FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Pecking Orders
Pecking Orders
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"I’d message you but you’re way out of my league "Now if only you had a cock...... 
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"So...confirmation bias?" Something like that | |||
"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
A"I totally agree. I joined the sites for an added extra to my life not the whole centre of it. I accept that everyone is not for me and I'm not for them so I have no set expectations at all. I just enjoy the conversations and sometimes the company of the people that I click with. Just as I would in any situation in life. The ones that are your people are the best ones to meet... never try to force anything. | |||
"I’ve been rating and categorising forumers by how long their posts are." A fine and commendable past time. | |||
"I’ve been rating and categorising forumers by how long their posts are." ? | |||
"I’ve been rating and categorising forumers by how long their posts are." An alternative to doing it by how long their knobs are I suppose.
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*or by how close their nipples are to their knees....... | |||
"?" It was a joke about the very long first post. I’ll get my coat. | |||
"I’ve been rating and categorising forumers by how long their posts are. An alternative to doing it by how long their knobs are I suppose.
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*or by how close their nipples are to their knees....... "Don't saggy boob shame. That's mean. | |||
"I’ve been rating and categorising forumers by how long their posts are. An alternative to doing it by how long their knobs are I suppose.
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*or by how close their nipples are to their knees.......
Don't saggy boob shame. That's mean."I meant the men, obvs.......
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"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
A"yes but you seem an intelligent guy confidence on the part of the female or the male comes into play and many have low self worth, I'm with you i view myself as everyones equal but most people don't and thats where pecking order comes into play, if say for example you are an extremely attractive women but with low self worth you will still be very successful here, if you are a female who is extremely attractive and a high self worth unattainable comes to mind and if you are a female you'll do ok regardless of looks, if you are a male abs tattoos and a beard and up yourself you'll do ok if youre a male and young 25 to 35 you'll do ok, if youre a good looking male with middling self worth or if you're just a male its not easy here, thats what i mean about pecking order and you know that, especially as you say you are a couple you will have the pick of the bunch, you can make demands, you can show pics if you want to etc etc | |||
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"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
Ayes but you seem an intelligent guy confidence on the part of the female or the male comes into play and many have low self worth, I'm with you i view myself as everyones equal but most people don't and thats where pecking order comes into play, if say for example you are an extremely attractive women but with low self worth you will still be very successful here, if you are a female who is extremely attractive and a high self worth unattainable comes to mind and if you are a female you'll do ok regardless of looks, if you are a male abs tattoos and a beard and up yourself you'll do ok if youre a male and young 25 to 35 you'll do ok, if youre a good looking male with middling self worth or if you're just a male its not easy here, thats what i mean about pecking order and you know that, especially as you say you are a couple you will have the pick of the bunch, you can make demands, you can show pics if you want to etc etc "I hear you.....but I disagree. Any pecking order is an artificial construct based on your own perception. I couldn't give a fuck how attractive women are. We're not here for them so it's irrelevant. Likewise the comment about physique. I'm hardly a gym fit, 6 packed 30 something. Never have been. Yet I managed to get together with Fox on Fab, build a relationship and get married, and continue Fab life as a couple. I've known people of all shapes, ages and sizes enjoy Fab life without the need to rant and rave about being lesser beings than others and a lower class of fabber. Just be positive. The biggest issue isn't always low self esteem or personal confidence issues. It's unrealistic expectations of what the site can do for people and as soon as the sex doesn't start flooding in then it's far easier to blame the site than anything else. People see others meeting and enjoying fab life and start resenting them rather than trying to work out why they're not having the same experience. Others take things way too seriously and that's when frustration and resentment start to fester. A | |||
" if you are a female you'll do ok regardless of looks, " I realise I'm taking a tiny piece of your reply, but it is the bit that applies to me, as I'm not an extremely attractive woman, nor a man, nor a couple. This reads like the issue that every woman who isn't model perfect (and some who are) has with the people who contact them on fab. That "who gives a fuck what you look like, as long as you're female, I'll fuck you anyway and you should be grateful". Not all women on fab are "successful" on fab. Neither are all couples, nor are all of any demographic. When will people stop assuming that it's just single men who have a "lack of success" on fab for crying out loud? | |||
"? It was a joke about the very long first post. I’ll get my coat." Jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them | |||
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"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
Ayes but you seem an intelligent guy confidence on the part of the female or the male comes into play and many have low self worth, I'm with you i view myself as everyones equal but most people don't and thats where pecking order comes into play, if say for example you are an extremely attractive women but with low self worth you will still be very successful here, if you are a female who is extremely attractive and a high self worth unattainable comes to mind and if you are a female you'll do ok regardless of looks, if you are a male abs tattoos and a beard and up yourself you'll do ok if youre a male and young 25 to 35 you'll do ok, if youre a good looking male with middling self worth or if you're just a male its not easy here, thats what i mean about pecking order and you know that, especially as you say you are a couple you will have the pick of the bunch, you can make demands, you can show pics if you want to etc etc
I hear you.....but I disagree.
