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Bike Shed Fumble: Planning
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Hi, I'm Julie. I am planning a fumble behind the bikeshed and I need someone to provide the required fumbling. I have found an appropriate bikeshed, although it is made of glass and you will have to time it right to avoid Graham the postman who leaves his bike there.
You will arrive at 9.18am precisely wearing a trilby and carrying a suzaphone. I will observe your arrival from a spot in the rhododendrons. You will know it's me as I will be carrying a goldfish in a bowl. The goldfish is called Derek and he can be hostile to strangers.
Once Derek is used to you (this can take 5-6 hours) the fumbling can begin and will last approximately 3 minutes.
If I don't turn up please try again tomorrow.
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"Tell Graham he is welcome to park in my back passage. It will be dry. "
Thank you for your assistance, it will make this much easier. Graham responds best to Morse Code. Except on a Wednesday when he prefers semaphore. |
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"You’re inhabiting my natural habitat.
I’ll bring some 1980’s porn mags to add a bit of nostalgia. "
Please bring the August 1980 edition of BUSTY Beauties. Marilyn Mellons is the ripe and revealing cover girl. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I must say your bike shed fumble sounds very good fun, may I bring my pussy? Xx"
This may be like the old woman who swallowed a fly...
I think your pussy may eat Derek, in which case can I bring my dog?  |
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"I must say your bike shed fumble sounds very good fun, may I bring my pussy? Xx"
There was an unfortunate incident between Derek and Auntie Sharon's cat. He's still a bit skittish and may take a further 3 hours and 17 minutes to calm down. I presume that is acceptable and will await you in the rhododendrons. |
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Can we synchronise watches please so we arrive on time and know that the fumbling can begin between 2.18pm and 3.18pm, to finish following those 3 magical minutes and in any event by 3.21pm at the latest  |
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"Can we synchronise watches please so we arrive on time and know that the fumbling can begin between 2.18pm and 3.18pm, to finish following those 3 magical minutes and in any event by 3.21pm at the latest "
Yes, we can use church tower clock to do this. But only the side that is right. A Casio calculator watch is preferable. |
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"Can we synchronise watches please so we arrive on time and know that the fumbling can begin between 2.18pm and 3.18pm, to finish following those 3 magical minutes and in any event by 3.21pm at the latest "
I'll be there at 2:17pm  |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I'd love to get a candid picture of this to document for posterity. I'll bring my great-grandad's old Daguerrotype camera for the occasion. If you could all kindly just hold your candid poses during the fumble for around 8 minutes while I expose the plate, that would be ace.
 |
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"You’re inhabiting my natural habitat.
I’ll bring some 1980’s porn mags to add a bit of nostalgia.
Please bring the August 1980 edition of BUSTY Beauties. Marilyn Mellons is the ripe and revealing cover girl. "
No problem, ah the centre pages seem stuck together.  |
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"Bugger.
I don't own a bike, so would look highly suspicious just turning up to one 'sans bicyclette' with a souzaphone.
If only it was a fumble behind the bins at asda.........  
A"
If you arrive on the third Sunday of the month, the marching band practise in the field. You will be less conspicuous but Alice will want to twirl her baton while we fumble. |
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"I'd love to get a candid picture of this to document for posterity. I'll bring my great-grandad's old Daguerrotype camera for the occasion. If you could all kindly just hold your candid poses during the fumble for around 8 minutes while I expose the plate, that would be ace.
"
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"I'd love to get a candid picture of this to document for posterity. I'll bring my great-grandad's old Daguerrotype camera for the occasion. If you could all kindly just hold your candid poses during the fumble for around 8 minutes while I expose the plate, that would be ace.
"
This deserved more consideration but I had a knitting class. This is an excellent idea but I will require all images to be transferred onto microfilm for nefarious, I mean, perfectly innocent purposes.  |
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"Hi, I'm Julie. I am planning a fumble behind the bikeshed and I need someone to provide the required fumbling. I have found an appropriate bikeshed, although it is made of glass and you will have to time it right to avoid Graham the postman who leaves his bike there.
You will arrive at 9.18am precisely wearing a trilby and carrying a suzaphone. I will observe your arrival from a spot in the rhododendrons. You will know it's me as I will be carrying a goldfish in a bowl. The goldfish is called Derek and he can be hostile to strangers.
