FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Men living with their mums
Men living with their mums
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *iffy OP Woman
over a year ago
derby |
What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
They are very intelligent men. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Do they have children together? Does he pay for food or anything when they get together?
Otherwise I don’t see why he should give her money?
And people live at home with parents for various reasons, regardless of their income. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
On a serious note if they are not pulling their weight,
they are probably not that into you.
You are a side chick etc
Relationships should be more equal.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
They don't have to give their GF money, why should they?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I would think 'each to their own', depending on their own personal circumstances and preferences.
I think most people in a serious relationship, man or woman, would want to help their partner, financially or otherwise, and it would be odd to me if he was letting his gf struggle financially when he was in a position to help (or at least offer to, as many people would refuse). But if they are not living together and have no shared children/bills, there should be no automatic expectation that she should be helping his gf financially, in my mind, if that makes sense. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would think 'each to their own', depending on their own personal circumstances and preferences.
I think most people in a serious relationship, man or woman, would want to help their partner, financially or otherwise, and it would be odd to me if he was letting his gf struggle financially when he was in a position to help (or at least offer to, as many people would refuse). But if they are not living together and have no shared children/bills, there should be no automatic expectation that she should be helping his gf financially, in my mind, if that makes sense."
Maybe he knows his GF is on here too.
Wouldn't give her the steam off my piss if I thought she was cheating. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
He doesn't have to give her money just because he earns more 
Also I know ppl who live with their parents, They usually help pay the mortgage etc because they'll one day inherited the house anyways.Also it's pretty hard to get onto the property ladder. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not sure about the giving his gf money comment but if he's contributing to food while he's around you etc he's doing good, but genuinely I think the man is wise it's not cheap paying a rent and trying to live especially costs increasing all the time I'd go back to dig money in a heartbeat if I could m |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Good for him I say. I encouraged my kids to stay at home until they were financially secure. Now my 27 year old hasn't quite moved out, he still comes back
Not sure why he should give his girlfriend money though if they have no joint financial constraints |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Its their choice where they live and how they choose to spend their money.
Its also your choice as his gf not to continue a relationship that doesn't progress."
This sums it up perfectly. If you are talking about your own situation I think you already know the answers you are looking for... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Our son lives at home, with his girlfriend. We don't charge them rent at the moment. They buy their own food etc.
We don't ask for rent because they'll never be able to rent independently if we take it off them.
They're both 20..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I left home at 18 and never been back. I have my own house. It may not be a castle but it's a family house for me and my son. I was lucky as i got my first house at 20 and used the property ladder to make money and get this home. The cost of rent these days is a joke but I feel it's a shame as most rent is far more then a mortgage. I'm a single dad my lad is 12 so always will have assets |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Our son lives at home, with his girlfriend. We don't charge them rent at the moment. They buy their own food etc.
We don't ask for rent because they'll never be able to rent independently if we take it off them.
They're both 20....."
What we always plan to do is take some off them to get them used to a chunk of there wages going. Save it up secretly. Then when they need a deposit you've got something to give them. Up to you if you tell them where it came from, or just bask in your heroism! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As long as he isn't expecting you to pay for everything, then I don't see why he should be giving you money. You're both earning so both pay your own way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I don't think any differently of them than I would a woman still living at home. They must have their reasons.
And for them giving money to their partner why would they be expected to just because they earn more.If their partner keeps enabling them and allowing them to stay and not buy food etc that's their own fault if they don't say anything and it bothers them.
I wouldn't expect someone to buy my food etc if I stayed at theirs nor would I allow someone to continuously stay at mine and not ever their hand in their pocket to buy a meal. If it bothered me I'd just say it. It's meant to be a relationship after all and you should be able to talk to your partner. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
sounds a tad tight fisted to me but I am not like that.
Even now, I am unemployed, If visiting, I always bring a gift ie a bottle of wine or get the takeaway in.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Our son lives at home, with his girlfriend. We don't charge them rent at the moment. They buy their own food etc.
We don't ask for rent because they'll never be able to rent independently if we take it off them.
They're both 20.....
