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A question for all the lovely Trans and CD folk
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Does the word ‘convincing’ annoy you? In the context of “Yes I’d meet a trans person but only if they were convincing”.
I feel like I’ve read lots of comments that say you’re not trying to convince anyone of anything, you just enjoy what you do for you, which seems fair enough.
I sincerely hope this isn’t a naive or insensitive question, I’m just curious what your individual views will be. |
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To me personally don't but for a vastly majority yes because passing or fiscally matching the gender one identity it makes life happier and easier in all aspects from social to health ,also avoid the feeling or exposure of the individual to the raw pain of estagmitization what as we all know can have devastating consequences for trans women and trans man , being trans women the most estagmitized in society  |
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When it comes to a site like fabs we can not forget that atraction is also very important and saying this, everyone have their own sense of attractiveness what it need to be respected when they choose the person/s who they choose to play with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think opinions will vary between part time dressers like me and full time. Then there are trans women too.
For me I am convincing. In that when you meet me, you'd be convinced I am a transvestite. Calling me convincing, I'd take it as a compliment as I am essentially a guy playing dressup. (There is more to it than that, but I think you know what I mean).
For those at the other end of the journey/spectrum they are not dressing as anything. They just are. In that context, convincing means what? It could also lead, unintentionally, to the opposite effect the complimenter desires, i.e. letting the recipient know they have been clocked.
In regard to transwomen, they are women. It would be odd to tell a woman that they are convincing.
But for me, sure, go ahead. |
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"I think opinions will vary between part time dressers like me and full time. Then there are trans women too.
For me I am convincing. In that when you meet me, you'd be convinced I am a transvestite. Calling me convincing, I'd take it as a compliment as I am essentially a guy playing dressup. (There is more to it than that, but I think you know what I mean).
For those at the other end of the journey/spectrum they are not dressing as anything. They just are. In that context, convincing means what? It could also lead, unintentionally, to the opposite effect the complimenter desires, i.e. letting the recipient know they have been clocked.
In regard to transwomen, they are women. It would be odd to tell a woman that they are convincing.
But for me, sure, go ahead."
Thanks Jennie. But if someone met you and said you weren’t convincing enough, would that offend/hurt you? It seems akin to saying they don’t fancy you (which of course can be hurtful but happens) but I wondered if it runs deeper in these circumstances. |
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When I was younger to get into Napoleons in Manchester on a Wednesday if you were a TV/ TS it was free but everyone else was charged £1. The guy charged me a pound (yes I was crossdressed) the people I was with demanded my free entry I however happily paid the £1.
To answer the question I think I was more convincing when I was younger however it doesn’t bother me now but I can feel empathy for anyone in which it does. |
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"When it comes to a site like fabs we can not forget that atraction is also very important and saying this, everyone have their own sense of attractiveness what it need to be respected when they choose the person/s who they choose to play with "
Thanks _nlivene, that’s an excellent point. I like to think most on fab wouldn’t meet someone to whom they are not attracted, just for sex (I know some will). Would you be more offended if someone put it down to ‘just’ your overall attractiveness, or if they specifically called out your ‘unconvincing’ dress? Assuming you are offended! You may not be.
* don’t feel like you have to go into detail of anything you’d rather not recount. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think opinions will vary between part time dressers like me and full time. Then there are trans women too.
For me I am convincing. In that when you meet me, you'd be convinced I am a transvestite. Calling me convincing, I'd take it as a compliment as I am essentially a guy playing dressup. (There is more to it than that, but I think you know what I mean).
For those at the other end of the journey/spectrum they are not dressing as anything. They just are. In that context, convincing means what? It could also lead, unintentionally, to the opposite effect the complimenter desires, i.e. letting the recipient know they have been clocked.
In regard to transwomen, they are women. It would be odd to tell a woman that they are convincing.
But for me, sure, go ahead.
Thanks Jennie. But if someone met you and said you weren’t convincing enough, would that offend/hurt you? It seems akin to saying they don’t fancy you (which of course can be hurtful but happens) but I wondered if it runs deeper in these circumstances."
There's a really broad sweep from CD through TV and on to trans women.
I know that close up I am not going go 'convince' but for me it's not that important. I dont need to pass in daily life.
For me convincing is a compliment, not convincing enough would be an ouchy way to put it but I could take it.
For others though, it could be mortifying. We are a strange herd and our ways are many and varied. |
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"When I was younger to get into Napoleons in Manchester on a Wednesday if you were a TV/ TS it was free but everyone else was charged £1. The guy charged me a pound (yes I was crossdressed) the people I was with demanded my free entry I however happily paid the £1.
To answer the question I think I was more convincing when I was younger however it doesn’t bother me now but I can feel empathy for anyone in which it does. "
And were you not pissed off that he was basically saying you don’t look enough like their expectations of CD/TV to get in for free? I know it was only £1, but you’d been singled out as ‘unconvincing’ which seems unfair |
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"I think opinions will vary between part time dressers like me and full time. Then there are trans women too.
