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Tell me your dilemma
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Tell me your dilemma, provide objective facts as well as your opinion/ feelings. I'll give you no nonsense , non pussyfooting advice to resolve...
Disclaimer: this is just for laughs! No responsibility is taken for outcome of implementing my advice |
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I go for a long walk every day. Today I shortened my walk cos the wind was cutting my cheeks like blades on a rotor. I dipped into the local cheapy shop for a warm up and spotted a Reeces bunny at a reduced price....... I resisted, resisted again , resisted once more. Then when I went to pay for my fish I leapt at the bunny and bought it.
I ate it on the way home.... I'm sad that my chimp over ruled my adult and let me do what I wanted.
Should I flagellate myself or get a sadist to do it for me ? |
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"My dilemma is do I get a Chinese takeaway tonight? It's been a while but they don't deliver and there's some crazy roadworks our way, so there's a risk of cold Chinese!!
What should we do?
Mrs "
have a sandwich  |
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Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
|
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Dear Fromage
I currently have a rather pressing dilemma on my mind. My libido is bordering on recklessly high which means in turn I post friskier messages. Now, here's the issue. I get messages aplenty about them. No comments in the thread.
When you're a needy girl like me, what do you do to gain the public validation you so desperately crave with every fibre of your very being?
It's leading to sleepless nights, wandering the house in a homage to Lady Macbeth. Just with less blood. |
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"Dear Fromage
I currently have a rather pressing dilemma on my mind. My libido is bordering on recklessly high which means in turn I post friskier messages. Now, here's the issue. I get messages aplenty about them. No comments in the thread.
When you're a needy girl like me, what do you do to gain the public validation you so desperately crave with every fibre of your very being?
It's leading to sleepless nights, wandering the house in a homage to Lady Macbeth. Just with less blood. "
Hi, I just PM'd you about how I'm going to turn your new picture into a Jackson Pollock.
 |
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One of my very first fwb has got in touch 5 years on wants to meet at same pub we first met and recreate that first walk in the woods that followed! Half me says yes! Other half says don't go back! We were on and of for roughly a year! He did some great photo shoots for me! 100% no feelings just fond memories! Shd I or shouldn't I?? X |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Dear Fromage
I currently have a rather pressing dilemma on my mind. My libido is bordering on recklessly high which means in turn I post friskier messages. Now, here's the issue. I get messages aplenty about them. No comments in the thread.
When you're a needy girl like me, what do you do to gain the public validation you so desperately crave with every fibre of your very being?
It's leading to sleepless nights, wandering the house in a homage to Lady Macbeth. Just with less blood.
Hi, I just PM'd you about how I'm going to turn your new picture into a Jackson Pollock.
"
CD. Most disappointed I've ever been to not have someone in my box. Oh well.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
"
I'm not the OP, but why does it mean you will be a dad again? I have kids, they have a dad already and neither they nor I are looking for a replacement. Why do you think she is? |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
I'm not the OP, but why does it mean you will be a dad again? I have kids, they have a dad already and neither they nor I are looking for a replacement. Why do you think she is? "
No problem open to advice from anyone.
When I told her she looked disappointed and went quiet. Didn't really speak much for a couple of days. Then came and talked about it said she was ok about it. She asked me the question too so I'd say it was important to her.
|
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
"
Do you see this progressing to the point that you want to make a life together? If so and you genuinely have no wish to be a step parent back out now.
You need to trust this woman and what she says she knows her own feelings better than you. If you see each other for a bit and things come to an end she's gone into it knowing your feelings, you don't need to make that decision for her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
I'm not the OP, but why does it mean you will be a dad again? I have kids, they have a dad already and neither they nor I are looking for a replacement. Why do you think she is?
No problem open to advice from anyone.
When I told her she looked disappointed and went quiet. Didn't really speak much for a couple of days. Then came and talked about it said she was ok about it. She asked me the question too so I'd say it was important to her.
"
Ah. So she wants more kids, not a dad for the ones she has. I suspect you're right, sadly. Wanting a child isn't something you can magic away, whether you want to or not. |
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"My dilemma is that I don't have a dilemma and I feel left out 
What about lunch choices?!"
That's sorted, Spanish omelette.
I do have quite a few choices of things to do today though :thinking emoji: |
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"Tell me your dilemma, provide objective facts as well as your opinion/ feelings. I'll give you no nonsense , non pussyfooting advice to resolve...