Once Derek is used to you (this can take 5-6 hours) the fumbling can begin and will last approximately 3 minutes.
If I don't turn up please try again tomorrow.
"
Compared with the requirements of some on Fab that sounds totally reasonable to me.  |
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"I've been standing here with my cock out for ages now and all that's happened is a couple of people have asked me if I have a lighter "
You did come to the right bike shed? The glass one near the rhododendrons? Where Graham the postman usually leaves his bike? At *precisely* 9.18am? I didn't see anyone with a sousaphone. |
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"I've been standing here with my cock out for ages now and all that's happened is a couple of people have asked me if I have a lighter
You did come to the right bike shed? The glass one near the rhododendrons? Where Graham the postman usually leaves his bike? At *precisely* 9.18am? I didn't see anyone with a sousaphone. "
OMG!!! 
I'm definitely not at the right one |
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"Hi, I'm Julie. I am planning a fumble behind the bikeshed and I need someone to provide the required fumbling. I have found an appropriate bikeshed, although it is made of glass and you will have to time it right to avoid Graham the postman who leaves his bike there.
You will arrive at 9.18am precisely wearing a trilby and carrying a suzaphone. I will observe your arrival from a spot in the rhododendrons. You will know it's me as I will be carrying a goldfish in a bowl. The goldfish is called Derek and he can be hostile to strangers.
Once Derek is used to you (this can take 5-6 hours) the fumbling can begin and will last approximately 3 minutes.
If I don't turn up please try again tomorrow.
"
This is a startling revelation because I live in a glass bike shed, I wonder if we’re talking one and the same. I’ll give my ficus a shake three times just before the start of Steph’s Packed Lunch. If I don’t see your rhododendron shake back I’ll assume cover is blown for the day. |
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"I sent a man with a rusty trombone, but he tripped on an uneven York stone flag, and was bitten by Enid's Tom cat. My man is currently in A&E, having a rabies and tetanus jab "
Off topic - arms clasped behind your back maybe? |
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"I sent a man with a rusty trombone, but he tripped on an uneven York stone flag, and was bitten by Enid's Tom cat. My man is currently in A&E, having a rabies and tetanus jab "
Enid's cat is a menace. If I'd known she'd let him out this morning I'd never have made this plan. Please turn up tomorrow but also bring a cat carrier and some tuna. |
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"I've been standing here with my cock out for ages now and all that's happened is a couple of people have asked me if I have a lighter
You did come to the right bike shed? The glass one near the rhododendrons? Where Graham the postman usually leaves his bike? At *precisely* 9.18am? I didn't see anyone with a sousaphone.
OMG!!!
I'm definitely not at the right one "
Try again tomorrow. |
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"Hi, I'm Julie. I am planning a fumble behind the bikeshed and I need someone to provide the required fumbling. I have found an appropriate bikeshed, although it is made of glass and you will have to time it right to avoid Graham the postman who leaves his bike there.
You will arrive at 9.18am precisely wearing a trilby and carrying a suzaphone. I will observe your arrival from a spot in the rhododendrons. You will know it's me as I will be carrying a goldfish in a bowl. The goldfish is called Derek and he can be hostile to strangers.
Once Derek is used to you (this can take 5-6 hours) the fumbling can begin and will last approximately 3 minutes.
If I don't turn up please try again tomorrow.
This is a startling revelation because I live in a glass bike shed, I wonder if we’re talking one and the same. I’ll give my ficus a shake three times just before the start of Steph’s Packed Lunch. If I don’t see your rhododendron shake back I’ll assume cover is blown for the day."
Could be. I will be back tomorrow though as I need to synchronise my watch at the clock tower at 1pm. |
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"I've been standing here with my cock out for ages now and all that's happened is a couple of people have asked me if I have a lighter
You did come to the right bike shed? The glass one near the rhododendrons? Where Graham the postman usually leaves his bike? At *precisely* 9.18am? I didn't see anyone with a sousaphone.
OMG!!!
I'm definitely not at the right one
Try again tomorrow. "
I'll wear my big coat this time |
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"This thread is why is probably best that I'm not usually on here in the daytime! I should probably stick to giving compliments "
Stick to giving compliments? Did you get your gold star stickers all over you? |
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"This thread is why is probably best that I'm not usually on here in the daytime! I should probably stick to giving compliments
Stick to giving compliments? Did you get your gold star stickers all over you?"
