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Are you passive aggressive?
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If someone upsets me I'll usually take a little time to calm down and then talk to them about why their actions upset me when I think I can do so in a calm and rational manner.
If they're assholes about it, then I can be aggressive about it  |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"If someone upsets me I'll usually take a little time to calm down and then talk to them about why their actions upset me when I think I can do so in a calm and rational manner.
If they're assholes about it, then I can be aggressive about it "
That's a very balanced way of doing things. I like that a lot |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think I can be sometimes, if I'm in my sarky bitch mode.
But if I don't like you I think you'd know. "
You have a sarky bitch mode? 
Is that in person or just online? |
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"That's a very balanced way of doing things. I like that a lot "
There are occasions where things get the better of me and I react negatively in the moment, but I know I'll regret those later so I do do my best to not be terrible |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"That's a very balanced way of doing things. I like that a lot
There are occasions where things get the better of me and I react negatively in the moment, but I know I'll regret those later so I do do my best to not be terrible "
I do that. I try to take the deep breaths before opening my mouth... but sometimes the brain refuses to let the lungs have a look in |
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Nope raising my blood pressure won't get me anywhere I say it as its whilst being mindful of the impact my words can have on others.
If a person is willing to reason find a resolution then we can move on nicely with life together but if not they just get blocked deleted and become irrelevant   |
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I think everyone is in some way. Depends on your interpretation of it. Sulking is seen as passive aggressive, as is slamming doors, muttering things under your breath hoping they’ll hear. Sarcasm is often seen as passive aggressive. I’m very sarcastic. So yeah in some ways I suppose I am. Indirectly slagging people off and that kind of thing, which I see a lot, then no. I can’t stand that. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Nope raising my blood pressure won't get me anywhere I say it as its whilst being mindful of the impact my words can have on others.
If a person is willing to reason find a resolution then we can move on nicely with life together but if not they just get blocked deleted and become irrelevant "
Do you find it easy to cut people off then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Depends on the situation
OK...
And angry wonko means someone usually gets hurt
That doesn't sound passive aggressive..."
I'm passive for a long long time but if you hit that point it's not good |
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"I think everyone is in some way. Depends on your interpretation of it. Sulking is seen as passive aggressive, as is slamming doors, muttering things under your breath hoping they’ll hear. Sarcasm is often seen as passive aggressive. I’m very sarcastic. So yeah in some ways I suppose I am. Indirectly slagging people off and that kind of thing, which I see a lot, then no. I can’t stand that. "
I am probably perceived as passive aggressive because I do present almost everything dripping in sarcasm. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think everyone is in some way. Depends on your interpretation of it. Sulking is seen as passive aggressive, as is slamming doors, muttering things under your breath hoping they’ll hear. Sarcasm is often seen as passive aggressive. I’m very sarcastic. So yeah in some ways I suppose I am. Indirectly slagging people off and that kind of thing, which I see a lot, then no. I can’t stand that. "
Shockingly, I agree entirely with your assessment. Sarky cow  |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
"I can be agressively passive.
I'm going to need an example..."
Grits teeth, tuts through clenched jaws, and narrows eyes. All with a stiff upper lip and a scowl  |
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"I think everyone is in some way. Depends on your interpretation of it. Sulking is seen as passive aggressive, as is slamming doors, muttering things under your breath hoping they’ll hear. Sarcasm is often seen as passive aggressive. I’m very sarcastic. So yeah in some ways I suppose I am. Indirectly slagging people off and that kind of thing, which I see a lot, then no. I can’t stand that.
I am probably perceived as passive aggressive because I do present almost everything dripping in sarcasm."
Me too. And to be fair I do say things to my daughter like “he does my fuckin head in he never does blah blah or he always does blah blah” knowing he’ll hear me in the other room  . So yeah I guess that’s a classic example! I don’t think many people can say they’re not at all. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"No, I don’t think so. If I’m angry or upset about something i make it quite clear. "
I have no idea why, but I imagine you to have a glorious "death stare" that makes mere mortals crumble.
Please tell me I'm right!  |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Depends on the situation
OK...
And angry wonko means someone usually gets hurt
That doesn't sound passive aggressive...
