FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Could you go back?
Could you go back?
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I’ve been single now since just before lockdown and joined fab for a variety of reasons, mainly around new experiences and broadening my horizons.
I’ve been truly lucky to meet some amazing people and make some wonderful friendships.
When chatting away with one of them, she asked, if I would be able to go back to a traditional, ‘vanilla’ relationship.
I pondered for some time and whilst I’m sure I could, I don’t think I’d want to.
So my question, mainly aimed at the singletons amongst us. What would your answer be? |
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I lost my virginity at an orgy, non monogamy always made the most sense to me.
I did try that whole monogamous, get a house and dog together thing in my twenties, and it was a fucking miserable 7 years wasted. I'm not making that mistake again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought that I wanted a relationship. I thought I wanted the falling asleep and snuggling on the sofa .
I found it and lost all the passion ,intensity, chemistry and fun.
Clearly I got into a relationship with the wrong person because I got bored so very quickly, but I does make me wonder if having it all is actually possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As in 1 partner and no-one joining in to make a 3?
I could, the next time I get into a relationship I hope its with someone who between us we can keep things exciting enough to not have to add other people in. |
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"I’ve been single now since just before lockdown and joined fab for a variety of reasons, mainly around new experiences and broadening my horizons.
I’ve been truly lucky to meet some amazing people and make some wonderful friendships.
When chatting away with one of them, she asked, if I would be able to go back to a traditional, ‘vanilla’ relationship.
I pondered for some time and whilst I’m sure I could, I don’t think I’d want to.
So my question, mainly aimed at the singletons amongst us. What would your answer be? "
Good question, OP!
In a funny kind of way, yes, I do. Insofar as ignorance is bliss and, as I wouldn’t know any different, I’d be happy with my lot.
That being said, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t predisposed to this lifestyle. I am here because I was always going to be here, it’s a fait à complis. So what I’d like is to find someone equally weird and adventurous to make some sort of fab super-couple  |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I’ve been single now since just before lockdown and joined fab for a variety of reasons, mainly around new experiences and broadening my horizons.
I’ve been truly lucky to meet some amazing people and make some wonderful friendships.
When chatting away with one of them, she asked, if I would be able to go back to a traditional, ‘vanilla’ relationship.
I pondered for some time and whilst I’m sure I could, I don’t think I’d want to.
So my question, mainly aimed at the singletons amongst us. What would your answer be? "
I don't think I could go back to a completely vanilla relationship again, but I think that would all depend on the person I'm next in a relationship with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As in 1 partner and no-one joining in to make a 3?
I could, the next time I get into a relationship I hope its with someone who between us we can keep things exciting enough to not have to add other people in. "
That said, I'd still be open to the occasional additional if it felt right all round. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would happily but only with the right person.
I settled for a totally vanilla relationship before and it was awful.
So, yes, but with a better sexual match
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I honestly think I wouldn’t. All my previous relationships, including two marriages, were set up for a failure from the get go, due to me repeating the circle of good girl conditioning deeply rooted in childhood trauma.
Now I’m heading to my seventh year of being single, happy, self confident, unbothered.
