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That all important...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
"
jesus christ Meli, im just sitting here enjoying my day off coffee, reeling after receiving an email to say the golf course is closed, wondering wtf ill do now for the day, and i read this,,,
I may think about this one. Rare for me, yes i know,  |
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For dating, it absolutely has to be there. I have to feel desire to be with that person (not just sexual desire). I need to be interested in them and their lives - what makes them tick. But I also need them to be equally interested in me. That’s where I find my connection. If it’s not there, I move on.
On Fab, it’s less important. But, actually, these days I’m finding there has to be a basis on which we might meet, over and above putting body parts in other body parts. Whether that’s a similar sense of humour, shared interests/values etc. |
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It’s very important to me because I want to be interested in someone and important to them. It can be seen as a form of insecurity, but we’ve all got them and it’s what drives incentives and makes us all tick.
I’m not sure if I can feel a moment when it happens, sometimes perhaps, but sometimes it’s a feeling of “Oh, this wasn’t here before.” It’s heartwarming when I realise it.
Losing it is anywhere from somber and melancholic to utterly despondent, the extent depends on what I felt for the other person and what I hoped would happen but now never can. Those are the ones which are really tough and I’ve felt it a few times from people here. |
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
"
I might leave this one to B to answer.
J |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Connection is a funny thing when sex is involved. Some people see it as necessary, others see it as an obstacle in the way of just banging and getting straight to it.
For me personally, I need to connect with someone on some level. Whether it be socially, emotionally, through humour, through interests or just that sexual connection that makes you want to rip off their clothes in an instant. I don't want to marry the person but they've got to give me something more than a pretty face and a good body.
Relationships are a complete different ball game. I believe that a strong connection between two people will always be there but if other aspects of the relationship start to disappear so does the feelings and willingness to try. This is a process of giving up on a person, not the connection you have and sometimes people can confuse the two.
Connections between people are a special thing and are important to all relationships we have in life. |
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
"
we have felt connection to some here which grows stronger, to friendship (still with the offer of benefits sometimes if the mood takes) and of the kind that starts off banging and ends in a fizzle out.
Human nature I guess, lust is fickle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
"
Having a connection is very important to me. I usually know within a short time of meeting someone whether or not I feel it.
Losing a connection can be for many reasons. It could be due to them doing something that gives me the ick or other times it just fades until you realise it’s just not there anymore. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
I can’t lie. It depends how horny I am.
But for the most part, and for things to be enjoyable for me (rather than just scratching an itch) there does need to be a connection..
If I lose that connection feeling then I’m a bit like a solar powered light that slowly goes out with the passing of time. Unless they piss me off, then it’s instant!! |
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A connection is something I need, in friendships as well as sexual, to be able to go forward and grow that relationship. I've tried the no connection thing on here in my early days and though the sex at the time was great, after I was left feeling kind of empty and questioning myself. In friendships there are people who I can have a good night out with, within a group of friends, whom I wouldn't say I had a connection with but still enjoy their company for a few hours. Enjoying the moment I suppose.
As for losing that connection, I take a while to process but try to understand it as a meeting of souls that were beneficial to each other for a period in our lives but now need to move on, thanks for the memories kinda thing 
Cherry x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I crave that connection. The spark. That moment where you share a first kiss and think yes, I'm all in for this. Whatever it is . For the moment or for the anticipation of what might follow.
That's not to say I fall in love, or I'm about to. Although I certainly fall in to lust.
It just makes everything better for me. It's a lovely thing all on it's own and I want that.
Infact without it, I'd just rather not bother.
Every look, where words aren't needed, every touch, from slight to deliberately intended to get a response, every kiss- the ones that feel like you've tasted every naughty thought thats running through their minds. It's delicious and so thrilling.
Nothing is half hearted and everything just feels more intense.
Why wouldn't I want that?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry got carried away and didn't answer the last part!
Sometimea when it fades it can be initially pretty subtle until eventually you're left wondering what happened? More often than not, I usually find I'm blaming myself for it.
Sometimes though it fades because a flame that bright can't last. It's there for the short time only
. I'm good with that too.
A true connection still takes work and both parties have to nurture it .
Mostly I've found once someone stops making the effort then it's over |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
"
That’s if it just stays online!
I guess it depends on how much you’re willing and wanting to invest. I like keeping contact with connections if they’re strong. Even just one off meets are still friends that I chat with.
It doesn’t have to be disposable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
"
Yup..had that connection but alas .... |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I crave that connection. The spark. That moment where you share a first kiss and think yes, I'm all in for this. Whatever it is . For the moment or for the anticipation of what might follow.
