FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Best way to encourage my wife to go to a club?
Best way to encourage my wife to go to a club?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Tell her to set upa single female profile on here asking for someone to take her to a club as she's nervous.
She'll be inundated with offers from single guys looking to get cheap entry.
A
*of course you'll then need to find a single woman for you or pay extra to go in as a single guy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tell her to set upa single female profile on here asking for someone to take her to a club as she's nervous.
She'll be inundated with offers from single guys looking to get cheap entry.
A
*of course you'll then need to find a single woman for you or pay extra to go in as a single guy."
What the he'll would I do that for ? She wants to go to a club with me not another guy ! This is something we want to do as a couple not single |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Set up a couples profile on here with her, introduce her to the forums and let her see how normal it is and then go from there?"
Could be a good idea but don't want to be on here for ages before anything happens . It's better to live it then see it on here right? Plus get loads of weirdos sliding into dms |
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"Set up a couples profile on here with her, introduce her to the forums and let her see how normal it is and then go from there?
Could be a good idea but don't want to be on here for ages before anything happens . It's better to live it then see it on here right? Plus get loads of weirdos sliding into dms"
Maybe getting her more information about clubs - that she can look at here - will help? |
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My advice...
I would propose too go to club...on the basis of going for a drink / socialise and get a feel for a place. Taking of the pressure of needing to "do something" and hopefully making her more at ease and comfortable having talked to others.
And obviously that means actually going and not applying pressure once there...it may take a couple of visits.
And in agreement with others as well ...suggest to get on fab and interact prior to any visits.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set up a couples profile on here with her, introduce her to the forums and let her see how normal it is and then go from there?
Could be a good idea but don't want to be on here for ages before anything happens . It's better to live it then see it on here right? Plus get loads of weirdos sliding into dms"
Just set it up so they can't message filters save lives |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set up a couples profile on here with her, introduce her to the forums and let her see how normal it is and then go from there?
Normal?  "
Listen Dave, you and I are going to have strong words one day |
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"Tell her to set upa single female profile on here asking for someone to take her to a club as she's nervous.
She'll be inundated with offers from single guys looking to get cheap entry.
A
*of course you'll then need to find a single woman for you or pay extra to go in as a single guy.
What the he'll would I do that for ? She wants to go to a club with me not another guy ! This is something we want to do as a couple not single "
If she wants to go to a club with you then just go to a club with her simple as that  |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Tell her to set upa single female profile on here asking for someone to take her to a club as she's nervous.
She'll be inundated with offers from single guys looking to get cheap entry.
A
*of course you'll then need to find a single woman for you or pay extra to go in as a single guy.
What the he'll would I do that for ? She wants to go to a club with me not another guy ! This is something we want to do as a couple not single "
Your thread was titled that your wife wanted to go to a club. You didn't specifically say with you.
As you have a single guy profile I assumed she had her own and that you swing separately, otherwise it would be more sensible to have a couples one.
If you want to swing together then just do it. Set up a couples profile. Go to a club together. It's not something difficult to do.
A |
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Set up a couples profile with no pictures and all message filters in place. You'll get no messages, no fabs. and she will be able to browse with absolutely no pressure at all.
Alternatively she can read the forums including the club section without even joining the site |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Set up a couples profile with no pictures and all message filters in place. You'll get no messages, no fabs. and she will be able to browse with absolutely no pressure at all.
Alternatively she can read the forums including the club section without even joining the site "
lol  |
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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago
The dot in the i |
"We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks "
If she wants to go but is nervous about playing, why not go as a social only for your first time, that way it’s not much different than trying a new restaurant, pub or nightclub. No pressure to do anything
Relax and chill in the hot tub all night giggling away, next time you’ll both know what to expect and can plan what’s comfortable accordingly |
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LOL Weirdos LOL
Mate life is full of Weirdos Male, Female and Couples there is simply no getting away from that. Sadly there is a lot of people with your same problem and her concerns that cant break it and never get further.
When I was swinging with my Ex we met a lot of couples in the other sites chat rooms with the same worries. The solution there was for couples like yourself to go to private swinger group parties. Most of these parties were for full on Swinging swap fun but there were nights set aside where there was no playing just meeting and getting to make friends. This was different to the typical chat n meets at a pub or restaurant. At those the biggest fear most newbies have is meeting people they might know and it becomes very awkward at first and scare some off permanently. I'm sure there are groups like that here but sadly I've not seen them.
