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What would you have done?
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There's a local taxi driver who I used to use often, but I obviously thought he had a right to be over familiar with me as started to make the odd sexual comment here and there, I didn't pick him up on it just either ignored it or quickly changed the subject, then went to avoid using his firm like the plague as much as I could. I keep regretting not making some kind of formal complaint, though I won't now as have left it too long |
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I think I would have done exactly the same as you, and then like you be thinking, I should have done something about it.
In reality I guess mentioning it at the start to say you find it inappropriate is the thing to do but I understand why you would feel uncomfortable doing that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, I probably would've done the same as you. Even though the right answer would've been to politely ask him to stop, it's not always easy being that confrontational. Avoiding them if you have access to another service is probably the best  |
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I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. |
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OK for future reference
Should it happen again
Say look if your want me to pay this taxi fare and me not reporting you to your management and the local council to revoke your licence .I ask you once for you refrain from speak to me I have not invited you to do so and I find It totally inspfoprate and sexual harashment .
Or alternative you can direct say pack it talking to me I'm calling your company to complain . |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Someone trying their luck.
I can ignore sexual comments as I'm a miserable cow at times.
If his firm were the most reliable I'd have carried on using them and made it clear, by my ignoring him that I'm not interested.
If there were another reliable firm I'd use them instead.
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"OK for future reference
Should it happen again
Say look if your want me to pay this taxi fare and me not reporting you to your management and the local council to revoke your licence .I ask you once for you refrain from speak to me I have not invited you to do so and I find It totally inspfoprate and sexual harashment .
Or alternative you can direct say pack it talking to me I'm calling your company to complain ."
This is all very well if you're in a position to be able to easily walk away immediately afterwards.
But not if you're in the back of a moving car with the guy |
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it."
So many men are oblivious to how vulnerable they can make men feel and some actually enjoy it. I really wish as women we were encouraged to say "please don't do/say that" but we're not, we're supposed to be nice and not upset anybody especially men. It makes me very angry.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"OK for future reference
Should it happen again
Say look if your want me to pay this taxi fare and me not reporting you to your management and the local council to revoke your licence .I ask you once for you refrain from speak to me I have not invited you to do so and I find It totally inspfoprate and sexual harashment .
Or alternative you can direct say pack it talking to me I'm calling your company to complain .
This is all very well if you're in a position to be able to easily walk away immediately afterwards.
But not if you're in the back of a moving car with the guy"
There's the problem. In a car, with no control over the situation, I'd be less likely to antagonise.
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"Someone trying their luck.
I can ignore sexual comments as I'm a miserable cow at times.
If his firm were the most reliable I'd have carried on using them and made it clear, by my ignoring him that I'm not interested.
If there were another reliable firm I'd use them instead.
"
In the dark depths of Cornwall, reliable taxi firms don't exist sadly. I do envy cities, plenty of choice and a 24/7 taxi service |
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"OK for future reference
Should it happen again
Say look if your want me to pay this taxi fare and me not reporting you to your management and the local council to revoke your licence .I ask you once for you refrain from speak to me I have not invited you to do so and I find It totally inspfoprate and sexual harashment .
Or alternative you can direct say pack it talking to me I'm calling your company to complain ."
Great in theory. Not so easy as a lone woman in a car that a man is driving |
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"How sexual were his comments?
I'd maybe be inclined to tell him he's being a bit rude if they were obscene.
"
Not sexual enough to put in a serious complaint, but enough to make me want to scrub myself clean with a wire brush. Was very out of the blue because I definitely didn't give him any indication I was interested. Maybe somehow he knows I'm on here, but in my mind that still doesn't make it anymore acceptable. |
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It’s easy to think we could’ve, would’ve, should’ve done. I’m quite a confident person and I’d like to think that o would have said something but the reality is I would have done exactly the same as you and beat myself up over not saying anything.
It comes with the natural of sexual harassment/inappropriate behaviour. It can make you feel small and powerless |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had an almost identical experience with a taxi driver. Every time I’d phone for a taxi it would be the same man. At first he was just over friendly and I thought nothing of it. Then one night while he took me home he kept asking if he could help me up with my bags and come in for a coffee, he was laughing as he said it to make it sound like a joke but after that I stopped using that taxi firm. I probably should have reported it as well but I didn’t. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Someone trying their luck.
I can ignore sexual comments as I'm a miserable cow at times.
If his firm were the most reliable I'd have carried on using them and made it clear, by my ignoring him that I'm not interested.
If there were another reliable firm I'd use them instead.
In the dark depths of Cornwall, reliable taxi firms don't exist sadly. I do envy cities, plenty of choice and a 24/7 taxi service"
You'd think I'd find it easy to get a taxi at 11pm on a Saturday, but they always say it will be an hour, or someone accepts the job then cancels.
My daughter uses Uber and they charge up to triple fare at busy times.
I prefer buses, but we are spoilt with frequent buses and night routes.
I also had a taxi driver a few months ago who drove like a maniac. I couldn't wait to get out of there.
Fortunately, I've not had any lewd remarks. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"How sexual were his comments?
I'd maybe be inclined to tell him he's being a bit rude if they were obscene.
Not sexual enough to put in a serious complaint, but enough to make me want to scrub myself clean with a wire brush. Was very out of the blue because I definitely didn't give him any indication I was interested. Maybe somehow he knows I'm on here, but in my mind that still doesn't make it anymore acceptable."
