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A friendly ear...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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After being sent a screenshot of my recent call time with a beloved friend that culminated with us discussing future plans, it got me thinking. About showing we care, more than saying it.
So, it's a twofold thread really.
How good are you at being a friendly ear to a friend/lover/partner whatever if needed? And do you think you show people you care? If so, how? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been that person that needed someone at the end of a call once. And a quick look after a five minute ‘call me’ phone call, I saw the call time was1hr. I needed it, and she was that ear I needed.  #theyknowwho
I’m usually a good listener because of my patience, I think I’m also wise because I’m old too.  so they should listen to my advice.
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"Yes I do.
Nothing says I appreciate and care for you more than spaff on their tits.
You're such a scamp.
Yep. That's it; I'm dubbing you a scamp. A horny one.  "
I felt you ruffle my hair as you typed that.
I do give a very attentive listening service when needed and will always answer honestly and as kindly as I can.
This isn’t to everyone’s liking. |
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"Yes I do.
Nothing says I appreciate and care for you more than spaff on their tits.
I know you joke, but I know my long term partner loves me by how much he loves spaffing on me tits. "
You’re a keeper.
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure I would want my reputaion of being a dick distroyed by answering that but, in real life I'm very attentive.
Don't tell anyone though."
Your dick facade is safe with us, don't worry.
I think that's lovely though - kind of like compliments when not freely given. If someone is a bit of a dick but still shows up? They're the best kind of dick. |
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"Yes I do.
Nothing says I appreciate and care for you more than spaff on their tits.
I know you joke, but I know my long term partner loves me by how much he loves spaffing on me tits. "
An unusual love token, but sounds like it works for you |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I’ve been that person that needed someone at the end of a call once. And a quick look after a five minute ‘call me’ phone call, I saw the call time was1hr. I needed it, and she was that ear I needed. #theyknowwho
I’m usually a good listener because of my patience, I think I’m also wise because I’m old too. so they should listen to my advice.
"
Yes, I didn't think I realised how much until about a hour in and it was like a dam opening - all the horniness, worries, feelings. The joy. The sadness. I think sometimes it can be mentally exhausting for another. And that's why it means even more when someone does just call.
Wise because of old age? Hmmm.
Unconvinced. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I think I'm a good listener and friend. My friends always know they can come to me and often do. I'm unsure if I do anything special other than checking in with them when I notice they are quiet or even when they aren't. A smile can hide a lot of sadness so even if they seem ok I like to give them a friendly arm punch and then a hug |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once I didn't show someone that I did actually care, at it ended in the worst possible way.
Once I did, and it ended in the worst possible way.
I generally keep my feelings to myself these days, I'm much better at listening to others than letting others listen to me. I ramble... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve been that person that needed someone at the end of a call once. And a quick look after a five minute ‘call me’ phone call, I saw the call time was1hr. I needed it, and she was that ear I needed. #theyknowwho
I’m usually a good listener because of my patience, I think I’m also wise because I’m old too. so they should listen to my advice.
Yes, I didn't think I realised how much until about a hour in and it was like a dam opening - all the horniness, worries, feelings. The joy. The sadness. I think sometimes it can be mentally exhausting for another. And that's why it means even more when someone does just call.
Wise because of old age? Hmmm.
Unconvinced. "
Your lack of faith is disturbing. …
What does nobody believe I’m wise? I’m almost a elder |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m okay but I probably could be better. I’m always happy to lend an ear when someone needs it and I make sure to check up on my close ones when I feel like they have been quiet but I don’t always know the right things to do or say. I’m probably better as someone to vent to rather than giving advice. |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
Being a good ear is a kind thing to do. But sometimes people take advantage of this and they will use you.
The rule is: don't let another person's problems become yours.
And in business: poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
I say this because you may offer help or advice and that person repeats the problem a little down the line and your back to square one, and you'll be the one they sound off too again and that's on you.
Most see kindness as a weakness and will abuse that.
That takes its toll on you because we all have things going on in our lives.
Friend of mine gives business improvement speeches and he said people will keep emailing, ringing asking questions wasting your time when they know what to do, they just want you to do it for them.
To stop this he said sure I can help but I start at £150 per hour. The calls stop.
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"After being sent a screenshot of my recent call time with a beloved friend that culminated with us discussing future plans, it got me thinking. About showing we care, more than saying it.
So, it's a twofold thread really.
How good are you at being a friendly ear to a friend/lover/partner whatever if needed? And do you think you show people you care? If so, how?"
I’ve needed this friendly ear many times and I felt how much it helped. I’m not the most naturally gifted patient listener, but because i know how valuable it is, I will commit as much of self, energy, encouragement and support as I possibly can, every single time to anyone I know who needs it.
My best friend still recalls how I gave him some harsh truth and advice. I don’t think avoiding that just because they’re our friends is always the best strategy. Judgement call each time. |
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I've always been that ear to listen, that shoulder to cry or lean on and that hand to help them up.
It's my nature and I never gave it much thought until I hit my 40s and realised there were big holes in my own life.
I still do it to this day but the big difference now is that I know I need friends like that who reciprocate rather than just take all the time.
I don't always tell my friends how important they are to me but they know from my words and actions that I care deeply for them and will support them any way I can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to be supportive and I'm always there for my friends and people I care about. I often go out of my way for people because I know what it's like to have no one.
