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On the subject of
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I've already said in the other thread that I've never had multiple partners but when I met someone a few years ago who did, she was of the opinion that I should be exclusive to her while she was free to meet her other partners and anyone else who caught her eye.
None of her fbs were exclusive and I had no interest in it either but for some reason my refusal caused serious drama.
I understand there are relationships built on different scenarios but surely that requires all parties to be in agreement?
One person being particularly possessive or jealous isn't healthy.
Otherwise it's going to be a short term arrangement. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I was talking about this with a brilliant poly friend yesterday. Rather excitedly and intensely, apologies to the beautiful Jason Momoa lookalike who heard our witterings. 
My fiancé is monogamous. Emotionally and sexually. I think meeting me, his age. The fact he's lived and experienced so much.
I have some dear friends. Far from exclusive to me and that makes me happy. I like the happiness people feel, it gives me compersion.
Am I perfect? No. I have wobbles. Not about them seeing others but about me one day not being good enough. I can't offer anyone exclusivity. I wish I could sometimes. Still have some guilt that I'm not able to.
I'd like to hope that rather than exclusivity with me, not seeing others, they offer exclusivity in terms of some of the things we do. The way they talk to me etc.
So, I hope they continue seeing other people. Have adventures, find joy and love in little moments with other people. It doesn't change us.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like the freedom of being able to date multiple people so I'd never expect exclusivity from others. That said I do get a little pang of jealousy now and again, but I think that's normal. I like to think that whatever I have with someone there's something unique to just us.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Multiple partners.
In whichever dynamic you are In, do any choose to be exclusive to you, or do they all meet other people
"
Yes I encounter this a lot with women that have no interest in seeing anyone else. Some people need the person and that’s enough for them.
And there’s potentially one person that would fully satisfy me and I’d be happy for her to see others but have no interest in others myself. |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"Multiple partners.
In whichever dynamic you are In, do any choose to be exclusive to you, or do they all meet other people
"
Good topic OP 
I’m not exclusive to anyone, however I prefer meeting the same group of people I’ve meet & built rapport with if then makes sense not 100 random 1 offs |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"
My fiancé is monogamous. Emotionally and sexually. I think meeting me, his age. The fact he's lived and experienced so much.
"
Can 100 % relate to that.in a weird way I’m actually quite excited about the day it happens to me and all the sex with others stops. Time for tennis, photography etc but you gotta have that person that totally completes you |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
My last FWB saw others. I did, rarely. What got on my pip was his constant “encouragement” of trying to get me to meet others and to partake in FFM threesomes. It became very annoying.
For me, if I’m getting a good dicking, regularly, then I don’t feel inclined to see others. My itch is being scratched. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I saw someone last year from fab ... after a few months had the exclusive talk... both agreed to it as he didnt want me to fuck other men he wanted FFM but as he would not consider a MMF i refused .... few months later realised he was still very much on here meeting others.
Agreeing to be exclusive takes trust and the parties involved being open and honest. I would never ask someone to be exclusive of I was not willing to be exclusive to them too. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Of you see someone exclusive, that's basically a relationship right?
Exactly. That’s why I think it’s different when you speculate in theory but life correct itself.
"
With mine two of them were married, with the Mrs just wanting someone regular. The third was single who again wanted someone regular - though it did get a bit messy in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To my knowledge none of any of my partners have been exclusive to me ever or currently. If they were or any future ones decided to be that would be completely their choice. Given the nature of this way of life I always expect that anyone will or are seeing others.
I love it when they are open enough to tell me, though I have no need for details. Hearing they had a great time too is even better. Again even if it's without graphic detail. Though I do like like if they share things they found they particularly like.
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We’re married, we play together and I play alone with some people. Husband so far hasn’t although he can, I don’t know if he ever will.
No one i see is exclusive to me and I wouldn’t expect them to be. It’s quite infrequent when I get the chance to play anyway. I would say all except one are fwb’s. That one is poly, non hierarchical. I know about his other people and he tells me when he seems them but we don’t share details. I do always get a bit of a dip when I know he is spending time with them or when someone new comes along but that’s more because I worry he will like them more and not want me anymore. I guess time is always an issue too as I worry he won’t be able to fit me in but he always does. He gives me plenty of reassurance but I think it’s quite natural to feel that way.
Kx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To my knowledge none of any of my partners have been exclusive to me ever or currently. If they were or any future ones decided to be that would be completely their choice. Given the nature of this way of life I always expect that anyone will or are seeing others.
I love it when they are open enough to tell me, though I have no need for details. Hearing they had a great time too is even better. Again even if it's without graphic detail. Though I do like like if they share things they found they particularly like.
