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Having multiple partner's
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Be that fwbs, fb etc etc and so on.
How do you manage it if they all want you on the same day?
How would you pick?
Would it be like buses, nothing for ages and then they all come at once?
Or if you're feeling particularly frisky and they all send things that they know will up your horn level even more what them? Do you just spontaneously explode?
When could it massively backfire on you in a good way or a bad way?
What if you go to a club and they are all there?
How many is too many?
What have I missed?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My partners are well aware of each other and respectful of any time scheduled with the other.
The fuck buddies know they're casuals and if I already have plans I'm not moving them  "
You sound like you've got that very well worked out.
I clearly need to up my game. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My dear lady I can hardly manage one per month let alone a production-line of paramours beating a path to my door on a daily basis.
I shall defer to the other men/champion lovers on here!  "
Dam it I really wanted to be number 4 in your list. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Organisation and communication is key really. We are massively spontaneous and have benefited from some really amazing last minute experiences. We've also drawn many blanks on days we became available but no one else was.
I imagine the politics of singles and FWBs can become somewhat entangled if not managed well mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was seeing (getting a seeing to from) five men at the height of my powers. 
Don't recall that there was ever a clash. A few of them were once a month. It worked out fine.
I've been to a club twice with one guy and another guy was there. All super civilised. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I go for what (or who) I'm feeling that day 
If I'm feeling a long session, or a quick fuck, or a more sensual one.. they aLl have their special uses haha!! X |
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I've pretty much always had a primary whatever the relationship: mono, poly etc that takes precedence. And that's how I seem to work. They get my devotion.
Your questions are so relevant though because all the boundaries won't change, the time available and the attention people want. And that fluctuates people aren't machines.
What happens with me in poly relationships generally there's a secondary and maybe a tertiary, the latter being more a fun Fwb thing.
Not sure I have the energy for all that again though. Going to be honest.
Invariably, the secondary has always eventually pushed for more attention and pissed the primary off. I find the partners I've had are quite territorial. I don't look at it negatively, people catch the feelies and that's what poly is about really not just sex.
I've never been drawn away from a primary so how long it lasts has generally been set by whether the other partner accept that or not.
I did in my youth think it would be fine to have another partner move in move us, she was in a tight spot. And as my wife was bi and fancied her it was pretty awesome for ooooh 3 weeksish. Then the other partner wanted me to move out with her and it all got a bit fubar. |
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"My dear lady I can hardly manage one per month let alone a production-line of paramours beating a path to my door on a daily basis.
I shall defer to the other men/champion lovers on here!
·
Dam it I really wanted to be number 4 in your list. "
•
No.4__?? . . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be that fwbs, fb etc etc and so on.
How do you manage it if they all want you on the same day?
How would you pick?
Would it be like buses, nothing for ages and then they all come at once?
Or if you're feeling particularly frisky and they all send things that they know will up your horn level even more what them? Do you just spontaneously explode?
When could it massively backfire on you in a good way or a bad way?
What if you go to a club and they are all there?
How many is too many?
What have I missed?
"
Fancy adding me to your list?.  |
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When I was meeting I was seeing quite a few guys.
I never had a problem with them wanting to meet the same day. I just met in order of who asked when.
I would never have cancelled my plans with one guy to meet another. I treated them all the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've pretty much always had a primary whatever the relationship: mono, poly etc that takes precedence. And that's how I seem to work. They get my devotion.
Your questions are so relevant though because all the boundaries won't change, the time available and the attention people want. And that fluctuates people aren't machines.
What happens with me in poly relationships generally there's a secondary and maybe a tertiary, the latter being more a fun Fwb thing.
Not sure I have the energy for all that again though. Going to be honest.
Invariably, the secondary has always eventually pushed for more attention and pissed the primary off. I find the partners I've had are quite territorial. I don't look at it negatively, people catch the feelies and that's what poly is about really not just sex.
I've never been drawn away from a primary so how long it lasts has generally been set by whether the other partner accept that or not.