I'm passive for a long long time but if you hit that point it's not good"
Ah... yes. I think that's quite usual |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think everyone is in some way. Depends on your interpretation of it. Sulking is seen as passive aggressive, as is slamming doors, muttering things under your breath hoping they’ll hear. Sarcasm is often seen as passive aggressive. I’m very sarcastic. So yeah in some ways I suppose I am. Indirectly slagging people off and that kind of thing, which I see a lot, then no. I can’t stand that.
I am probably perceived as passive aggressive because I do present almost everything dripping in sarcasm."
A generous lashing of sarcasm is important, I always think |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't know if you've noticed, but for future reference, I'd rather not call myself out on this sort of thread. 
J
"
You're a foot stomper, door slammer, aren't you |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I can be agressively passive.
I'm going to need an example...
Grits teeth, tuts through clenched jaws, and narrows eyes. All with a stiff upper lip and a scowl "
That feels like a lot of facial muscle work... |
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"If someone upsets me I'll usually take a little time to calm down and then talk to them about why their actions upset me when I think I can do so in a calm and rational manner.
If they're assholes about it, then I can be aggressive about it "
You've just described me to a tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And if so, why? What do you get out of it? Does it bring you joy?
Is it your usual MO? "
No im so laid back, I let everyone run roughshod over me like a foil |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think everyone is in some way. Depends on your interpretation of it. Sulking is seen as passive aggressive, as is slamming doors, muttering things under your breath hoping they’ll hear. Sarcasm is often seen as passive aggressive. I’m very sarcastic. So yeah in some ways I suppose I am. Indirectly slagging people off and that kind of thing, which I see a lot, then no. I can’t stand that.
I am probably perceived as passive aggressive because I do present almost everything dripping in sarcasm.
Me too. And to be fair I do say things to my daughter like “he does my fuckin head in he never does blah blah or he always does blah blah” knowing he’ll hear me in the other room . So yeah I guess that’s a classic example! I don’t think many people can say they’re not at all. "
Again... totally agree.
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I'm just a Grumpy arse now and I'd just walk away from it."
That's not a bad thing. That's just not expending energy on something that makes you roll your eyes |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
No, generally not. It takes a lot to push me that far, I'm much more a direct approach sort of person. I've done it a couple of times and both regretted it almost instantly. I'm probably that annoying twunt who expresses herself far too often rather than passive aggressively.
I actively dislike the passive aggression often on here. I'd rather people either a) tackled it head on or b) moved on.
That being typed, I can understand why people sometimes are. They maybe need an outlet, can't process it. Want support and confirmation they're not batshit crazy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don’t think so. If I’m angry or upset about something i make it quite clear.
I have no idea why, but I imagine you to have a glorious "death stare" that makes mere mortals crumble.
Please tell me I'm right! "
I have perfected the “I want to murder you” eyes
|
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"No. I’d rather take the piss. It’s more fun.
The mr
Could that not come under a passive aggressive heading though?"
I think I was having this conversation in person with someone the other night.
Does passive aggressive actually just mean verbally aggressive rather than physical to a lot of people?
I say my back handed compliments and snarky comments aren't passive aggressive because they're quite openly and deliberately being put out there in that sense. But then do some people consider it passive aggressive anyway? |
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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago
Walking down the only road I've ever known! |
"I'm just a Grumpy arse now and I'd just walk away from it.
That's not a bad thing. That's just not expending energy on something that makes you roll your eyes "
Bet you rolled yours when you read it  |
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Nope. I’m calm, measured & generally empathetic. If I have something to say I generally try and do it politely. Firmly annd with no mistaking my intentions, but politely. Even in heated arguments I always bite my tongue & wont say something I later regret.
I’m only sarcastic in a friendly joking setting.
That said - IF my buttons are pushed. I’m aggressive. Very. But it takes a lot to do that. |
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"No. I’d rather take the piss. It’s more fun.
The mr
Could that not come under a passive aggressive heading though?
I think I was having this conversation in person with someone the other night.
Does passive aggressive actually just mean verbally aggressive rather than physical to a lot of people?
I say my back handed compliments and snarky comments aren't passive aggressive because they're quite openly and deliberately being put out there in that sense. But then do some people consider it passive aggressive anyway?"
Yeah this is what I thought. Depends on someone’s interpretation. It’s quite obvious when I’m being like that, it’s not a surreptitious thing. |
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Nope I'll play along with sarcasm though if it's playful or toying.
