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Mate’s wife
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear? |
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
Aside from the unfortunate body shaming comment, I guess it’s up to you. It depends on whether it will affect your friendship with him and how much that matters to you (and him). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
How do you know she'll go for you? Has there been a conversation about it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.  "
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward |
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She probably waited until after they split to get in shape because she has more spare time to look after herself. It’s easier to make changes.
Or maybe she has a new partner who is into his/her fitness and she has got involved, and you just don’t know about them.
Maybe ask your friend if he minds, the rest of us don’t really care. |
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"Don't be a cunt
Whoa. Bit extreme?"
It was a tad bit of sacasm in there too, to me it shows he had intentions when they were together but hey ho, is it really worth losing a close friend over, because everything comes out in the wash lol nevermind. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward "
Oh but you do get it or you wouldn't ask for public opinion and you'd just ask her if she's interested without worrying about what your friend thinks |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward "
Well if I were you I'd speak to her and see how she feels. If you decide to see each other she can mention it to him or you can. If he has an adverse reaction maybe one of you could remind him that they're no longer together. |
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For me just have that chat with him and her she may not even be interested if they're split and being with her doesn't affect friendship and vice versa all good. Obviously if he kicks off have a think |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward
Oh but you do get it or you wouldn't ask for public opinion and you'd just ask her if she's interested without worrying about what your friend thinks "
Wasn’t me who said “I don’t get it” |
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
Would you be still interested if she didn’t “got herself in great shape”? |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all. "
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward
Oh but you do get it or you wouldn't ask for public opinion and you'd just ask her if she's interested without worrying about what your friend thinks
Wasn’t me who said “I don’t get it”"
I thought you agreed it shouldn't be a issue, just talk to your friend first and see what he thinks.
You really got to think about friends first I think at the end of the day. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it."
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter? |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward
Oh but you do get it or you wouldn't ask for public opinion and you'd just ask her if she's interested without worrying about what your friend thinks
Wasn’t me who said “I don’t get it”
I thought you agreed it shouldn't be a issue, just talk to your friend first and see what he thinks.
You really got to think about friends first I think at the end of the day. "
See that's what I don't understand, genuinely. Why would he talk to his friend before he talked to her? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
What you do relationship-wise is entirely up to you, if you think she'd be interested I don't see why not.
But your comment about getting shape? I'll share something of my personal experience with you that might help you get a bit of perspective - when you are in a miserable relationship, being manipulated and controlled the way I was by my ex, for example, your self esteem is non- existent...And you've been told so often that you're fat and shit, and that no one else will want you so often that you believe it, and that's what you think of yourself. Then eventually you get out of that relationship situation, and with the right support you start finding your confidence and self esteem again- and that's when the transformation happens. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol
Mrs |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward
Oh but you do get it or you wouldn't ask for public opinion and you'd just ask her if she's interested without worrying about what your friend thinks
Wasn’t me who said “I don’t get it”
I thought you agreed it shouldn't be a issue, just talk to your friend first and see what he thinks.
You really got to think about friends first I think at the end of the day.
See that's what I don't understand, genuinely. Why would he talk to his friend before he talked to her?"
I feel he's scared of repercussions, also you have the body ideology in there as well but who are we to judge?  |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?"
I don’t disagree at all, but his friend may think “Hey, we’re lifelong friends and you could go out with any woman on the planet. And yet you pick my ex?!”
Appreciate in this circumstance they separated amicably, but for some it may keep reminders of a failed relationship in full view.
I honestly don’t care either way |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
Yeah I agree it shouldn’t be an issue but some people can have unexpected reactions which could make things awkward
Oh but you do get it or you wouldn't ask for public opinion and you'd just ask her if she's interested without worrying about what your friend thinks
Wasn’t me who said “I don’t get it”
I thought you agreed it shouldn't be a issue, just talk to your friend first and see what he thinks.
You really got to think about friends first I think at the end of the day.
See that's what I don't understand, genuinely. Why would he talk to his friend before he talked to her?
I feel he's scared of repercussions, also you have the body ideology in there as well but who are we to judge? "
Rightly wary by the sound of it. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?"
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same. |
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?
What you do relationship-wise is entirely up to you, if you think she'd be interested I don't see why not.
