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Doctor J is in the house
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are you worried about something but too embarrassed (or ashamed) to go to your GP!
Dr J can help.
Give me a run down of your symptoms and I will diagnose the issue and maybe recommend a course of treatment.
The doctor will see you now |
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Doctor J.
My throat has developed a pretty constant need to have dick in it. But I'm pretty sure the oxygen deprivation is starting to kill off braincells with the extent I take it to. Please help. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Doctor J.
My throat has developed a pretty constant need to have dick in it. But I'm pretty sure the oxygen deprivation is starting to kill off braincells with the extent I take it to. Please help."
This may require intensive therapy. Maybe even a home visit.
Dr J's organic throat cream would be quite beneficial in this case. (Beneficial for whom though is a whole different matter) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J, im having a compulsion to tongue punch like I'm eating a donor kebab, what do I do? Help needed "
This in and of itself is a natural and healthy behaviour. The chilli sauce and salad however ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J
Can I have balls of steel without actually having testicles"
The current medical thinking indicates meat balls to be effective. Sweden is leading the way in the latest innovative research. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dr J, im having a compulsion to tongue punch like I'm eating a donor kebab, what do I do? Help needed
This in and of itself is a natural and healthy behaviour. The chilli sauce and salad however ..."
There is the solution stop.adding chilling sauce and salad to the flange, thanks Dr J  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J, im having a compulsion to tongue punch like I'm eating a donor kebab, what do I do? Help needed
This in and of itself is a natural and healthy behaviour. The chilli sauce and salad however ...
There is the solution stop.adding chilling sauce and salad to the flange, thanks Dr J "
Glad to be if service.
Next! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dr J
I have an overwhelming need to be sat upon the faces of men I find attractive. I’m unsure if it’s a medical emergency for me or them but any help to overcome this would be appreciated. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not an emergency per se, but obsessive behaviours can be damaging in the long term.
Suffocation is the biggest risk. Also be aware of hygiene ... use a sterile alcohol wipe on the chosen face(s) and avoid locations like bus stops and railway platforms ... high traffic areas increase the risk of harmful pathogens being present. |
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"Doctor J.
My throat has developed a pretty constant need to have dick in it. But I'm pretty sure the oxygen deprivation is starting to kill off braincells with the extent I take it to. Please help.
This may require intensive therapy. Maybe even a home visit.
Dr J's organic throat cream would be quite beneficial in this case. (Beneficial for whom though is a whole different matter)"
I mean, it might not be the most effective course of treatment, but I'm willing to give it a go  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not an emergency per se, but obsessive behaviours can be damaging in the long term.
Suffocation is the biggest risk. Also be aware of hygiene ... use a sterile alcohol wipe on the chosen face(s) and avoid locations like bus stops and railway platforms ... high traffic areas increase the risk of harmful pathogens being present."
Don’t suffocate them and avoid public places. Got it! Thank you Dr J |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Doctor J.
My throat has developed a pretty constant need to have dick in it. But I'm pretty sure the oxygen deprivation is starting to kill off braincells with the extent I take it to. Please help.
This may require intensive therapy. Maybe even a home visit.
Dr J's organic throat cream would be quite beneficial in this case. (Beneficial for whom though is a whole different matter)
I mean, it might not be the most effective course of treatment, but I'm willing to give it a go "
Open wide and sah aaah |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J
I've become addicted to my butt plug, what therapy is out there to cure me of this or is it simply normal xxx"
Prosthetic medicine is a medical marvel. Where the limb, or other appendage is absent the prosthesis acts as a replacement. In this case where the penis is missing from the anus, the prosthesis (ie, butt plug) fills the gap.
Literally |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J, it's red, swollen and pussy. There's a bit of green goo too. What do I do?!  "
Wipe it clean once in a while.
Oh and wear a mask. It will help you cope with the smell. |
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By *oanne ETV/TS
over a year ago
Near Warrington |
"Dr J
I've become addicted to my butt plug, what therapy is out there to cure me of this or is it simply normal xxx
Prosthetic medicine is a medical marvel. Where the limb, or other appendage is absent the prosthesis acts as a replacement. In this case where the penis is missing from the anus, the prosthesis (ie, butt plug) fills the gap.