"
Just need to add that the relationship I was in did become exclusive but I didn't count that as partners in the context of the thread. |
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"Of you see someone exclusive, that's basically a relationship right? "
Nah not really. That’s the way I’ve usually done it but I don’t see it as a proper relationship. I suppose it is one of sorts. A relationship to me is more full on. Nobody ever meets my family or gets involved in my everyday life. It’s just like a little bubble to step in and out of I guess. It’s always worked fine that way for me because although I’m not a fan of sharing I don’t want a proper relationship either. |
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"To my knowledge none of any of my partners have been exclusive to me ever or currently. If they were or any future ones decided to be that would be completely their choice. Given the nature of this way of life I always expect that anyone will or are seeing others.
I love it when they are open enough to tell me, though I have no need for details. Hearing they had a great time too is even better. Again even if it's without graphic detail. Though I do like like if they share things they found they particularly like.
"
I love those conversations, it dissolves any apprehensions too. CompersionJealousy |
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I've been in exclusive relationships and been content. I can get pretty hooked and it can last.
I've had some occasions, where partners have repeatedly stressed that they have chosen to be exclusive to me and said things like 'but you don't have to'. And it's felt a bit like ok, but why do you keep bringing this up? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've already said in the other thread that I've never had multiple partners but when I met someone a few years ago who did, she was of the opinion that I should be exclusive to her while she was free to meet her other partners and anyone else who caught her eye.
None of her fbs were exclusive and I had no interest in it either but for some reason my refusal caused serious drama.
I understand there are relationships built on different scenarios but surely that requires all parties to be in agreement?
One person being particularly possessive or jealous isn't healthy.
Otherwise it's going to be a short term arrangement."
That's hypergamy for you.
I'm not surprised she kicked up drama over your refusal to be exclusive to her whilst she's still going round shagging others. People who demand exclusivity from others should be ready to give the same to them too. Nobody deserves to be an option to someone yet have themselves be made the priority. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been in exclusive relationships and been content. I can get pretty hooked and it can last.
I've had some occasions, where partners have repeatedly stressed that they have chosen to be exclusive to me and said things like 'but you don't have to'. And it's felt a bit like ok, but why do you keep bringing this up?"
Insecurity. That's why. They feel that if they preempt things by saying that they are fine with their partners being non exclusive and seeing other people besides themselves, then they still remain in control of the relationship since they did "give permission" so to speak. |
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Someone I met on here wanted exclusive from me whilst still wanting to meet others, we wouldn't see each other very often so I told them no, how was that fair that they got to go do whatever they wanted when they wanted while I sat not knowing when we'd meet again. They didn't like it and made me feel bad for wanting to meet others or when i did so I cut it off.
I was always open from the start with anyone I met, and although things changed when I met Marc and it resulted in a relationship, I made it clear I still wanted to carry on in this lifestyle and if he wanted more then he would have to accept that. He did and for now we have our own thing that we do and do it together, who knows if that will change and what will happen in the future with meeting.
T x
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"I've been in exclusive relationships and been content. I can get pretty hooked and it can last.
I've had some occasions, where partners have repeatedly stressed that they have chosen to be exclusive to me and said things like 'but you don't have to'. And it's felt a bit like ok, but why do you keep bringing this up?
Insecurity. That's why. They feel that if they preempt things by saying that they are fine with their partners being non exclusive and seeing other people besides themselves, then they still remain in control of the relationship since they did "give permission" so to speak. "
That's a possibility, I think there are many other explanations. Sometimes people's feelings simply change. |
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Neither of my partners has any rules placed on them by me regarding other people they want to see. I just like to be kept informed of changes in risk profiles.
I'm always deeply uncomfortable when someone says they won't see anyone but me. I have no problem with someone saying they are happy for now and don't feel the need to or have the spoons to seek additional partners. But if they intend to maintain a kind of monogamy especially for me that makes it feel very unbalanced and kind of makes my skin crawl. |
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I play with whom I want, therfore feel I couldn't expect someone to be exclusive to me.
Id propably get an injury throwing stones in my glass House wouldn't I?
I did have a FB once upon a time, who claimed he wanted exclusivity, but I said no, because he couldn't meet my needs exclusively, on account of him not being a woman.
In hindsight, I'd of given him the exclusivity he wanted, provided I could of indulged in some play with women in a ffm scenario or group scenarios alongside him.....
But he ghosted me then disappeared off the face of the earth, then reappeared, then disappeared again ....
And it was the biggest mind fuck in history....
So I'm kind of 'exclusivity' scarred to be honest!!!
Everyone wants and needs different things, everyone has different requirements and preferences, I guess whatever arrangement people want, needs to be discussed openly and honestly and if it doesn't suit, then move on |
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"Of you see someone exclusive, that's basically a relationship right? "
I would argue that the exclusivity isn't necessary for it to be a relationship. I don't expect exclusivity and Its not expected of me.
But I'm still very much in a relationship... |
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