Any pecking order is an artificial construct based on your own perception.
I couldn't give a fuck how attractive women are. We're not here for them so it's irrelevant.
Likewise the comment about physique. I'm hardly a gym fit, 6 packed 30 something. Never have been. Yet I managed to get together with Fox on Fab, build a relationship and get married, and continue Fab life as a couple.
I've known people of all shapes, ages and sizes enjoy Fab life without the need to rant and rave about being lesser beings than others and a lower class of fabber.
Just be positive. The biggest issue isn't always low self esteem or personal confidence issues. It's unrealistic expectations of what the site can do for people and as soon as the sex doesn't start flooding in then it's far easier to blame the site than anything else.
People see others meeting and enjoying fab life and start resenting them rather than trying to work out why they're not having the same experience.
Others take things way too seriously and that's when frustration and resentment start to fester.
A"By the way I'm not ranting I'm just making a point of course theirs a pecking order and for the reasons i stated and I'm right end of | |||
"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
Ayes but you seem an intelligent guy confidence on the part of the female or the male comes into play and many have low self worth, I'm with you i view myself as everyones equal but most people don't and thats where pecking order comes into play, if say for example you are an extremely attractive women but with low self worth you will still be very successful here, if you are a female who is extremely attractive and a high self worth unattainable comes to mind and if you are a female you'll do ok regardless of looks, if you are a male abs tattoos and a beard and up yourself you'll do ok if youre a male and young 25 to 35 you'll do ok, if youre a good looking male with middling self worth or if you're just a male its not easy here, thats what i mean about pecking order and you know that, especially as you say you are a couple you will have the pick of the bunch, you can make demands, you can show pics if you want to etc etc "I have a very low self esteem. I hate literally everything about my body and, often, about how I present to the fab world. And yet I seem to do just fine. I suppose a big part of that is how you define success. I come on fab with the attitude of I’m just going to be me. If I connect with people, fantastic. If I don’t, I won’t try to imagine that’s anyone’s fault. I don’t invent hierarchies or cliques in my head because, like the OP said, that’s not healthy. There are too many threads from single men on this site whining about stuff. If everyone came here projecting happiness and positivity, I expect they’d do a lot better against their own definition of success. | |||
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"I do blame you lot!!! If you were all more friendly to me, i wouldn’t be such a cunt. The mr " | |||
"Jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them "Ya think? | |||
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"Jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them
Ya think? "Bah hahaha | |||
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"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
A"Again nicely put common sense | |||
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"Here’s the thing. ‘Popularity’ or ‘status’ on web forums is mostly just about visibility. The people here that you might see as more popular? They’re probably just the ones who post more. Engage more. Chat more. And end up making more friends here simply because they’re more active. It’s just a bunch of people on a bunch of forums. We’re all equals really. We all have the same tools to use here - a profile, some pictures, our free time and our wits." 100% agree. I've been on various forums since early 2000s and there have always been users who are more well known because of their posting style or the amount of posts they contribute. I'd say Fab forums are probably some of the most welcoming I've used over the years. New users who post in the lounge always get replies, sometimes a bit sarcastic but that's just the way here. I always think it's good to lurk for a while until you get the idea of how things work anyway and I guess that's why Fab make you wait a set amount of hours before you can post | |||
