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Changing dynamics...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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I was talking with a friend recently. About losing a friendship when I decided I didn't want to have sex.
And it's got me thinking - is it impossible to forge a friendship on the dying embers of a rebuffed advance? Are you happy to carry on friendships when the sexual side comes to an end?
Are you able to be open about wanting them to end? |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"If they only want you for a fuck, why try and keep the friendship alive? "
Yes! That's my attitude. Is there really a friendship if it's just fucking? I hate giving up on something but sometimes they're telling you, just not directly, it's not worth that much to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The saying ‘the ship has sailed’ comes to mind, life’s too short to waste on people who don’t have your interests at heart, they belong in the lost property |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
Ooof this is a tricky one dear _elilicious.
Personally, it really depends on a number of different factors but ultimately like all relationships (this includes friendships and family) even if you did try to rekindle the platonic side of things sometimes you are just to far apart on your own journeys to make it work. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"The saying ‘the ship has sailed’ comes to mind, life’s too short to waste on people who don’t have your interests at heart, they belong in the lost property "
Ah I like that saying! Maybe not in lost property, the poor souls.
But I think a friendship, one that matters does have your interests at heart. Not just your body when they're feeling frisky.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they only want you for a fuck, why try and keep the friendship alive?
Yes! That's my attitude. Is there really a friendship if it's just fucking? I hate giving up on something but sometimes they're telling you, just not directly, it's not worth that much to them."
Don't let them make you feel bad. At a basic level, you're not compatible.
At an Outsider level, just tell them to fuck off!  |
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I can honestly say that I have never faced this dilemma. Every sexual relationship I've had that's come to an end the other person has made it clear they don't want to continue to be my friend other than to acknowledge each other civilly if we met. To be fair to them I didn't particularly want to be their friend either lol.
I'm very much a leave it in the past type of person though. I'd have been a terrible 'This is Your Life' subject |
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"I was talking with a friend recently. About losing a friendship when I decided I didn't want to have sex.
And it's got me thinking - is it impossible to forge a friendship on the dying embers of a rebuffed advance? Are you happy to carry on friendships when the sexual side comes to an end?
Are you able to be open about wanting them to end?"
Good question.
Not sure if I can answer this as never actually been in this situation other than being put in the "Friend zone"
When younger.
But my feelings are if I am attracted to someone I can't help that I'm only human but if I had to choose between losing a good friend or a shag I'd ditch the shag in favour of friendship any time. I'd
Just have to be a grown up and deal with it |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
You ask a good question.
Depends on what your here for.
Meeting people or just chatting.
If only one of you is interested in meeting for sex then it's no good for the other party as they will see others meeting you but they won't be ever.
If they know that then what's the point? Again what are you here for?
Friendzoning is a killer.
Soon as I see a red flag, flakey behaviour,Ifs or buts I'm gone because I know it's at a dead end.
That may be harsh but time is limited and why should I end up being a listening post because guaranteed I would get a message when they are down or had a bad meet.
And people do this all the time, friendzone then use you to vent and I don't let someone elses problems become mine.
I maybe harsh, but again time is limited.
You are here to play on the field not wait on the subs bench hoping to get called on.
Be good x |
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I think if you're building friendships with the potential for that to become sexual and then decide sex isn't going to happen, there's a good probability the friendship would fizzle out. I don't think it necessarily means the other person is a bastard |
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I had a gentleman friend who I used to have sex with. Wonderful wonderful guy and so damn funny. We stopped having sex because we became so close. Not in a romantic way more like a brother sister way so we stopped having sex but the friendship continued |
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If they don't want to be a friend without sex on the table then you're not really losing a friendship.
Some of my closest friends are people I was in relationships with previously, some have ongoing tension that may or may not be acted on, and others have been informed in no uncertain terms that that's not an option. The ones that bailed when that was stated I don't mourn or miss, because the friendship I thought I had with them was fabricated, false. I just kick myself for falling for it and move on. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I think in some cases if the person is in love with you , they can find it hard to stay friends if you’re not wanting sex anymore. They just want you , friendship will never be enough for them.
