FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How to stay positive
How to stay positive
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By *ewdkarmma OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Hi all, first time poster long time lurker.
I don’t want this to be some pity party but I wanted to ask (probably more the guys) how you all stay positive in the online dating/swinging etc scene when faced with constant rejection and being ignored.
I’m on a good chunk of sites and apps, I try to fill out profiles as best I can, if I message people I make a point of reading the profile first. But both in the past and now I seem to have absolutely 0 luck with anyone. Like even people who like etc my profiles don’t even speak to me after.
I get it, nobody owes anyone a response, and I’ve seen how things are from the female perspective, it’s a goddam nightmare.
So yeah, long winded way to ask a question but how do you all approach it? How do you stay sane? Is there ways to play the algorithms a bit more? Should I take my goblin ass back to my cave and never emerge again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m in a poly relationship so I’m generally here for friends or more casual meets"
From our point... seeing a guy on a single profile who states they are in a relationship of any kind is a red flag.
We understand not all guys are cheating is such a scenario however a lot do!
Sign up as a couple?
S and Jay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab is fab just carry on being yourself engage in the forums a bit lots of lovely women and gents on hear
Fab is sex site I know but see it as fab community some gents have helped me through some difficult times and some of women
Just enjoy the forums and have fun  |
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By *ewdkarmma OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
""I’m in a poly relationship so I’m generally here for friends or more casual meets"
From our point... seeing a guy on a single profile who states they are in a relationship of any kind is a red flag.
We understand not all guys are cheating is such a scenario however a lot do!
Sign up as a couple?
S and Jay"
I’m actually listed with my partner on a lot of the other things I use. Those in particular I’ve had absolutely no interaction either, but it’s something I’m aware would maybe be seen as a red flag by people. I guess there’s not much I can really do there other than be upfront and honest? I guess I could put some couple pics up maybe? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I’m in a poly relationship so I’m generally here for friends or more casual meets"
From our point... seeing a guy on a single profile who states they are in a relationship of any kind is a red flag.
We understand not all guys are cheating is such a scenario however a lot do!
Sign up as a couple?
S and Jay
I’m actually listed with my partner on a lot of the other things I use. Those in particular I’ve had absolutely no interaction either, but it’s something I’m aware would maybe be seen as a red flag by people. I guess there’s not much I can really do there other than be upfront and honest? I guess I could put some couple pics up maybe?"
Pics of you both goes a long long way! Get on it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I’m in a poly relationship so I’m generally here for friends or more casual meets"
From our point... seeing a guy on a single profile who states they are in a relationship of any kind is a red flag.
We understand not all guys are cheating is such a scenario however a lot do!
Sign up as a couple?
S and Jay
I’m actually listed with my partner on a lot of the other things I use. Those in particular I’ve had absolutely no interaction either, but it’s something I’m aware would maybe be seen as a red flag by people. I guess there’s not much I can really do there other than be upfront and honest? I guess I could put some couple pics up maybe?
Pics of you both goes a long long way! Get on it "
Only of you're actually meeting as a couple, if it's just you then there's no need really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know how you feel get very few replies most read and delete or just delete its a sex site not let's just sit here and enjoy the attention and not have the decency to engage  "
It's a swinging site. Not a h**kers r us site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know how you feel get very few replies most read and delete or just delete its a sex site not let's just sit here and enjoy the attention and not have the decency to engage
It's a swinging site. Not a h**kers r us site. "
Your profile is ace!
S n J
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I’m in a poly relationship so I’m generally here for friends or more casual meets"
From our point... seeing a guy on a single profile who states they are in a relationship of any kind is a red flag.
We understand not all guys are cheating is such a scenario however a lot do!
Sign up as a couple?
S and Jay"
Why would they sign up as a couple if he's looking to chat/meet alone?
Pxx |
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It's different where you already have a partner though, compared to the single guys on here who have no one
I think their level of discontent would be higher than yours. And most just keep plugging away. Same as what I say to them. clubs/parties/socials are they easiest way to meet people  |
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Honestly... I stopped.
Much like yourself I was constantly getting nowhere.
It was disheartening, especially when I saw others having success.
I don't bother with dating apps anymore, and messaging women out of the blue is something I very rarely do now. I think out the last 10 women I've messaged in 6 months, not one opened my message (I guess they were jealous of how pretty I am )
I'm lucky that I enjoy playing with guys otherwise Fab would suck haha.