If it's someone whose taken issue but just not saying it. I ain't playing. I'll ask what the issue is, if they choose to keep it in their heads that's their business.
When they are ready to speak to me openly I'll listen.
|
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"Yeah this is what I thought. Depends on someone’s interpretation. It’s quite obvious when I’m being like that, it’s not a surreptitious thing. "
Oh good. It's not just me taking things too literally then.
It's hard not to make a kleptomania joke here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think I can be sometimes, if I'm in my sarky bitch mode.
But if I don't like you I think you'd know. "
Wait, you have other modes?
Well, shit, mind officially blown |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think I can be sometimes, if I'm in my sarky bitch mode.
But if I don't like you I think you'd know.
Wait, you have other modes?
Well, shit, mind officially blown "
Well I call them modes, my psychiatrist calls them multiple personalities. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think I can be sometimes, if I'm in my sarky bitch mode.
But if I don't like you I think you'd know.
Wait, you have other modes?
Well, shit, mind officially blown
Well I call them modes, my psychiatrist calls them multiple personalities. "
Oh fucking great, there's more of you in there that's just what we need  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think I can be sometimes, if I'm in my sarky bitch mode.
But if I don't like you I think you'd know.
Wait, you have other modes?
Well, shit, mind officially blown
Well I call them modes, my psychiatrist calls them multiple personalities. "
One of them in bound to fancy me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think I can be sometimes, if I'm in my sarky bitch mode.
But if I don't like you I think you'd know.
Wait, you have other modes?
Well, shit, mind officially blown
Well I call them modes, my psychiatrist calls them multiple personalities.
Oh fucking great, there's more of you in there that's just what we need "
|
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"And if so, why? What do you get out of it? Does it bring you joy?
Is it your usual MO? "
Due to liking my job & not wanting to pick soap in prison showers haha yeah am passive aggressive sometimes . But only when provoked 99% of the time am an Angel  |
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I don't think I'm passive aggressive. used to have a very fiery temper but it mellowed with age.
I was in a situation the other day where someone made me cross. I was just quite for a few hours and then carried on as normal.
I tend not to have negative people in my life so that helps |
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"And if so, why? What do you get out of it? Does it bring you joy?
Is it your usual MO? "
Most instances of passive aggression I witness are carried out by people who have no idea that they are being passive aggressive.
It's not always to attack another , it can be self preservation.
Why do you ask NSP ? |
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"Nope.
Just plain aggressive.
Piss me off enough and you’d better be prepared to fight me.
Unless you’re just a muppet then you can do one. "
Wow , you're hard
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. See what I did there |
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I don’t think so… but you know me pretty well so probably better than me to comment
I am very sarcastic and dry, but mostly to people I know well and they understand it’s dark humour.
If I’m genuinely pissed off it has to come out then it’s done and I don’t dwell on it. Well unless it’s car crash pissed off then I walk away to diffuse, but thats very rare. |
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Normally most things are like water off a ducks back where I'm concerned but on here I'll admit I have been passive aggressive.
There are a number of people I have met over the years who are repeat offenders when it comes to shitstirring and influencing other people's journey on here, all of whom I have cut ties with for those reasons.
When they appear on the forums in support of someone who has been getting nasty messages or false accusations made against them it's one of the few things that trigger me because I know for a fact that they are the very people who spend their time spreading rumours and fatshaming in private those same people they are supporting in public.
Despite not being involved at all in their drama it's frustrating that so many others are enabling them so as a result my pokey stick comes out. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I'm so sorry... I threw this down and wandered off. And although I would usually respond to every comment, just please know I have read and digested them all...  |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is. "
It's defined as 'behaviour characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.
"the couple have a passive-aggressive exchange about what to order for dinner"
You've probably seen it more often than you realised on here.
A |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is. "
This is the first explanation I grabbed from Google...
"What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today."
Others included examples like using silence, sarcasm, weaponised kindness, snide comments, gossiping meanly, withholding information. |
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"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
It's defined as 'behaviour characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.
"the couple have a passive-aggressive exchange about what to order for dinner"
You've probably seen it more often than you realised on here.
A"
So
"What would you like for dinner?"
"No you say, what would you like?"
"Anything, I really don't mind"
Is that an example?
|
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don’t think so… but you know me pretty well so probably better than me to comment
I am very sarcastic and dry, but mostly to people I know well and they understand it’s dark humour.