That would make a good photo wouldn't it? Forget googly eyes. Gold stars are where it's at.  Have you listened to the porn music yet? |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"This thread is why is probably best that I'm not usually on here in the daytime! I should probably stick to giving compliments
Stick to giving compliments? Did you get your gold star stickers all over you?
That would make a good photo wouldn't it? Forget googly eyes. Gold stars are where it's at. Have you listened to the porn music yet? "
I did TRY to take a photograph, no one held still for long enough, and all I've got is a confection of grey streaks with a glass bike shed in the background. Even more unsettling is the pair of eyes looking through the dirty glass at everything.
Also, I had the forethought to bring myself a packed lunch, but Enid's damned cat got into my tote bag and peed on the sandwiches. I'll murder that bloody cat!
All in all, a wasted effort.
 |
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"Who calls their goldfish Derek......
I actually love that *this* is what you take from this thread. "
I think it will take him more than 6 hours to get used to you. He's still sulking after PD's Big Bad Barry made him feel like a minnow. |
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"This thread is why is probably best that I'm not usually on here in the daytime! I should probably stick to giving compliments
Stick to giving compliments? Did you get your gold star stickers all over you?
That would make a good photo wouldn't it? Forget googly eyes. Gold stars are where it's at. Have you listened to the porn music yet?
I did TRY to take a photograph, no one held still for long enough, and all I've got is a confection of grey streaks with a glass bike shed in the background. Even more unsettling is the pair of eyes looking through the dirty glass at everything.
Also, I had the forethought to bring myself a packed lunch, but Enid's damned cat got into my tote bag and peed on the sandwiches. I'll murder that bloody cat!
All in all, a wasted effort.
"
Same time tomorrow?  |
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"Who calls their goldfish Derek......
I actually love that *this* is what you take from this thread.
I think it will take him more than 6 hours to get used to you. He's still sulking after PD's Big Bad Barry made him feel like a minnow. "
Blimey more than six hours he will probably be a koi carp by then.... |
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"Who calls their goldfish Derek......
I actually love that *this* is what you take from this thread.
I think it will take him more than 6 hours to get used to you. He's still sulking after PD's Big Bad Barry made him feel like a minnow. "
My what? |
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"Who calls their goldfish Derek......
I actually love that *this* is what you take from this thread.
I think it will take him more than 6 hours to get used to you. He's still sulking after PD's Big Bad Barry made him feel like a minnow.
My what? "
I'm sure that was the winner from the Name PD's Penis thread. It was in my head anyway. |
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"Who calls their goldfish Derek......
I actually love that *this* is what you take from this thread.
I think it will take him more than 6 hours to get used to you. He's still sulking after PD's Big Bad Barry made him feel like a minnow.
My what?
I'm sure that was the winner from the Name PD's Penis thread. It was in my head anyway. "
Someone did name it JD on a drinking thread which I thought worked well. I thought you had named my tattoo |
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"This thread is why is probably best that I'm not usually on here in the daytime! I should probably stick to giving compliments
Stick to giving compliments? Did you get your gold star stickers all over you?
That would make a good photo wouldn't it? Forget googly eyes. Gold stars are where it's at. Have you listened to the porn music yet? "
I've not listened to the porn music yet! I forgot. I'll remedy that soon |
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"Is wooing allowed in or around the vicinity of this shed of bikes?"
I don't think anyone should be pretending to be a ghost unless they wear a sheet with eye holes.
Sorry, wrong sort of woo.
Non-ghostly wooing is indeed permitted with the correct permit and paperwork. Careful planning. |
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"Is wooing allowed in or around the vicinity of this shed of bikes?
I don't think anyone should be pretending to be a ghost unless they wear a sheet with eye holes.
Sorry, wrong sort of woo.
Non-ghostly wooing is indeed permitted with the correct permit and paperwork. Careful planning. "
•
With this "Careful planning" - are we allowed to go all the way?  |
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"Is wooing allowed in or around the vicinity of this shed of bikes?
I don't think anyone should be pretending to be a ghost unless they wear a sheet with eye holes.
Sorry, wrong sort of woo.
Non-ghostly wooing is indeed permitted with the correct permit and paperwork. Careful planning.