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"I agree with most of what you say op. I do think there are cliques here albeit people who know each other but cliques never the less. Some of them have groups outside of here where information and pictures of others are passed between them. You have some who will happily out other people while playing the victim themselves in public and yes I've seen it first hand and it's why I no longer join in any groups I don't need to know who anyone else is,if someone wants to tell me their info themselves that's fine I don't want or need anyone else to pass it onto me. Voicing this in a group has made me unpopular in them in the past. But I don't really care and as far as I'm concerned I'm better off away from people like that.Yes my info has also being shared when I trusted the wrong person in friendship but it was a lesson learned. I do agree no one has power on here despite what they think,they can only have power if you allow them to and to get inside your head. People do need to stop blaming others for their lack of success it's often quite obvious why someone is having no luck on here when they post but if they won't look inward then you can't help them even if you try. And yes men have a tougher time on here and yes a lot is down to the unbalance of numbers but a lot more is down to attitude and effort made too.It is not just men though look on the forums on any given day and women and couples all have the same issues and sometimes for the same reasons but yet again it's easier to point at others and blame them all the time. There is no solution fab will always be the same. If people did just concentrate on their own journey though they might enjoy it a bit more .It isn't or at least it shouldn't be a competition on here. "You’re just describing culture, that you know that stuff happens means in some way, however small you are part of that culture. You can just choose to not be part of it , and be something else , the opposite of it , and it just becomes irrelevant. | |||
"I agree with most of what you say op. I do think there are cliques here albeit people who know each other but cliques never the less. Some of them have groups outside of here where information and pictures of others are passed between them. You have some who will happily out other people while playing the victim themselves in public and yes I've seen it first hand and it's why I no longer join in any groups I don't need to know who anyone else is,if someone wants to tell me their info themselves that's fine I don't want or need anyone else to pass it onto me. Voicing this in a group has made me unpopular in them in the past. But I don't really care and as far as I'm concerned I'm better off away from people like that.Yes my info has also being shared when I trusted the wrong person in friendship but it was a lesson learned. I do agree no one has power on here despite what they think,they can only have power if you allow them to and to get inside your head. People do need to stop blaming others for their lack of success it's often quite obvious why someone is having no luck on here when they post but if they won't look inward then you can't help them even if you try. And yes men have a tougher time on here and yes a lot is down to the unbalance of numbers but a lot more is down to attitude and effort made too.It is not just men though look on the forums on any given day and women and couples all have the same issues and sometimes for the same reasons but yet again it's easier to point at others and blame them all the time. There is no solution fab will always be the same. If people did just concentrate on their own journey though they might enjoy it a bit more .It isn't or at least it shouldn't be a competition on here.