I did in my youth think it would be fine to have another partner move in move us, she was in a tight spot. And as my wife was bi and fancied her it was pretty awesome for ooooh 3 weeksish. Then the other partner wanted me to move out with her and it all got a bit fubar. "
Oh wow the latter situation sounds complicated!  |
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Having multiple partners is kinda why I’m here, to be honest. The important thing is that whoever I’m with, or even just talking with, has my complete and undivided attention at that moment. Right there and then.
Unless it’s a threesome. Divided attention is pretty much the whole point then.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm fair to all my fab partners, fb and fwb plus others
They all have the same amount of time as each other
(I mean I have none of the above but the alloted time is equally split  ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK I confess I had 5 at one point. But they never clashed or wanted the same date.
And it would be quiet at some points then they'd all say something.
I'm a couple short at the moment and just thinking what happens in the situations.
Seriously a rota?
Does anyone actually do that?
Teach me how! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've pretty much always had a primary whatever the relationship: mono, poly etc that takes precedence. And that's how I seem to work. They get my devotion.
Your questions are so relevant though because all the boundaries won't change, the time available and the attention people want. And that fluctuates people aren't machines.
What happens with me in poly relationships generally there's a secondary and maybe a tertiary, the latter being more a fun Fwb thing.
Not sure I have the energy for all that again though. Going to be honest.
Invariably, the secondary has always eventually pushed for more attention and pissed the primary off. I find the partners I've had are quite territorial. I don't look at it negatively, people catch the feelies and that's what poly is about really not just sex.
I've never been drawn away from a primary so how long it lasts has generally been set by whether the other partner accept that or not.
I did in my youth think it would be fine to have another partner move in move us, she was in a tight spot. And as my wife was bi and fancied her it was pretty awesome for ooooh 3 weeksish. Then the other partner wanted me to move out with her and it all got a bit fubar. "
I think that happens quiet often in poly doesn't it where partners end up switching around? I hear it a fair bit.
I think someone who is closer to you distance wise can end up looking like a primary or favourite when they aren't. |
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"OK I confess I had 5 at one point. But they never clashed or wanted the same date.
And it would be quiet at some points then they'd all say something.
I'm a couple short at the moment and just thinking what happens in the situations.
Seriously a rota?
Does anyone actually do that?
Teach me how! "
A couple short . Do you have one for each day of the week |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK I confess I had 5 at one point. But they never clashed or wanted the same date.
And it would be quiet at some points then they'd all say something.
I'm a couple short at the moment and just thinking what happens in the situations.
Seriously a rota?
Does anyone actually do that?
Teach me how!
A couple short . Do you have one for each day of the week "
I wish!
Too occasional for that! |
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"OK I confess I had 5 at one point. But they never clashed or wanted the same date.
And it would be quiet at some points then they'd all say something.
I'm a couple short at the moment and just thinking what happens in the situations.
Seriously a rota?
Does anyone actually do that?
Teach me how!
A couple short . Do you have one for each day of the week
I wish!
Too occasional for that! "
I find it really difficult to find people I like enough though. Are you just on here or other sites? I could do with another one to be honest. |
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"I've pretty much always had a primary whatever the relationship: mono, poly etc that takes precedence. And that's how I seem to work. They get my devotion.
Your questions are so relevant though because all the boundaries won't change, the time available and the attention people want. And that fluctuates people aren't machines.
What happens with me in poly relationships generally there's a secondary and maybe a tertiary, the latter being more a fun Fwb thing.
Not sure I have the energy for all that again though. Going to be honest.
Invariably, the secondary has always eventually pushed for more attention and pissed the primary off. I find the partners I've had are quite territorial. I don't look at it negatively, people catch the feelies and that's what poly is about really not just sex.
I've never been drawn away from a primary so how long it lasts has generally been set by whether the other partner accept that or not.