If I’m genuinely pissed off it has to come out then it’s done and I don’t dwell on it. Well unless it’s car crash pissed off then I walk away to diffuse, but thats very rare. "
I'd concur with your assessment. I think if someone didn't know either of us and overheard us talking to each other they'd think we were both passive aggressive and that we disliked each other... |
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"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
This is the first explanation I grabbed from Google...
"What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today."
Others included examples like using silence, sarcasm, weaponised kindness, snide comments, gossiping meanly, withholding information."
Oh like working in an office |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
This is the first explanation I grabbed from Google...
"What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today."
Others included examples like using silence, sarcasm, weaponised kindness, snide comments, gossiping meanly, withholding information."
Not having the backbone to say what you think! |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"And if so, why? What do you get out of it? Does it bring you joy?
Is it your usual MO?
Most instances of passive aggression I witness are carried out by people who have no idea that they are being passive aggressive.
It's not always to attack another , it can be self preservation.
Why do you ask NSP ?"
I'm just curious really, inspired by something I read. It made me wonder if it's a conscious thing for people, and genuinely what they get out of it if it is. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
It's defined as 'behaviour characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.
"the couple have a passive-aggressive exchange about what to order for dinner"
You've probably seen it more often than you realised on here.
A
So
"What would you like for dinner?"
"No you say, what would you like?"
"Anything, I really don't mind"
Is that an example?
"
Yep.
And then when someone decides they don't like the choice made it'll continue with "well I asked what you wanted and you said anything, so....."
A |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
This is the first explanation I grabbed from Google...
"What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today."
Others included examples like using silence, sarcasm, weaponised kindness, snide comments, gossiping meanly, withholding information.
Oh like working in an office "
Pretty much!
Not being able for whatever reason to actively come out and state your angry feelings, so beating around the bush I suppose. |
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"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
It's defined as 'behaviour characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.
"the couple have a passive-aggressive exchange about what to order for dinner"
You've probably seen it more often than you realised on here.
A
So
"What would you like for dinner?"
"No you say, what would you like?"
"Anything, I really don't mind"
Is that an example?
Yep.
And then when someone decides they don't like the choice made it'll continue with "well I asked what you wanted and you said anything, so....."
A"
I think we can all be a bit passive aggressive at times then |
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"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
This is the first explanation I grabbed from Google...
"What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today."
Others included examples like using silence, sarcasm, weaponised kindness, snide comments, gossiping meanly, withholding information.
Oh like working in an office
Pretty much!
Not being able for whatever reason to actively come out and state your angry feelings, so beating around the bush I suppose. "
The description you gave exactly describes the office environment I worked in for more years than was good for me.
I would express my dissatisfaction at team meetings (what in god's name are they useful for?) and was told at my yearly review that I was negative . |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
It's defined as 'behaviour characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.
"the couple have a passive-aggressive exchange about what to order for dinner"
You've probably seen it more often than you realised on here.
A
So
"What would you like for dinner?"
"No you say, what would you like?"
"Anything, I really don't mind"
Is that an example?
Yep.
And then when someone decides they don't like the choice made it'll continue with "well I asked what you wanted and you said anything, so....."
A
I think we can all be a bit passive aggressive at times then"
Oh definitely. In real life I may slip into PA mode, especially when I don't want things to escalate with people I love, or am good friends with. Avoiding full blown confrontation and just ranting at them (or them me) enables someone to vent without it getting out of hand.
On here I just can't be arsed. If people think any of my comments are passively aggressive then I'm obviously not being blunt enough. Which would be most unlike me. I avoid abuse and insults but I'll never pussy foot around.
A |
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"And if so, why? What do you get out of it? Does it bring you joy?
Is it your usual MO? "
I'm passive-aggressive. Not on purpose.
I wasn't taught how to communicate and navigate conflict growing up. You become passive to try and avoid conflict and a safety point because you do not want to be harmed at all or anymore.
Then you become an adult and all the other adult walk all over you and you do not know how to handle that so you become passive aggressive.
Passive agressive is my default and I have to work really hard to be assertive.
A lot of my joking, sarcasm and dark humour is my attempt to be assertive and self-validating.
If no one teaches you and you have no one to practice with it's actually a social skill that is very hard to learn.
