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Love Languages vs Sexual Desires
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's another quiet spell at work so excuse me for getting all deep and meaningful.
Let's talk love languages.
The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love:
words of affirmation,
quality time,
receiving gifts,
acts of service,
physical touch.
Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. Therfore most people have a few of these they really need in order to be truly content in their relationships. This includes friendships.
I began to wonder how that then links to our sexual desires.
For example, if you need words of affirmation, might you also have a bit of a praise kink?
Physical touch, might mean you want snuggles and kisses and without them sex feels unsatisfying?
Do you fit in to these categories and how does that translate in to your sex life? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My love languages are definitely words of affirmation and acts of service. I’ve never really thought about it before but I suppose they do tie in with my sex life a lot. I’m very much a giver, I enjoy knowing that what I’m doing is giving the other person pleasure and even more so when they confirm that with some praise. I suppose I just like the feeling of being appreciated and making the other person happy. |
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Wary of using the love word, I try to use feelies to avoid the conflation with being in love. However, appear comfortable with the term in a similar way to myself...
Love for me I desire as quality time and physical touch. I am a snuggle bunny. I don't need words of affirmation it's just there in their presence, the eye contact and that glint that melts or excites me.
How does it translate into my sexuality, that is varied and depends on my partner. A degree of empathy and connection is essential. I guess those elements are part of that, it's what I need to connect. Quality time is really just that sense of having a shared bubble, can be just conversation.
If that's in place, which is not the same as being in love, he stresses for the millionth time. I have few inhibitions and much of what my partner desires will turn me on. I can be taken to a pretty primal point by the right partner and there are several ways to get me there. I need to know my partner wants that and it is expressed to me. Beg, demand, scratch, bite.
My favourite though is the sensual partner from the touch language enjoying the moment rather than it being a means to an end. But that crosses over into deeper connection territory. A full on partner as in a primary would have to have this element for sure.
Acts of service can feature with the right partner. That tends to be less about love and more about lust. I don't need so much of the touch elements in the moment, but it has to be there to a degree, elsewhere. It would be unsatisfying without any connection.
Gifts are almost completely irrelevant unless it has some emotional significance to it. Touch can be a gift. That's quite a heavily oral thing for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's another quiet spell at work so excuse me for getting all deep and meaningful.
Let's talk love languages.
The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love:
words of affirmation,
quality time,
receiving gifts,
acts of service,
physical touch.
Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. Therfore most people have a few of these they really need in order to be truly content in their relationships. This includes friendships.
I began to wonder how that then links to our sexual desires.
For example, if you need words of affirmation, might you also have a bit of a praise kink?
Physical touch, might mean you want snuggles and kisses and without them sex feels unsatisfying?
Do you fit in to these categories and how does that translate in to your sex life? "
Ooh good questions.
I'm going to ponder this for a while before replying.
And I'll also resist the obvious acts of service and receiving gifts gags one could make. |
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"It's another quiet spell at work so excuse me for getting all deep and meaningful.
Let's talk love languages.
The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love:
words of affirmation,
quality time,
receiving gifts,
acts of service,
physical touch.
Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. Therfore most people have a few of these they really need in order to be truly content in their relationships. This includes friendships.
I began to wonder how that then links to our sexual desires.
For example, if you need words of affirmation, might you also have a bit of a praise kink?
Physical touch, might mean you want snuggles and kisses and without them sex feels unsatisfying?
Do you fit in to these categories and how does that translate in to your sex life? "
I love physical touch kissing etc oh and i love to give gifts and my time  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My love languages are definitely words of affirmation and acts of service. I’ve never really thought about it before but I suppose they do tie in with my sex life a lot. I’m very much a giver, I enjoy knowing that what I’m doing is giving the other person pleasure and even more so when they confirm that with some praise. I suppose I just like the feeling of being appreciated and making the other person happy. "
I can agree with this. I definitely chase the thrill of reactions sexually and I suppose that fits with the way I feel happiest when doing things for others in life.
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
My love languages in order come out as:
Acts of service
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Physical touch
Gifts.
Which is about right.
I'm the girl who when she wakes up in a morning and there is a brew waiting - I feel loved. Or my car has been defrosted etc.
Never thought about it in terms of sex and kink but yeah they go hand in hand.
When I'm dominant I often play at the edge of boundaries, pushing into endurance rather than pleasure, I like to see someone want to please me... Same goes when I switch, it's about doing something that pleases someone else...
And less dirty talk but if you can't converse and engage my brain (before and during fun) then you're not going to engage me...
I've viewed love languages in terms of work and friendships etc. But never in terms of swinging before.
Interesting thing to think about. Thanks OP!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My relationship had all 5 of those but it was give and take worked both ways"
sounds ideal. There's always going to be times when we fall out of balance with people we are close to. Not just romantic relationships but I think it works like that for friendships too.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wary of using the love word, I try to use feelies to avoid the conflation with being in love. However, appear comfortable with the term in a similar way to myself...
Love for me I desire as quality time and physical touch. I am a snuggle bunny. I don't need words of affirmation it's just there in their presence, the eye contact and that glint that melts or excites me.
How does it translate into my sexuality, that is varied and depends on my partner. A degree of empathy and connection is essential. I guess those elements are part of that, it's what I need to connect. Quality time is really just that sense of having a shared bubble, can be just conversation.
If that's in place, which is not the same as being in love, he stresses for the millionth time. I have few inhibitions and much of what my partner desires will turn me on. I can be taken to a pretty primal point by the right partner and there are several ways to get me there. I need to know my partner wants that and it is expressed to me. Beg, demand, scratch, bite.
My favourite though is the sensual partner from the touch language enjoying the moment rather than it being a means to an end. But that crosses over into deeper connection territory. A full on partner as in a primary would have to have this element for sure.
Acts of service can feature with the right partner. That tends to be less about love and more about lust. I don't need so much of the touch elements in the moment, but it has to be there to a degree, elsewhere. It would be unsatisfying without any connection.
Gifts are almost completely irrelevant unless it has some emotional significance to it. Touch can be a gift. That's quite a heavily oral thing for me."
I get the fear associated with it so that's cool!
I agree with so much of what you said there. Touch, when it's really meant, when you so obviously both want to get lost in it, is absolutely beautiful and powerful
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