For me I am convincing. In that when you meet me, you'd be convinced I am a transvestite. Calling me convincing, I'd take it as a compliment as I am essentially a guy playing dressup. (There is more to it than that, but I think you know what I mean).
For those at the other end of the journey/spectrum they are not dressing as anything. They just are. In that context, convincing means what? It could also lead, unintentionally, to the opposite effect the complimenter desires, i.e. letting the recipient know they have been clocked.
In regard to transwomen, they are women. It would be odd to tell a woman that they are convincing.
But for me, sure, go ahead.
Thanks Jennie. But if someone met you and said you weren’t convincing enough, would that offend/hurt you? It seems akin to saying they don’t fancy you (which of course can be hurtful but happens) but I wondered if it runs deeper in these circumstances.
There's a really broad sweep from CD through TV and on to trans women.
I know that close up I am not going go 'convince' but for me it's not that important. I dont need to pass in daily life.
For me convincing is a compliment, not convincing enough would be an ouchy way to put it but I could take it.
For others though, it could be mortifying. We are a strange herd and our ways are many and varied."
That makes sense and is the reason I haven’t asked this question before. I’ve seen lots of threads asking Fab for the categories to be split up but I guess it’s not as simple as many think, especially when you add in biological gender and sexual preference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a bio born female, I look fem, I am female... Several times in my life I've been asked if I'm Mtf trans?... I mean not an issue for me. But I'd say frankly men can't apparently call it that well  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a bio born female, I look fem, I am female... Several times in my life I've been asked if I'm Mtf trans?... I mean not an issue for me. But I'd say frankly men can't apparently call it that well "
Maybe it's cos you adhere so much the the idealised version of female perfection that it's been assumed to be a construction.
.
.
Or the beard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a bio born female, I look fem, I am female... Several times in my life I've been asked if I'm Mtf trans?... I mean not an issue for me. But I'd say frankly men can't apparently call it that well
Maybe it's cos you adhere so much the the idealised version of female perfection that it's been assumed to be a construction.
.
.
Or the beard."
It's defo the beard  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first dressed I used to be considered convincing and at times was taken for female when out. But never tried to change the voice.
In recent years I probably was not so convincing but I dressed for me and often only went to kink events dressed where it did not matter as much if I was convincing or not.
But then have not dressed fully for couple of years. Still may go to the odd event wearing something feminine but no wig or make up. |
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"When it comes to a site like fabs we can not forget that atraction is also very important and saying this, everyone have their own sense of attractiveness what it need to be respected when they choose the person/s who they choose to play with
Thanks _nlivene, that’s an excellent point. I like to think most on fab wouldn’t meet someone to whom they are not attracted, just for sex (I know some will). Would you be more offended if someone put it down to ‘just’ your overall attractiveness, or if they specifically called out your ‘unconvincing’ dress? Assuming you are offended! You may not be.
* don’t feel like you have to go into detail of anything you’d rather not recount."
I wouldn't be offended at all , i would respect as is a decision of someone who have his/her own sense of atraction and the freedom to choose and i should just accept, respect and move on without creating big drama about |
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I am a trans woman.
Cis woman and trans woman both come in a variety of styles.
Frankly, I know that I probably will never look 'probably cis' to someone who is trying to guess.
But I do kinda wish that folk understood better the gender continuum. Also, as a trans woman who has specifically mentioned she doesn't like attention on her willy, I do wish men would stop asking how big I am.
It's not a clear answer at all and like a lot of these Qs, it'll differ for each individual. |
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"Convincing doesn't bother me.. motley crue are probably more convincing than me... most would regard my look as very unfeminine anyway...but I grew up with punk so I see things differently.."
I’m fairly convinced that you are Robyn!! |
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
I am trans an at at a relatively early point in my journey. How I feel about the "convinving" issue depends a lot on my mood and how emotional I am feeling at the time. Most of the time I am pragmatic about how I look and accept that a lot of people still see me as an oddity and feel thankful that most are at least kind or accepting to my face. On bad days, esspecially those when my media feeds have been full of transphobia and the politicians being determined to put us at significantly elevated risk of assult and murder, on those days I was to be perceived as a woman and not be labled as "convincing" as just being perceived as a woman will make me feel so much safer. |
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I’ve got so much to learn about all this! I feel incredibly naive and ill-informed so thanks to everyone who has responded.
I’m going to make a concerted effort to understand these things from an entirely new perspective.
Embracing difference |
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By *oanne ETV/TS
over a year ago
Near Warrington |
I don't really care whether people think I'm convincing or not. I am an occasional CD who thoroughly enjoys dressing. For me it's all about being comfortable in my own skin.
But I do wish I had longer legs lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'Passing' does undoubtibly help to some extent when out and about and doing my day to day things.
But inner confidence is also an important part when doing the above.
Stephanie Lynette (a Transgender youtuber I follow) has done a couple of good videos on 'Passing Priviledge' and similar subjects which are well worth having a look at as she explains it much better than I possibly could. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I assume when they mean not convincing, they are referring to the dressers who stick their wifes underwear on. Have pics with their hairy chest and bellys.