Disclaimer: this is just for laughs! No responsibility is taken for outcome of implementing my advice"
OP, I have a sexy dilemma. I never, ever wake up with morning glory and feeling horny when I’m on my own. I’m fact it’s very rare for me to have some ‘me time’ at all.
This morning I woke up and my cold feels like I have collected several other fascinating and rare diseases and am close to death. I feel like poop.
My question is, should I have a wank? |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
I'm not the OP, but why does it mean you will be a dad again? I have kids, they have a dad already and neither they nor I are looking for a replacement. Why do you think she is?
No problem open to advice from anyone.
When I told her she looked disappointed and went quiet. Didn't really speak much for a couple of days. Then came and talked about it said she was ok about it. She asked me the question too so I'd say it was important to her.
Ah. So she wants more kids, not a dad for the ones she has. I suspect you're right, sadly. Wanting a child isn't something you can magic away, whether you want to or not. "
I'm not sure exactly she hasn't been explicit about it. It does feel along those lines though. I agree with you from my experience. I think that's what's bothering me. I don't want to get in deep if she's hoping I'll change my mind, I've had that before. |
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You both need to have an extremely open conversation, say to her if she's expecting that later down the line you'll change your mind and she'll win you over, she s only going to get hurt.... Let your thoughts out in the open at the beginning in a kind gentle but 100% clear no room for misinterpretion. no pretending, no mind games, then your conscience is clear |
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You've already highlighted the root of the issue "the need of public validation". Spend time asking yourself why you need this, what does it give you, how do you feel when you don't get it, where do these feelings originate from? It's a slow, long painful journey finding out about yourself, but what emerges is a beautiful, self sufficient, non dependent butterfly xxx |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"You've already highlighted the root of the issue "the need of public validation". Spend time asking yourself why you need this, what does it give you, how do you feel when you don't get it, where do these feelings originate from? It's a slow, long painful journey finding out about yourself, but what emerges is a beautiful, self sufficient, non dependent butterfly xxx"
Oh no. 
I thought it was a jokey thread, not serious. Sorry! You posted such a lovely message and I was being a mischievous twunt.
Reply and quote means it's easier to follow OP.  x |
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"You've already highlighted the root of the issue "the need of public validation". Spend time asking yourself why you need this, what does it give you, how do you feel when you don't get it, where do these feelings originate from? It's a slow, long painful journey finding out about yourself, but what emerges is a beautiful, self sufficient, non dependent butterfly xxx
Oh no.
I thought it was a jokey thread, not serious. Sorry! You posted such a lovely message and I was being a mischievous twunt.
Reply and quote means it's easier to follow OP. x"
Haha not all at mishieve makes the world go round |
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"It's currently pissing it down, do I rush out to the van for a tool I need or wait in the hope it'll ease off - but waiting will delay my next job  "
.
Are you displined enough to actually carry on job when rain stops or will u find excuses to procraste?
" If you have the time and resources at this moment, do it now" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
"
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it. |
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"One of my very first fwb has got in touch 5 years on wants to meet at same pub we first met and recreate that first walk in the woods that followed! Half me says yes! Other half says don't go back! We were on and of for roughly a year! He did some great photo shoots for me! 100% no feelings just fond memories! Shd I or shouldn't I?? X"
Ask them for their intentions ... Just don't frame it as bluntly  |
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"It's currently pissing it down, do I rush out to the van for a tool I need or wait in the hope it'll ease off - but waiting will delay my next job .
Are you displined enough to actually carry on job when rain stops or will u find excuses to procraste?
" If you have the time and resources at this moment, do it now""
Dilemma over, I waited - it stopped |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it. "
"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it. "
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you. |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you."
Or, or you have this conversation with her... |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you.
Or, or you have this conversation with her..."
Yeah and I will try but conversations are a two-way process. I don't think she is ready to go there. We'll see I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you.
Or, or you have this conversation with her...
Yeah and I will try but conversations are a two-way process. I don't think she is ready to go there. We'll see I guess."
Good luck with it  |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you.
Or, or you have this conversation with her...
Yeah and I will try but conversations are a two-way process. I don't think she is ready to go there. We'll see I guess."
Do you feel that this is worth the emotional investment and potential for hurt? |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you.
Or, or you have this conversation with her...
Yeah and I will try but conversations are a two-way process. I don't think she is ready to go there. We'll see I guess.
