring at me and I don't know how long she was there.

Is she a perv?

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