That's not to say I fall in love, or I'm about to. Although I certainly fall in to lust.
It just makes everything better for me. It's a lovely thing all on it's own and I want that.
Infact without it, I'd just rather not bother.
Every look, where words aren't needed, every touch, from slight to deliberately intended to get a response, every kiss- the ones that feel like you've tasted every naughty thought thats running through their minds. It's delicious and so thrilling.
Nothing is half hearted and everything just feels more intense.
Why wouldn't I want that?
"
I love this description!
I think that this is what I look for, a connection (however fleeting) that consumes and shouts ‘I want you’.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
That’s if it just stays online!
I guess it depends on how much you’re willing and wanting to invest. I like keeping contact with connections if they’re strong. Even just one off meets are still friends that I chat with.
It doesn’t have to be disposable "
But at the end of the day you are just strangers that meet online.
Feelings and emotions are generally just lust. Lust is fleeting and easily goes.
I guess I just don't do emotions! |
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the
spectrum... what do you do when
you feel that connection/chemistry
has gone? Does it just vanish
overnight or is it a more gradual
thing?
"
First for me its about a meeting of minds I get to know the woman from the inside out
If your on the same wavelength asexually you can differ on other things and enjoy vanilla things together .but like with Maya and I although the sex has gone due to her Ill heath and has been gone for the past 3 years the connections still there after 10 years and we have sexual banter all the time she forever getting her tits .I've got tits out tuesday everyday .and we have great vanilla life .but its about attitude and respect for who your with. I've lots of relationship over the years and real life gets in the way and it ends but I've always remained good friends with my exs . even 20 years on . as in the song to all the girls I've loved before .to all girls who shared my life and now are someone elses wives
Im glad they came along for helping to grow I owe a lot I know for all the girls .for all the girls who cared for me and filled my nites with exstacy.
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"Sometimes though it fades because a flame that bright can't last. It's there for the short time only."
This too. Infatuation doesn’t have to last. Not every time. Sometimes it’s just for one night, but that connection is still there. Still strong. Intense.
Other times, with the right person, you’re in for the long haul.  |
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Connection. Without it all my light bulbs go out and the telly won't work... Oh, the other sort of connection! Yes, well without it the world seems dark, and this TV feels it's not going to work... |
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"But at the end of the day you are just strangers that meet online."
Why is meeting online any different from meeting anywhere else? Aren’t we past that by now? I met my first wife online, and that was 20 years ago … |
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"Connection. Without it all my light bulbs go out and the telly won't work... Oh, the other sort of connection! Yes, well without it the world seems dark, and this TV feels it's not going to work..."
That's great I like that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
"
Nawww...don't agree on one point tbh ...why ? Because when you've found that person ..never let them go ...you feel the exact way about them as they do about you ..if both press all the right buttons for each other..never let them go ..cause if you do you can search and search but you will never find that person again...but..BUT.. l do agree with you when you say that when it happens it is ..as you say ... pretty Awesome...the only thing is that when you put or invest your heart & soul into someone it is also giving them the opportunity to totally crush you ...and if..or when..that happens it's hell... fucking hell...it takes a long long time to recover. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
That’s if it just stays online!
I guess it depends on how much you’re willing and wanting to invest. I like keeping contact with connections if they’re strong. Even just one off meets are still friends that I chat with.
It doesn’t have to be disposable
But at the end of the day you are just strangers that meet online.
Feelings and emotions are generally just lust. Lust is fleeting and easily goes.
I guess I just don't do emotions! "
Until I get to know someone (in person not just online chat) I would tend to view them as just a stranger on the Internet, although over the years I've built some great friendships online too .
Regardless of how or where you meet a person, you always begin as strangers. Sadly you sometimes go full circle and end that way too but that part of the story in the middle is what counts .
I totally understand people closing off their feelings . I've had more than my fill of being heartbroken. It's a protection thing. And if that works for you then fair play to you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've only had that all important connection with one person, she is my world and I'd do anything for her.
People on here I like if we have a similar humour so I know we get along etc, but ultimately on here each of us has a specific thing we're here for whether it be a one time wham bam thank you, a FWB or in some cases more, some people value their connection to others more than others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
Nawww...don't agree on one point tbh ...why ? Because when you've found that person ..never let them go ...you feel the exact way about them as they do about you ..if both press all the right buttons for each other..never let them go ..cause if you do you can search and search but you will never find that person again...but..BUT.. l do agree with you when you say that when it happens it is ..as you say ... pretty Awesome...the only thing is that when you put or invest your heart & soul into someone it is also giving them the opportunity to totally crush you ...and if..or when..that happens it's hell... fucking hell...it takes a long long time to recover."