I did in my youth think it would be fine to have another partner move in move us, she was in a tight spot. And as my wife was bi and fancied her it was pretty awesome for ooooh 3 weeksish. Then the other partner wanted me to move out with her and it all got a bit fubar.
I think that happens quiet often in poly doesn't it where partners end up switching around? I hear it a fair bit.
I think someone who is closer to you distance wise can end up looking like a primary or favourite when they aren't. "
Yeah it definitely happens I was seeing a woman 18 months ago. She had a nesting partner who wasn't primary that was complicated!
I've always been with primary nesting partners. And that domain is what keeps it clear.
I can definitely see how the distance element could create the issue you describe and cause confusion. All comes down open communication, key in every relationship really. Get that wrong doesn't matter how many partners you have, you can screw that up with 1. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK I confess I had 5 at one point. But they never clashed or wanted the same date.
And it would be quiet at some points then they'd all say something.
I'm a couple short at the moment and just thinking what happens in the situations.
Seriously a rota?
Does anyone actually do that?
Teach me how!
A couple short . Do you have one for each day of the week
I wish!
Too occasional for that!
I find it really difficult to find people I like enough though. Are you just on here or other sites? I could do with another one to be honest. "
Yes it difficult to find people, I'm the same. But people also work and have lives so having regular frequency is even harder. Unless they are close ish but I don't tend to want them too close. But then location doesn't matter for the right ones.
I am on something else but it's been rubbish so far. I want to try another I was talking about last night. I was on it before and need to go back again. |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
Not being based in the U.K. has made the idea of having multiple partners concurrently quite difficult, but I think my ideal would be to have somewhere between maybe 3-5, that I get to each see on occasions, preferably with none being any more important emotionally than any other, but maybe the level of friendship varying from people I really enjoy doing non sex stuff with to those that is very much just a FB situation. What living abroad has meant though is that it’s nice to have people come and visit for a few days rather than just coming over for a few hours, which makes it a different proposition and changes the dynamic of being together quite a bit. |
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I can't speak from experience because I've never had multiple partners. I've never had sex with more than one person at a time.
I did meet someone on here a few years ago who had a couple of fbs and who insisted I became number 3 but had to be exclusive to her while she was free to meet whoever and whenever she wished.
I said I had zero interest in that arrangement and had to hide my profile and not log in for over a year because of the drama she created as a result.
I wasn't the only target as she was extremely jealous and made life a misery for anyone who didn't dance to her tune.
As a result I much prefer to meet one person on the same wavelength as myself. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Given that I've managed to double book myself for work on a few occasions *and* have booked social events all at once before now... I'm not sure I can cope with the diary maintenance it would take to be involved with too many people. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I can only really manage a couple of regular partners , with occasional FB’s. Any more than that I’m spreading myself too thin and not investing enough to go on a decent adventure.
It’s tough as I love sex , but you gotta say say no sometimes so that you can say yes to the right adventures |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't speak from experience because I've never had multiple partners. I've never had sex with more than one person at a time.
I did meet someone on here a few years ago who had a couple of fbs and who insisted I became number 3 but had to be exclusive to her while she was free to meet whoever and whenever she wished.
I said I had zero interest in that arrangement and had to hide my profile and not log in for over a year because of the drama she created as a result.
I wasn't the only target as she was extremely jealous and made life a misery for anyone who didn't dance to her tune.
As a result I much prefer to meet one person on the same wavelength as myself."
Wow that's definitely a bunny boiler wanting their cake and eating it. |
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I meet infrequently, so has never really been a problem. anyone who I end up meeting consistently i tend to just naturally become exclusive to them even if they're not to me, I just find it easier that way as I'm useless at juggling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet infrequently, so has never really been a problem. anyone who I end up meeting consistently i tend to just naturally become exclusive to them even if they're not to me, I just find it easier that way as I'm useless at juggling. "
Yep, basically this  |
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"Be that fwbs, fb etc etc and so on.
How do you manage it if they all want you on the same day?
How would you pick?