What we always plan to do is take some off them to get them used to a chunk of there wages going. Save it up secretly. Then when they need a deposit you've got something to give them. Up to you if you tell them where it came from, or just bask in your heroism! "
Thing is, they need to have money in their account, to evidence for referencing etc. Lots of places asking for rent to be paid upfront, at least 6 months worth  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
sounds a tad tight fisted to me but I am not like that.
Even now, I am unemployed, If visiting, I always bring a gift ie a bottle of wine or get the takeaway in.
"
Ohh and the living at home bit. You have to know the reason 1st.
10 years ago, my dad got divorced and was made homeless, I had to take him in (yes it killed my sex life at the time) and for reasons I do not wish to say on here, he moved out 28 months later. I needed to help my dad out. he is my dad ffs. end of!
But if you have a mummys boy who has never moved out. that will be a BIG red flag! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Doesn't matter how much anyone earns they might not be able to afford a house
Is someone is visiting someone else then the second person doesn't have any travel costs
In a relationship if someone is earning 5 times the amount someone else is then I dont see the problem in paying for nights out or weekends away if its a serious relationship as long as its done in a way that they're both comfortable with |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Our son lives at home, with his girlfriend. We don't charge them rent at the moment. They buy their own food etc.
We don't ask for rent because they'll never be able to rent independently if we take it off them.
They're both 20.....
What we always plan to do is take some off them to get them used to a chunk of there wages going. Save it up secretly. Then when they need a deposit you've got something to give them. Up to you if you tell them where it came from, or just bask in your heroism!
Thing is, they need to have money in their account, to evidence for referencing etc. Lots of places asking for rent to be paid upfront, at least 6 months worth "
6 months??? I've never rented (officially) but 6 months is a bloody joke at today's rents. Almost guaranteed they won't get it all back either as the landlord suddenly sees things that need fixing that weren't there before.
My brother has a house he's never even lived in (lives part time at girlfriends and mams). He rents that out via an agency and I know he couldn't give a shit as to what state it's in when he gets new tenants in. Then all of a sudden he develops "standards".  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
So a bf is supposed to pay a gf when he visits them? Is that the sentiment? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is this a crossover from the ‘Do Italian men have big dicks?’ thread?
Only if they live with their mums"
Which many do into there forties nowadays apparently. I don't know if it's house prices, low wages or mums cooking! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *929Man
over a year ago
newcastle |
maybe he likes it and it’s preferred to living alone which gets canny lonely at times still could never live with me mam seeing her a hour or so over the weekend is more than enough haha with the exception if she ever needed looking after I’d move her in here but that different
Not sure why he should give his lass money though |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
I think that they sound like strong independent men. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Our son lives at home, with his girlfriend. We don't charge them rent at the moment. They buy their own food etc.
We don't ask for rent because they'll never be able to rent independently if we take it off them.
They're both 20.....
What we always plan to do is take some off them to get them used to a chunk of there wages going. Save it up secretly. Then when they need a deposit you've got something to give them. Up to you if you tell them where it came from, or just bask in your heroism! "
This is what I did, the money given was saved up and given back to him when he saving up for a mortgage deposit. Was able to give him over half of the deposit he needed
I also paid for his driving lessons, tests and a car when he passed, my reasoning was that driving was investing in his future.
I never took money off my youngest as he stayed on at college and then straight to uni. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"Our son lives at home, with his girlfriend. We don't charge them rent at the moment. They buy their own food etc.
We don't ask for rent because they'll never be able to rent independently if we take it off them.
They're both 20.....
What we always plan to do is take some off them to get them used to a chunk of there wages going. Save it up secretly. Then when they need a deposit you've got something to give them. Up to you if you tell them where it came from, or just bask in your heroism!
This is what I did, the money given was saved up and given back to him when he saving up for a mortgage deposit. Was able to give him over half of the deposit he needed
I also paid for his driving lessons, tests and a car when he passed, my reasoning was that driving was investing in his future.
I never took money off my youngest as he stayed on at college and then straight to uni. "
That's pretty cool  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I'd wonder why he felt the need to announce that he earns 5x what his girlfriend earns, and why he felt the need to announce he doesn't give her any money.
I think that's about it really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why should he give her money? Sorry, but she needs to earn her own.
He may like living with his mum, it may help her out financially as well.