Literally"
Thank you Darling, I feel more comfortable (or not, it's quite big but gorgeous) with that now, and where's that thrusting, vibrating dildo, I hope it doesn't need charging xxxx |
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By *clfunMan
over a year ago
Vamperville, Romania |
Dr J
I am horny most of the time and it doesn‘t seem I can control it. As if it wasn’t bad enough, I actually enjoy it, but it gets me distracted from work. I need your help doc  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J
I am horny most of the time and it doesn‘t seem I can control it. As if it wasn’t bad enough, I actually enjoy it, but it gets me distracted from work. I need your help doc "
You might have the Hornona Virus. It's prevalent in these parts |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J, I can't get out of bed this morning, do you or one of your nursing assistants carry out house calls?"
My bedside manner is the talk of the town. Fancy an injection? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dr J, I can't get out of bed this morning, do you or one of your nursing assistants carry out house calls?
My bedside manner is the talk of the town. Fancy an injection?"
Would that be in my arm or my bottom? Do I get a sweetie too if I don't cry? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J, I can't get out of bed this morning, do you or one of your nursing assistants carry out house calls?
My bedside manner is the talk of the town. Fancy an injection?
Would that be in my arm or my bottom? Do I get a sweetie too if I don't cry?"
Bottom is my preferred means of delivery |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J, I only get horny when sniffing pickled onion monster munch. What can you do for me? "
Ooooh ... what I could do for you ....
Ahem
I will refer you to an olfactory specialist. And here's a leaflet for Reconstituted Maize Snacks Anonymous |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J - I’ve just been feeling so invisible lately
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Strange. I could have sworn I heard something. Oh well.
I’M OVER HERE! oh nvm  "
How odd |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good morning Dr
I'm uaving issues with my over sized cock  . I constant have back ache from carrying this heavy log & it keep poking holes in my boxers (it's become quite expensive). Any help would be appreciated  "
Surely amputation is the only answer DrJ. No anaesthetic though! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Good morning Dr
I'm uaving issues with my over sized cock . I constant have back ache from carrying this heavy log & it keep poking holes in my boxers (it's become quite expensive). Any help would be appreciated "
I will write a prescription for a wheelbarrow. Mobility aids such as this can have a truly beneficial impact on your quality of life |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"Good morning Dr
I'm uaving issues with my over sized cock . I constant have back ache from carrying this heavy log & it keep poking holes in my boxers (it's become quite expensive). Any help would be appreciated
Hahaha you have my gratitude Dr
I will write a prescription for a wheelbarrow. Mobility aids such as this can have a truly beneficial impact on your quality of life"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Good morning Dr
I'm uaving issues with my over sized cock . I constant have back ache from carrying this heavy log & it keep poking holes in my boxers (it's become quite expensive). Any help would be appreciated
Surely amputation is the only answer DrJ. No anaesthetic though!"
Drastic.
But it might just work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My beard is itchy and I'm thinking about shaving it off
Have some lice shampoo.
It will help"
I had hoped for a sensible answer
Where's is your bedside manner young lady |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My beard is itchy and I'm thinking about shaving it off
Have some lice shampoo.
It will help
I had hoped for a sensible answer
Where's is your bedside manner young lady "
Injecting Hkphooey |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A friend of a friend (cough) has a nasty rash on her undercarriage. It's not the pain or the itching. It's the weeping. It's becoming a bit melodramatic and noisy."
Ah ... a bad case of Wuthering Hives? |
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"A friend of a friend (cough) has a nasty rash on her undercarriage. It's not the pain or the itching. It's the weeping. It's becoming a bit melodramatic and noisy.
Ah ... a bad case of Wuthering Hives?"
My... Uh her neighbours would like the rash to shut the fuck up |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A friend of a friend (cough) has a nasty rash on her undercarriage. It's not the pain or the itching. It's the weeping. It's becoming a bit melodramatic and noisy.
Ah ... a bad case of Wuthering Hives?
My... Uh her neighbours would like the rash to shut the fuck up "
A brisk rub of your ... sorry her ... undercarriage will held alleviate the worst of the symptoms. Just get 'her' to hop up on the couch |
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"A friend of a friend (cough) has a nasty rash on her undercarriage. It's not the pain or the itching. It's the weeping. It's becoming a bit melodramatic and noisy.
Ah ... a bad case of Wuthering Hives?
My... Uh her neighbours would like the rash to shut the fuck up
A brisk rub of your ... sorry her ... undercarriage will held alleviate the worst of the symptoms. Just get 'her' to hop up on the couch "
By symptoms, will it disable the rash's vocal cords? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A friend of a friend (cough) has a nasty rash on her undercarriage. It's not the pain or the itching. It's the weeping. It's becoming a bit melodramatic and noisy.
Ah ... a bad case of Wuthering Hives?
