FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Does it matter at what age you have a child?
Does it matter at what age you have a child?
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
I watched a very interesting and informative program that jordan peterson did, he interview stephen j shaw, here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qrg8t34yXRs.
They talked about many things surrounding it and how the birth rate have decreased, especially since the 1970s.
They said that one of the reasons was because the time had changed as people then started to focus more on their career so left it to have children later in life.
But as the time goes, the chances decreases more to get pregnant and if one is single at that stage, the pressure adds up to find a partner.
They concluded in the program which I also agree with is that the best time to have a child is when one is young at about 20 years or so.
What is your view about it, is there a "perfect" time to have a child and is there a time where it might be too late?
If you dont have a child are you also happy with that choice? I dont have one and I am happy about that choice  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There isn't a right time to have a child.
Of course, wanting and planning for a child is great but surprise pregnancies can also flourish. I knew I wanted to start a family whilst I was young - I was 20.
F |
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I wanted the career and stability 1st, I had my 1st child age 35 and my second 16 months ago.
Personally I wish I'd done it earlier the days I could pull an all nighter without suffering, I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have kids it's hugely life-changing.
Mrs |
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It's not about there being a perfect age to have a child. I do think that people should consider all factors when waiting though, there's a big impact on both parent and child if parent is that much older.
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I think people are definitely having children later these days. I had my first at 26 and my second at 37. I do wish I’d not had such a gap between mine but circumstances/finances etc played a part. One thing I do think is sad though is that if you have them later they can miss out on a generation. My parents were young when they had me and they still are very active. My children have had young and fit grandparents all their life (they still have all 4 of them). This won’t happen the later people have children  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had my first child at 17, my second at 25 and my third at 30. There’s no “right” time (I should know).
It entirely depends on the person.
I have had an amazing career, I have worked hard the same way I would’ve done without children.
I definitely haven’t had to choose between career or children.
At the end of the day, it’s the persons choice. Personally, I couldn’t have children at my age now, just having a 4 year old tires me out, and I wouldn’t want the sleepless nights.
Mrs |
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"I think people are definitely having children later these days. I had my first at 26 and my second at 37. I do wish I’d not had such a gap between mine but circumstances/finances etc played a part. One thing I do think is sad though is that if you have them later they can miss out on a generation. My parents were young when they had me and they still are very active. My children have had young and fit grandparents all their life (they still have all 4 of them). This won’t happen the later people have children . "
This has actually crossed my mind as well when it comes to whether I want kids should I enter a relationship. I'm the youngest of 4 and my mum was 30 and my dad was 34 when they had me. I don't want to leave it too late if I want kids when I settle down where they may not know or remember my Mum and Dad |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
I didn't want them until I reached my mid 30's, my daughter was born when I was 36 and have been a single and only parent since she was 1, everyday it is a pleasure and honour to be her dad.
You know your ready when you know you ae ready.
Luckily she is a better speller them me |
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there is no right time to give birth or become a parent.
When I had my first son I was 25 and at the time that was considered old to be starting! Second son was when I was 28.
Now its not unusual for couples in their 40s.
Its different for everyone and difficult to generalize. |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
I think it does matter at what age you have a child in the sense that you can have them to young when your less likely to be in a stable place financially , maturity, housing etc.
Not exclusively age driven ...but seeing kids pushing prams with their kids in , into spoons makes you think. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
Well I had my son way too young and while I wouldn't encourage others to do the same I also wouldn't change it.
It's made me who I am today and I don't think I'm a bad person. I also managed to get a human boy to adulthood in one piece which still amazes me!
Life happens and it's what you make out of it. People often say I missed out on the 'fun years' or that I should have more kids because I'm 'so young still' but I don't understand that mentality.
Planning for the right time works great for some but not for others |
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There’s pros and cons whatever age.
I had mine in my early 20s, I’ll still be relatively young when they become adults. However money was an issue in those early days, I didn’t have much saved. And I can jump back on my career with no further breaks. If I had children now I would be better prepared financially and more stable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I got married at 16 people told me I made a mistake.
When I had a child at 17, they told me I was throwing my life away .
When I got divorced at 25 and moved back to Edinburgh with 3 small children alone , my delightful ex husband told me I would never be happy. He also checked out of being a father.
They were all wrong.
Mum is the best title I've ever had.
It's not easy ,the nights are long,the worries,challenges and stresses come and go.
However, I'm so proud and so grateful.
I'm not just mum,I'm also dad and grandparents to my boys.
I am so very lucky.
I've worked hard to have a career as well and I'm now at the point where my sons are older ,my own life is almost restarting and I'm young enough to go a bit wyld .