I have friends, family and busy lifestyle. Not actively looking for relationship and somehow sure the best part of my life is yet to come because I know what I want and, most importantly, who I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely yes"
I've had a multitude of swinging experiences which I'm somewhat grateful and appreciative for, they served their purpose but can think of nothing better than loving, true & honest domesticity. Having someone that has your back and yours theirs, is truly an amazing thing  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely yes
I've had a multitude of swinging experiences which I'm somewhat grateful and appreciative for, they served their purpose but can think of nothing better than loving, true & honest domesticity. Having someone that has your back and yours theirs, is truly an amazing thing "
^^^ for sure
Perfectly balanced with a healthy dose of the filthy  |
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By *hyme2020Woman
over a year ago
Glasgow Scotland |
I had a very vanilla and very boring sexually 14 years with one man. Just did nothing to tick my sexual boxes, but I wouldn’t have cheated. I have lots of fantasies and want to live them out. I think I would like to have another relationship, for reasons already said, but would need to be with someone with a similar mindset to me and more sexually compatible and probably non monogamous but not in a free reign to fuck anyone type way. Something that we would have together. That’s probably my ideal scenario.  |
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I don’t think I could be in a vanilla relationship, I’ve had far too much fun. And would certainly miss certain aspects, wouldn’t want a MMF everyday but once in a while or so is lovely
Would absolutely love to find a kinky hubby, a relationship where kinks meets “the norm”
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely yes
I've had a multitude of swinging experiences which I'm somewhat grateful and appreciative for, they served their purpose but can think of nothing better than loving, true & honest domesticity. Having someone that has your back and yours theirs, is truly an amazing thing "
This ^^^ for me too, I've loved it here for a decade but doesn't define me. The right relationship with the right person is what is important for me not based solely around a sex life which can dramatically change at any time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Traditional vanilla...no thanks...Gilded cages are still cages to me.
That's not to say some of this about traditional vanilla is all bad ..but some of these things are still accessible without going down the traditional vanilla route.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think I could go back to normal. I've experienced so much and want to do more.
I went out with a woman on Tinder a while back and after a few dates I was up front with her about this and she was a little taken aback and I could tell it wasn't for her. We went our separate ways and I deleted Tinder that night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At this point in time, the answer is no, I am happy as I am, I have good family, friends and fwb who currently meet all of my needs, this may change in time, but I'm not looking to make changes  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Of course I could.
My best sex has mostly been in loving relationships. It was hot, passionate and intense and far, far dirtier than anything I’ve experienced casually on sites such as these.
Just got to find your match is all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a part of me still hopes and and wants a proper relationship. I've always thought that if I found that, someone to spend all my time with whoni love, I could easily leave this behind and this only tends to provide that fun side of sex for me without further commitment. |
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A lot of people see it as black and white. "Normal" relationships or otherwise. Women can only be mothers or whores sort of divide on it.
Do I want to be a mother? Do I want to cohabit with someone and let the familiarity breed contempt? Spend time with my partner because its expected and convenient? Absolutely not.
Do I want a partner who cares about me? Do I want those beautiful deep connections that make the sex so much more satisfying? Do I want to feel part of a unit? Absolutely yes.
Do I have to accept the things I don't want on here to get the things I do? No.
Relationships don't have to be monogamous to be real. They don't have to involve following the heteronormative narrative we were all raised with as the ideal future. They don't have to be about compromising the things that make you yourself for the sake of someone else's happiness.
I am incredibly lucky to have people who bring so much light and joy to my life, and who know who I am, and what I need, and adore and treasure me for that. And I hope they feel I do the same for them.
Do I want to marry them? No. If things happened and I only had one partner I felt that way for, would I change my mind about it all? Still no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes no maybe.
My ex wife and I started our relationship (many many moons ago) this exact way, and before that I was with different non committed and short term relationships … but, I found someone I wanted to pour all my love into, and that worked out for many many years. So yes, that thought could and may, by all miracles, happen again.
But would I WANT it and do I look for it?
No. The thought of being rejected again or ‘binned’ at the slightest problem in an actual loving monogamous relationship puts me off all together wanting that. Regardless of VANILLA.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no expectation of finding a LTP from fab.
I'd find it difficult/impossible to trust 100% that they would stay away from it.
Would obv depend on the individual and what level of trust I built with them. But also on their approach to fab and how they used it, what need it filled. Like, did they crave anonymous sex or group sex or any other kind that lil ole me could not provide.
But I just feel like it would always be there. Looming.
'Come baaacccckkkkk!'
Free, easy pussy!!!! Sex site!!!!
Free porn!!! Flirt with randoms, Where's the harm?!?!.... |
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Yes I could. Whilst kink is fun, like fine food or wine it's best enjoyed in moderation. I think kino and sex are like any drugs. After a while you need more and more to get the same hit. But if you can keep it in perspective then ....... I can get very carried away and it can be very consuming. Best to keep a lid on it! |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I'm not a swinger I never claimed to be. And while I'm not, I also don't want a traditional relationship where we end up living together again. Been there done it and have no interest in doing it again.