I get nothing out of being passive aggressive and it does not bring me joy. It's an automatic learned maladaptive dysfunctional coping mechanism from trauma.
That's why I'm single because most people are not capable of mentalising that someone being passive-aggressive, or aggressive or passive is actually not done on purpose.
Not all of us were taught how to be assertive and many of us are so isolated that there is no opportunity to practice what we are self-taught.
MM out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nope.
Just plain aggressive.
Piss me off enough and you’d better be prepared to fight me.
Unless you’re just a muppet then you can do one.
Wow , you're hard
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. See what I did there "
Yep.
I’m know better than you do what you did |
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"I sometimes hear myself say things that could be taken that way but they aren’t meant at all.
I had enough of it from my ex to know not to do it to other people
Marc"
Is it possible she didn't mean them that way either? |
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"I sometimes hear myself say things that could be taken that way but they aren’t meant at all.
I had enough of it from my ex to know not to do it to other people
Marc
Is it possible she didn't mean them that way either?"
No she did trust me
Marc |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Would another example be when someone starts a thread about rating yourself or a certain body part people rate themselves really low. Is that a way to encourage others to disagree? "
I'd say no.
That's more like garnering for sympathy, playing the victim and false modesty - either deliberate or accidental.
A |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
"
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Would another example be when someone starts a thread about rating yourself or a certain body part people rate themselves really low. Is that a way to encourage others to disagree? "
Sometimes it can be. But I wouldn't class that as passive aggression... that's more self debasement or self depreciation I'd say. And it can be so that people will disagree and boost them up, it can also be just because that's how they feel.
But there is no way to know whether someone genuinely feels like a 1 or a 2, or if they just want to read "you're at least a 9" (for example). |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing. "
That can't be a nice situation to be in, Nanna. I'm sorry. |
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"Would another example be when someone starts a thread about rating yourself or a certain body part people rate themselves really low. Is that a way to encourage others to disagree?
Sometimes it can be. But I wouldn't class that as passive aggression... that's more self debasement or self depreciation I'd say. And it can be so that people will disagree and boost them up, it can also be just because that's how they feel.
But there is no way to know whether someone genuinely feels like a 1 or a 2, or if they just want to read "you're at least a 9" (for example)."
I think it's possible to tell sometimes.
I'm realising that a particular colleague of mine was passive aggressive par excellence |
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"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing. "
He's the one manipulating you  |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Would another example be when someone starts a thread about rating yourself or a certain body part people rate themselves really low. Is that a way to encourage others to disagree?
Sometimes it can be. But I wouldn't class that as passive aggression... that's more self debasement or self depreciation I'd say. And it can be so that people will disagree and boost them up, it can also be just because that's how they feel.
But there is no way to know whether someone genuinely feels like a 1 or a 2, or if they just want to read "you're at least a 9" (for example).
I think it's possible to tell sometimes.
I'm realising that a particular colleague of mine was passive aggressive par excellence "
I think it is easier to tell in person. Through text not so much, as we put our own slant on what we read a lot more than when we listen to someone standing in front of us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I’d rather take the piss. It’s more fun.
The mr
Could that not come under a passive aggressive heading though?
I think I was having this conversation in person with someone the other night.
Does passive aggressive actually just mean verbally aggressive rather than physical to a lot of people?
I say my back handed compliments and snarky comments aren't passive aggressive because they're quite openly and deliberately being put out there in that sense. But then do some people consider it passive aggressive anyway?"
I'd probably interpret backhanded compliments and snarky comments as passive aggressive, because they're essentially disguised insults. Socially I'm a bit slow on the uptake and at a disadvantage when people start implementing these tactics. Many a time I've realised a day or 2 later that someone was actually intending to be mean, by which time I have no way of retaliating! I much prefer a direct "Nell, you're a dickhead". |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing.
He's the one manipulating you "
He had a flare up earlier and is right as rain now.
He suffers with anxiety and I think he's a little obsessive about things.
I handled it quite well today and kept really calm.
I know he loves me. |
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"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing.
He's the one manipulating you
He had a flare up earlier and is right as rain now.
He suffers with anxiety and I think he's a little obsessive about things.
I handled it quite well today and kept really calm.
I know he loves me."