There is no right time though. There's no such thing as even being properly ready. You can only do what's right for you or play the cards you are dealt . |
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I can see both sides! I had my first at 17 she will b 50 next year and my youngest who will b 24 in June at 42! And 4 in-between my grandchildren are same ages as my youngest 3! My youngest grandchild and youngest daughter are 10 days in age appart! I found it easier at 42 personally had more patience more stamina needed less sleep ! And looked after the grandchildren along side my youngest 3 on a daily basis as worked around my job in a school loved having all 6 together! Good times! They all adults now but I have 2 little great grandsons to enjoy now! |
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By *airyboxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
Question: Have any of you become pregnant through swinging? I had a lass once accuse me of being the father of her child but I couldn’t even remember actually having sex with her without a condom in place. Eventually after DNA test proved I wasn’t the father, she withdrew her claims and went after some other poor sod.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There isn't the perfect age, but biologically ladies are most fertile between 20 - 30 with the early 20s being most ...
The adult brain doesn't stop forming until around 25 so that gels quite well with our best fertility
If you combine rising pregnancy age in women with an increased risk of infertility and the fact that male fertility has dropped by roughly 50% in the country in the last 40 years (the research is available if you Google it) then it's no surprise that infertility is rising quite dramatically
I had very old parents especially in the 60s my mum was 38 and 40 when she had my sibling, my dad being 40 and 42 respectively and I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Having older parents from a child's pov isn't really thought about often ...
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By *dalisqueWoman
over a year ago
land of make believe |
I was 19 when my son was born and for me it was too young,It was a surprise as I was at university and all my friends were.I have since met people who were married/in relationships at that age and chose to have babies and it was the right time for them,so I believe primarily it is more personal situation than age.
At not quite 50,I do already have 3 gorgeous grandchildren and I am young enough and lucky enough to spend lots of time with them.
There are pros and cons to all ages/situations,you can never be truly,fully prepared for the rollercoaster that is parenthood!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with a lot of the sentiment that there is no "right" time. If we spent our lives waiting for that time we'd never have children because lives are busy with all kinds of things. If you're fortunate enough to have children then just feel blessed when they do come along. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think there’s ever a right time to have a baby. Nothing prepares you for what it’s going to be like to become a parent. I had my first at 18 and my second at 27. It was just as hard both times. Although, when I had my second I was a lot more mature than what I was at 18 and felt like I could handle certain situations a lot better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as over 18 I don't think it really matters. It's about maturity & support network. My older sis had her only child at 43. I had mine in my 20s and it was a baptism of fire - I didn't know I was pregnant for 3 months, would've been in a right mess but had a brilliant support network |
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Due to medical reasons my ex and I never had kids till we were both in our 40's and although might have been more hard-wearing on her body we never had any problems. Both our kids now in their 20's and doing well.
So don't think there is perfect time, you adjust to being parents and do best for your kids. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Were the 2 men talking about having a child from a male perspective or about what age they feel a woman should have a child?"
Yes, they did talk about that as well, that for the male they could wait till abit longer than a woman could.
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I am so glad that my parents had me when Dad was 23 and Mum was 21. There was then 3 years gap between next brother and another 3 before youngest. They had youth on their side which helped. A lot of my friends parents were older and are no longer around. |
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Funny these kind of interviews appear to say that the decline in birth rate is due to focus on career's. Never that there is better birth control and that once people have 2 or 3, they tend to not have any more. Not the 10-11 children like my great grand parents had.
Think people's bias shows when these kind of subjects are discussed. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I’m 38 I’ve never wanted kids it still seems this is an odd concept for some but I am more than happy with my choice not too.
I like my life the way it is minus the responsibility for another - some will say that’s selfish but it’s my honest feelings on the subject x |
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"I’m 38 I’ve never wanted kids it still seems this is an odd concept for some but I am more than happy with my choice not too.
I like my life the way it is minus the responsibility for another - some will say that’s selfish but it’s my honest feelings on the subject x"
Absolutely not selfish at all, if anything I m the selfish one at 4 as population really does matter |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Lots of ready shows the optimum age biologically is much lower than 20!
Parenting is the ultimate sacrifice but also the ultimate blessing.
I had my first at 19, two more at 29 & 30. One of my few regrets in life is not having more , but I think I likely will have more still
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"Lots of ready shows the optimum age biologically is much lower than 20!
Parenting is the ultimate sacrifice but also the ultimate blessing.
