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Help me write the BEST EVER first message
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you  
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post ) |
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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
Spelling and punctuation is far too good to be taken seriously  |
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"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
That works. Nugs or a burger?
J |
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Yeah not bad. I’d go on the lines off
Hey sexy ass
Damn you’re looking fine as fuck. Bet u wanna my hard cock is your tight pussy babe. Get your ass over to mine right now so I can slide it in u like I’m siding in yo dms beatch. Then after I gave you my nice cream pie we,ll go for maccies for another tasty treaty. Cya round slut. Hope you like the pic I send ya |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
And if you don't have the best 30 seconds of your life and want a rematch my names not picard  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
From a Tgirl perspective, I think this is the 'best' possible message I could get:
"Im straight but your really hot I live in Plymouth an your in Glasgow but Ill totally come up to fuck you
I love sissies like you your hotter than half the women Ive fucked bet u hav a nice cock
On a meet Im always d*unk an on snow it makes me soft but im sure I cud thum it in
Married she doesnt no shes to busy working as a GP an I dont work never have an I get bord am supposed to be looking after our baby but nan just deals with her
In addition to not giving a toss about my wife kid or bein a functional member of society Im thick AF and riddled with genital warts cos I neva use condoms init just bein honest
Dont do clubs cos scared u hav to pay for hotel
If u dont reply your a timewaster haha
Hit me back just to chat truly yours Im the man this is stan
Luv from Jeremy Hunt
Ps. You a man or a woman?" |
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"Perfect, is it ok to "borrow" the text?
I might have to amend it a little, the road goes right round my nearest McDonald's...the bins have no privacy.
Lol ??"
Please do
Let us know how you get on won't you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only thing that concerns me is that he's waiting "on" the bins.
There's climbing involved?
Should I offer to provide a ladder do you think? "
I mean I'd be ok, long legs, but a ladder could be useful to some.
Also what position is this happening in? I'm guessing he's just sat on top of the bin? |
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"Yeah not bad. I’d go on the lines off
Hey sexy ass
Damn you’re looking fine as fuck. Bet u wanna my hard cock is your tight pussy babe. Get your ass over to mine right now so I can slide it in u like I’m siding in yo dms beatch. Then after I gave you my nice cream pie we,ll go for maccies for another tasty treaty. Cya round slut. Hope you like the pic I send ya "
A classic |
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"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
Only 30s ? |
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"I feel strongly that the word "hun" must be included in any decent message. Preferably more than once."
I'm sorry, it might be controversial but I disagree, "Babe" is better. I just love being named after a movie star pig. |
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"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
Don't forget to attach a pic of a limp penis |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due. I'll be the guy in the Ronald Mcdonald costume, you'll be fucking lovin it.
AH AH AH AH AH |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
That’s a cracking Message
Change the wording to KFC in Colchester or the New popeyes opening shortly it’s winner |
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"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her.
Do I need to specify how heavy?"
Perhaps attach a pic of said balls on a set of kitchen scales? Dirty scales of course on a dirty kitchen surface |
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"Yeah not bad. I’d go on the lines off
Hey sexy ass
Damn you’re looking fine as fuck. Bet u wanna my hard cock is your tight pussy babe. Get your ass over to mine right now so I can slide it in u like I’m siding in yo dms beatch. Then after I gave you my nice cream pie we,ll go for maccies for another tasty treaty. Cya round slut. Hope you like the pic I send ya
A classic "
Ikr hahha  |
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her.
Do I need to specify how heavy?
Perhaps attach a pic of said balls on a set of kitchen scales? Dirty scales of course on a dirty kitchen surface"
Damn, I just finished cleaning the kitchen. This will have to wait until tomorrow. |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
My darling.
I have travelled far and wide, seen the most exotic wonders, walked into parts of the forbidden jungle but I have never seen a rare species such as yourself.
Many here have breasts, some odd shapes and weights but yours are perfectly formed. As if the finest potter as nedding clay, just the right amount of water, just right for my hands.
But darling, I am shocked further by you're hips and how they are shaped by the greatest groundskeeper for the finest fairway.
You're legs so silky, so long ,so inviting many most have tried to part them.
I'm so glad you resisted them oh lovely for it is I who must.