Well you do you and enjoy the heartbreak.
I'll do me amd enjoy the sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
That’s if it just stays online!
I guess it depends on how much you’re willing and wanting to invest. I like keeping contact with connections if they’re strong. Even just one off meets are still friends that I chat with.
It doesn’t have to be disposable
But at the end of the day you are just strangers that meet online.
Feelings and emotions are generally just lust. Lust is fleeting and easily goes.
I guess I just don't do emotions!
Until I get to know someone (in person not just online chat) I would tend to view them as just a stranger on the Internet, although over the years I've built some great friendships online too .
Regardless of how or where you meet a person, you always begin as strangers. Sadly you sometimes go full circle and end that way too but that part of the story in the middle is what counts .
I totally understand people closing off their feelings . I've had more than my fill of being heartbroken. It's a protection thing. And if that works for you then fair play to you xx"
Even people I meet, I guess I will always hold something back.
It's not to say I need the connection, I just don't embrace it fully! |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
I can't do shit without some decent form of connection.
A connection is formed from a small spark. A few people I talk to, the connection grows, it has potential or potential for a connection to form. With others it fizzles out fairly quickly.
With others there may be an attraction, and a desire for a connection but unfortunately no connection at all, while I am happy to hang out and converse with them, sexually nothing will happen. |
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Simplest answer is I desire intimacy and as deep as it can go.
Lust or just a sexual 'connection'. It can happen, it takes a very particular personality to get me in that zone though. I don't get there by a bit of flirting or some pics.
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Connection is massively important and if its not there, into the friendzone we will go. Generally it's the first glance which leads into a kiss that determines the connection for me.
I happily cut off my nose to spite my face regarding nsa partners, and if they have done something that I think is seriously distasteful. I cut and run, never to return |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Personally, I rarely connect with any from here. Which probably explains my lack of sex. If you don't get in my head then I'm not wanking over you, if I don't wank over you, I'm not gonna have sex with you.
But yeah when it happens, it's pretty awesome. I don't get overly invested in them though, I won't just put everything into the one connection, I've seen how easily they can go.
At the end of the day, you're just someone online satisfying someone else online.
That’s if it just stays online!
I guess it depends on how much you’re willing and wanting to invest. I like keeping contact with connections if they’re strong. Even just one off meets are still friends that I chat with.
It doesn’t have to be disposable
But at the end of the day you are just strangers that meet online.
Feelings and emotions are generally just lust. Lust is fleeting and easily goes.
I guess I just don't do emotions! "
I guess it depends on how long you’ve been talking and if you’ve spent time together socially.
If I’ve met someone, kissed them and chatted for over a year I’d class them as a friend.
Lust comes into it, sure. I wouldn’t just drop a friend though, lust just adds to the sex |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Can only be yourself _eli.x"
Of course. Whether that's actively embracing a connection or running in the opposite direction. What makes you happy is the most important thing isn't it? |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Connection sexually is everything without nothing will happen x"
Very true. The form that takes can vary so much; it might be a brief dalliance or a longer term dynamic - if you have that sexual connection and are enjoying it, that's perfect. |
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Connection is important to me, in the way I like to be able to get along and have a laugh with people we meet, I find it difficult via text though much easier in person, I can chat to people on fab and think yes great connection then meet in person and it not be the case or vice versa don't like the look of the profile but meet at a social and get along brilliantly.
Mrs |
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"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
I might leave this one to B to answer.
J"
I realised after posting that this sounds like a passive aggressive thing. It isn't, I genuinely am interested in his thoughts
J |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
jesus christ Meli, im just sitting here enjoying my day off coffee, reeling after receiving an email to say the golf course is closed, wondering wtf ill do now for the day, and i read this,,,
I may think about this one. Rare for me, yes i know, "
Ha, it is rare! And without a flirty comment in sight. Take all the time you need. I'm going to do NipNips proud and dip in and out of this thread today as time allows. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Connection. Or it might not be.
How important is it to you? Do you have a moment where you realise that connection is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum... what do you do when you feel that connection/chemistry has gone? Does it just vanish overnight or is it a more gradual thing?
"
It's usually obvious when there's connection as you can't stop directly looking, chatting or touching each other, your personalities usually match however fleeting.
When does this go? Hard to say, usually when something is said or done, how you are treated or when it becomes obvious you are no longer that important - you could more simply have gained different priories.
Sometimes it's gradual, sometimes it's immediate with changes of attitude or opinion and so on. |
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Perfectly put! That spark, that fizzle, feels so good.
Mrs TMN x