But your comment about getting shape? I'll share something of my personal experience with you that might help you get a bit of perspective - when you are in a miserable relationship, being manipulated and controlled the way I was by my ex, for example, your self esteem is non- existent...And you've been told so often that you're fat and shit, and that no one else will want you so often that you believe it, and that's what you think of yourself. Then eventually you get out of that relationship situation, and with the right support you start finding your confidence and self esteem again- and that's when the transformation happens. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol
Mrs"
Hey, Mrs. Good for you! Good for you breaking that cycle. Good for you in finding someone else who sees you for what you’re worth. Good for you owning it on a swingers site!
Winning!  |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
I don’t disagree at all, but his friend may think “Hey, we’re lifelong friends and you could go out with any woman on the planet. And yet you pick my ex?!”
Appreciate in this circumstance they separated amicably, but for some it may keep reminders of a failed relationship in full view.
I honestly don’t care either way "
Nor I but it's Sunday afternoon, I've just eaten a very large slice of chocolate cake with three cups of coffee and I enjoy a discussion about these things. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same. "
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
I don’t disagree at all, but his friend may think “Hey, we’re lifelong friends and you could go out with any woman on the planet. And yet you pick my ex?!”
Appreciate in this circumstance they separated amicably, but for some it may keep reminders of a failed relationship in full view.
I honestly don’t care either way
Nor I but it's Sunday afternoon, I've just eaten a very large slice of chocolate cake with three cups of coffee and I enjoy a discussion about these things. "
Right, now I’m very angry because I’ve had no chocolate cake today!! 
OP - I wonder if you could expand on your initial post with some detail that answers some of the things we’ve raised above? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's entirely her choice she may not be interested. OP you will just have to deal with a potential negative reaction from your mate.
Couple I know spilt ... both friends of mine ... he made a pass at me I politely told him to find someone new he didn't know as I was not interested in him.
I did however booty call a friend of my ex's once when d*unk and yes he did come over to service me as he'd fallen out with my ex over the way my ex treated me. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same.
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too"
I'm pretty sure he's not with one of her friends or the whole thread would be pointless |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
I don’t disagree at all, but his friend may think “Hey, we’re lifelong friends and you could go out with any woman on the planet. And yet you pick my ex?!”
Appreciate in this circumstance they separated amicably, but for some it may keep reminders of a failed relationship in full view.
I honestly don’t care either way
Nor I but it's Sunday afternoon, I've just eaten a very large slice of chocolate cake with three cups of coffee and I enjoy a discussion about these things.
Right, now I’m very angry because I’ve had no chocolate cake today!!
OP - I wonder if you could expand on your initial post with some detail that answers some of the things we’ve raised above?"
Oh dear sorry. This is a huge tray bake, enough for probably ten more servings. Such a shame you're not closer  |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same.
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too
I'm pretty sure he's not with one of her friends or the whole thread would be pointless "
I doubt he is.
I think we clearly disagree on this which is fine . |
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I’ve been the woman in this position and knocked back quite a few of my exs friends after we’d split. Do you know (or at least have a good idea) that she’d even be open to it? Personally, I would never consider going out with an exs friend out of respect for my ex. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same.
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too
I'm pretty sure he's not with one of her friends or the whole thread would be pointless
I doubt he is.
I think we clearly disagree on this which is fine . "
Yeah, it's the sort of thing that has devided opinion. Like is dark or milk chocolate cake better and the answer is obviously milk chocolate |
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
Wow! Body shaming is alive and well here. |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same.
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too
I'm pretty sure he's not with one of her friends or the whole thread would be pointless
I doubt he is.
I think we clearly disagree on this which is fine .
Yeah, it's the sort of thing that has devided opinion. Like is dark or milk chocolate cake better and the answer is obviously milk chocolate "
Divided, I can't let that sit  |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same.
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too
I'm pretty sure he's not with one of her friends or the whole thread would be pointless
I doubt he is.
I think we clearly disagree on this which is fine .
Yeah, it's the sort of thing that has devided opinion. Like is dark or milk chocolate cake better and the answer is obviously milk chocolate "
Steady! I can cope with you disagreeing with me on this issue but not on cake choice. |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
Depends how close you are with your mate?
Myself I wouldn’t, surely there are plenty more fit birds to chose from ayy  . It’ll just look like you been a wolf in sheep’s clothing eyeing up his Mrs all these previous years |
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"Why wouldn't it be safe?. Her ex doesn't own her or have any influence over who she sees. He doesn't have any say over who you see either.