I don't think it has to be a choice of either extreme though. I don't want threesomes,kink etc all the time I also don't want just vanilla either all the time even though both can be really enjoyable. There's a happy medium which I prefer with trust on both sides,that would be my choice any day. |
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"I lost my virginity at an orgy, non monogamy always made the most sense to me.
I did try that whole monogamous, get a house and dog together thing in my twenties, and it was a fucking miserable 7 years wasted. I'm not making that mistake again."
Hang on! How did you get to an orgy when you was a virgin?!
On the OPS point I don't think I'd want to go back however age will probably catch up with that one day! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of people see it as black and white. "Normal" relationships or otherwise. Women can only be mothers or whores sort of divide on it.
Do I want to be a mother? Do I want to cohabit with someone and let the familiarity breed contempt? Spend time with my partner because its expected and convenient? Absolutely not.
Do I want a partner who cares about me? Do I want those beautiful deep connections that make the sex so much more satisfying? Do I want to feel part of a unit? Absolutely yes.
Do I have to accept the things I don't want on here to get the things I do? No.
Relationships don't have to be monogamous to be real. They don't have to involve following the heteronormative narrative we were all raised with as the ideal future. They don't have to be about compromising the things that make you yourself for the sake of someone else's happiness.
I am incredibly lucky to have people who bring so much light and joy to my life, and who know who I am, and what I need, and adore and treasure me for that. And I hope they feel I do the same for them.
Do I want to marry them? No. If things happened and I only had one partner I felt that way for, would I change my mind about it all? Still no."
That's some damn good pretty word vomit. |
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"Absolutely yes
I've had a multitude of swinging experiences which I'm somewhat grateful and appreciative for, they served their purpose but can think of nothing better than loving, true & honest domesticity. Having someone that has your back and yours theirs, is truly an amazing thing "
Thank you so much to everyone who has taken part so far it is really appreciated and it’s lovely to have a topic that doesn’t foster negativity.
I’ve highlighted this response as someone having your back and yours threats is a wonderful thing.
As as admirer of many of the couples here that seem to have the right balance, so question for you all. Would your ideal relationship be one that is fits within this lifestyle? |
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"Hang on! How did you get to an orgy when you was a virgin?!
I was cute. I got an invite. Thought fuck it, why not?
Fair enough! You must have enjoyed it
Well. Obviously."
I truly admire and am attracted to the confidence of that. It’s fantastic that is was such a fabulous experience |
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I'm enjoying being single and exploring this world at the moment, but it feels like a phase. I would happily settle down with someone who has the same mind set and wouldn't rule out going back to vanilla if the exploring got boring |
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"I lost my virginity at an orgy, non monogamy always made the most sense to me.
I did try that whole monogamous, get a house and dog together thing in my twenties, and it was a fucking miserable 7 years wasted. I'm not making that mistake again."
Wow!
That's a baptism of fire.
Losing your virginity at an orgy
No half measures with you :- |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
I started swinging 20 odd years ago.
Could never go back to Vanilla.
at the very least I would want stag/vixen. But in my heart, I want it all now I've had a bite of the apple, I am addicted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely yes
I've had a multitude of swinging experiences which I'm somewhat grateful and appreciative for, they served their purpose but can think of nothing better than loving, true & honest domesticity. Having someone that has your back and yours theirs, is truly an amazing thing
Thank you so much to everyone who has taken part so far it is really appreciated and it’s lovely to have a topic that doesn’t foster negativity.
I’ve highlighted this response as someone having your back and yours threats is a wonderful thing.
As as admirer of many of the couples here that seem to have the right balance, so question for you all. Would your ideal relationship be one that is fits within this lifestyle?"
I have my partners backs and they have mine ...100%.