And wait... Oh what is this I see, a sweet lovely pussy, lips so perfect it's like the have been cut by the finest tailor making the most expensive suit.
You have been what I've been seeking, the gods demand we meet so we can save all humanity by making love to each other.
But deepest love. I have one question.
A question which I need you to look into your heart and answer truthfully for it will make our time together a more joyous event the likes never seen before.
Do you do anal? |
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"I feel strongly that the word "hun" must be included in any decent message. Preferably more than once.
I'm sorry, it might be controversial but I disagree, "Babe" is better. I just love being named after a movie star pig. "
Maybe this can be regionally specific? I think biatch works best in the Midlands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My darling.
I have travelled far and wide, seen the most exotic wonders, walked into parts of the forbidden jungle but I have never seen a rare species such as yourself.
Many here have breasts, some odd shapes and weights but yours are perfectly formed. As if the finest potter as nedding clay, just the right amount of water, just right for my hands.
But darling, I am shocked further by you're hips and how they are shaped by the greatest groundskeeper for the finest fairway.
You're legs so silky, so long ,so inviting many most have tried to part them.
I'm so glad you resisted them oh lovely for it is I who must.
And wait... Oh what is this I see, a sweet lovely pussy, lips so perfect it's like the have been cut by the finest tailor making the most expensive suit.
You have been what I've been seeking, the gods demand we meet so we can save all humanity by making love to each other.
But deepest love. I have one question.
A question which I need you to look into your heart and answer truthfully for it will make our time together a more joyous event the likes never seen before.
Do you do anal?"
Oh dear sweetheart.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! But if you want to put your thing in my ring, I'm gonna need a ring on my fing.
So, before these total randos on this sex site, will you marry me?
Dust the Cheetos crumbs from my finger and place that ring, and you can have my sweet ass twice a year like so many monogamous couples.
Love,
Theresa May xx |
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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"From a Tgirl perspective, I think this is the 'best' possible message I could get:
"Im straight but your really hot I live in Plymouth an your in Glasgow but Ill totally come up to fuck you
I love sissies like you your hotter than half the women Ive fucked bet u hav a nice cock
On a meet Im always d*unk an on snow it makes me soft but im sure I cud thum it in
Married she doesnt no shes to busy working as a GP an I dont work never have an I get bord am supposed to be looking after our baby but nan just deals with her
In addition to not giving a toss about my wife kid or bein a functional member of society Im thick AF and riddled with genital warts cos I neva use condoms init just bein honest
Dont do clubs cos scared u hav to pay for hotel
If u dont reply your a timewaster haha
Hit me back just to chat truly yours Im the man this is stan
Luv from Jeremy Hunt
Ps. You a man or a woman?""
Thank you for this. Now I know what to say next time I message JennieTV  |
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It's a weaker effort, without insistence on copious volumes of wank fodder up front
Hunni, send us more vag pics, so know U aint fake. Use Ur toys, fully, U stretched. Give us Ur numba, I'll call n direct ya.
No jonnies later, youll enjoy it better darlin. Will have my work balaclava on. All the birds tell me I look better than me pics. |
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"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
Thats a copy & paste of my first to you!! You edited the bit about videoing a seagull picking chips out your arse crack but the rest is the same!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.
*Not a guarantee.
Our attempt:
Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.
Now over to you
(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post )"
You have to add a 10 piece chicken nugget. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Mine would be more.
I'm running a bath but I'm missing my rubber ducky. How about you cover my privates instead you saucy minx? Not to say you look like a duck, guess it just rhymes with a word that I would love...oh forget it I've jizzed already.
Maybe in an hour or so? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Mine would be more.
I'm running a bath but I'm missing my rubber ducky. How about you cover my privates instead you saucy minx? Not to say you look like a duck, guess it just rhymes with a word that I would love...oh forget it I've jizzed already.
Maybe in an hour or so?"
Update I tried both last night on 'online women', 5 messages each.
Not one message back... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just think you’re really childish.
Grow up for gods sake 
Should I have let you keep the toy from the happy meal?
You just keep acting the clown.
We’ve got beef you and I  "
Hehe I didn’t think there was any real beef in a Maccy D lol |
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