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Actions speaking louder...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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than words.
Don't get me wrong, I love language. The beauty of a message happily received, hearing what people say.
But - I think there's a point where language only carries you so far.
What do you think? What are you experiences - do you find words match the actions? How do you feel/cope with it if they don't? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here, I take what everyone says very lightly until I've actually spent time with them.
I enjoy conversations with guys about things we may do, and they sound freaking amazing. Are they always actually amazing? Meh. A lot of people can talk the talk but fail to deliver. Online especially I think a lot of people fall into this category.
In real life? I know those that talk utter shit.
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If actions and words are incongruent then something is amiss.
BUT ......
It would be stupid if you thought a friend wasn't your friend because they said they'd come over with wine/chocs and then they cancelled. Life happens.
Considerations need to be done over time.
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Depends on the person, I know some people follow their word and other people don't so my expectation varies "
That's true. I have some friends who are very much true to their word and go beyond them (in a good way). Others are less likely to, whether that's because they flip flop, aren't always honest etc. I tend to take their words with a pinch of salt.
Does it mean you can't trust the first camp of people fully? |
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"If actions and words don't match, believe their actions. "
I wouldn't be so rigid.
Those with the best of intentions can be way laid for reasons beyond their control.
It's not words OR actions it's both. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I learned very early in life to observe what people showed me by their actions rather than what they told me with their words. "
I love words. Truly adore them. But I'm learning more and more that I should observe behaviour rather than blindly believing everything people tell me. Is that called maturity? Maybe it's something you learn over the years.
Maybe I'm mature now.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Real life, I always take what people say with a pinch of salt. I’m still always kind of disappointed when they don’t follow through with the things they’ve promised though.
On here I expect they’re talking shit more often than not so it’s a nice surprise when I’m proved wrong sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a big fan of words . I love getting lost in someone via conversation.
I am a romantic so I tend to believe people and what they say. I expect everyone to be like me. To speak with meaning and have actions that back it up. I hope for the best. Sadly some people's actions don't match their words and I'm often left disappointed.
Some people I now know better than to believe but it can be hard when you really want to .
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Actions are everything. Language is beautiful and I adore it, but it's just the decoration on the cake, pretty and pleasant for a fleeting moment but the flesh of what matters is deeper than that.
Certain words I absolutely despise to hear out loud as a statement. Some things can only ever be shown and expressed through the things people do, and saying the words almost feels like saying I can't be bothered to show you so I'm just going to tell you. I know I'm a little too sensitive about those words, but it is what it is to me.
Words themselves can often be a demonstration though. They're not always hollow, but they have to be accompanied by true intentions. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I feel quite disappointed when words and actions are at odds because inside my black, cynical heart is a tiny light of hope that people are honest in their intent.  "
Ha. Always. I think that's lovely though - having that hope in people. People aren't that bad really, I always have a little glimmer of hope that if I think something will happen (that's not positive), people will prove me wrong. Actions will match words and harmonise perfectly. |
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"Depends on the person, I know some people follow their word and other people don't so my expectation varies
That's true. I have some friends who are very much true to their word and go beyond them (in a good way). Others are less likely to, whether that's because they flip flop, aren't always honest etc. I tend to take their words with a pinch of salt.
Does it mean you can't trust the first camp of people fully? "
No it doesn't. I'd say life is more circumstantial e.g. a friend who turns up on time every month for something you do as group might not be true to their word in other situations.
In my case , once I know a person, I have expectations of them from their perspective , not mine.
No point in expecting everyone to be me. I enjoy them for who they are. e.g. I have a friend who always say half eight ... and I say ok... but I know they won't turn up until ten mins later ..... they are shit at timing but they are a great friend. I never expect them at half eight so I'm never pissed off. I adjust as they are worth it. And fooking useless at timing. |
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"I learned very early in life to observe what people showed me by their actions rather than what they told me with their words.
I love words. Truly adore them. But I'm learning more and more that I should observe behaviour rather than blindly believing everything people tell me. Is that called maturity? Maybe it's something you learn over the years.
Maybe I'm mature now. "
Maybe you are.