I'm seen as the friend who gives good advice (despite my own disasters)
I always check in with people when I know they are struggling and often pick up on it really early too .
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Yes I do.
Nothing says I appreciate and care for you more than spaff on their tits.
I know you joke, but I know my long term partner loves me by how much he loves spaffing on me tits.
An unusual love token, but sounds like it works for you "
13 years and he still has a soft spot for me |
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I think I'm far too pragmatic to be classed as a good listener by most people. I'm the one that will ask the hard questions and offer practical solutions. I don't think I would necessarily be the first port of call for any of my friends that just wanted to vent and weren't yet ready for me to dissect it with them to try and fix it. It's not that I don't have any empathy, I understand how people are feeling, but when the chips are down the logical part of my brain overrides emotion. Some see that as harsh, I just see it as the quickest and most logical way to stop the negative emotions. |
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"I think I'm far too pragmatic to be classed as a good listener by most people. I'm the one that will ask the hard questions and offer practical solutions. I don't think I would necessarily be the first port of call for any of my friends that just wanted to vent and weren't yet ready for me to dissect it with them to try and fix it. It's not that I don't have any empathy, I understand how people are feeling, but when the chips are down the logical part of my brain overrides emotion. Some see that as harsh, I just see it as the quickest and most logical way to stop the negative emotions. "
Totally agree. I’m like this. Empathy I’m ok with. Sympathy I’m rubbish at (giving and receiving) Very pragmatic. I’m more right what are we gonna do about this rather than “there there it’ll all be ok” |
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I’m a listener, but in the pub over a drink. I don’t do phone calls. Not really. I guess people need to literally be close to me, because of that.
Having said that, if a friend needs me? Planes, trains and automobiles. I’ll be there. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"I think I'm far too pragmatic to be classed as a good listener by most people. I'm the one that will ask the hard questions and offer practical solutions. I don't think I would necessarily be the first port of call for any of my friends that just wanted to vent and weren't yet ready for me to dissect it with them to try and fix it. It's not that I don't have any empathy, I understand how people are feeling, but when the chips are down the logical part of my brain overrides emotion. Some see that as harsh, I just see it as the quickest and most logical way to stop the negative emotions.
Totally agree. I’m like this. Empathy I’m ok with. Sympathy I’m rubbish at (giving and receiving) Very pragmatic. I’m more right what are we gonna do about this rather than “there there it’ll all be ok” "
And this is one reason I hold you both in high esteem  |
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I'd like to think so, my friend told me today over lunch that if it wasn't for talking to me (and another friend in our little group chat) that she would definitely have suffered with post natal depression, as she feels like no one else has been there for her.
I try and extend that kindness to most people in my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After being sent a screenshot of my recent call time with a beloved friend that culminated with us discussing future plans, it got me thinking. About showing we care, more than saying it.
So, it's a twofold thread really.
How good are you at being a friendly ear to a friend/lover/partner whatever if needed? And do you think you show people you care? If so, how?"
I have a huge friendly ear, which is two fold, I'll listen to you with no judgement, hold a safe space fir them to share with me, I'll hold there deepest and darkest with me till the grave. Help them explore hiw childhood experiences affect them today, there belief systems, there behavioural traits, and why?.
But I'll also tell them straight yet with love, as I care about there lives more than there feelings, please don't get that ine twisted. These friends of mine, like me are in recovery, so everything I've mentioned, can and do cause relapse. Hence the caring more fir there life than there feelings |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"What about your friendly cleavage Meli? It looks like it could solve many of the worlds problems...if only for ten minutes of warm, gentle face nuzzling "
 That's such a lovely compliment. Thank you. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Always weather friend or not always able to give good advice once I have thought out myself the correct answer without it having a negative impact but always a listener and keep things private I just have respect same as I'd deserve |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Yes I do.
Nothing says I appreciate and care for you more than spaff on their tits.
You're such a scamp.
Yep. That's it; I'm dubbing you a scamp. A horny one.
I felt you ruffle my hair as you typed that.
I do give a very attentive listening service when needed and will always answer honestly and as kindly as I can.
This isn’t to everyone’s liking."
Your bordering on brutal honesty means a lot Sam - it's part of why I like you. Being unafraid to sugarcoat it is lovely - it's giving someone your honest opinion, without editing.
And yes, hair ruffling aplenty.  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Once I didn't show someone that I did actually care, at it ended in the worst possible way.
Once I did, and it ended in the worst possible way.
I generally keep my feelings to myself these days, I'm much better at listening to others than letting others listen to me. I ramble..."
Oh Raven. That's really difficult, can understand why you do. I ramble as well. Awfully. I can't always find the right words. And then it's just... yeah. Phone calls are better but even then it's not easy.
I think I prefer listening to others. Not because others aren't good at it, it's more... I'd rather not exhaust others with all my thoughts and feelings. And also, I'm not too bad at it. I care a lot so that might skew it slightly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have found myself to be the emotional support donkey for many of my friends. Some I didn’t realise I was close to have trusted me with things they couldn’t say to those closest, and yet, I bottle things up myself even though I could reciprocate solely because I don’t want to be a burden on those I’m happy to listen to as I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining |
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I'm a virtual diary,people tell me anything and everything and know it won't get repeated mainly cos I've forgotten what they told me. In all seriousness I won't judge and I won't offer advice unless I'm asked. I too needed that person at the other end. |
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