I had my first at 19, two more at 29 & 30. One of my few regrets in life is not having more , but I think I likely will have more still
"
Blimey I totally couldn't do it at my age...(not that I actually could have another baby at this age) and really in no hurry for grandchildren.... it really is the toughest job out there...but now they are all adults...givers to society bla bla ...its extremely rewarding  |
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"Funny these kind of interviews appear to say that the decline in birth rate is due to focus on career's. Never that there is better birth control and that once people have 2 or 3, they tend to not have any more. Not the 10-11 children like my great grand parents had.
Think people's bias shows when these kind of subjects are discussed. "
Indeed. Women having better options and choices, plus children being much more likely to live to adulthood - that's what I'd look to |
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"Question: Have any of you become pregnant through swinging? I had a lass once accuse me of being the father of her child but I couldn’t even remember actually having sex with her without a condom in place. Eventually after DNA test proved I wasn’t the father, she withdrew her claims and went after some other poor sod.
"
Yes I did. He's meant to be paying maintenance but still avoiding, has been going on for months. Had a dna test, even though he knows the baby is his as a delay tactic. Tedious.
He's still here looking for bb sex though!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I watched a very interesting and informative program that jordan peterson did, he interview stephen j shaw, here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qrg8t34yXRs.
They talked about many things surrounding it and how the birth rate have decreased, especially since the 1970s.
They said that one of the reasons was because the time had changed as people then started to focus more on their career so left it to have children later in life.
But as the time goes, the chances decreases more to get pregnant and if one is single at that stage, the pressure adds up to find a partner.
They concluded in the program which I also agree with is that the best time to have a child is when one is young at about 20 years or so.
What is your view about it, is there a "perfect" time to have a child and is there a time where it might be too late?
If you dont have a child are you also happy with that choice? I dont have one and I am happy about that choice "
I think he is a bit of a dick who wants everyone to conform to his perfect ideals.  |
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We had our kids very young at the time we were told we would regret it we had wasted our lives etc .
Yes we sacrificed our younger years going out partying with our friends but our kids are all adults now and are all doing brilliant.
Our grandchildren think we are cool  and we are still young enough to enjoy them and have fun with them.A friend of mine has recently become a first time mother and I really couldn’t do it at my age .
We are making up for the fact that we missed out on everything when we were younger and are constantly being told by our kids we have a more active social life than them.We wouldn’t change anything we done for the world . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Due to medical reasons my ex and I never had kids till we were both in our 40's and although might have been more hard-wearing on her body we never had any problems. Both our kids now in their 20's and doing well.
So don't think there is perfect time, you adjust to being parents and do best for your kids."
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I had my son at 25, luckily I'd lived a little and travelled, so I didn't feel like I'd missed out on anything. Lots of his friends seem to be having babies, they're only 20/21, I think that's too young, they've gone from school, to college to being a parent... Not much life experience!
And now I'm still young enough to enjoy doing things with him that we both enjoy, like going to gigs and I'm a cool mom! Even his mate said that... |
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"I had my son at 25, luckily I'd lived a little and travelled, so I didn't feel like I'd missed out on anything. Lots of his friends seem to be having babies, they're only 20/21, I think that's too young, they've gone from school, to college to being a parent... Not much life experience!
And now I'm still young enough to enjoy doing things with him that we both enjoy, like going to gigs and I'm a cool mom! Even his mate said that... "
I had my first at 21...the other 3, last one 29...and still young/fit enough to enjoy life...my sister will be my age and still doing the school run, everyone is different I guess |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
I had my first at 31 and I still think it was too young! Yet there are people at work surprised that my kids are only teenagers and an 11-year-old who still goes to primary school… (had her at 38)
People are having their first children now well after 35, so it will be interesting to see how it pans out in the future! |
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I agree that there’s pros and cons to all ages.
Biologically 20’s for men and women is ideal, it’s somewhat of a myth that men can leave it until whenever. Sperm quality, amount & motility does decline with age.
The older both parents are the higher risk of problems with fertility, miscarriage, premature birth, health problems for baby etc.
But being older can mean greater relationship, emotional and financial stability which are also pros of course.
What’s right for one person/family may not be for another.
I also agree that being much older parents can have negative impacts on the child emotionally I’ve a few friends with older parents and they quite strongly feel it wasn’t the wisest decision on the part of their parents. They missed out on living/fit and healthy grandparents, and on fit, healthy and active parents especially when they were younger than high school age.
It’s finding the right balance is tricky. |
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"I'm beginning to get ramping up of "it's not too late" from my family.
Ok cool. Nice to know. The factory is closed."
Oh! I know that well.
Colleagues telling me it would soon be 'too late'. People assuming I was having difficulty conceiving. Someone I knew on congratulating me on my first pregnancy whispered "were you desperate?".  |
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I never wanted children, so never had them. Still subjected to many years of 'you are too young to make that decision'. 'you will change your mind'
'you ought to be thinking about kids before you get too old' and now "you've left it too late for kids now'.. all from people who had no right to poke thier noses in.
