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How you really feel...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
In part inspired by Mrs TMN's currently running thread, in part by general conversations today.
How easy do you find it to tell someone how you really feel about them? Are you comfortable in expressing yourself? Do you find it awkward when people say how they feel about you?
When did you last tell someone how you felt about them? |
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In real life I do. I don’t tend to join the kind of threads you’re talking about though. I suppose because nobody really knows the real me and vice versa. I message people compliments etc sometimes though. I’m just not personally a fan of those threads so I don’t join them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In part inspired by Mrs TMN's currently running thread, in part by general conversations today.
How easy do you find it to tell someone how you really feel about them? Are you comfortable in expressing yourself? Do you find it awkward when people say how they feel about you?
When did you last tell someone how you felt about them? "
If it's a total stranger I can be Leary and sarcastic. If it's my loved ones and friends I am a open book. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"In real life I do. I don’t tend to join the kind of threads you’re talking about though. I suppose because nobody really knows the real me and vice versa. I message people compliments etc sometimes though. I’m just not personally a fan of those threads so I don’t join them. "
I'm not talking about those types of threads, I was saying that those types of threads had me thinking about how easily we tell people how we feel about them. Whatever that emotion is. Whether you like someone. Fancy them. Love them.
So, it's not a spin off thread to analyse or discuss that type of thread. More a tangent if that makes sense? Asking people - do you tell people how you feel readily? Are you comfortable with people telling you? |
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I think I'm eventually good. By which I mean, it takes me a long time to open up, but the feelings and words to express them flow easily thereafter.
What I am bad at, I know - and I am trying, I promise! - is accepting compliments gracefully. Both believing they are truthfully meant, and responding in a way that is sincere and grateful, neither gushing nor off-puttingly distancing. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I’m better at writing my thoughts and feelings out. I articulate myself much better in writing, although others may add a tone to it that was not intended.
I struggle talking about my feelings in person and I struggle to listen to others telling me about their feelings (of me), it makes me uncomfortable.
I think this is why I love the film Sense and Sensibility so much. All those unspoken feelings and the angst, i can so relate!  |
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I have absolutely no problem telling people how I feel about them. BUT, and it's a big but, I've learnt to hold back on doing so because very few people actually like to hear it. And it's usually the people that are asking you to be honest that get the most upset in my experience. One of my biggest bugbears is people from the "I have no filter" gang who act like you've slain their entire family if you share an opinion of them that is anything less than arse-lickingly complimentary.
I wish everyone would be upfront, it would make life a heck of a lot less complicated. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
In a way it depends on the person really. If it's someone that I think would appreciate hearing how I felt about them then I would say. If it was someone that I don't think it would make any difference to then I would possibly leave it.
I suppose this is to protect myself from feelings just being ignored or in my eyes, unappreciated.  |
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"If I don't like them, I have no problem telling them.
If I actually like them, I'm not so good. "
Very much me, until I know someone so well and trust them so much my walls dissolve. And that is very rare.
But otherwise, yes. If it doesn't matter, it's easy. If it does...really, really hard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I don't like them, I have no problem telling them.
If I actually like them, I'm not so good.
Very much me, until I know someone so well and trust them so much my walls dissolve. And that is very rare.
But otherwise, yes. If it doesn't matter, it's easy. If it does...really, really hard."
Actually if I don't like people I just choose not to be in their company so telling them is unworthy of my time ... better to tell those who you value that you value them |
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"If I don't like them, I have no problem telling them.
If I actually like them, I'm not so good.
Very much me, until I know someone so well and trust them so much my walls dissolve. And that is very rare.
But otherwise, yes. If it doesn't matter, it's easy. If it does...really, really hard.
Actually if I don't like people I just choose not to be in their company so telling them is unworthy of my time ... better to tell those who you value that you value them "
I'm not talking people I dislike! Just people who aren't someone I like so much as to find them intimidating.
But your plan is definitely much more logical. If only feelings worked that way. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
I'm just upfront, normally can read between the lines of a conversation doesn't always work. signals can be misleading just the way their personality shines
Been a long while been too busy focusing on more important things |
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I have no issue usually especially if it is something appreciated.
I try not to hurt people's feelings but that's not always possible. You can go crazy if you get obsessed with that.
There's some occasions when people's behaviour is triggering and that can be hard to deal with it's very rare though. I still try to be considerate because it's not usually their fault.
I do best with open people who can express all their feelings positive and negative. I don't mind so much if that's delivered sharp. It's the passive aggressive, silent treatment or gaslighting stuff. That's an instant walk.
Last time... About an hour ago    |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Oh Meli, Meli, Meli.