•
With this "Careful planning" - are we allowed to go all the way? "
Approximately 3 minutes is a narrow window but I believe it may be possible. |
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"Is wooing allowed in or around the vicinity of this shed of bikes?
I don't think anyone should be pretending to be a ghost unless they wear a sheet with eye holes.
Sorry, wrong sort of woo.
Non-ghostly wooing is indeed permitted with the correct permit and paperwork. Careful planning.
•
With this "Careful planning" - are we allowed to go all the way?
Approximately 3 minutes is a narrow window but I believe it may be possible. "
•
3 minutes will feel like an elysian eternity with you. You will want no other. |
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"Approximately 3 minutes is a narrow window but I believe it may be possible.
•
3 minutes will feel like an elysian eternity with you. You will want no other. "
I shall look forward to it and await you in the rhododendrons at 9.18am tomorrow! Watch out for Enid's Tom cat, he scuppered today's fun |
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"I've been exercising my finger all night long, bike sheds finger blasting coming up. "
Why hello, your trilby is top notch. Finger blasting will have to wait until Derek is feeling a bit less ferocious. |
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"I've been exercising my finger all night long, bike sheds finger blasting coming up.
Why hello, your trilby is top notch. Finger blasting will have to wait until Derek is feeling a bit less ferocious. "
My middle names are goldfish whisperer. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it. |
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"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it."
It will be Enid tutting. She always gets the 362 on a Wednesday. |
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"I waited but couldn’t source a sousaphone but brought my French horn!! Fancy tooting me?? "
However did you know that the horn solo at the start of An der schönen blauen Donau is the quickest way to calm Derek? We may manage 5 minutes of fumbling |
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"I waited but couldn’t source a sousaphone but brought my French horn!! Fancy tooting me??
However did you know that the horn solo at the start of An der schönen blauen Donau is the quickest way to calm Derek? We may manage 5 minutes of fumbling "
Make it 6 mins and an ‘awww that was wonderful… interesting fingering technique on the pre chorus…’ and I’m in!!  |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it.
It will be Enid tutting. She always gets the 362 on a Wednesday. "
I'm not impressed with her cat. My finger sandwiches were ruined yesterday. |
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"Goddamit. I missed 9.18am again
It's not like I've made it difficult for anyone.  Try again tomorrow please LB. I would very much like you to turn up. "
Oh I’ll try then darling. I’ve packed my saxophone especially. Might help if I got to sleep before 5am |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Goddamit. I missed 9.18am again
It's not like I've made it difficult for anyone. Try again tomorrow please LB. I would very much like you to turn up. "
So... same procedure as every day? |
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"Goddamit. I missed 9.18am again
It's not like I've made it difficult for anyone. Try again tomorrow please LB. I would very much like you to turn up.
Oh I’ll try then darling. I’ve packed my saxophone especially. Might help if I got to sleep before 5am "
Please practise the Sax solo from I Still Believe in The Lost Boys. It's one of Derek's favourites and should allow for more fumbling time. |
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"Goddamit. I missed 9.18am again
It's not like I've made it difficult for anyone. Try again tomorrow please LB. I would very much like you to turn up.
So... same procedure as every day? "
I have made allowances for LB as she has a saxomaphone instead of a sousaphone. Much as I would love to see the coils of metal wrapped around her, they are very heavy and she is only little after all. All other requirements remain the same. |
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"Goddamit. I missed 9.18am again
It's not like I've made it difficult for anyone. Try again tomorrow please LB. I would very much like you to turn up.
Oh I’ll try then darling. I’ve packed my saxophone especially. Might help if I got to sleep before 5am
Please practise the Sax solo from I Still Believe in The Lost Boys. It's one of Derek's favourites and should allow for more fumbling time. "
Oh god I will. And I will oil my chest like that legend sax player |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've been trying to synchronise the meet with the time on the town hall clock, but it runs on pacific standard time, and I have the feeling it hasn't worked since it was struck by lightning at 10.04pm on 12 November 1955.
Can you give me an idea of the difference in time between British daylight saving time and pacific standard time, and then I will add on 67 years to see if that will help. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Goddamit. I missed 9.18am again
It's not like I've made it difficult for anyone. Try again tomorrow please LB. I would very much like you to turn up.