But definitely don't think this is a preserve of people in a traditional monogamous relationship. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I’m ok for now but have this idea ultimately I’ll settle down again, my main concern would be that they are happy to have other guys when I slow down without pressuring me to stay in this lifestyle |
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"I realised early on in my Fab journey that I’d never be able to go back to a traditional monogamous relationship, so a hard pass from me OP "
I’m the same. I found myself pondering the question and thinking ‘I’d like to be in a relationship’ but as with so many of the wonderful couples on here, I think I’d like it to be one like that
So we’re on the same page |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m ok for now but have this idea ultimately I’ll settle down again, my main concern would be that they are happy to have other guys when I slow down without pressuring me to stay in this lifestyle "
Genuine question...if they still demonstrating to you that you are the priority person in their lives.. but still see others...would you really be that bothered? |
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I would love to find one partner, have all the cosy nights, deep love and friendship. Dipping the toe into the swinging side on the odd occasion.
Maybe it'll happen, who knows....for now im very happy being single and having a wide circle of friends to enjoy the sexual side of life with. |
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Interesting question with lots of interesting thoughtful answers. For me I probably could go back, we were monogamous for 19 years of marriage before deciding to explore. I enjoy our erotic adventures but they're a 'nice to have' not a 'need to have'.
J |
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"Interesting question with lots of interesting thoughtful answers. For me I probably could go back, we were monogamous for 19 years of marriage before deciding to explore. I enjoy our erotic adventures but they're a 'nice to have' not a 'need to have'.
J"
This is a great answer, and I perhaps should have been a little more nuanced in my question. Should ask if you’d want to go back really
Nice to have not need to have is the right attitude for fab. Should be an addition to, not all encompassing
Thanks for the answer |
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We had this chat when we got together, we decided on mostly 'vanilla' (i hate that word) with added extras when we felt like it. We're 100% in this together and the sex is amazing, we just add a bit extra when we feel like adding it
Tinder x |
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I've had a couple of vanilla relationships and I did give up swinging both times but both guys knew I'd been a swinger and the sex definitely wasn't vanilla so I didn't miss it too much but a part of me did miss it |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
Could I be in a relationship and not share? With the right person, yes!
Could I only ever have vanilla missionary sex for the rest of my life? No.
In reality the right person for me would never want vanilla. Obviously there are times in life where a step back or break may be needed but not forever |
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"Could I be in a relationship and not share? With the right person, yes!
Could I only ever have vanilla missionary sex for the rest of my life? No.
In reality the right person for me would never want vanilla. Obviously there are times in life where a step back or break may be needed but not forever "
This is absolutely my situation. I could definitely do monogamy: I did for decades. But vanilla, no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there’s a lot of differences of opinion between monogamy and swinging, as in a monogamous relationship can’t be kinky.
I submit that is bollocks. I am totally happy with a monogamous but kinky relationship. If you think monogamy must be vanilla/ boring, then you simply lack imagination. |
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By *dalisqueWoman
over a year ago
land of make believe |
"I think there’s a lot of differences of opinion between monogamy and swinging, as in a monogamous relationship can’t be kinky.
I submit that is bollocks. I am totally happy with a monogamous but kinky relationship. If you think monogamy must be vanilla/ boring, then you simply lack imagination."
I second this opinion!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Vanilla has different meanings. I could not do monogamy again and I could not do vanilla as in non kink either. If I end up in a long term thing they would have to be a swinger AND kinky. That is a small pool but I'd rather be single that go back. I'm never going back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there’s a lot of differences of opinion between monogamy and swinging, as in a monogamous relationship can’t be kinky.
I submit that is bollocks. I am totally happy with a monogamous but kinky relationship. If you think monogamy must be vanilla/ boring, then you simply lack imagination.
I second this opinion!
"
...and yet sooo far away.....the fab curse.... |
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Nope I couldn’t- but you know that already. I’ve been on the scene on & off since I met hubby nearly 15 years ago and we have spoken about what would happen if we went back to ‘vanilla’ both of us agreed we couldn’t. It’s such a fun part of our life and I love meeting new people |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I’m ok for now but have this idea ultimately I’ll settle down again, my main concern would be that they are happy to have other guys when I slow down without pressuring me to stay in this lifestyle
Genuine question...if they still demonstrating to you that you are the priority person in their lives.. but still see others...would you really be that bothered?"