I have mental health issues. I used to shout a lot and it doesn't help that I get extra loud when I'm over stimulated/stressed/excited. Therapy has helped me to calm down a lot....and a few meds...
Quite common for people with sensory processing issues to have angry outbursts...combine that with teenage hormones...I do not even know how I made it to 40.
Mood swings also are not great. It's great that you were calm but my mother was calm but I still couldn't regulate and stay calm. therapy taught me to stay calm. My father was the agressive abusive one and his behaviour just aggravated my neurodivergent brain.
I can be angry now without shouting or giving off threatening body language.
What does his father say? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would another example be when someone starts a thread about rating yourself or a certain body part people rate themselves really low. Is that a way to encourage others to disagree? "
From what I can see most people on the current rating thread seem quite honest and it's a little sad to read. I find the constant "no you're a 10!" the manipulative element. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing.
He's the one manipulating you
He had a flare up earlier and is right as rain now.
He suffers with anxiety and I think he's a little obsessive about things.
I handled it quite well today and kept really calm.
I know he loves me."
Oh my word sounds like my son. He's neurodiverse and learning to communicate with him so we're both happy took some time. |
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"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing.
He's the one manipulating you
He had a flare up earlier and is right as rain now.
He suffers with anxiety and I think he's a little obsessive about things.
I handled it quite well today and kept really calm.
I know he loves me.
Oh my word sounds like my son. He's neurodiverse and learning to communicate with him so we're both happy took some time. "
Starting to wonder if my son (20) is too. A lot of our interactions sound much like Nanna has described. But not all. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Why, do you think I'm passive aggressive Posh? Is that what you're saying? "
Mrs... I'd never say you're passive aggressive...
Do you think you're passive aggressive
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing.
He's the one manipulating you
He had a flare up earlier and is right as rain now.
He suffers with anxiety and I think he's a little obsessive about things.
I handled it quite well today and kept really calm.
I know he loves me.
Oh my word sounds like my son. He's neurodiverse and learning to communicate with him so we're both happy took some time.
Starting to wonder if my son (20) is too. A lot of our interactions sound much like Nanna has described. But not all."
Reading as much as I could get my hands on and joining a few FB groups was super helpful to figure things out. ASD is pretty much about communication "issues" - I don't know much about ADHD/ADD or anything else with kids. |
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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"And if so, why? What do you get out of it? Does it bring you joy?
Is it your usual MO?
What is your definition of passive aggression.?"
Obi and I both posted a definition a few posts up there ^^^ |
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"My son says I am, because I don't outright ask for what I want from him, and explain my reasons first.
He thinks I'm trying to guilt him into doing what I want.
He thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm trying to avoid him shouting.
He gets angry quite quickly over the smallest thing.
He's the one manipulating you
He had a flare up earlier and is right as rain now.
He suffers with anxiety and I think he's a little obsessive about things.
I handled it quite well today and kept really calm.
I know he loves me."
good |
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"Would another example be when someone starts a thread about rating yourself or a certain body part people rate themselves really low. Is that a way to encourage others to disagree?
From what I can see most people on the current rating thread seem quite honest and it's a little sad to read. I find the constant "no you're a 10!" the manipulative element. "
I think it's skewed by the fact it's posted on a swingers site |
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"Normally most things are like water off a ducks back where I'm concerned but on here I'll admit I have been passive aggressive.
There are a number of people I have met over the years who are repeat offenders when it comes to shitstirring and influencing other people's journey on here, all of whom I have cut ties with for those reasons.
When they appear on the forums in support of someone who has been getting nasty messages or false accusations made against them it's one of the few things that trigger me because I know for a fact that they are the very people who spend their time spreading rumours and fatshaming in private those same people they are supporting in public.
Despite not being involved at all in their drama it's frustrating that so many others are enabling them so as a result my pokey stick comes out."
1000% this, my frustration at them comes out as passive aggressive, my default is to ignore, but the hypocrisy is my number 1  and sometimes it just spills out |
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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago
milton keynes |
Na i haven't got time for that shit that's bitchy.. fight like a man all day then after shake hands after.. if you can stand up .. sly passive aggressive comments on these forums shows so many signs of loneliness, bitterness, self disappointment,unhappiness list goes on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
|
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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago
milton keynes |
"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
"
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour "
I think sarcasm has a bad reputation. Some people use sarcasm as a way to be mean and hurtful I however don't.