Oh I’ll try then darling. I’ve packed my saxophone especially. Might help if I got to sleep before 5am
Please practise the Sax solo from I Still Believe in The Lost Boys. It's one of Derek's favourites and should allow for more fumbling time. "
Ahhh, The Lost Boys. Great Movie.
I may book a taxi as moving all my paraphernalia with the penny farthing left me quite puffed. |
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"I've been trying to synchronise the meet with the time on the town hall clock, but it runs on pacific standard time, and I have the feeling it hasn't worked since it was struck by lightning at 10.04pm on 12 November 1955.
Can you give me an idea of the difference in time between British daylight saving time and pacific standard time, and then I will add on 67 years to see if that will help."
Great Scott! This is why it's preferable to use the church tower clock and a casio calculator watch. If you go to the town hall at precisely 10.04pm and add on 8 hours your watch should be set to 6.04am. You will then have a miniscule wait of 67 years, 3 hours and 14 minutes. Hope that helps. |
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"Rumours are that Enid's Tom cat severed an extremity of one of the eager studs who was hanging around the bike shed this morning. Can it be reattached, do you think?"
I'll pop it in Derek's bowl to keep it safe and make all possible haste to Dr Jennie. Only she can save the day (and the extremity)! |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan? "
Me! I’m planning on winning the lottery so I’m gonna start a harem. Would you like me to save you a place? |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Me! I’m planning on winning the lottery so I’m gonna start a harem. Would you like me to save you a place? "
Hell to the yeah! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan? "
Hang on a sec, I could ask the other Directors of our company whether there is an opening - would you be happy taking your reclining to a chaise longue - as promoted by Wet Leg (I think they even allow underwear)? |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Hang on a sec, I could ask the other Directors of our company whether there is an opening - would you be happy taking your reclining to a chaise longue - as promoted by Wet Leg (I think they even allow underwear)?"
All day long |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Me! I’m planning on winning the lottery so I’m gonna start a harem. Would you like me to save you a place? "
Oh could I come too? I'll stay in a chastity cage the whole time. You can keep tbe key. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Hang on a sec, I could ask the other Directors of our company whether there is an opening - would you be happy taking your reclining to a chaise longue - as promoted by Wet Leg (I think they even allow underwear)?
All day long "
Bet you're going to insist that Beef will need his own one (or will this be our little secret).
Damn, I better get to some real work or there wont be a company to run! |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Me! I’m planning on winning the lottery so I’m gonna start a harem. Would you like me to save you a place?
Oh could I come too? I'll stay in a chastity cage the whole time. You can keep tbe key."
Of course you can come darling. And cum if you want to |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Hang on a sec, I could ask the other Directors of our company whether there is an opening - would you be happy taking your reclining to a chaise longue - as promoted by Wet Leg (I think they even allow underwear)?
All day long
Bet you're going to insist that Beef will need his own one (or will this be our little secret).
Damn, I better get to some real work or there wont be a company to run!"
Good point. We can negotiate working hours |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan? "
I hear you can recline in a Wanton manner in the local Chinese restaurant..... |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
Me! I’m planning on winning the lottery so I’m gonna start a harem. Would you like me to save you a place?
Oh could I come too? I'll stay in a chastity cage the whole time. You can keep tbe key.
Of course you can come darling. And cum if you want to "
Yay |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
I hear you can recline in a Wanton manner in the local Chinese restaurant..... "
Wanton wontons. Perfect. There is a fantastic Vietnamese restaurant in Manchester called Pho Cue. 10/10 for the food and the pun. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
I hear you can recline in a Wanton manner in the local Chinese restaurant.....
Wanton wontons. Perfect. There is a fantastic Vietnamese restaurant in Manchester called Pho Cue. 10/10 for the food and the pun. "
Lol!! That's nearly as bad as calling it the Fung Tuk. |
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"Breaking character for a moment...
You know, I don't want to have to go back to work. I want to recline in a wanton manner and amuse myself on here. Does anyone have an opening for a courtesan?
I hear you can recline in a Wanton manner in the local Chinese restaurant.....
Wanton wontons. Perfect. There is a fantastic Vietnamese restaurant in Manchester called Pho Cue. 10/10 for the food and the pun. "
Steamed custard puns are the best  |
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"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it."
•
Are you catching this bus from Tutting Broadway? |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it.
•
Are you catching this bus from Tutting Broadway?"