You’re just describing culture, that you know that stuff happens means in some way, however small you are part of that culture. You can just choose to not be part of it , and be something else , the opposite of it , and it just becomes irrelevant."Ye I suppose that's true and I know what choice I made and will continue to make. | |||
"Off the back of a recently '175'd' thread..... My take - they only exist if you let them. Why? Let me explain my view. Any pecking order, league table, clique, or whatever 'scale' you choose to use to attempt to classify groups on Fab only works if you allow it to in your own head. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself, your gender, your age, your height/weight/cock size/boob size, your sexuality, your preferences or whatever specific trait or characteristic as being beneath someone else, of lesser importance or value than them....then you're right and that will be the case. If you choose the positive path and consider yourself equal to all, of the same worth and importance, then guess what........you're right and that too will be the case. You may not see it. You may not always feel it. But the guaranteed way to perpetuate the myths of Fab that some are more important and of greater worth than others is to choose to reinforce that message with your own actions and behaviour. Playing the victim, blaming others for any lack of success and putting any negative experiences down to some fabled hierarchy of status is a really convenient excuse and rationale to choose to adopt to apportion blame. It's much easier to blame the site, other users, fictitious illuminati cliques and specific groups than to look inwards. Why be positive and look for opportunities and alternative approaches when it's so much easier to blame 'the system' and apply fault to things apparently beyond your control? Own your Fab life. Make your own decisions, choose your own path, decide your own preferences and you'll generally be both more successful and less frustrated. Or don't. It's the choice of the individual as to whether to be positive or negative. It's on you. Nobody else. Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
A"So what if you have the mindset that there's always someone better and someone worse? | |||
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"Op shorten that....Men don't have a type Women do have a type. If you are not that type, no meet." I don't have a type. Dam sure I'm not the only one.  | |||
"So I agree fully , although I don’t believe in positive thinking nonsense. I think it’s important to always see reality accurately and positive thinking goes against that, like somehow you can trick your own brain and it won’t know…. " There is quite a lot of research around which support positive affirmations and how they benefit our neural pathways. Even if we don't believe them. | |||
"I don't have a type. Dam sure I'm not the only one. "That’s what I used to think. Turns out I do, it’s just not defined physically. | |||
"I don't have a type. Dam sure I'm not the only one.
That’s what I used to think. Turns out I do, it’s just not defined physically."That makes it a tad tricky on a site like this, wholly built on looks, doesn't it? I don't even have a non-physical type. Or if I do I can't spot what the men I've been with have in common! | |||
"Op shorten that....Men don't have a type Women do have a type. If you are not that type, no meet." If a woman isn't my type she won't be meeting me and it won't be her loss or mine either if she doesn't fit the profile I'm looking for. | |||
"That makes it a tad tricky on a site like this, wholly built on looks, doesn't it?" I don’t think this place is built on looks. For me it’s built on conversations. It’s more words than pictures. (Nice arse, though. ) | |||
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"That makes it a tad tricky on a site like this, wholly built on looks, doesn't it? I don’t think this place is built on looks. For me it’s built on conversations. It’s more words than pictures. (Nice arse, though. )"I just can't agree with you on that, but you complimented my arse, so I will let it go. | |||
"We all suck equally" Not true. I’ve done extensive trials and some people give better blow jobs than others. | |||
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" Everyone is equal. Until you allow yourself not to be.
A
So what if you have the mindset that there's always someone better and someone worse? "Sorry - been tied up for a few hours - unfortunately not literally.
If that's someone's mindset them I'd just say this. Define better and worse.
I just see 'different' rather than better or worse, in that everyone's experience will be different to mine. If someone sees theirs as better or worse then that's their perception of course. But I'd be curious as to what shaped that view and I'd still argue that it's unlikely to be the fault of either the site as a simple functional entity, nor the impacts of others. Of course the way we see others may shape and impact our view of ourselves, but only if we let it.
If we see someone seemingly being more successful and having a better time on Fab than ourselves it's easy to be negative and view that as unfair, despite the fact that their life on Fab is highly unlikely to impact ours in any way shape or form.
In order for others to be successful we don't have to fail, and vice versa. It's not a competition. Our use of the site, who we meet (and who we don't), my contributions to the forums and Fox's interactions with others via our inbox only affect us and the people we're engaging with. They don't matter to, or affect anyone else in the slightest.
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"Op shorten that....Men don't have a type Women do have a type. If you are not that type, no meet." Where the hell have you pulled that from? I am a woman and I don't have a type. The only people who think I have a type are men I said no to | |||