My... Uh her neighbours would like the rash to shut the fuck up
A brisk rub of your ... sorry her ... undercarriage will held alleviate the worst of the symptoms. Just get 'her' to hop up on the couch
By symptoms, will it disable the rash's vocal cords?"
Unlikely but with luck the panting from having your undercarriage briskly rubbed will down out the weeping |
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"Good morning Dr
I'm uaving issues with my over sized cock . I constant have back ache from carrying this heavy log & it keep poking holes in my boxers (it's become quite expensive). Any help would be appreciated
I will write a prescription for a wheelbarrow. Mobility aids such as this can have a truly beneficial impact on your quality of life"
Most mobility aids aren't covered by the NHS, so I hope Mr. Duck has deep pockets too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My neck is hurting on my left side whenever I turn my head to the left and it's causing me a bit of discomfort. What do you recommend doc?"
Only turn your head to the right .
A miracle... you are cured! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Good morning Dr
I'm uaving issues with my over sized cock . I constant have back ache from carrying this heavy log & it keep poking holes in my boxers (it's become quite expensive). Any help would be appreciated
I will write a prescription for a wheelbarrow. Mobility aids such as this can have a truly beneficial impact on your quality of life
Most mobility aids aren't covered by the NHS, so I hope Mr. Duck has deep pockets too "
By the time he gets to the pharmacy and finds that out, I'll be long gone! |
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Hello Dr j its Dr R here. I've seeing a patient and its unusual case and wonder if we could consult on
I'll give you a little background on the patient .its a female I've been treating for a number of years its rather a delicate matter its with regards one have over step the mark in the treatment I've been giveing her that has resulted in her becimeing more hypersexual and multiogasmic . |
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"Dr J - I’ve just been feeling so invisible lately "
So to interject but Dr here I've spotted the reason have looked at the ladies noted .the invisablity is cause by her wallpaper its that vivid she can't be seen because of it . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J - I’ve just been feeling so invisible lately
So to interject but Dr here I've spotted the reason have looked at the ladies noted .the invisablity is cause by her wallpaper its that vivid she can't be seen because of it ."
Sorry. What lady? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hello Dr j its Dr R here. I've seeing a patient and its unusual case and wonder if we could consult on
I'll give you a little background on the patient .its a female I've been treating for a number of years its rather a delicate matter its with regards one have over step the mark in the treatment I've been giveing her that has resulted in her becimeing more hypersexual and multiogasmic ."
Show her my profile pics.
That will serve to reduce her libedo to near zero levels. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dr J
My winky gets huge when a certain person mentions jaffa cakes. I hate the damn things and am conflicted by it.
What can I do?
Define huge"
larger than a thimble |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J
My winky gets huge when a certain person mentions jaffa cakes. I hate the damn things and am conflicted by it.
What can I do?
Define huge
larger than a thimble "
In that case, I wouldn't worry too much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dr J
My winky gets huge when a certain person mentions jaffa cakes. I hate the damn things and am conflicted by it.
What can I do?
Define huge
larger than a thimble
In that case, I wouldn't worry too much"
Oh ok |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doctor my age is strangling my ability to snare the foxy females of the world, should I continue to be grey and washed up or do I shout I’m here boo and then hide behind the curtains, I promise not to wipe anything on them |
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"Hello Dr j its Dr R here. I've seeing a patient and its unusual case and wonder if we could consult on
I'll give you a little background on the patient .its a female I've been treating for a number of years its rather a delicate matter its with regards one have over step the mark in the treatment I've been giveing her that has resulted in her becimeing more hypersexual and multiogasmic .
Show her my profile pics.
That will serve to reduce her libedo to near zero levels."
Thank you so much she was wearing me out . |
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"Dr J - I’ve just been feeling so invisible lately
So to interject but Dr here I've spotted the reason have looked at the ladies noted .the invisablity is cause by her wallpaper its that vivid she can't be seen because of
it .
Sorry. What lady? "
She behind you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Doctor my age is strangling my ability to snare the foxy females of the world, should I continue to be grey and washed up or do I shout I’m here boo and then hide behind the curtains, I promise not to wipe anything on them "
This is more a cosmetic issue than medical, but if it is causing you significant distress, read my leaflet "George Clooney is grey and he still gets plenty". It may ease your anxiety. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dr J - I’ve just been feeling so invisible lately
So to interject but Dr here I've spotted the reason have looked at the ladies noted .the invisablity is cause by her wallpaper its that vivid she can't be seen because of
it .
Sorry. What lady?
She behind you "
Nope.
You've lost me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've another case for this a man this time he was born with an elephants
Cock .fucking dyslexia I could spell the right word ."
I am a doctor, not a vet! |
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