Mrs "
If you read the OP's post you have read that she does earn her own money. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean . "
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money. "
In my opinion it's mean that he's still living at home with his mum at that age and earning that kind of money, money is his God , l will never change my opinion , that he doesn't give his GF any money is his own business but everything about that type of person in my opinion is mean . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money.
In my opinion it's mean that he's still living at home with his mum at that age and earning that kind of money, money is his God , l will never change my opinion , that he doesn't give his GF any money is his own business but everything about that type of person in my opinion is mean . "
Maybe he's saving up a deposit for a property. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean . "
How do you know this describes them ? They may pay for all the bills in the mother's house, food and clothes for both of them, huge TVs in the bedrooms. He might pay for fancy holidays and flash cars. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money.
In my opinion it's mean that he's still living at home with his mum at that age and earning that kind of money, money is his God , l will never change my opinion , that he doesn't give his GF any money is his own business but everything about that type of person in my opinion is mean . "
You don't know what kind of money he is earning though. If the partner is earning £5,000 a year then he is only on £25,000.
Plus, maybe he is in massive debt. Maybe he gives his mum a bundle.
Maybe he has 8 kids by an ex and pays for them.
Judging even a hypothetical person badly based on pretty much no information is a bit daft. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’d never judge a man for still living with his mother. I’m not sure why he should give his gf money tbh especially when they don’t live together however I don’t know enough about the dynamics of the relationship |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean . "
we don't know the full story.. I wouldn't allow a partner I didn't live with to give me money. I would obviously if we went out for dinner either go halves or take it in turns x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money.
In my opinion it's mean that he's still living at home with his mum at that age and earning that kind of money, money is his God , l will never change my opinion , that he doesn't give his GF any money is his own business but everything about that type of person in my opinion is mean .
You don't know what kind of money he is earning though. If the partner is earning £5,000 a year then he is only on £25,000.
Plus, maybe he is in massive debt. Maybe he gives his mum a bundle.
Maybe he has 8 kids by an ex and pays for them.
Judging even a hypothetical person badly based on pretty much no information is a bit daft."
A bit daft ??? are you joking me ..who works @ 40 hour a week for £100 as you have said ..it's even less tbh ..£5000 ÷52 .. anyway..l have my opinion on what was said..it said nothing about kids etc ..read the post again and come up with an answer on what was said and asked NOT all this hypothetical stuff that you yourself have come up with. .jeez... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money.
In my opinion it's mean that he's still living at home with his mum at that age and earning that kind of money, money is his God , l will never change my opinion , that he doesn't give his GF any money is his own business but everything about that type of person in my opinion is mean .
You don't know what kind of money he is earning though. If the partner is earning £5,000 a year then he is only on £25,000.
Plus, maybe he is in massive debt. Maybe he gives his mum a bundle.
Maybe he has 8 kids by an ex and pays for them.
Judging even a hypothetical person badly based on pretty much no information is a bit daft.
A bit daft ??? are you joking me ..who works @ 40 hour a week for £100 as you have said ..it's even less tbh ..£5000 ÷52 .. anyway..l have my opinion on what was said..it said nothing about kids etc ..read the post again and come up with an answer on what was said and asked NOT all this hypothetical stuff that you yourself have come up with. .jeez..."
No one said that either of them are qorking a 40 hour week either. I gave my answer earlier |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it.
A few words that describes them ..mean..tight..frugal.. absolutely hate those type of people..it's one of the worst traits anyone can have ..being mean .
How’s it mean? We don’t really know the full story here either. Does the girlfriend/partner have his children? I don’t get why someone should be expected to give a girlfriend money.
In my opinion it's mean that he's still living at home with his mum at that age and earning that kind of money, money is his God , l will never change my opinion , that he doesn't give his GF any money is his own business but everything about that type of person in my opinion is mean . "
He might be looking after his mum? None of us knows why hesliving with his mum nor any financial arrangements they may have. Why anyone would then expect him to pay for his girlfriend is peculiar. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
What do you think op? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iffy OP Woman
over a year ago
derby |
He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together."
Why isn't she working? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together."