So whatever time you choose to have, or not have kids, that is down to you and nobody else. |
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"I'm beginning to get ramping up of "it's not too late" from my family.
Ok cool. Nice to know. The factory is closed.
Oh! I know that well.
Colleagues telling me it would soon be 'too late'. People assuming I was having difficulty conceiving. Someone I knew on congratulating me on my first pregnancy whispered "were you desperate?". "
Yikes. I'm sorry people are gross |
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"I'm beginning to get ramping up of "it's not too late" from my family.
Ok cool. Nice to know. The factory is closed.
Oh! I know that well.
Colleagues telling me it would soon be 'too late'. People assuming I was having difficulty conceiving. Someone I knew on congratulating me on my first pregnancy whispered "were you desperate?".
Yikes. I'm sorry people are gross"
They seem to think a woman's fertility is fair game.
One of my mum's friends stopped me in the street on seeing me with a pram and said how glad she was that I'd finally managed it . She was a thoroughly decent woman, I'd grown up around her and her (many) children so I found it touching rather than rude but still... |
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"I'm beginning to get ramping up of "it's not too late" from my family.
Ok cool. Nice to know. The factory is closed.
Oh! I know that well.
Colleagues telling me it would soon be 'too late'. People assuming I was having difficulty conceiving. Someone I knew on congratulating me on my first pregnancy whispered "were you desperate?".
Yikes. I'm sorry people are gross
They seem to think a woman's fertility is fair game.
One of my mum's friends stopped me in the street on seeing me with a pram and said how glad she was that I'd finally managed it . She was a thoroughly decent woman, I'd grown up around her and her (many) children so I found it touching rather than rude but still..."
Yeah, I know how it goes both ways, culture etc, but it's something so intimate and private that it gives me the creeps. |
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"I'm beginning to get ramping up of "it's not too late" from my family.
Ok cool. Nice to know. The factory is closed.
Oh! I know that well.
Colleagues telling me it would soon be 'too late'. People assuming I was having difficulty conceiving. Someone I knew on congratulating me on my first pregnancy whispered "were you desperate?".
Yikes. I'm sorry people are gross
They seem to think a woman's fertility is fair game.
One of my mum's friends stopped me in the street on seeing me with a pram and said how glad she was that I'd finally managed it . She was a thoroughly decent woman, I'd grown up around her and her (many) children so I found it touching rather than rude but still...
Yeah, I know how it goes both ways, culture etc, but it's something so intimate and private that it gives me the creeps. "
Me too.
Our daughter and her partner have made the decision not to have children. People assume all sorts and ask the most invasive questions. My dad who lives in 1847 in his head asked me why they'd bothered getting married if they didn't want children.
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I’ve friends who are child free by choice, it’s gradually becoming more understood and accepted. People’s choices are their own nobody else’s business.
I’ve had people that think they know me well but don’t push on the 2nd child thing, they didn’t know that I’d have loved more but couldn’t for medical reasons - again none of their business and quite hurtful at points when they were criticising me for having an only child. |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
I am 52 and childless.
I think I missed the boat on this one but people still say to me "your a man, its never to late for you".
I would have loved being a dad but alas. I really think its too late. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Possibly. I think you can be too young, not because of your age but because of circumstances and how you adapt. I think that can happen at any age though.
I do think you can be too old biologically though. I'm hoping to complete my family in the next two years, health allowing (it's a good motivator in my weight loss journey) because we're in a good position then and the fiancé won't be *too* old (in case he reads this and changes his mind).
It depends on the person you're with doesn't it? And where you are in life. If you have the desire, time and ability to do it, why shouldn't you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m 38 I’ve never wanted kids it still seems this is an odd concept for some but I am more than happy with my choice not too.
I like my life the way it is minus the responsibility for another - some will say that’s selfish but it’s my honest feelings on the subject x"
Not at all selfish and not at all odd. You make life choices based on what you think is right for you. Not on what other people may wish to project on you. |
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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
I had my children at age 23 & 24 then had a big gap and had my next two at 36 & 37. Pregnancy was more difficult at the older age.
I definitely had more energy to run around in my twenties but not as much time on my hands as I was a working mum.
Second time around still a working mum but have such a better work/life balance to do all the things we enjoy together |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I agree that there’s pros and cons to all ages.
Biologically 20’s for men and women is ideal, it’s somewhat of a myth that men can leave it until whenever. Sperm quality, amount & motility does decline with age.
The older both parents are the higher risk of problems with fertility, miscarriage, premature birth, health problems for baby etc.