Would it be like buses, nothing for ages and then they all come at once?
Or if you're feeling particularly frisky and they all send things that they know will up your horn level even more what them? Do you just spontaneously explode?
When could it massively backfire on you in a good way or a bad way?
What if you go to a club and they are all there?
How many is too many?
What have I missed?
"
I'm easy to get out but fucking love making a girl crazy. Much hornier |
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Mine are all equal, I don't like primary's, it doesn't work for me, so depending on when diary's are free, is when we meet.
I'm a planner so we have months booked up in advance as adventure time is limited. And hotels, tickets, transport etc all need preparation in advance |
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Our regular friends live in different parts of the country so we spend weekends with them. There have been occasions when we’ve combined a couple/few of them…we love to share our play friends, if they are up for it 
K |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Mine are all equal, I don't like primary's, it doesn't work for me, so depending on when diary's are free, is when we meet.
I'm a planner so we have months booked up in advance as adventure time is limited. And hotels, tickets, transport etc all need preparation in advance "
How do you maintain the communication in between ? With a FB it’s kind of assumed you don’t chat much in between meets, but with poly partners I find they need to and I want to keep in constant comms , almost daily in some cases. I don't know how it’s possible to do this with more than 2, max 3 partners. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Seriously a rota?
Does anyone actually do that?
Teach me how! "
Kind of. Shared Google calendars! (And it helps one of my partners does actually work a rotating shift pattern)
I have a nesting partner in my husband and so naturally he gets more time than my boyfriend, but my husband works shifts so it's worked out quite well for us, if he's on nights its usual I spend them with my boyfriend... Today he's on an early shift. I've just dropped him off, am going to sneak into the boyfriends bed (with his consent) and then we are going for brunch later.
Anything planned in advance goes in the calender, once in its in. People can see when I'm busy and when I'm not etc.
As I have ME/CFS my calender not only helps plan my time but my rest, so they know if I've got something in for tomorrow (for example) then I'm unlikely to be up for much today aside from a coffee, watch a film etc.
Earlier in the year we went on holiday (me, husband, boyfriend and 10 of our friends). I spent half the nights with my husband, half with my boyfriend (roughly) and during the day was little more fluid and just spending time with whoever was around. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Mine are all equal, I don't like primary's, it doesn't work for me, so depending on when diary's are free, is when we meet.
I'm a planner so we have months booked up in advance as adventure time is limited. And hotels, tickets, transport etc all need preparation in advance
How do you maintain the communication in between ? With a FB it’s kind of assumed you don’t chat much in between meets, but with poly partners I find they need to and I want to keep in constant comms , almost daily in some cases. I don't know how it’s possible to do this with more than 2, max 3 partners."
It depends on the partner. My husband I probably don't message much when we are apart. Maybe 4/5 times a day.
My boyfriend I message a lot, several times a day when I'm not seeing him...
We have a saying "the only expectation is clear communication" closely followed by "no is a complete sentence"
If one of us doesn't or can't chat then we just make it clear.
"Sorry darling I'm up to my eyes at work. I should be able to catch up with the chat later when I finish, but I'll let you know how my energy levels are"
"Sorry I need to bail on this conversation, it's stressing me out and I need to step away for a bit, will massage in a couple of hours"
Noone is offended by such messages, we are all clear on what is going on etc.
I also have regular chats with a metamour (who may more may bit be turning into something a bit more fun) |
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"Mine are all equal, I don't like primary's, it doesn't work for me, so depending on when diary's are free, is when we meet.
I'm a planner so we have months booked up in advance as adventure time is limited. And hotels, tickets, transport etc all need preparation in advance
How do you maintain the communication in between ? With a FB it’s kind of assumed you don’t chat much in between meets, but with poly partners I find they need to and I want to keep in constant comms , almost daily in some cases. I don't know how it’s possible to do this with more than 2, max 3 partners."
Ahh but I'm the chatty one They are not so much, so it's quite easy from my side |
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