The groups we went to were all people living in our area (~100KM radius) and got to chat with and have our own private parties. Most had one night a month set aside that was called newbie night. Sometimes you had people disappear into rooms lol but essentially it was meant for introducing new comers to the group and to sit and have a general chat to get to know each other.
But I have to also agree with some on here that have suggested setting up a Couples profile. And for those who suggest no photos lol that's silly. You can easily set up filters to prevent certain types from DM'ing you lol. But I know many couples who started in this with one or both being very nervous. I can say as long as one of you (preferably the none nervous one) first goes through the messages and scrap the ugly messages for the other to read will boost their confidence to no end.
But its all your own decision and only you know what's best for both of you. But pictures are important and can be made very discreet with hiding faces and other things to keep you safely discreet. |
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"LOL Weirdos LOL
Mate life is full of Weirdos Male, Female and Couples there is simply no getting away from that. Sadly there is a lot of people with your same problem and her concerns that cant break it and never get further.
When I was swinging with my Ex we met a lot of couples in the other sites chat rooms with the same worries. The solution there was for couples like yourself to go to private swinger group parties. Most of these parties were for full on Swinging swap fun but there were nights set aside where there was no playing just meeting and getting to make friends. This was different to the typical chat n meets at a pub or restaurant. At those the biggest fear most newbies have is meeting people they might know and it becomes very awkward at first and scare some off permanently. I'm sure there are groups like that here but sadly I've not seen them.
The groups we went to were all people living in our area (~100KM radius) and got to chat with and have our own private parties. Most had one night a month set aside that was called newbie night. Sometimes you had people disappear into rooms lol but essentially it was meant for introducing new comers to the group and to sit and have a general chat to get to know each other.
But I have to also agree with some on here that have suggested setting up a Couples profile. And for those who suggest no photos lol that's silly. You can easily set up filters to prevent certain types from DM'ing you lol. But I know many couples who started in this with one or both being very nervous. I can say as long as one of you (preferably the none nervous one) first goes through the messages and scrap the ugly messages for the other to read will boost their confidence to no end.
But its all your own decision and only you know what's best for both of you. But pictures are important and can be made very discreet with hiding faces and other things to keep you safely discreet."
Why is it silly to suggest a nervous woman has no photos?  |
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"We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks "
Tell her they give away free handbags |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My advice...
I would propose too go to club...on the basis of going for a drink / socialise and get a feel for a place. Taking of the pressure of needing to "do something" and hopefully making her more at ease and comfortable having talked to others.
And obviously that means actually going and not applying pressure once there...it may take a couple of visits.
And in agreement with others as well ...suggest to get on fab and interact prior to any visits.
"
This was what I was thinking would be the best approach |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks
If she wants to go but is nervous about playing, why not go as a social only for your first time, that way it’s not much different than trying a new restaurant, pub or nightclub. No pressure to do anything
Relax and chill in the hot tub all night giggling away, next time you’ll both know what to expect and can plan what’s comfortable accordingly "
This sounds like good advice |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"LOL Weirdos LOL
Mate life is full of Weirdos Male, Female and Couples there is simply no getting away from that. Sadly there is a lot of people with your same problem and her concerns that cant break it and never get further.
When I was swinging with my Ex we met a lot of couples in the other sites chat rooms with the same worries. The solution there was for couples like yourself to go to private swinger group parties. Most of these parties were for full on Swinging swap fun but there were nights set aside where there was no playing just meeting and getting to make friends. This was different to the typical chat n meets at a pub or restaurant. At those the biggest fear most newbies have is meeting people they might know and it becomes very awkward at first and scare some off permanently. I'm sure there are groups like that here but sadly I've not seen them.
The groups we went to were all people living in our area (~100KM radius) and got to chat with and have our own private parties. Most had one night a month set aside that was called newbie night. Sometimes you had people disappear into rooms lol but essentially it was meant for introducing new comers to the group and to sit and have a general chat to get to know each other.
But I have to also agree with some on here that have suggested setting up a Couples profile. And for those who suggest no photos lol that's silly. You can easily set up filters to prevent certain types from DM'ing you lol. But I know many couples who started in this with one or both being very nervous. I can say as long as one of you (preferably the none nervous one) first goes through the messages and scrap the ugly messages for the other to read will boost their confidence to no end.
But its all your own decision and only you know what's best for both of you. But pictures are important and can be made very discreet with hiding faces and other things to keep you safely discreet."
