FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I’m a terrible person
I’m a terrible person
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much  . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out  . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it... |
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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago
Boo's World |
Don't worry about it, I've eaten one of my kids Easter eggs as they have far too many.
I don't really care or feel guilty about it, but I will replace it at the weekend if they notice.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it..."
Shameful just shameful....repent thise sins |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Will she find out before tomorrow? If not - buy another bar, eat the same amount as she had and put back.
She need never know  "
I’m just praying to god she’s not going to come down stairs asking for it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older  "
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My friend ate what she thought was her daughter's finished with happy meal once.
Total carnage ensued.
I shall miss you, you're hot. "
Can you make sure they put a really hot photo of me on my grave stone  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tell her that you don’t like to snitch but you think it may have been her father that ate it.
Remember, parenting is about joint responsibility  "
Now this is a fantastic idea! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend ate what she thought was her daughter's finished with happy meal once.
Total carnage ensued.
I shall miss you, you're hot.
Can you make sure they put a really hot photo of me on my grave stone "
That naked one? Impressive leg position btw. I'll sort it don't worry. |
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"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action. "
RIP, I'll miss you but I can't say it isn't deserved. Wait, what chocolate bar was it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action.
RIP, I'll miss you but I can't say it isn't deserved. Wait, what chocolate bar was it?"
A kinder bueno so kinda justified because who just leaves one of those laying around! |
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"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action.
RIP, I'll miss you but I can't say it isn't deserved. Wait, what chocolate bar was it?
A kinder bueno so kinda justified because who just leaves one of those laying around! "
Ok, I can kinda understand it now but she'll totally ask for it first thing. Hope you raised her to be benevolent  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"How old is she? Can you get away with a kind of "easter bunny took it to make eggs" vibe?
She’s 9 but very very wise. I’m so doomed aren’t I  "
It's been fun 
I shall mourn that we didn't get to squish boobs. And lips  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action.
RIP, I'll miss you but I can't say it isn't deserved. Wait, what chocolate bar was it?
A kinder bueno so kinda justified because who just leaves one of those laying around!
Ok, I can kinda understand it now but she'll totally ask for it first thing. Hope you raised her to be benevolent "
I mean, I guess we’ll find out shortly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mines 10 and that would be a hanging offence- replace it quick!"
I. Am. Panicking.
It’s all very well and good raising them to be strong and stand up for themselves but I didn’t think she’d eventually use those skills against me |
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"My friend ate what she thought was her daughter's finished with happy meal once.
Total carnage ensued.
I shall miss you, you're hot.
Can you make sure they put a really hot photo of me on my grave stone
maybe dribbled in chocolate xx"
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"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it..."
Doesnt this fall under the
House rules?
Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just tell her …. Tell her the temptation was too great, take her to the shops buy more and make a pact between each other that you will share the chocolate, if you are craving chocolate your body needs it, your brain is requiring that chemical release that comes with eating something yummy, so get yummy stuff in and share it, above all else don’t feel bad |
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"Just tell her …. Tell her the temptation was too great, take her to the shops buy more and make a pact between each other that you will share the chocolate, if you are craving chocolate your body needs it, your brain is requiring that chemical release that comes with eating something yummy, so get yummy stuff in and share it, above all else don’t feel bad "
I got cream cakes ages ago when my mum was here and said help yourself if you want (one) and she ate both
I'm still not completely over the trauma yet as I really wanted one after work |
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"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action.
RIP, I'll miss you but I can't say it isn't deserved. Wait, what chocolate bar was it?
A kinder bueno so kinda justified because who just leaves one of those laying around! "
Ah, there's your out. It's a life lesson. She needs to learn to be less trusting. It's a tough world out there. 9's about the right age to be learning those lessons, right?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it...
Doesnt this fall under the
House rules?
Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine? "
Right?! I should stand my ground! I bought it anyway  |
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"Mines 10 and that would be a hanging offence- replace it quick!
I. Am. Panicking.
It’s all very well and good raising them to be strong and stand up for themselves but I didn’t think she’d eventually use those skills against me "
I regularly realise I am like Dr Frankenstein - she is the monster I created! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you have a cat?
Preferably one with opposable thumbs that can get wrappers off chocolate bars?
If so - blame the cat. Cats are dicks.
A"
I don’t have a cat
I’m thinking I could maybe stage a break in instead. |
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"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it...
Doesnt this fall under the
House rules?
Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine?
Right?! I should stand my ground! I bought it anyway "
Good to hear from you this morning so you're ok and have survived. I was worried. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just tell her …. Tell her the temptation was too great, take her to the shops buy more and make a pact between each other that you will share the chocolate, if you are craving chocolate your body needs it, your brain is requiring that chemical release that comes with eating something yummy, so get yummy stuff in and share it, above all else don’t feel bad
I got cream cakes ages ago when my mum was here and said help yourself if you want (one) and she ate both
I'm still not completely over the trauma yet as I really wanted one after work "
You’re not helping PD |
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"Do you have a cat?