If you're feeling down about it all, I'd say you're too invested/hopeful in sending messages to people. Exercise a little detachment from it all, don't hold so much stock in it.
When you send a message to a woman, forget about it until you get a response.
Don't give up with it, you might as well keep trying. Just stop letting it be a source of negativity in yourself life.
If it really is making me you sad... Stop. Take a break, go and do something else for a bit. When you're feeling better come and give it another shot.
Best of luck buddy
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I’m in a poly relationship so I’m generally here for friends or more casual meets"
From our point... seeing a guy on a single profile who states they are in a relationship of any kind is a red flag.
We understand not all guys are cheating is such a scenario however a lot do!
Sign up as a couple?
S and Jay
Why would they sign up as a couple if he's looking to chat/meet alone?
Pxx"
Heard a lot of their partners know on single guys profiles when they in fact have no idea.
Lot of people see it as a red flag. |
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By *ewdkarmma OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Honestly... I stopped.
Much like yourself I was constantly getting nowhere.
It was disheartening, especially when I saw others having success.
I don't bother with dating apps anymore, and messaging women out of the blue is something I very rarely do now. I think out the last 10 women I've messaged in 6 months, not one opened my message (I guess they were jealous of how pretty I am )
I'm lucky that I enjoy playing with guys otherwise Fab would suck haha.
If you're feeling down about it all, I'd say you're too invested/hopeful in sending messages to people. Exercise a little detachment from it all, don't hold so much stock in it.
When you send a message to a woman, forget about it until you get a response.
Don't give up with it, you might as well keep trying. Just stop letting it be a source of negativity in yourself life.
If it really is making me you sad... Stop. Take a break, go and do something else for a bit. When you're feeling better come and give it another shot.
Best of luck buddy
"
Yea I think you nailed it there, I genuinely must have messaged well over 100 people over the course of the last 6 months both here and elsewhere and not one has replied. Yet people I talk to about it seem to at least get a couple conversations going at least.
But yeah I think just not using them is going to be the play for now, I think there’s a bit of sunk cost fallacy at this point.
Thanks
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I know how you feel get very few replies most read and delete or just delete its a sex site not let's just sit here and enjoy the attention and not have the decency to engage "
It's true we're mostly here for sex, but that doesn't mean we should have sex with anyone who asks.
I'm not looking to wear my vagina out with a dick a day.
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By *ewdkarmma OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Heard a lot of their partners know on single guys profiles when they in fact have no idea.
Lot of people see it as a red flag. "
My own partner said this to me at the time, so I fully believe this will have been at least a factor many times |
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By *umblefunMan
over a year ago
London/ South East |
It’s a numbers game. Many more ladies than guys. Also it’s not real life! If my life revolved around online dating not only would I be depressed but I’d also be mad. Keep looking and seek out the positive, pay compliments and try to be positive. This should also give a confidence boost to what happens in real life. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Hi all, first time poster long time lurker.
I don’t want this to be some pity party but I wanted to ask (probably more the guys) how you all stay positive in the online dating/swinging etc scene when faced with constant rejection and being ignored.
I’m on a good chunk of sites and apps, I try to fill out profiles as best I can, if I message people I make a point of reading the profile first. But both in the past and now I seem to have absolutely 0 luck with anyone. Like even people who like etc my profiles don’t even speak to me after.
I get it, nobody owes anyone a response, and I’ve seen how things are from the female perspective, it’s a goddam nightmare.
So yeah, long winded way to ask a question but how do you all approach it? How do you stay sane? Is there ways to play the algorithms a bit more? Should I take my goblin ass back to my cave and never emerge again?"
I think if you keep these sites as your only option then yes very frustrating unless your young and fit with tatts and a beard, i find meeting people in person works best for me but this site can be social, you can make virtual friends here, you can have a laugh and you can show people your wears even perform. One thing i will say though if you thrust sex in peoples faces from the get go you won't get anywhere so that could mean your username, your pics or your messages, treat people with respect and most will respect you for that.  |
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"Hi all, first time poster long time lurker.
I don’t want this to be some pity party but I wanted to ask (probably more the guys) how you all stay positive in the online dating/swinging etc scene when faced with constant rejection and being ignored.
I’m on a good chunk of sites and apps, I try to fill out profiles as best I can, if I message people I make a point of reading the profile first. But both in the past and now I seem to have absolutely 0 luck with anyone. Like even people who like etc my profiles don’t even speak to me after.