Thank you for your advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks "
Is she eager? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks
Is she eager? "
Yeah she is very. Someone can't help it if their nervous |
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Go to a club only to visit the bar area. This excludes many of the things that you could do there that could increase anxiety. If you just go for a drink, sit down and chat, it's likely going to be perceived as something more mundane.
Better yet, ask her what could help. Or go to a social event and get friendly with others who might visit a club at the same time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Go to a club only to visit the bar area. This excludes many of the things that you could do there that could increase anxiety. If you just go for a drink, sit down and chat, it's likely going to be perceived as something more mundane.
Better yet, ask her what could help. Or go to a social event and get friendly with others who might visit a club at the same time "
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You could show her all the research you’ve been doing over the last year or two. If none of that works then she clearly isn’t into it."
She is I do know my own wife ! She wouldn't do something she isn't comfortable with. She is the one who brings it up more than me sometimes. When we talk about it sober when not during the moment of sex she says she wants to do it but scared isn't that normal to feel? Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You could show her all the research you’ve been doing over the last year or two. If none of that works then she clearly isn’t into it.
She is I do know my own wife ! She wouldn't do something she isn't comfortable with. She is the one who brings it up more than me sometimes. When we talk about it sober when not during the moment of sex she says she wants to do it but scared isn't that normal to feel? Lol"
Nerves are normal. I’d assume everyone had them the first time they went to a club. We get nervous when we haven’t been for a while but we just get on with it. What I’m saying is you’ve been posting on here for a long time and your wife hasn’t joined the site with you in all that time. Surely if she was that interested in any of it she would have at least dipped a toe in. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You could show her all the research you’ve been doing over the last year or two. If none of that works then she clearly isn’t into it.
She is I do know my own wife ! She wouldn't do something she isn't comfortable with. She is the one who brings it up more than me sometimes. When we talk about it sober when not during the moment of sex she says she wants to do it but scared isn't that normal to feel? Lol
Nerves are normal. I’d assume everyone had them the first time they went to a club. We get nervous when we haven’t been for a while but we just get on with it. What I’m saying is you’ve been posting on here for a long time and your wife hasn’t joined the site with you in all that time. Surely if she was that interested in any of it she would have at least dipped a toe in."
I really think she would I think I do believe there's no rush and in our own time have to bare in mind we got kids and both work but it's definitely something we have interest in I think it's her getting over the nerves I asked her yesterday and she said that's the reason and said it would be easier if we was in the moment and wave a wond and he appears lol. She's browsed on here not through my account but you can look through forums without being a member of fab she said it made her horny this was when I was out at work . So she's clearly curious |
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"You could show her all the research you’ve been doing over the last year or two. If none of that works then she clearly isn’t into it.
She is I do know my own wife ! She wouldn't do something she isn't comfortable with. She is the one who brings it up more than me sometimes. When we talk about it sober when not during the moment of sex she says she wants to do it but scared isn't that normal to feel? Lol
Nerves are normal. I’d assume everyone had them the first time they went to a club. We get nervous when we haven’t been for a while but we just get on with it. What I’m saying is you’ve been posting on here for a long time and your wife hasn’t joined the site with you in all that time. Surely if she was that interested in any of it she would have at least dipped a toe in.
I really think she would I think I do believe there's no rush and in our own time have to bare in mind we got kids and both work but it's definitely something we have interest in I think it's her getting over the nerves I asked her yesterday and she said that's the reason and said it would be easier if we was in the moment and wave a wond and he appears lol. She's browsed on here not through my account but you can look through forums without being a member of fab she said it made her horny this was when I was out at work . So she's clearly curious "
That sounds promising. Arrange a babysitter, choose a club and turn up sounds like a plan. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We both eager but she's always been more a nervous type of person. She really gets off on the fantasy like myself and I really want to take it to the next step she just said its nerves that are holding her back? Thanks "
Read up on the clubs you may visit. See if they are dress down or not. Pick an outfit she feels comfortable with.
Go to the club for a look but with no expectations of anything more than a look.
Good luck |
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Tell her it’s completely normal to be nervous we have been visiting clubs for a year and we both still get anxious now it’s the unknown but everyone is so nice and soon enough her nerves will be gone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tie her up gag her and put a blind fold on her chuck her in a wheel barrow and wheel her in
What silly comment … not everyone has a spare wheel Barlow ??"
Gary’s brother? |
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