If this woman is unhappy with the situation she should talk to him about it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If he's popping round to his girlfriend's, regularly ,staying the night, eating her food but not buying food then yeah he should be either getting a shop in or chipping in.
As for paying her bed and board -- no. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"What do you folks think of guys, who earn quite a considerable amount of money, still living with their mums into their 30’s and 40’s? Who visit their gf/partner but doesnt give them any money? (Gf earns 5x less than he does). They do pay for all travel costs though but thats it. "
I think if that works for them then that works for them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Health reasons"
Is she claiming the. necessary benefits?
Single persons Council Tax? Etc.
Just because he earns more than her that does not mean he is obligated to give her money. Her issues are her issues. They are not married. They are not living together.
Presumably he was living at home when they met and has continued to do so since they were together so she knew what she was getting into. Can she afford to pay her share of a holiday or does she expect him to pay for them both?
It sounds, to be honest, that there is a bit of bitterness that he has money and she doesn’t. And if the relationship hasn’t progressed into something more meaningful by now, it is unlikely to.
They don’t sound well matched. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The story of Hansel and gretel ….. or in English beware of the tyrannical mother, and the wicked witch is the mother because what could be better than living in a house full of sweets, a mother who denies all knowledge of keeping their children close but yet it’s obvious, everyone’s life is a story and the one we should all be having is one of adventure, we go out in the world and we explore and in that exploration we find ourselves, you aren’t an adult until you realise the calling to adventure and also you aren’t an adult until you realise you can know more than your parents do, to live under your parents wing is a sign either you or your parents have massively dropped the ball, yes there can be times when you need to fall back on them for financial reasons but that call to get out there and do something should be enough to get you back out there, it’s convenient living with parents, I could literally save about 15k a year but then wake up with the overwhelming sense of failure at being a human, life’s not about what you save or what you earn or indeed who you live with, it’s about becoming the best version of you that can be, you can’t do that living with your parents because at that point you are just coasting, this is red flag territory |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn't think badly of the man in this scenario. There are many valid reasons an adult would choose to live with their parents.
I've been in the woman's situation myself, not working for health reasons and in a long distance relationship. I never asked for money just because partner earned more as I absolutely hate the idea of being dependant on anyone else. I'm not saying everyone should have the same attitude, but that's what works for me.
She needs to apply for all the benefits she's eligible for: ESA, PIP, council tax reduction etc. When he's at hers he needs to contribute to gas and electric and food.
Nell |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together."
Wherever reasons he does what he does is totally up to him and everyone here was asked their opinion and l gave mine l was asked my opinion of what l thought and my opinion will not change a person that behaves like this is , to me , mean, and l personally would not have anything to do with a mean person , people can give and have their own opinion and that's mine ...mean is mean . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together.
Wherever reasons he does what he does is totally up to him and everyone here was asked their opinion and l gave mine l was asked my opinion of what l thought and my opinion will not change a person that behaves like this is , to me , mean, and l personally would not have anything to do with a mean person , people can give and have their own opinion and that's mine ...mean is mean ."
Some nice judgement there. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My mum lives with me (she has been unwell for some time), I have a good job, we live a good life and although the lack of privacy that I have in my own home is sometimes frustrating, the alternative is to kick her out, that’s not going to happen.
I have been in relationships as the OP describes, but usually the economic parity is better, I don’t pay their bills, I have my own to pay, but I tend to pay for nights out, hotels away etc. I think if I was in a relationship now with someone where they thought I should pay their bills because I popped over and saw them from time to time, I wouldn’t be in that relationship very long, doesn’t seem a very healthy relationship |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together.
Wherever reasons he does what he does is totally up to him and everyone here was asked their opinion and l gave mine l was asked my opinion of what l thought and my opinion will not change a person that behaves like this is , to me , mean, and l personally would not have anything to do with a mean person , people can give and have their own opinion and that's mine ...mean is mean .
Some nice judgement there. "
I am also still trying to work out what exactly is mean |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together.
Wherever reasons he does what he does is totally up to him and everyone here was asked their opinion and l gave mine l was asked my opinion of what l thought and my opinion will not change a person that behaves like this is , to me , mean, and l personally would not have anything to do with a mean person , people can give and have their own opinion and that's mine ...mean is mean .