I told someone this morning how I felt about them. It wasn't pleasant but it absolutely had to be done. Again. I was as kind as I could be but it's frustrating. Much like building an outhouse out of jelly.
I'm bad at telling people how I feel about them in general. Part of that is because I don't like to upset people, with either "I don't like you" (in potentially "that" way, but however) or "I do like you"... because that feels like putting them under a lot of pressure to return that "like".
And then I overthink that and convince myself that if they do claim to return the like then they're only saying that because it is what I want to hear.
So... yeah. It's darned hard to do sometimes, usually if the feelings I have towards the person make me scared of the inevitable rejection.
As for taking how someone feels about me... if they don't like me I find that easy to accept. Because why would they, I'm not usually a fan (although today I will admit I quite like me, I feeling creative and reasonably talented and someone I like said they like me and I shut the brain goblins in the toilet so I can't hear them).
As above though, if someone says they do like me I do a lot of blushing and find that really hard not to deflect. Brain goblins are arseholes.
Sorry. I waffled  |
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If I like someone on the whole it's easy.
If I 'like' like them then it's a lot harder. Crushing fear of rejection and all that.
If I don't like someone I'll probably end up taking them for dinner as I feel guilty about not liking them 
J |
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"If I like someone on the whole it's easy.
If I 'like' like them then it's a lot harder. Crushing fear of rejection and all that.
If I don't like someone I'll probably end up taking them for dinner as I feel guilty about not liking them
J"
Lol brilliant idea that couldn't possibly go wrong! |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"Oh Meli, Meli, Meli.
I told someone this morning how I felt about them. It wasn't pleasant but it absolutely had to be done. Again. I was as kind as I could be but it's frustrating. Much like building an outhouse out of jelly.
I'm bad at telling people how I feel about them in general. Part of that is because I don't like to upset people, with either "I don't like you" (in potentially "that" way, but however) or "I do like you"... because that feels like putting them under a lot of pressure to return that "like".
And then I overthink that and convince myself that if they do claim to return the like then they're only saying that because it is what I want to hear.
So... yeah. It's darned hard to do sometimes, usually if the feelings I have towards the person make me scared of the inevitable rejection.
As for taking how someone feels about me... if they don't like me I find that easy to accept. Because why would they, I'm not usually a fan (although today I will admit I quite like me, I feeling creative and reasonably talented and someone I like said they like me and I shut the brain goblins in the toilet so I can't hear them).
As above though, if someone says they do like me I do a lot of blushing and find that really hard not to deflect. Brain goblins are arseholes.
Sorry. I waffled "
Oi stop procrastinating on here and get those pants on!! Genuinely the only time I will ever ever say that to you |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I have not filter….. I either say it or my face does.
I’d rather be upfront and honest. I hate bullshit and expect the same in return. "
Ah Lexi, good to read you again! Yes, your face is so expressive. There'd be little point in you saying something different from what your face so clearly says. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I very earnestly try. I’m not great with words in the moment.
I tend to turn into a bumbling, Hugh Grant character.
I would have been a catch in earlier centuries. I could write pages of prose. "
Bumbling people have a rather endearing charm to them though, don't they? It's like they've lost their eloquence because they're so caught up by what they feel for you in that moment.
Oh you'd be perfect in an earlier century! Late 1800s. I'd like to think I'd do well, I'm rather partial to waffling. Bar me being mixed race, obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m very very open now. I find it easy to tell someone what they mean to me or how I feel about someone.
I think life’s to short to play guessing games, if you know or I know where we are, we can get in with enjoying something or move on and find something else.
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I find It too easy, and know that being too forward can be off putting. But then I notch it up to incompatibility if we cannot move forward from it and find a mutual balance 
Oh and last night  "
Aww Compy! It's an incompatibility definitely. When I asked a friend if I was too much of a particular trait, she said, no. You're not *too* much anything. You're just you and there are right people for you. |
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On here? Easy. Well, easy to say if I like someone (platonically or otherwise); less so in reverse.
In real life? I'm the stiff upper lip, closed book and lid-on bottle all rolled into one. Other than with my family, who I'll tell I love them easily and often, often through the medium of big hugs. |
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I find it difficult to truly open up to people in real life. On here, I do open up to the people I message regularly and it's easier to tell them what they mean to me or how they make me feel. In real life, it takes me a while to get there. I am terrible at taking compliments because I always think the person giving it doesn't really know me. I've only let them get to know the "surface me" so it doesn't count. |
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I don't really tell anyone on here how I feel. I just assume they know I like them otherwise I wouldn't talk to them.