But being older can mean greater relationship, emotional and financial stability which are also pros of course.
What’s right for one person/family may not be for another.
I also agree that being much older parents can have negative impacts on the child emotionally I’ve a few friends with older parents and they quite strongly feel it wasn’t the wisest decision on the part of their parents. They missed out on living/fit and healthy grandparents, and on fit, healthy and active parents especially when they were younger than high school age.
It’s finding the right balance is tricky. "
Plenty of people miss out on living/fit grandparents and parents for all kinds of reasons in addition to disability & death by old age , and plenty of people have younger ones but they are shit.
Just sounds like aegism to me.
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I am so glad that my parents had me when Dad was 23 and Mum was 21. There was then 3 years gap between next brother and another 3 before youngest. They had youth on their side which helped. A lot of my friends parents were older and are no longer around."
That is good and same here. I am also glad that my parents was 20 when they had me, it means that I can enjoy spending time with them for a longer time and as well. I could spend time with my grandparents for a longer time too |
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By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago
Wallasey |
Aside from having them at the extremes at either end of the age range, I don't think it really matters.
The important thing is that you love, care and provide for them.
Having kids is a wonderful gift, enjoy it for every second you have with them because it goes so fast and before you know they are off on their own adventure.
Love is the key, not age xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aside from having them at the extremes at either end of the age range, I don't think it really matters.
The important thing is that you love, care and provide for them.
Having kids is a wonderful gift, enjoy it for every second you have with them because it goes so fast and before you know they are off on their own adventure.
Love is the key, not age xxx"
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"Aside from having them at the extremes at either end of the age range, I don't think it really matters.
The important thing is that you love, care and provide for them.
Having kids is a wonderful gift, enjoy it for every second you have with them because it goes so fast and before you know they are off on their own adventure.
Love is the key, not age xxx"
Why does it matter if you have kids at the "extreme" ends? I had my first at 16 and now, knowing what I know and having experienced what I have, I wouldn't change it. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I had mine at 29, 31 & 34 and I wouldn't change a thing. It gave us a good few years of us time and now they are almost grown up we are getting more time to ourselves again. It worked for us but whatever your age you just make it work and if you're lucky you get family nearby to help out |
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"I’m 38 I’ve never wanted kids it still seems this is an odd concept for some but I am more than happy with my choice not too.
I like my life the way it is minus the responsibility for another - some will say that’s selfish but it’s my honest feelings on the subject x
Not at all selfish and not at all odd. You make life choices based on what you think is right for you. Not on what other people may wish to project on you. "
I think a lot of people use "selfish" as a deflection from criticism. "Oh, it's so selfish not to have children" is something people hear a lot. So people - I'm not speaking for this poster, just something I've seen and occasionally done myself - own it.
Yes, perhaps I'm selfish, and isn't it great that a child or children doesn't have a selfish terrible mother inflicted on them. Yeah? Now off you (not you you, anyone who thinks they can tell me to procreate) fuck with your unsolicited opinions on the output of my uterus. |
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By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago
Wallasey |
"Aside from having them at the extremes at either end of the age range, I don't think it really matters.
The important thing is that you love, care and provide for them.
Having kids is a wonderful gift, enjoy it for every second you have with them because it goes so fast and before you know they are off on their own adventure.
Love is the key, not age xxx
Why does it matter if you have kids at the "extreme" ends? I had my first at 16 and now, knowing what I know and having experienced what I have, I wouldn't change it. "
I should have clarified, whilst 16 is young it's not extreme. I meant younger than that and woman at the other end for example woman in their sixties taking fertility treatment to have kids. Either extreme ends brings issues which may be problematic, that's all xxx |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
I was 48 when my daughter was born, I now have 3 fantastic grandkids, ages 13,7, and 2. They can be hard work at times but I would not have it any other way. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
" When I got married at 16 people told me I made a mistake.
When I had a child at 17, they told me I was throwing my life away .
When I got divorced at 25 and moved back to Edinburgh with 3 small children alone , my delightful ex husband told me I would never be happy. He also checked out of being a father.
They were all wrong.
Mum is the best title I've ever had.
It's not easy ,the nights are long,the worries,challenges and stresses come and go.
However, I'm so proud and so grateful.
I'm not just mum,I'm also dad and grandparents to my boys.
I am so very lucky.
I've worked hard to have a career as well and I'm now at the point where my sons are older ,my own life is almost restarting and I'm young enough to go a bit wyld .
There is no right time though. There's no such thing as even being properly ready. You can only do what's right for you or play the cards you are dealt ."
You are right there as well as you can only do what is right for you |
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