Some nice judgement there.
I am also still trying to work out what exactly is mean "
Tight fisted I believe is the intended meaning here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together.
Wherever reasons he does what he does is totally up to him and everyone here was asked their opinion and l gave mine l was asked my opinion of what l thought and my opinion will not change a person that behaves like this is , to me , mean, and l personally would not have anything to do with a mean person , people can give and have their own opinion and that's mine ...mean is mean .
Some nice judgement there.
I am also still trying to work out what exactly is mean
Tight fisted I believe is the intended meaning here."
How is being tight fisted mean as a whole? Not being generous is not mean.
People value money differently, some will spend it on anything and everything as soon as they get it, others keep it tight and save for varied reasons.
It can be used for mean, abusive, and methods with intent to take advantage and control, but being tight with our own money is not a mean trait. Which this particular poster reference as being further up not involving this specific situation at all but as a trait in general.
You need many facts surrounding a situation to determine the intent and reasoning to not give somebody money.
I offered to help an ex out with a few things and it caused a rift that I asked - it has made me question about offering to others. If they ask I very likely will help. But they may be too proud or embarrassed/ashamed to ask for help. So right there if neither asks nor offers it's a stalemate.
The context surrounding a particular scenario is what makes it mean, not the trait itself. Very case by case. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together."
You seem extremely invested in this couples relationship. So much so you write a thread about them, divulging a lot of personal information in regards living arrangements financial situations etc. If it was me I'd hate a friend to be discussing me on a fabswingers public forum. So what are you going to do with all this advice, are you going back to her and share the opinions here? Are you trying to solve your friends relationship and financial problems. Part of me thinks it is you that is "the friend" in this story because why else have you so much information about earnings etc. So are we all here discussing your relationship and not someone else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together."
I don't see why she would expect him to pay it's his money he works for it. If he wants to help her out that is fine if he doesn't then he doesn't have to. How do you know he isn't saving for anything or paying lots of other bills and more so why is it any of your actual business if it's not your relationship.If she is that unhappy then she should break up with him or at least talk to him rather than give out about him to others.If it is just a friend you are taking about you only have one side of the story anyhow. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"He pays mum £300 per month. Mum looks after him (no husband now). He has a big flash car, long distance relationship, several years together, no kids together, she isnt working, his salary is 50k. He is at gf sometimes for a week at a time. She used to pay for most of the food but with how things are now, they each pay for their food. She is struggling with bills but doesnt expect money all the time, just a bit here and there to help out. He isnt saving for anything and they’ve had no holidays together.
Wherever reasons he does what he does is totally up to him and everyone here was asked their opinion and l gave mine l was asked my opinion of what l thought and my opinion will not change a person that behaves like this is , to me , mean, and l personally would not have anything to do with a mean person , people can give and have their own opinion and that's mine ...mean is mean .
Some nice judgement there.
I am also still trying to work out what exactly is mean
Tight fisted I believe is the intended meaning here.
How is being tight fisted mean as a whole? Not being generous is not mean.
People value money differently, some will spend it on anything and everything as soon as they get it, others keep it tight and save for varied reasons.
It can be used for mean, abusive, and methods with intent to take advantage and control, but being tight with our own money is not a mean trait. Which this particular poster reference as being further up not involving this specific situation at all but as a trait in general.
You need many facts surrounding a situation to determine the intent and reasoning to not give somebody money.
I offered to help an ex out with a few things and it caused a rift that I asked - it has made me question about offering to others. If they ask I very likely will help. But they may be too proud or embarrassed/ashamed to ask for help. So right there if neither asks nor offers it's a stalemate.
The context surrounding a particular scenario is what makes it mean, not the trait itself. Very case by case. "
Yep, makes perfect sense.
I said earlier in the post that she sounds a little entitled and should have some of his money.
Maybe she’d prefer a sugar daddy? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
His financial circumstances are of no real bearing on the ultimate decision - if you want him to pay when he comes to visit then tell him how much it will cost and he can decide whether that's how he wants to spend his money.
Otherwise the issue will continue to grate on your nerves and you'll carry on feeling unhappy as well as feeling like you're out of pocket. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