Preferably one with opposable thumbs that can get wrappers off chocolate bars?
If so - blame the cat. Cats are dicks.
A
I don’t have a cat
I’m thinking I could maybe stage a break in instead. "
Could you place the wrapper in her bed and fool her into thinking she's actually already eaten it but doesn't remember? Maybe she was sleep walking last night |
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"Just tell her …. Tell her the temptation was too great, take her to the shops buy more and make a pact between each other that you will share the chocolate, if you are craving chocolate your body needs it, your brain is requiring that chemical release that comes with eating something yummy, so get yummy stuff in and share it, above all else don’t feel bad
I got cream cakes ages ago when my mum was here and said help yourself if you want (one) and she ate both
I'm still not completely over the trauma yet as I really wanted one after work
You’re not helping PD "
Please see cunning plan that I think is an amazing idea |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You are literally the worst person. If I was her, you'd definitely be going into a home when you're older
If I get there. I’m pretty sure she’s been planning my demise for a few years now. I think this might just be enough for her to put her plans into action.
RIP, I'll miss you but I can't say it isn't deserved. Wait, what chocolate bar was it?
A kinder bueno so kinda justified because who just leaves one of those laying around!
Ah, there's your out. It's a life lesson. She needs to learn to be less trusting. It's a tough world out there. 9's about the right age to be learning those lessons, right? "
A little bit of character building!.
Sometimes in life people can’t be trusted…..even your own mum |
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"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it...
Doesnt this fall under the
House rules?
Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine?
Right?! I should stand my ground! I bought it anyway "
Well exactly... And even though you entered a verbal contract... House rules state... You can change the rules at any time and don't have to tell anyone.
Show her the empty wrapper with a life lesson "lifes unfair... Remember this moment.. Im doing you a massive favour" |
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really."
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really."
I slept with one eye open last night. She coughed at one point and I thought my time was up.
I can already hear the “ping” on her iPad, thanking me for my purchase. I think bribery is my only hope. Mainly because I’m too lazy to go to the shop and replace it |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Do you have a cat?
Preferably one with opposable thumbs that can get wrappers off chocolate bars?
If so - blame the cat. Cats are dicks.
A
I don’t have a cat
I’m thinking I could maybe stage a break in instead.
Could you place the wrapper in her bed and fool her into thinking she's actually already eaten it but doesn't remember? Maybe she was sleep walking last night "
This is genius!!
Just remember to smear chocolate around her mouth while she sleeps and you're off the hook completely!
Sleep snacking is definitely a thing.
It's amazing the number of times I come down to an empty tub of Ben & Jerries in the morning...... 
A |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Has she surfaced yet?"
She’s still upstairs. I’d have normally shouted her down by now but I’m enjoying the peace and quiet before all hell breaks loose |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?"
Milk chocolate is the best. The white ones make too much mess |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it..."
Thats so bad a nine year olds egg |
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"Do you have a cat?
Preferably one with opposable thumbs that can get wrappers off chocolate bars?
If so - blame the cat. Cats are dicks.
A
I don’t have a cat
I’m thinking I could maybe stage a break in instead.
Could you place the wrapper in her bed and fool her into thinking she's actually already eaten it but doesn't remember? Maybe she was sleep walking last night
This is genius!!
Just remember to smear chocolate around her mouth while she sleeps and you're off the hook completely!
Sleep snacking is definitely a thing.
It's amazing the number of times I come down to an empty tub of Ben & Jerries in the morning......
A"
Exactly, I was really pleased with myself for this idea |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?"
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has she surfaced yet?
She’s still upstairs. I’d have normally shouted her down by now but I’m enjoying the peace and quiet before all hell breaks loose "
You need to knock over a bookcase, smash the tele and claim a burglar broke in.
It's the only reasonable way forwards  |
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)"
What sort of a person has never had a kinda bueno? |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
I slept with one eye open last night. She coughed at one point and I thought my time was up.
I can already hear the “ping” on her iPad, thanking me for my purchase. I think bribery is my only hope. Mainly because I’m too lazy to go to the shop and replace it "
Good call. Maybe make sure the lick on the bathroom is secure so you have somewhere to hide until the bribery arrives. |
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
I slept with one eye open last night. She coughed at one point and I thought my time was up.
I can already hear the “ping” on her iPad, thanking me for my purchase. I think bribery is my only hope. Mainly because I’m too lazy to go to the shop and replace it
Good call. Maybe make sure the lick on the bathroom is secure so you have somewhere to hide until the bribery arrives."