Not at all if it was just for sex and I had the final say , you can have loyalty without sexual exclusivity and both parters don’t have to swing |
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Not sure if I would want to go back. I've been heartbroken many times in the past and don't want to go through all that again. I'm more happy with the friends I've made on here and at the clubs because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there’s a lot of differences of opinion between monogamy and swinging, as in a monogamous relationship can’t be kinky.
I submit that is bollocks. I am totally happy with a monogamous but kinky relationship. If you think monogamy must be vanilla/ boring, then you simply lack imagination."
^^^ totally |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there’s a lot of differences of opinion between monogamy and swinging, as in a monogamous relationship can’t be kinky.
I submit that is bollocks. I am totally happy with a monogamous but kinky relationship. If you think monogamy must be vanilla/ boring, then you simply lack imagination.
^^^ totally "
I would even go so far as to say a LTR (mono or poly) brings the profoundly deep connection that opens doors to more intense level of kink than a superficial swing thing can reach |
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Absolutely not. For a plethora of reasons. Non-vanilla doesn’t mean necessarily non-monogamous though, there are so many things that could be considered vanilla in my eyes that I’m not willing to settle for anymore.
The nitty gritty details would depend on what said person and I would agree to make it work |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"Could I be in a relationship and not share? With the right person, yes!
Could I only ever have vanilla missionary sex for the rest of my life? No.
In reality the right person for me would never want vanilla. Obviously there are times in life where a step back or break may be needed but not forever
This is absolutely my situation. I could definitely do monogamy: I did for decades. But vanilla, no. "
I feel if I can't find someone similar here I am doomed to solitude  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought I could and that I wanted to! But it’s recently presented itself and I never felt so suffocated in my life. Realised I’ve been single too long now and am enjoying myself way too much. Not sure one partner would ever be enough for me now! I’m greedy :p |
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"I thought I could and that I wanted to! But it’s recently presented itself and I never felt so suffocated in my life. Realised I’ve been single too long now and am enjoying myself way too much. Not sure one partner would ever be enough for me now! I’m greedy :p "
Good point |
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"Could I be in a relationship and not share? With the right person, yes!
Could I only ever have vanilla missionary sex for the rest of my life? No.
In reality the right person for me would never want vanilla. Obviously there are times in life where a step back or break may be needed but not forever
This is absolutely my situation. I could definitely do monogamy: I did for decades. But vanilla, no.
I feel if I can't find someone similar here I am doomed to solitude "
I said something similar earlier to a friend. And this topic was supposed to be light hearted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve been single now since just before lockdown and joined fab for a variety of reasons, mainly around new experiences and broadening my horizons.
I’ve been truly lucky to meet some amazing people and make some wonderful friendships.
When chatting away with one of them, she asked, if I would be able to go back to a traditional, ‘vanilla’ relationship.
I pondered for some time and whilst I’m sure I could, I don’t think I’d want to.
So my question, mainly aimed at the singletons amongst us. What would your answer be? "
Yes when I'm looking I will go back.
I think for some that once you get a taste for it, you are not getting out, you are only just getting in. It's in your blood.
Why I have a totally different mindset on here to keep it from getting into my DNA.
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"Could I be in a relationship and not share? With the right person, yes!
Could I only ever have vanilla missionary sex for the rest of my life? No.
In reality the right person for me would never want vanilla. Obviously there are times in life where a step back or break may be needed but not forever
This is absolutely my situation. I could definitely do monogamy: I did for decades. But vanilla, no.
I feel if I can't find someone similar here I am doomed to solitude
I said something similar earlier to a friend. And this topic was supposed to be light hearted "
Sorry it's been an intense kind of day - and not in the way I wanted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone (or most) use the phrase ‘going back’. My whole life is full of experiences and things I’ve done and filled with views/opinions and observations of the world and the people in. How can we ‘go back?’ I’m only ever going forward, and if that was to lead me away from swinging then so be it. |
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