In real life I have no problem telling family how I feel. I just stay away from people I don't like |
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I may not necessarily be particularly vocal in saying so. But if I enjoy someone's company and conversation they'll know it. Because I'll happy just sit and listen to them. Or send them a random message saying hello or I saw this and thought of you. |
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I don't like to rely on words to express how I feel about someone.
There are people I love that I will probably never say that word to, but I think my actions and choices tell them that I care for them deeply, in a way that means a lot more than a word used so oddly as that one. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I’m better at writing my thoughts and feelings out. I articulate myself much better in writing, although others may add a tone to it that was not intended.
I struggle talking about my feelings in person and I struggle to listen to others telling me about their feelings (of me), it makes me uncomfortable.
I think this is why I love the film Sense and Sensibility so much. All those unspoken feelings and the angst, i can so relate! "
.
Also it's sheer beauty isn't it? All the heaving bosoms, the longing... heavenly.
I can understand telling and listening to feelings making you uncomfortable. There's no right or wrong way to be is there?
The written word can be freeing. As much as I love it, I'd rather hear things. Or see them through actions. I think what someone does can tell you so much more than their words can. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I have absolutely no problem telling people how I feel about them. BUT, and it's a big but, I've learnt to hold back on doing so because very few people actually like to hear it. And it's usually the people that are asking you to be honest that get the most upset in my experience. One of my biggest bugbears is people from the "I have no filter" gang who act like you've slain their entire family if you share an opinion of them that is anything less than arse-lickingly complimentary.
I wish everyone would be upfront, it would make life a heck of a lot less complicated. "
Hey Lily! You know I agree with you. How could I not?
Ah the tell it like it is crowd. Free with *their* truth but heaven forbid yours doesn't match theirs. Can we stick them in the bin with the #bekind brigade? |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"In a way it depends on the person really. If it's someone that I think would appreciate hearing how I felt about them then I would say. If it was someone that I don't think it would make any difference to then I would possibly leave it.
I suppose this is to protect myself from feelings just being ignored or in my eyes, unappreciated. "
Aww Cede.
That's possibly sensible. No, it is. I think them being ignored or worse, unappreciated could be damaging to them. To you. Also sometimes, things don't need to be said. Not really. |
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"In a way it depends on the person really. If it's someone that I think would appreciate hearing how I felt about them then I would say. If it was someone that I don't think it would make any difference to then I would possibly leave it.
I suppose this is to protect myself from feelings just being ignored or in my eyes, unappreciated.
Aww Cede.
That's possibly sensible. No, it is. I think them being ignored or worse, unappreciated could be damaging to them. To you. Also sometimes, things don't need to be said. Not really.
That's possibly sensible. No, it is. I think them being ignored or worse, unappreciated could be damaging to them. To you. Also sometimes, things don't need to be said. Not really. "
That's really wise advice and an error I sometimes make. It comes from a good place because I care about the person, but sometimes it just makes things worse and I think dickhead, you should have just shut your mouth |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"If I don't like them, I have no problem telling them.
If I actually like them, I'm not so good. "
That makes sense. It's very you.
I guess I'm the same. It's easier to talk more freely when I'm not thinking about it. Overthinking. Uncertain. |
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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
I wear my heart on my sleeve and it has been crumpled many times but I am a great believer in being open and honest with someone about how you feel. I would say I’ve only changed to that approach in the last eighteen months as before it was just easier to avoid being hurt or have any confrontation |
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I'm starting to believe my current way it a little to forward, after years of being told I'm closed book and how frustrating that is, I now like to be upfront and lay my cards on the table from early on. Neither way has even been fruitful tbh . |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"If I like you I will tell you.
My problem is an assume everyone is a bellend until proven otherwise.
The mr "
I mean if that view serves you fair enough. I tend to do the opposite, assume everyone is great and then I'm shocked when they're a bit of a bellend. |
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Mellster!
If I like someone, I find it very easy, be that friendwise or sexually. I prefer to take the initiative rather than waiting around hopefully. If I don't like someone, I generally just avoid them. I don't see the point in telling them - we're obviously not each other's people.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I have no issue usually especially if it is something appreciated.
I try not to hurt people's feelings but that's not always possible. You can go crazy if you get obsessed with that.
There's some occasions when people's behaviour is triggering and that can be hard to deal with it's very rare though. I still try to be considerate because it's not usually their fault.
I do best with open people who can express all their feelings positive and negative. I don't mind so much if that's delivered sharp. It's the passive aggressive, silent treatment or gaslighting stuff. That's an instant walk.
Last time... About an hour ago "
I can't cope with silent treatment. Or passive aggression. In the slightest.