It happened to me in my 20s it literally took me 20 years before I could be her friend again !
If it’s like a FWB/Poly thing, they should be fine as sex should always be secondary to the friendship , it’s like an added extra  |
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I think some people find it difficult to remain friends with someone they used to be sexual with. I think I would.
Also I think being rebuffed by a friend could make the rejected person feel very awkward.
I don't think wanting to discontinue a friendship because it's no longer sexual or has no potential to become sexual is necessarily a bad thing |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"‘When’ ?
Did you give that person any hints that sex was on the table ?
Or is it someone you’ve met on here ? "
Erm; this was a long time ago (about a year and a half ago).
No; we did talk about sex because of the medium we first started chatting. I didn't say sex was on the table. Far from it.
He's not on here - that's done and dusted. It's more general musings rather than a specific scenario I'm currently going through. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"‘When’ ?
Did you give that person any hints that sex was on the table ?
Or is it someone you’ve met on here ?
Erm; this was a long time ago (about a year and a half ago).
No; we did talk about sex because of the medium we first started chatting. I didn't say sex was on the table. Far from it.
He's not on here - that's done and dusted. It's more general musings rather than a specific scenario I'm currently going through."
I didn’t asked when specifically btw. I copied and pasted your ‘when’ because it seemed , from your sentence, that sex was talked about or at least envisaged at some point. So I was just curious. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Ooof this is a tricky one dear _elilicious.
Personally, it really depends on a number of different factors but ultimately like all relationships (this includes friendships and family) even if you did try to rekindle the platonic side of things sometimes you are just to far apart on your own journeys to make it work. "
Hello dear Bugs, you're popping up all over the place today.
Yes I think you're right. Acknowledging that isn't a bad thing, doesn't mean anyone is a shit - sometimes you're just on different journeys. New adventures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can and have tried. Unfortunately I find that guys don't keep a friendship going for long if at all of they want the sex and you're not offering it. Whether you did or not seems to make no difference.
That being said I have made some friends on here where there has been no sex involved ever and still talk to them now. And they are great friends.
Well apart from one recently.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm always wary of guys when I know then want to have sex with me.
There's been lots of guys I want to have sex with but for numerous reasons they weren't interested in more (mainly common sense on their part). But the reason I usually want to have sex with a guy is because I find them fun to be around, so I'm happy having that. Then going home and wanking over them.
Works a treat. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I can honestly say that I have never faced this dilemma. Every sexual relationship I've had that's come to an end the other person has made it clear they don't want to continue to be my friend other than to acknowledge each other civilly if we met. To be fair to them I didn't particularly want to be their friend either lol.
I'm very much a leave it in the past type of person though. I'd have been a terrible 'This is Your Life' subject"
Ohhhh. You're the opposite of me. No, generally I try and transition to friendship, meet somone new and just let it fizzle.
In relationships it's different. I've never had my erm sexual advances turned down. Or been rebuffed. Ish. I think I'd find it difficult to continue a friendship, mainly because I'd be very embarrassed. Never experienced it though so luckily my friendships are still strong. |
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I have two lovely lady friends, met whilst dating after my first wife died some years ago, sex was good while it lasted but mutual decision taken to remain friends without benefits due to incompatible life styles and best of all, my 'new' wfe knows them both and the story - so yes - lovers can become friends. |
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Yes it’s doable. I’ve got female friends I’ve had sexual encounters with and they’re now happily married with families, just because you don’t fuck anymore doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. As long as it ended on good terms and you’re both not dicks.
The mr |
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Friendship always comes first for us. So if the sex ends, the friendship can remain. Sex is just the extra fun bonus. A lady George was seeing recently decided to be monogamous with her partner. It’s made no difference to his friendship with her at all. I guess it depends if one person’s romantic needs are being met in addition to their sexual needs. If the relationship is more than a friendship for one of you, then a change in dynamic will probably sting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have people on fab who I would consider friends… the sex bit never happened because apparently I am queen of the friendzone
Maybe I need to address that  "
Or undress me  |
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