Don't even try to be convincing, but are under the TV/TS label. |
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"I assume when they mean not convincing, they are referring to the dressers who stick their wifes underwear on. Have pics with their hairy chest and bellys.
Don't even try to be convincing, but are under the TV/TS label."
you may be right with this post  |
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For my eyes, convincing is when a child doesn't say, "mummy that man is wearing a dress"
For lots of men the sexual attraction is in his partners looking and sounding like a woman, hence the need for convincing.
I guess thats also where "chick with a dick" and lady boys came from.
As long as the Cd/Tv/Trans person is happy with their look, then not a lot else matters  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate the term convincing. My trans status isn't based on how I look, because I won't look like this next year. Or the year after. Things take a long time to start taking effect and surgeries take a long time to get around to. My worth as a man isn't based on how I look right now, and if someone thinks I'm not "convincing" enough then they can keep on looking  |
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"I hate the term convincing. My trans status isn't based on how I look, because I won't look like this next year. Or the year after. Things take a long time to start taking effect and surgeries take a long time to get around to. My worth as a man isn't based on how I look right now, and if someone thinks I'm not "convincing" enough then they can keep on looking "
I like this response! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I assume when they mean not convincing, they are referring to the dressers who stick their wifes underwear on. Have pics with their hairy chest and bellys.
Don't even try to be convincing, but are under the TV/TS label.you may be right with this post "
Definitely a lot of panty wearers under the ts/TV label. I think its miss selling lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I assume when they mean not convincing, they are referring to the dressers who stick their wifes underwear on. Have pics with their hairy chest and bellys.
Don't even try to be convincing, but are under the TV/TS label.you may be right with this post
Definitely a lot of panty wearers under the ts/TV label. I think its miss selling lol "
The site doesn’t set a criteria. Prob should be a minimum level of effort. |
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When I was part time it was important to be convincing. The effort I went to was to be as femme as possible, not in order to attract anyone but to feel as good in being me as possible.
Nowadays I'm more concerned about being truthful to myself. Concerns have diminished, and when I'm misgendered I try to let it slide as, at the moment, I'm honestly not that bothered what anyone else thinks. But sometimes it can hurt, especially if I've made an effort.
As for the term convincing? I think nowadays "passing" is more important. Convincing sounds like I've had to do something to make you believe I'm a woman. Passing to me means you just accept me as a woman, no matter what x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Convincing sounds like I've had to do something to make you believe I'm a woman. Passing to me means you just accept me as a woman, no matter what x"
Spot on! |
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I think you either find someone attractive or you don't.
I don't think its up to you to say you are convincing as thats for others to decide. As my mother used to say "Self praise is no praise at all".
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"When I was part time it was important to be convincing. The effort I went to was to be as femme as possible, not in order to attract anyone but to feel as good in being me as possible.
Nowadays I'm more concerned about being truthful to myself. Concerns have diminished, and when I'm misgendered I try to let it slide as, at the moment, I'm honestly not that bothered what anyone else thinks. But sometimes it can hurt, especially if I've made an effort.
As for the term convincing? I think nowadays "passing" is more important. Convincing sounds like I've had to do something to make you believe I'm a woman. Passing to me means you just accept me as a woman, no matter what x"
Thanks, Samantha. This is a word I shall add to my vocabulary as it feels more inclusive. |
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"Convincing doesn't bother me.. motley crue are probably more convincing than me... most would regard my look as very unfeminine anyway...but I grew up with punk so I see things differently.."
have you seen motley crue lately? Yes maybe they were in 1986 but not now, best thing is you only charge me £25 to see you try and sing on a Friday night
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"Convincing doesn't bother me.. motley crue are probably more convincing than me... most would regard my look as very unfeminine anyway...but I grew up with punk so I see things differently.. have you seen motley crue lately? Yes maybe they were in 1986 but not now, best thing is you only charge me £25 to see you try and sing on a Friday night "
And also I don't try wrecking the hotel room.... though that's only when I'm the one that's booked it.. |
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No I don’t find it annoying, as you say if people enjoy dressing then good for them. But I personally I find trans or cds attractive myself if they have wig and make up and look pretty much completely feminine. Everyone has a preference and I’m not everyone’s preference, just as some people only like convincing t girls! |
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"Convincing doesn't bother me.. motley crue are probably more convincing than me... most would regard my look as very unfeminine anyway...but I grew up with punk so I see things differently.. have you seen motley crue lately? Yes maybe they were in 1986 but not now, best thing is you only charge me £25 to see you try and sing on a Friday night
And also I don't try wrecking the hotel room.... though that's only when I'm the one that's booked it.. "
ahh so that’s why you are always on your best behaviour nowadays |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you either find someone attractive or you don't.
I don't think its up to you to say you are convincing as thats for others to decide. As my mother used to say "Self praise is no praise at all".
"
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By the I mean, you'll be 'convinced' I'm a tranny 