I get it, nobody owes anyone a response, and I’ve seen how things are from the female perspective, it’s a goddam nightmare.
So yeah, long winded way to ask a question but how do you all approach it? How do you stay sane? Is there ways to play the algorithms a bit more? Should I take my goblin ass back to my cave and never emerge again?"
Don’t take fab seriously. I rarely get replies back and if any then it’s No thanks. Still a fab virgin and looking for first meet through fab but I do ok in clubs/parties. Try your local clubs or socials and you will meet genuine people. |
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Have you tried the chatrooms here?
I have made lots of good fab friends there and people who I wouldn't nessarily have replied to had they messaged me.
I find I am attracted to funny or intelligent comments people make and things can go from there.
The forums are always good too.
Good luck. |
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By *ewdkarmma OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Have you tried the chatrooms here?
I have made lots of good fab friends there and people who I wouldn't nessarily have replied to had they messaged me.
I find I am attracted to funny or intelligent comments people make and things can go from there.
The forums are always good too.
Good luck. "
Tbh after the friendly response here I think I might give the forums more of a shot, I wasn’t even aware there was chat rooms so I’ll go looking for those
Thankyou |
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Just take things as they go is my only helping advice here.
I was married for 37 years and we did Swing for most of that time. Probably ever since the internet came to us. Been swinging here and in other countries we were in due to my work. Learnt a lot about swinging sites etc.
Now single and find it like you very difficult on these sites. I/We found that most men get a bad rap normally from the single females and couples and quickly stopped looking for them and spent our time with men. It never bothered us if they were single or attached after all if someone is going to cheat then why not enjoy the fruits. But there are so many with their noses in the air it is not easy.
Personally I don't care for anyone who goes on bad mouthing anyone let alone people on these sites cheating lol. Single now and just play along the same road I have always done. I have to admit that I've only met time wasters on here both single women and couples but have met with some ladies in the bars etc. So just keep my head up and continue with life is the best. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
Oh and the other thing is in forums most guys start threads to get female attention, so don't expect to get quoted on your advice as a guy unless the thread was started by a woman then stick to the thread subject or once again be ignored.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think what would keep me feeling positive is thinking that I'm already a pretty lucky guy as I have a partner who is into poly relationships!
Imagine how you'd feel getting ignored if you didn't have anyone special in your life. |
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I don't so much get frustrated at lack of replys etc, more likely I will overthink certain situations and let some negative thoughts in. The important thing for me is to know that if that happens it will pass and try go stay on a even keel. Being confident and positive is great but sometimes easier said than done. |
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By *ewdkarmma OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Have you been to any socials so you can meet people face to face?
"
No I have a friend in the scene who’s been saying much the same. I’m trying to work up the confidence for something like that but I’m not quite there yet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's deflating and of course it can effect your confidence like any form of rejection in life. But people forget 99% of the time, they are making a split decision based on something minor on the profile or the message didn't get their attention. They don't know you, who you are or what you are bringing to the table.. they aren't rejecting you as a person, they are rejecting you as a stranger on a website which isn't the same.
A big part of this game is not taking things personally, acknowledging that we aren't everyone's cup of tea and having a little tougher skin than we would do in the real world. Be confident in who you are, be real to who you are and eventually you will meet the right people for you. |
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Great profile, my honest opinion? I don't like sharing and the fact you're not single is what would put me off most, I wouldn't want to think you were going back to your partner and discussing what we'd got up to.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's deflating and of course it can effect your confidence like any form of rejection in life. But people forget 99% of the time, they are making a split decision based on something minor on the profile or the message didn't get their attention. They don't know you, who you are or what you are bringing to the table.. they aren't rejecting you as a person, they are rejecting you as a stranger on a website which isn't the same.
A big part of this game is not taking things personally, acknowledging that we aren't everyone's cup of tea and having a little tougher skin than we would do in the real world. Be confident in who you are, be real to who you are and eventually you will meet the right people for you."
Perfectly said! |
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"I know how you feel get very few replies most read and delete or just delete its a sex site not let's just sit here and enjoy the attention and not have the decency to engage
It's true we're mostly here for sex, but that doesn't mean we should have sex with anyone who asks.
I'm not looking to wear my vagina out with a dick a day.
I get that but a look In would be nice
"
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