I think if it gets to the point that's happening, it's not good is it? Walking is sensible, I try and see it through sometimes and end up sad in the process. Bit of emotional masochism is always a delight.
People being open is great. I understand why some people find it difficult, of course. But I think the important stuff? You make it known in some way. If the person matters to you. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Oh Meli, Meli, Meli.
I told someone this morning how I felt about them. It wasn't pleasant but it absolutely had to be done. Again. I was as kind as I could be but it's frustrating. Much like building an outhouse out of jelly.
I'm bad at telling people how I feel about them in general. Part of that is because I don't like to upset people, with either "I don't like you" (in potentially "that" way, but however) or "I do like you"... because that feels like putting them under a lot of pressure to return that "like".
And then I overthink that and convince myself that if they do claim to return the like then they're only saying that because it is what I want to hear.
So... yeah. It's darned hard to do sometimes, usually if the feelings I have towards the person make me scared of the inevitable rejection.
As for taking how someone feels about me... if they don't like me I find that easy to accept. Because why would they, I'm not usually a fan (although today I will admit I quite like me, I feeling creative and reasonably talented and someone I like said they like me and I shut the brain goblins in the toilet so I can't hear them).
As above though, if someone says they do like me I do a lot of blushing and find that really hard not to deflect. Brain goblins are arseholes.
Sorry. I waffled "
Ah I love waffling! Always.
I'd never heard of brain goblins before. I like that. Not that you have them obviously, they need to be gone. But the idea makes a lot of sense.
Being scared of rejection.
I quite like someone. In a way I didn't think I would. At all. I'm trying to not verbally spaff in their direction. Because sometimes things don't need to be said. Even by someone as verbose as me. |
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Sometimes I've been in situations where both of us don't want to annoy the other by talking too much, in case it feels entitled, or too possessive, or just...too much. And then both of us can feel neglected.
Talking live, on the phone or in person, is easy. Talking asynchronously is very hard. |
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"Talking live, on the phone or in person, is easy. Talking asynchronously is very hard."
Oh god, yes. I know that feeling so well.
When you’ve left just a little too long between messages. And you don’t quite know each other well enough yet for it to feel okay, to feel easy. And you start to worry about how to rekindle that flame, that flicker of conversational heat. It’s performance anxiety on the virtual plane. |
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About as subtle as a flying brick will judge people on their actions rather than their appearance I'm the person. Who tells people to be quiet in the cinema or calls out the asshole being mean to retail staff I hate that behavior |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's a weird one.
I'm very much a wear my heart on my sleeve type. And usually if I don't say it my face does. All that is fine and well when it comes to work.
However, I do find I have to hold myself back at other times. If I get swept up in a moment or if I start to feel vulnerable, it can freak me out a bit.
If honest it's probably why I'm making a very conscious decision to stay single now.
I want the moments and I want the intensity and gorgeous giddy feelings of butterflies and lust.
However I never want to be back in a situation where its one sided. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"August 2020. I told a man I loved him. He left me a week later. That was fun.
I tell my friends I love them all the time."
Eurgh. I'm sorry you experienced that.
People people so hard sometimes. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I use deeds rather than words.i find that a very easy way to show people how I feel about them frequently "
Oh deeds are something else. Well, more actions. Words are wonderful, powerful things. Poetic even. I adore them. But I think it's the actions of someone that really tells you how they feel. That dissonance between the two is what can be confusing for me. And lead to overthinking and doubt. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I wear my heart on my sleeve and it has been crumpled many times but I am a great believer in being open and honest with someone about how you feel. I would say I’ve only changed to that approach in the last eighteen months as before it was just easier to avoid being hurt or have any confrontation "
Aww Cookie.
I think it's great you've changed to that approach if it's serving you. I'm quite like you, it's easy to see my heart and how I feel. Sure I have walls up and sometimes they're dismantled or made stronger. But being open with how I feel? It's how I am, wouldn't change it even if sometimes I'm made to feel bad about that.
Regardless of how you approach it, whether you're a heart on your sleeves sort, a keep feelings close to your chest person. There's courage in being true to you. The right people in your life embrace you as you are.
I hope your heart is crumple free in the years to come. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
Ah I love waffling! Always.
I'd never heard of brain goblins before. I like that. Not that you have them obviously, they need to be gone. But the idea makes a lot of sense.
Being scared of rejection.
I quite like someone. In a way I didn't think I would. At all. I'm trying to not verbally spaff in their direction. Because sometimes things don't need to be said. Even by someone as verbose as me. "
You like waffling?
I like that you like someone. That is joyous. However, is verbal staff worse than word vomit? I did that at someone I quite like and they seemed OK with it.
Spaff away... just mind the eyes. |
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