Do you feel that this is worth the emotional investment and potential for hurt?"
Damn that's a very good question. Nail on the head that's what I am sat with exactly, thank you.
It's worth the risk of me getting hurt, I can take that.
And that's the core of my dilemma. Do I respect that she says she's ok with it and she's willing to take that risk. When I would be ignoring my gut feeling to do so?
I think the truth is if my gut's telling me it ain't right then my heart will never be fully in it.
I guess I try and have the conversation and see how that feels. |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you.
Or, or you have this conversation with her...
Yeah and I will try but conversations are a two-way process. I don't think she is ready to go there. We'll see I guess.
Do you feel that this is worth the emotional investment and potential for hurt?
Damn that's a very good question. Nail on the head that's what I am sat with exactly, thank you.
It's worth the risk of me getting hurt, I can take that.
And that's the core of my dilemma. Do I respect that she says she's ok with it and she's willing to take that risk. When I would be ignoring my gut feeling to do so?
I think the truth is if my gut's telling me it ain't right then my heart will never be fully in it.
I guess I try and have the conversation and see how that feels. "
Now this is only what I'm inferring from what you've said and I may be wrong but if you're going into a relationship assuming that what she's telling you isn't how she genuinely feels you're off to a dodgy start. Why don't you trust what she's told you? |
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"Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
Seriously? Ok
Facts:
Met a woman.
She has kids - I don't want to be a dad again.
I've been honest with her about it.
She still wants to see me.
Opinions/feelings
I am concerned this will end in tears as I've got the been here before feeling. She seems to really like me for some reason and I do her.
I want to just respect that she says she's fine with it.
But my gut tells me she's going to get hurt.
Not sure what to do for the best.
As you've said you're open to advice.
If you are going to be around those kids, back out now. Those kids could become attached to you and if you walk you'll hurt them and the woman and she has to pick up the pieces. You'll do more damage than good.
And being totally honest, after being in a situation with someone who didn't engage mine fully, she will feel it every single time, it will eventually have her walk away or push harder. Either way it's not going to end well.
She comes as a package, and she's told you you that. You either accept the full package or you decline it.
I take your point and it is a concern but being equally honest with you: she hasn't told me that she comes as a package. She asked me and I said I didn't want to be a dad again. If she hadn't said she was ok with that I would have already walked.
My issue is I am concerned that you are right and she isn't quite seeing the dynamic you describe occurring. I don't want that either, I agree that's shitty. But maybe she knows her own mind ya know? Maybe that's her decision if she's saying she's ok with it?
But listening to you I do agree and I would feel shit if that happened. So maybe I do need to walk. Thank you.
Or, or you have this conversation with her...
Yeah and I will try but conversations are a two-way process. I don't think she is ready to go there. We'll see I guess.
Do you feel that this is worth the emotional investment and potential for hurt?
Damn that's a very good question. Nail on the head that's what I am sat with exactly, thank you.
It's worth the risk of me getting hurt, I can take that.
And that's the core of my dilemma. Do I respect that she says she's ok with it and she's willing to take that risk. When I would be ignoring my gut feeling to do so?
I think the truth is if my gut's telling me it ain't right then my heart will never be fully in it.
I guess I try and have the conversation and see how that feels.
Now this is only what I'm inferring from what you've said and I may be wrong but if you're going into a relationship assuming that what she's telling you isn't how she genuinely feels you're off to a dodgy start. Why don't you trust what she's told you?"
It's a gut feeling I have. Either her disappointment initially when I told her or my past experience poisoning the well. I can't see which that is yet.
It's not really an assumption that it's not the truth. It's an awareness that everyone has blind spots, including me.
E.g. if she later on said I thought that's how I felt when I said it but I was wrong. That's not that she didn't tell the truth. She just didn't see it coming. |
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"Thanks
Good luck to you both. Whatever happens I hope it's the best thing for you both "
I've just had a text, I knew there was something brewing lol. She just wants it to be a Fwb thing because it can't go anywhere she didn't say anything because she didn't want me to think she was a 'slut'.
Siggghhh the relief weight lifted! |
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"Thanks
Good luck to you both. Whatever happens I hope it's the best thing for you both
I've just had a text, I knew there was something brewing lol. She just wants it to be a Fwb thing because it can't go anywhere she didn't say anything because she didn't want me to think she was a 'slut'.
Siggghhh the relief weight lifted! "
Phew!
Hope you both enjoy your times together |
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