I love words but they're worthless in isolation.
' I love you' is nice to hear but if it's not backed up by actions it's empty. I'd rather be shown by deeds that I'm loved than hear it a thousand times a day from someone who treated me badly |
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I have more faith in actions than words because words and language can do more damage over time.
Some people are completely blind to actions and are influenced only by words.
Both words and actions can be used to deceive but often people dissect the language and find positives where none existed and ignore actions which tell a different tale.
On the flip side they can take offence at words when actions prove that none was ever intended. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"than words.
Don't get me wrong, I love language. The beauty of a message happily received, hearing what people say.
But - I think there's a point where language only carries you so far.
What do you think? What are you experiences - do you find words match the actions? How do you feel/cope with it if they don't? "
Someone hasn't heard my voice notes... |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"than words.
Don't get me wrong, I love language. The beauty of a message happily received, hearing what people say.
But - I think there's a point where language only carries you so far.
What do you think? What are you experiences - do you find words match the actions? How do you feel/cope with it if they don't? "
. On Fabs I think action does speak louder than words but before the actions the words are important to see / feel a connection before a meet even if it’s just a social meet |
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People will believe words over actions quite often though.
I notice quite often that people become very confused when someone consistently doesn't behave in the way they say they will. "But they said they would" is a phrase I hear a lot. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"If actions and words are incongruent then something is amiss.
BUT ......
It would be stupid if you thought a friend wasn't your friend because they said they'd come over with wine/chocs and then they cancelled. Life happens.
Considerations need to be done over time.
"
Yes definitely. I think that we (general we) can be quite quick to think "Oh no, this person didn't do X, Y and Z, might as well write it all off". But life happens. People change. Circumstances.
You apply common sense don't you? |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I'm a big fan of words . I love getting lost in someone via conversation.
I am a romantic so I tend to believe people and what they say. I expect everyone to be like me. To speak with meaning and have actions that back it up. I hope for the best. Sadly some people's actions don't match their words and I'm often left disappointed.
Some people I now know better than to believe but it can be hard when you really want to .
"
Oh I'm very much a romantic at heart. Quite soft once my walls are down, a tad too soft perhaps. A dear friend described me as a romantic when we were discussing this topic last night.
Having that hope isn't a bad thing is it? But applying a healthy dose of realism isn't either.
I believe easily and readily and accept things to be the truth. When it's not, it's like a jarring note that needs to fixed. But life isn't so black and white. Those shades of grey can contain brilliance. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I feel lack of action also speaks volumes to my dear Melilicious. Sometimes we need to acknowledge and accept the silences, and lack of activities and move on with life to find true happiness. "
Aww LadyBugs! You're here, and posting in my thread. 
Yes; you're right. It's not an easy decision to make but lack of actions, not just to "back up" what's said but to show care etc are rather large signs that we sometimes find easier to ignore, in the hope things change. Get better. It doesn't quite work like that - I think we all deserve true happiness don't we? |
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I take actions over words these days, you really need to show me what I mean to you, rather than just tell me, that's quite shallow. Time well spent is better than endless proclamations written on a screen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"than words.
Don't get me wrong, I love language. The beauty of a message happily received, hearing what people say.
But - I think there's a point where language only carries you so far.
What do you think? What are you experiences - do you find words match the actions? How do you feel/cope with it if they don't? "
I'll put this real easy and simple...show me don't tell me..if your actions don't match your words, then it's just empty hollow words..here endeath the lesson |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Situational!
Sometimes words are what is needed in a point in time.
"If there is anything you need at all, let me know" for the most part it's all bullshit, nobody means it other than something basic but to the person at that point in time, that is all they needed. No actions, no grand gesture of love or affection, no lavashing of attention. Just simple words of comfort.
Sometimes actions are impractical, complex to put "in to action". Efforts may be thwarted causing delays or roadblocks. Some will view that as inaction regardless of effort or intent, but it was an action but sometimes even that is not enough for some. |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"I feel lack of action also speaks volumes to my dear Melilicious. Sometimes we need to acknowledge and accept the silences, and lack of activities and move on with life to find true happiness.