I really don't get this at all.
I suspect he means is he likely to lose his friendship with his mate, as opposed to whether the mate will ‘allow’ it. I may be wrong - just my reading of it.
You could well be right. I feel though that if a man who has separated from a woman will cut a friend out if he starts seeing that woman then he's got skewed ideas of friendship (the same applies if genders are reversed) and there is an element of control there. The 'bro code' was mentioned earlier whatever that is, that implies to me that there are unwritten rules around this.
Obviously it's not ideal and really awkward sometimes but blimey, does it really matter?
Friends usually don't go with who their friends have been with if was a serious relationship, which I'd say as they got married it was.
It's just a case of if you care about how other people will feel about it and how it may affect them emotionally if they see you with them.
I'm very much about thinking about how my actions might impact others and seems like OP is the same.
Good for him.
I expect his friend is very worried about how him seeing someone else is impacting his ex and will be happy if she starts seeing someone too
I'm pretty sure he's not with one of her friends or the whole thread would be pointless
I doubt he is.
I think we clearly disagree on this which is fine .
Yeah, it's the sort of thing that has devided opinion. Like is dark or milk chocolate cake better and the answer is obviously milk chocolate
Steady! I can cope with you disagreeing with me on this issue but not on cake choice. "
I'm not saying I don't eat dark chocolate cake, it's chocolate cake after all  |
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
I (D,male), agree with most of the sentiment in this thread, as in, don't go there, it'll never end well, but also wanted to add that the stories and fantasies section is further down the main forum page. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don’t think I body shamed her. She was already attractive. She changed her body shape because she clearly wasn’t happy with the way she looked previously That’s just a fact. Her friends all shower her with praise for what she’s achieved so they think she looks better and she’s happy. |
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"
Steady! I can cope with you disagreeing with me on this issue but not on cake choice.
I'm not saying I don't eat dark chocolate cake, it's chocolate cake after all
A true renaissance man "
I love the cake |
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"I don’t think I body shamed her. She was already attractive. She changed her body shape because she clearly wasn’t happy with the way she looked previously That’s just a fact. Her friends all shower her with praise for what she’s achieved so they think she looks better and she’s happy."
It’s the suggestion you’re only interested because she got herself in great shape; and the way you added “(why do they always wait until after a split)” like she was lazy, wasn’t doing herself any favours and probably could have saved her relationship if only she’d bothered.
Someone’s body is only the business of that person, no one else. Her worth to anyone should not be based on her build. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?
What you do relationship-wise is entirely up to you, if you think she'd be interested I don't see why not.
But your comment about getting shape? I'll share something of my personal experience with you that might help you get a bit of perspective - when you are in a miserable relationship, being manipulated and controlled the way I was by my ex, for example, your self esteem is non- existent...And you've been told so often that you're fat and shit, and that no one else will want you so often that you believe it, and that's what you think of yourself. Then eventually you get out of that relationship situation, and with the right support you start finding your confidence and self esteem again- and that's when the transformation happens. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol
Mrs
Hey, Mrs. Good for you! Good for you breaking that cycle. Good for you in finding someone else who sees you for what you’re worth. Good for you owning it on a swingers site!
Winning! "
Thank you. I don't share my experience to get attention, I share to hopefully enable other people in similar situations to see that it's not right and its OK to leave. Meeting Mr was really random, and the fact we are both into this lifestyle is an added bonus. He's helped me find confidence in myself, and here I am posting nudes when even just 2 years ago I couldn't stand the sight of myself in a mirror
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The fact you’re even asking and thinking about it says a lot about how you think friends act…
He’s probably better of you doing the deed and him finding out what kind of friend you are  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The fact you’re even asking and thinking about it says a lot about how you think friends act…
He’s probably better of you doing the deed and him finding out what kind of friend you are "
Nah you’re wrong, I’m asking because I value the friendship |
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"The fact you’re even asking and thinking about it says a lot about how you think friends act…
He’s probably better of you doing the deed and him finding out what kind of friend you are
Nah you’re wrong, I’m asking because I value the friendship "
Honestly judging by the majority of the responses here I'd stay clear. It seems there's an unwritten rule that friends exes are off limits .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The fact you’re even asking and thinking about it says a lot about how you think friends act…
He’s probably better of you doing the deed and him finding out what kind of friend you are
Nah you’re wrong, I’m asking because I value the friendship
Honestly judging by the majority of the responses here I'd stay clear. It seems there's an unwritten rule that friends exes are off limits .