Do you think she might mistake the bathroom door for chocolate? |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)
What sort of a person has never had a kinda bueno? "
Well... I don't have kids, or particularly a sweet tooth. Or buy snacks often at all...
So...
A pretty feckin excellent, very skint, delightful person with mahoosive bazookas |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
I slept with one eye open last night. She coughed at one point and I thought my time was up.
I can already hear the “ping” on her iPad, thanking me for my purchase. I think bribery is my only hope. Mainly because I’m too lazy to go to the shop and replace it
Good call. Maybe make sure the lOck on the bathroom is secure so you have somewhere to hide until the bribery arrives.
Do you think she might mistake the bathroom door for chocolate? "
Oh bollocks.
FIFM |
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
I slept with one eye open last night. She coughed at one point and I thought my time was up.
I can already hear the “ping” on her iPad, thanking me for my purchase. I think bribery is my only hope. Mainly because I’m too lazy to go to the shop and replace it
Good call. Maybe make sure the lOck on the bathroom is secure so you have somewhere to hide until the bribery arrives.
Do you think she might mistake the bathroom door for chocolate?
Oh bollocks.
FIFM"
|
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)
What sort of a person has never had a kinda bueno?
Well... I don't have kids, or particularly a sweet tooth. Or buy snacks often at all...
So...
A pretty feckin excellent, very skint, delightful person with mahoosive bazookas "
Pinch one from Mrs shivs daughter when they arrive |
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)"
You. Haven't. Lived. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)
What sort of a person has never had a kinda bueno?
Well... I don't have kids, or particularly a sweet tooth. Or buy snacks often at all...
So...
A pretty feckin excellent, very skint, delightful person with mahoosive bazookas
Pinch one from Mrs shivs daughter when they arrive "
Fuck that. She sounds terrifying
(In a delightful way, obvs. No offense to your midget, Mrs S.) |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)
You. Haven't. Lived."
Help me, YOLO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it..."
I have just informed child line and the chocolate police.
Your future is looking grim. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Imagine how you would feel after a hard night's sleep; eating your breakfast, dreaming of the bar of chocolate you're going to eat while watching CBBC.
Only to find out your child was a thief and ate it while you were asleep  |
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"I’ve just finished eating my daughters bar of chocolate. The temptation was too much . I’m feeling a little bit guilty and also terrified of the consequences when she finds out . If you don’t hear from me you know who done it..."
My daughter woukd kill me if I ate her chocolate |
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"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?"
YES! White bueno for the win .
On another note it's usually my kid who steals my chocolate |
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"How old is she? Can you get away with a kind of "easter bunny took it to make eggs" vibe?
She’s 9 but very very wise. I’m so doomed aren’t I
Tell her it melted"
She's 9, she will know that chocolate starts to melt at around 32 degrees Celsius |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thank goodness you're still here Mrs. I was worried the child may have discovered the crime and murdered you in your sleep.
You need to replace it with something of equal or higher value ASAP.
So... Kinder bueno or diamonds really.
While we're on the subject, we can all agree the Kinder Bueno White is the superior Kinder Bueno, can't we?!?
Who even *are* you?
(I have no idea if this is true. I've never had either)
What sort of a person has never had a kinda bueno?
Well... I don't have kids, or particularly a sweet tooth. Or buy snacks often at all...
So...
A pretty feckin excellent, very skint, delightful person with mahoosive bazookas
Pinch one from Mrs shivs daughter when they arrive
Fuck that. She sounds terrifying
(In a delightful way, obvs. No offense to your midget, Mrs S.)"
Oh none taken. She is fucking terrifying |
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"Update : it’s over  I got off my ass and went to the shop to buy another one. I’ve replaced it and she will be none the wiser"
Are you going to tell her you ate it though or will you be taking your shame to the grave? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update : it’s over I got off my ass and went to the shop to buy another one. I’ve replaced it and she will be none the wiser"
Person on the till try and get to purchase 2 4 1 chocolate? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Update : it’s over I got off my ass and went to the shop to buy another one. I’ve replaced it and she will be none the wiser
Are you going to tell her you ate it though or will you be taking your shame to the grave? "
Not even god himself could w*ter board that information out of me (I hope that’s not a no no word) |
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"What bar was it???
Kinder bueno!"
horrendous person,, thats a kids bar all day every day, now if itcwas a double decker, starbar,lion bar, boost, mint areo, then id say, kid you snooze you loose, wanna see a magic trick,, poooft its gone, burrrrp, |
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"Update : it’s over I got off my ass and went to the shop to buy another one. I’ve replaced it and she will be none the wiser
Are you going to tell her you ate it though or will you be taking your shame to the grave?
Not even god himself could w*ter board that information out of me (I hope that’s not a no no word) "
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As a treat for her letting you have hers, get her a bigger one.