I use it in a quick witted way and to pike fun at hypocrisy,with close friends who know me. I don't use it in a way to just be a dick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour
I think sarcasm has a bad reputation. Some people use sarcasm as a way to be mean and hurtful I however don't.
I use it in a quick witted way and to poke fun at hypocrisy,with close friends who know me. I don't use it in a way to just be a dick. "
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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago
milton keynes |
"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour
I think sarcasm has a bad reputation. Some people use sarcasm as a way to be mean and hurtful I however don't.
I use it in a quick witted way and to pike fun at hypocrisy,with close friends who know me. I don't use it in a way to just be a dick. "
Love that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour "
Is it now? I never knew that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour
Is it now? I never knew that. "
It's the Google definition of it yes |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I can be quite sharp, direct and like to tease people a little but don’t think I’m PA. To me it’s that extreme negativity, constantly sarcastic and hiding , like a defence. I like a PA partner, I like to see them soften as they become secure |
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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago
milton keynes |
"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour
Is it now? I never knew that.
It's the Google definition of it yes "
Your use of sarcasm is perfecto |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour
Is it now? I never knew that.
It's the Google definition of it yes "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We’re both loudmouths and struggle to keep things to ourselves at the best of times! Depends on the situation but for the most part we’re more likely to call someone out than be passive aggressive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
This is the first explanation I grabbed from Google...
"What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as "passive-aggressive." A new term back then, but still relevant today."
Others included examples like using silence, sarcasm, weaponised kindness, snide comments, gossiping meanly, withholding information.
Oh like working in an office
Pretty much!
Not being able for whatever reason to actively come out and state your angry feelings, so beating around the bush I suppose.
The description you gave exactly describes the office environment I worked in for more years than was good for me.
I would express my dissatisfaction at team meetings (what in god's name are they useful for?) and was told at my yearly review that I was negative . "
I once got told i was perceived as too aggressive - it turned out i didnt do enough social chitchat before getting to business |
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I can be, I'm an idiot for muttering not so quietly under my breath.
But I do get accused of it when I'm actually not being so. If there's a confrontation and it gets too much I will disappear off the face of the earth for a bit. It's not that I'm trying to be mean, I just need space to think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once got told i was perceived as too aggressive - it turned out i didnt do enough social chitchat before getting to business
That’s not aggressive. That’s horny. There’s a subtle difference. "
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"I don't really know what passive/aggressive is.
It's defined as 'behaviour characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.
"the couple have a passive-aggressive exchange about what to order for dinner"
You've probably seen it more often than you realised on here.
A
So
"What would you like for dinner?"
"No you say, what would you like?"
"Anything, I really don't mind"
Is that an example?
"
Not according to me, no.
To me , passive / aggressive is a mismatch between what you actually say and what you do.
It is an inability or unwillingness to face things and what you should have said or done is internalised and comes out another way .....
( it is NOT exactly the same as sarcasm although sarcasm can be a form of passive aggression )
e.g. You ask your child to hang their coat up for the fourth time whilst they are gaming....
They won't tell you no so finally they pick it up and say, 'Yeah I will, here , i'll do it now' ... but they snatch it up /glare and their mouth is screwed up and then flop back down in their chair to start re-gaming.
You heard the right words but saw the wrong action.
e.g. Your husband keeps asking you to fetch and carry his tools while he is laying down cement outside. You are fed up of the interuptions but it keeps on keeping on ..... You don't say anything to him but the next time he asks..... you wade through the cement path he has laid and smile sweetly as you pass him what he asked for....
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"No I'm not passive aggressive, I'm very much into calling out bullshit as I see it. If I don't like something I'm good at communicating it in a respectful way.
I can be extremely sarcastic however, that I do spring joy from haha it's just my humour.
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggressive behaviour "
Sarcasm isn't always passive aggressive. |
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"I think most people who are either won't admit it or recognise they are.
One person's interpretation of passive aggressive can differ from another's as well.
"
It's not open to interpretation. It's not a subjective thing.
People might think they are being passive aggressive but that doesn't mean they are. Using a correct definition helps. Similarly I am not passive aggressive just because someone says I am. My behaviour either comes under the definition of passive aggressive or it doesn't ....
We are neither one or the other we are both at various points during the day , week , month , year. |
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