"
Yeah definitely looking that way |
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"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
What do you feel around it Op? Do what feels right by you. You'll get a multitude of opinions on here. But ultimately its about what you think.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact you’re even asking and thinking about it says a lot about how you think friends act…
He’s probably better of you doing the deed and him finding out what kind of friend you are
Nah you’re wrong, I’m asking because I value the friendship "
Then I’d put yourself in his shoes and ask how you’d feel if your friend or any friend did it to you…
Certainly needs to be left a fair amount of time for sure. Ask if he minds? Ect. He might not careless but you’d need to make sure before anything else…
Also she might not want to either |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
On a personal note, As this has happened to me. I suggest you go to your mate and ask him if it is OK for you to "go for it" as it where. If he is cool with it, go for it but if he is not. Don't.
you don't want to lose a friend over it and as you say he is already in a new relationship so I see no reason he should object. |
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"Why are people saying to ask him first? It's not like he's borrowing a lawn mower"
I agree. What’s the point in speaking to his mate first and rocking the boat if he doesn’t even know for sure that she’s interested? He needs to establish that first…  |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"A mate and his wife split up last year (amicably). He’s got a new gf and she is still single and got herself in great shape (why do they wait until after a split).
My real question is, is it safe for me to go for it with her or should I stay clear?"
He needs to be dead before you go there he may still have feelings for her omg hope i haven't given you ideas  |
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Op what's your moral stance on?
What is your gut feeling around this topic?
Would you be pissed if it was your ex and your mate?
Can you deal with any potential fallout between you and your friend?
Does she feel the same way?
And if you spoke with your mate, he said he feels a certain way about it. Would that stop you or would you do it any way?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I knew someone who met a girl and over the years and after a couple of babies she went from size 10 to 14/16 and the husband left her citing she had "let herself go."
my wife was and is a size 10 again and was 16 after having our kids and I dont recall tha tother than when we look at pics.
OP, what will happen is the girl put the weight back on?
TBH, I'm not sure why you are asking.
Is she interested in you? |
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"Do men really still think they can say who their ex has a relationship with?"
It's not say, it's a sort of moral thing. Would you go after a girlfriends ex husband once they split up?
Would you honestly not see any awkward issues with it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I knew someone who met a girl and over the years and after a couple of babies she went from size 10 to 14/16 and the husband left her citing she had "let herself go."
my wife was and is a size 10 again and was 16 after having our kids and I dont recall tha tother than when we look at pics.
OP, what will happen is the girl put the weight back on?
TBH, I'm not sure why you are asking.
Is she interested in you?"
Gosh yes, if she puts the weight back on the world will surely end! |
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"Do men really still think they can say who their ex has a relationship with?
It's not say, it's a sort of moral thing. Would you go after a girlfriends ex husband once they split up?
Would you honestly not see any awkward issues with it? "
Sort of a moral thing? Morals are or there not....sort kind of suggests that morals are loose to suit an agenda |
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When you are single and free to do what you want as do adult then it is absolutely nobody else business what you do.
You are both consenting adults.
It is upto you both to decide if it's what you want to do.
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If it was a mate of mine going after my ex wife while I was happily moved on, then I'd say crack on. Just don't be a dickhead.
On the other side though. I wouldn't be looking pursue an ex wife of a mate, would just feel a bit odd. Even more so if I was at their wedding. |
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"If it was a mate of mine going after my ex wife while I was happily moved on, then I'd say crack on. Just don't be a dickhead.
On the other side though. I wouldn't be looking pursue an ex wife of a mate, would just feel a bit odd. Even more so if I was at their wedding. "
Exactly that, going to be very Marmite subject & just feel people are being Niave to how awkward it would be. |
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"Do men really still think they can say who their ex has a relationship with?
It's not say, it's a sort of moral thing. Would you go after a girlfriends ex husband once they split up?
Would you honestly not see any awkward issues with it? "
What is the moral issue with two adults who are not lying to or cheating on anyone seeing each other?
I wouldn't 'go after' anyone but if a woman friend of mine was divorced or separated and had moved on and her ex husband and I wanted to date I would ask him how he felt about it and tell her out of courtesy but I wouldn't apologise or ask her permission.
Yes I can see awkward issues but life is full of them and adults are used to navigating them .
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