Why yes, my neighbour is a nice Egyptian gentleman; King Tut. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it.
•
Are you catching this bus from Tutting Broadway?
Why yes, my neighbour is a nice Egyptian gentleman; King Tut."
My house used to be owned by a Nobel Peace Prize winner - Desmond Tutu. |
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"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it.
•
Are you catching this bus from Tutting Broadway?
Why yes, my neighbour is a nice Egyptian gentleman; King Tut."
•
You can't say pharaoh than that. |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"I'm afraid the Daguerrotype camera is proving cumbersome to get on the bus. People are giving me dirty looks and the driver is tutting. I might try to get it all there on my penny farthing instead. I'm just going to hook of the sidecar, but I think I should still make it.
•
Are you catching this bus from Tutting Broadway?
Why yes, my neighbour is a nice Egyptian gentleman; King Tut.
•
You can't say pharaoh than that. "
Mummy's the word. |
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"Still calling it Derek.....
That's his name. I won him at a coconut shy when the fair came to the village. "
Watch out for that fortune teller "Mystic Meg". She'll use her crystal ball(s) for something rather different |
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"Still calling it Derek.....
That's his name. I won him at a coconut shy when the fair came to the village.
Watch out for that fortune teller "Mystic Meg". She'll use her crystal ball(s) for something rather different "
She told me 'that' was necessary to get a clear reading. |
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"Still calling it Derek.....
That's his name. I won him at a coconut shy when the fair came to the village.
Watch out for that fortune teller "Mystic Meg". She'll use her crystal ball(s) for something rather different
She told me 'that' was necessary to get a clear reading. "
Tell Meg that the vicar wants that weather vane back on the church tower clock. Don't tell him where it's been |
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"Still calling it Derek.....
That's his name. I won him at a coconut shy when the fair came to the village.
Watch out for that fortune teller "Mystic Meg". She'll use her crystal ball(s) for something rather different
She told me 'that' was necessary to get a clear reading.
Tell Meg that the vicar wants that weather vane back on the church tower clock. Don't tell him where it's been "
*gingerly picks up the weather vane with the large cock on top* |
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"Still calling it Derek.....
That's his name. I won him at a coconut shy when the fair came to the village.
Watch out for that fortune teller "Mystic Meg". She'll use her crystal ball(s) for something rather different
She told me 'that' was necessary to get a clear reading.
Tell Meg that the vicar wants that weather vane back on the church tower clock. Don't tell him where it's been
*gingerly picks up the weather vane with the large cock on top*"
It looks a bit rusty, but it'll do |
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"3 minutes!!
Can I bring a friend? I’ll be wheezing and blustering after 1!! I’m terribly allergic to rhododendrons don’t you know…"
I will provide you with a full hazmat suit to facilitate fumbling. The friend can take Kevin for a walk and we can have hours, well one minute, of fun. |
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"Wow that’s more than I usually get in a year…
All the men on fab keep blocking me. "
I'm just wondering who the devil Kevin is? Poor Derek is devastated to be forgotten so quickly. Your friend is probably in mortal danger right now. |
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"Wow that’s more than I usually get in a year…
All the men on fab keep blocking me.
I'm just wondering who the devil Kevin is? Poor Derek is devastated to be forgotten so quickly. Your friend is probably in mortal danger right now. "
m
We weren’t close anyway |
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I think I was put off by the uncomfortable presence of Derek and Kevin, whoever they are.
I'm all for a bit of brotherly solidarity, but when it comes to clandestine interludes behind the bike sheds it's just me and "F". |
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"I think I was put off by the uncomfortable presence of Derek and Kevin, whoever they are.
I'm all for a bit of brotherly solidarity, but when it comes to clandestine interludes behind the bike sheds it's just me and "F"."
Fair enough. So. Slightly later time as suggested by the exceedingly sensible KC and get a fish-sitter for Derek. Kevin just snuck in when no one was looking, cheeky sod. The trilby is non-negotiable though. |
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"Given the fumble has failed to occur two days running perhaps I should be less punctilious in my planning
Try at 10:19, when people might be on their morning tea break? "
•
I suspect what this really infers is when YOU'RE on your tea break. KC² my your whole life is a tea break!