Aww LadyBugs! You're here, and posting in my thread.
Yes; you're right. It's not an easy decision to make but lack of actions, not just to "back up" what's said but to show care etc are rather large signs that we sometimes find easier to ignore, in the hope things change. Get better. It doesn't quite work like that - I think we all deserve true happiness don't we? "
I pop by from time to time 
We do. Everyone deserves happiness. I hope we all find it.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"than words.
Don't get me wrong, I love language. The beauty of a message happily received, hearing what people say.
But - I think there's a point where language only carries you so far.
What do you think? What are you experiences - do you find words match the actions? How do you feel/cope with it if they don't? "
I learned not to expect anything and stop thinking overhead for someone. You can’t think for two at same time. If they’re all over head for you, they will do everything to prove it,if not.. well there’s that. Need to think about yourself if you’re worth the time and effort they’re making or completely opposite.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If actions and words don't match, believe their actions.
I wouldn't be so rigid.
Those with the best of intentions can be way laid for reasons beyond their control.
It's not words OR actions it's both. "
Well yes, of course.
We can all have off days.
I suppose I'm thinking more specific. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Depends on the person, I know some people follow their word and other people don't so my expectation varies
That's true. I have some friends who are very much true to their word and go beyond them (in a good way). Others are less likely to, whether that's because they flip flop, aren't always honest etc. I tend to take their words with a pinch of salt.
Does it mean you can't trust the first camp of people fully?
No it doesn't. I'd say life is more circumstantial e.g. a friend who turns up on time every month for something you do as group might not be true to their word in other situations.
In my case , once I know a person, I have expectations of them from their perspective , not mine.
No point in expecting everyone to be me. I enjoy them for who they are. e.g. I have a friend who always say half eight ... and I say ok... but I know they won't turn up until ten mins later ..... they are shit at timing but they are a great friend. I never expect them at half eight so I'm never pissed off. I adjust as they are worth it. And fooking useless at timing."
That's very true. Falling into the habit of thinking a person will behave like you or even worse, as you want them to because that's how you feel is the best way to be? Silly to be frank.
Adjusting, acknowledging someone for who they are, knowing their heart and intent is a good way of operating.
I do trust people. I also trust they'll behave in a way that's them. Wouldn't change it. Even if it might raise a sigh or two at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"life in general Some people talk a good talk, others can actually follow up on what they say.
For me that is important that the actions meet the words.
As i just see it as lip service. "
I still know Nuffin |
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"Well sometimes a nice big cuddle is worth a thousand words.
I’d kill for a cuddle…well kill might be a bit extreme but as it’s a language discussion I think everyone knows what I mean  "
Well here it comes.
I wrap my big strong arms around you, hold you gently but firmly resting your head on my chest and with no sexual intent give you a lovely calming and reassuring hug with your ear pressed to my chest you can hear the slow thud of my heartbeat making you feel comfortable and safe.
How's that? |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"Well sometimes a nice big cuddle is worth a thousand words.
I’d kill for a cuddle…well kill might be a bit extreme but as it’s a language discussion I think everyone knows what I mean
Well here it comes.
I wrap my big strong arms around you, hold you gently but firmly resting your head on my chest and with no sexual intent give you a lovely calming and reassuring hug with your ear pressed to my chest you can hear the slow thud of my heartbeat making you feel comfortable and safe.
How's that?"
Bloody, blinking awesome! Thank youuuuuuuuuu |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well sometimes a nice big cuddle is worth a thousand words.
I’d kill for a cuddle…well kill might be a bit extreme but as it’s a language discussion I think everyone knows what I mean
Well here it comes.
I wrap my big strong arms around you, hold you gently but firmly resting your head on my chest and with no sexual intent give you a lovely calming and reassuring hug with your ear pressed to my chest you can hear the slow thud of my heartbeat making you feel comfortable and safe.
How's that?"
Thats so beautiful, hugs are the best |
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That's true.
However how many here have been unbelievably turned on by what someone has said over an hour of texts only to find the reality is 90secs of heavy breathing and straining before he falls asleep with his back to you |
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