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Would you apologise
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
No if I genuinely haven't done something wrong I wouldn't apologise. .I would want to know though why someone should expect me to and to talk it through if they thought I had done something,but I wouldn't apologise just to appease someone who is throwing out false accusations not a chance. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Yep. I don't like it about myself, wish I didn't. I know why I do it. Years of it.
Even if another person has hurt me, I end up apologising for being hurt. For being too me and causing them to hurt me because if I was different, they wouldn't have acted in that way. It's very rare they apologise.
So I bury my hurt, put on a brave face while I cry inside knowing that at least they're not hurting. And I value them too much so I'll take the ownership of the hurt, even if it's their actions to keep the friendship/relationship. My sadness doesn't really factor in to it, another's happiness is more important.
Move on and tell myself if I'm better, less me, it won't happen again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always apologise, id much rather diffuse a situation than have it prolonged for a period.
Is it the best way to be - possibly not but it is the way I am |
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It depends on the circumstances.
If I've said something I don't deem to be hurtful but someone I care for is hurt by it then although I don't consider what I've done to be wrong I will apologise that it was unclear enough to be perceived as hurtful.
In other cases an apology would feel too close to an acceptance that I'd done something wrong, so I'd probably use the weaselly "I'm sorry you feel that way" type of non-apology. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once upon a time I'd have done so, especially with my parents. I absolutely wouldn't now, though. I won't go looking for confrontation, and I won't be drawn into one by someone else. Taking a step back, whilst keeping firm boundaries, and waiting for high emotions to subside usually means the peace can be re-established without unnecessary drama.
Nell |
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Sometimes you have to just let go if you don't want things escalating. Big egos don't do anyone any good. There are always ways to tactfully turn the heat down without necessarily having to explicitly apologise if you haven't done anything wrong  |
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"Once upon a time I'd have done so, especially with my parents. I absolutely wouldn't now, though. I won't go looking for confrontation, and I won't be drawn into one by someone else. Taking a step back, whilst keeping firm boundaries, and waiting for high emotions to subside usually means the peace can be re-established without unnecessary drama.
Nell"
I was once told "you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to" and that has really stuck with me.
Sometimes keeping a distance while emotions cool down is the best thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once upon a time I'd have done so, especially with my parents. I absolutely wouldn't now, though. I won't go looking for confrontation, and I won't be drawn into one by someone else. Taking a step back, whilst keeping firm boundaries, and waiting for high emotions to subside usually means the peace can be re-established without unnecessary drama.
Nell"
Exactly, a bit of maturity and perspective works wonders |
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People often apologise for things they haven't done. Customer service people use the de-esacalating ' I'm sorry you feel this way', a police officer once said it to me when I was angry over how some yobs had thrown stones at my mum. He wasn't responsible for my anger. |
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What is this apparent apology for exactly? In fact I probably wouldn't if I'm not in the wrong I'm not taking the blame for someone else and anyone who would expect that doesn't deserve to be in my life |
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"People often apologise for things they haven't done. Customer service people use the de-esacalating ' I'm sorry you feel this way', a police officer once said it to me when I was angry over how some yobs had thrown stones at my mum. He wasn't responsible for my anger."
I do sometimes use "I'm sorry" in the same way as your police officer - not as an apology as I'm not responsible, but to say I'm sorrowful, as a statement of sympathy. |
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"To keep the peace, even if you have done nothing wrong?"
Have done this in the past and ended up regreting it when later down the line the person used it to prove a point...
So unfortunatly now i am much less inclined, even if i know it will help smooth an issue over |
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I dislike coercive/manipulative behaviour and would find a solution, if the relationship was important, including calling out the behaviour. It's not an apology if you've done nothing wrong and thus aren't being honest by giving it, a la Boris |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. Absolutely not.
You do that even one time, they'll expect you to do it again in future. It's like pulling bricks out of a wall one after another. Until the whole wall crashes down.
So best not to start. |
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Generally no.
You don't need to jump on every grenade you encounter in life. Sometimes it's easier just to say sorry if it's no big deal.
However I have found this difficult as I've got older and feel less inclined to people please. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn’t apologise if I believed what I was saying what correct however I might try something like “I’m sorry we couldn’t agree on this but I’d like to try and find a way to move forward”
In that regard I’m a bit of a peace maker but without compromising my beliefs or backing down from what I believe to be right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on situation, if someone makes a cock up at work and trys to blame me I stand my ground , but if I'm shagging a woman and "accidentally " slip it in her ass then I say sorry |
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If I was completely blameless then no.
I apologise for my part in a misunderstanding or whatever but if they can't own their part... Been there done that got the t-shirt, baseball cap, fridge magnet, novelty bottle opener. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It very much depends on the situation.
At work, with customers, sometimes it's necessary.
At home, sometimes, for the sake of harmony. I'm a big believer in not sweating the small stuff, so if it's something fairly innocuous I'd rather apologise and diffuse the tension than dig my heels in over something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
I'd rather choose my battles wisely |
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"To keep the peace, even if you have done nothing wrong?"
Sometimes yes.
Sometimes no.
e.g. The plug gets pulled on all computers in work and everyone is fooking fuming. I get the blame.
In this case I would not apologise as I didn't pull the plug and would maintain my stance.
e.g. An elderly person or a small child bumps/bangs into me and is startled by the collision.
I would say - Oh I am sorry. Are you okay ?
Even if it wasn't my error.
Most fall outs are not worth the time of analysis ..... Just make up and get on with life. |
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"To keep the peace, even if you have done nothing wrong?"
nope,,
Ill apologise if im wrong ill go off solo in a huff rethink the situation and if im wrong ill set it right, but if im not then no way im apologising,
Probably the reason im always in the shits in work.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To keep the peace, even if you have done nothing wrong?"
No. I’m only apologetic when I know its my fault.
So I don’t know what it’s like to say sorry… |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
I used to be that guy. you know, just apologies to make everyone happy.
But after a while, I found myself getting wound up at myself for not having a back bone. So now, If I am in the wrong, I will happily apologies but If I am not wrong, I stand my ground.
Its better for my wellbeing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it was a one off, and keeping the peace meant the wellbeing of others outside of me and the person I was apologising to, then yes.
If it was just that one person being affected, and/or if they made a pattern out of causing problems out of nothing and demanding apologies, then fuck no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To keep the peace, even if you have done nothing wrong?"
Done it loads of times tbh, not anymore , l just avoid people that bring angst and drama into my life and it is unbelievably beautiful & brilliant. |
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It depends, most likely, no - unless it was like, “I’m sorry you feel that way”
If it’s a misunderstanding because of something I missed out, then probably, otherwise if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s a hill I’m dying on |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I found myself apologising for the tech recently on some calls , it wasn’t my fault but I apologised to the participants for it being so bad. Sometimes your responsibility needs to expand when other people mess us |
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By *odevilWoman
over a year ago
exeter |
I think apologising if you don't mean it is fundamentally wrong and undermines any sincere apology.
I'll say sorry unreservedly if i genuinely am. I will make an effort to understand someone else's point of view but I'll never say sorry just to keep the peace. |
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No.
I'm pretty sure I only ever say the word sorry when I'm taking the piss with someone that understands me.
Actual apologies from me include a statement of understanding where I went wrong and how I aim to be better in future.
If I don't understand the issue or believe I was wrong, I'm not going to make that shit up, or just say sorry for the sake of smoothing it over. I need to understand to have remorse, and I don't like to lie. |
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Typically I wouldn’t 
can be stubborn sometimes lol. But sometimes I do cause my dad said: “argue with a fool & bystanders won’t know the difference” 
. Serious stuff I don’t though. 