You'd be the ideal candidate for Åfternoon Teå. |
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"Shoot, I didn't realise it was on today with all the sex Mr Beef should be getting for his birthday "
It's his birthday? I knew there was something (someone) else I was meant to be doing! Tomorrow? |
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"Shoot, I didn't realise it was on today with all the sex Mr Beef should be getting for his birthday
It's his birthday? I knew there was something (someone) else I was meant to be doing! Tomorrow? "
You telling me you just left him tied to the bed all this time?
Tomorrow might work but I might be having a group of very fiesty ladies over so will let you know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shoot, I didn't realise it was on today with all the sex Mr Beef should be getting for his birthday
It's his birthday? I knew there was something (someone) else I was meant to be doing! Tomorrow? "
I still cannot see the Town Hall clock from where I am sitting.
Could you please get Little Bird to use her saxaphone like a bugle, just to give us a 2 minute warning before the meet.
If it's OK with you I shall bring my violin, I think the sousaphone was leant to the Last Leg team when Donald Trump was last in Scotland, and it may still be up his arse (judging by his pained expression). Anyway, I told them I did not want it back.
Thx. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shoot, I didn't realise it was on today with all the sex Mr Beef should be getting for his birthday
It's his birthday? I knew there was something (someone) else I was meant to be doing! Tomorrow?
I still cannot see the Town Hall clock from where I am sitting.
Could you please get Little Bird to use her saxaphone like a bugle, just to give us a 2 minute warning before the meet.
If it's OK with you I shall bring my violin, I think the sousaphone was leant to the Last Leg team when Donald Trump was last in Scotland, and it may still be up his arse (judging by his pained expression). Anyway, I told them I did not want it back.
Thx. "
*lent not leant (also, tangentially, is today the last day of Lent?) |
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"Shoot, I didn't realise it was on today with all the sex Mr Beef should be getting for his birthday
It's his birthday? I knew there was something (someone) else I was meant to be doing! Tomorrow?
I still cannot see the Town Hall clock from where I am sitting.
Could you please get Little Bird to use her saxaphone like a bugle, just to give us a 2 minute warning before the meet.
If it's OK with you I shall bring my violin, I think the sousaphone was leant to the Last Leg team when Donald Trump was last in Scotland, and it may still be up his arse (judging by his pained expression). Anyway, I told them I did not want it back.
Thx. "
The Last Leg/Family Guy jaunty tune was 'instrumental' in my choice of sousaphone!
A violin is a great idea, it will keep Enid's tom cat away! |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
Alas I was unable to attend today to capture the event for posterity! The taxi I ordered from an extremely budget provider turned out to be a steam-driven traction engine with an octogenarian operator.
Not only was it exceedingly slow (my penny farthing would've been quicker), but the driver only had a seat up next to him at the controls, and he kept getting handsy. I was compelled to keep pulling my skirt over ny knees and eventually gave up and walked home. The only thing that has made my morning a little less if a failure was being wolf-whistled by some bin men.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A violin is a great idea, it will keep Enid's tom cat away! "
Ah, my family always complained that it sounded like a str*ngled cat when I was learning in my teens, then the year I stopped, my older sister (gawd don't you just love bossy older sisters) commented "shame you gave it up, you were just getting good" |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"If Misty and Davina could both find a slightly more reliable mode of transport, that would be great. "
Are you insinuating it's MY fault that grandfather time tried to have a grope?
Harrumph! |
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"How in the hell did I miss this one?? It's epic 
Also if I bring Derek a friend - my goldfish Jacobi - do you think we could get to the fumbling sooner? "
That is a most sensible idea. Derek is mellowing in his old age too so we might manage a full 6 minutes!
J |
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By *edeWoman 30 weeks ago
the abyss |
"How in the hell did I miss this one?? It's epic
Also if I bring Derek a friend - my goldfish Jacobi - do you think we could get to the fumbling sooner?
That is a most sensible idea. Derek is mellowing in his old age too so we might manage a full 6 minutes!
J"
I'll bring a fancy palace for his fishbowl and see if we can make it 7 |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 30 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
I'm no longer able to offer photographic reproductions of the planned events, owing to the lasting trauma brought on by my transport travails last time. The old bugger who groped me on his traction engine still lasciviously licks his chops when he catches my eye at the market.
And my daguerrotype has a cracked lens. I might be willing to render the scene in charcoal on a canvas medium, if someone is prepared to describe it in adequate detail... |
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