No, it's never acceptable. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
When I was in my late teens and was a clubber, I got a taxi home one night and found myself locked in a taxi by a driver who “wanted a kiss”. I gave him a quick peck (just to get out of there) and told him to let me out as my dad was waiting up for me (he wasn’t).
I didn’t tell anyone what happened because I was embarrassed that I had given him a peck on the cheek and worried what people would think of me.
I wish I had reported him. |
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"OK for future reference
Should it happen again
Say look if your want me to pay this taxi fare and me not reporting you to your management and the local council to revoke your licence .I ask you once for you refrain from speak to me I have not invited you to do
so and I find It totally inspfoprate
and sexual harashment .
Or alternative you can direct say pack it talking to me I'm calling your company to complain .
Great in theory. Not so easy as a
lone woman in a car that a man is
driving"
OK if the woman is not that confident and carnt say that .
Pls stop the car at the next open local store where there is people
Get out of the car .ring the company
Telling them to send you another taxi to compleat your journey home as you feel unsafe in the one you have got out of. .Or ring them when you get safely to your address and demand a refund of your fare reporting him for sexuL harashment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you can, use your phone to record it (just open a video record on your cam). Don’t confront the behaviour while you are in the taxi moving or not (where you are particularly vulnerable).
If I’m doubt say you feel unwel and ask them to pull over (somewhere populated and public). Then confront the behaviour from outside the taxi. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it."
Examples of what he said?
More context might help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help"
Not sure examples are necessary. Suffice to say that whatever was said was sufficient to make the OP uncomfortable both at the time and afterwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help
Not sure examples are necessary. Suffice to say that whatever was said was sufficient to make the OP uncomfortable both at the time and afterwards."
I understand that, just trying to gauge how bad it was. |
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I'm guessing here. I'd put money on it that you were alone in the cab at the time. What he's displaying is predatory behaviour. He knows he's got you trapped.
Even now, if he's still driving I'd seriously think about reporting his badge to authorities. |
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help
Not sure examples are necessary. Suffice to say that whatever was said was sufficient to make the OP uncomfortable both at the time and afterwards. I understand that, just trying to gauge how bad it was. "
For what purpose, isn't it enough for you to know that the op found it unacceptable and upsetting? |
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help"
That he would like us to have NSA sex, telling me how he misses sex. He's my fucking taxi driver he shouldn't even be mentioning sex to a lone woman in his taxi. Or maybe in your opinion that is acceptable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help
Not sure examples are necessary. Suffice to say that whatever was said was sufficient to make the OP uncomfortable both at the time and afterwards. I understand that, just trying to gauge how bad it was.
For what purpose, isn't it enough for you to know that the op found it unacceptable and upsetting?"
Some people can exaggerate or take things said in a different way sometimes. Not saying that is the case with the OP though.
You can't really judge without knowing what was said.
I'm curious too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help
That he would like us to have NSA sex, telling me how he misses sex. He's my fucking taxi driver he shouldn't even be mentioning sex to a lone woman in his taxi. Or maybe in your opinion that is acceptable "
Thank you for sharing.
No I find that inappropriate.
You are correct. |
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"Does he still work for the company? Never too late to send an email/letter.
Include some details and the dates (month/year) and explain that's why you've stopped using their service."
He actually has his own company now, I do avoid using them but occasionally my usual taxi company sends him jobs, but I don't get him often and stay as far away from him as humanly possible if I do have to accept the lift |
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"Does he still work for the company? Never too late to send an email/letter.
Include some details and the dates (month/year) and explain that's why you've stopped using their service.
He actually has his own company now, I do avoid using them but occasionally my usual taxi company sends him jobs, but I don't get him often and stay as far
away from him as humanly
possible if I do have to accept the lift"
Fair enough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most people find it difficult to be assertive. They think it's rude. But I would suggest if anyone is in this situation that they stay calm and reply in a friendly manner "Look. I don't want to appear prudish and I know you're obviously a friendly person,but I'm in a happy relationship and prefer if you didn't make comments like that please".
As a precaution you could turn on the recorder on your phone to have a record of any come back.
But I think most drivers would feel a bit embarrassed and realise they had overstepped the mark and apologise.
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"It’s easy to think we could’ve, would’ve, should’ve done. I’m quite a confident person and I’d like to think that o would have said something but the reality is I would have done exactly the same as you and beat myself up over not saying anything.
It comes with the natural of sexual harassment/inappropriate behaviour. It can make you feel small and powerless"
This right here. I think most women would have handled it the way you did. Our survival instincts kick in. |
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help
Not sure examples are necessary. Suffice to say that whatever was said was sufficient to make the OP uncomfortable both at the time and afterwards. I understand that, just trying to gauge how bad it was.
For what purpose, isn't it enough for you to know that the op found it unacceptable and upsetting? Some people can exaggerate or take things said in a different way sometimes. Not saying that is the case with the OP though.
You can't really judge without knowing what was said.
I'm curious too.
"
I see. I'm in two minds about this. I agree that some people will exagerate or take things the wrong way. However I also think that in the context of what the op has told us initially and the fact that she has no intention of taking it further it's enough without questioning or invalidating (even unintentionally) the way they feel. |
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it. Examples of what he said?
More context might help
That he would like us to have NSA sex, telling me how he misses sex. He's my fucking taxi driver he shouldn't even be mentioning sex to a lone woman in his taxi. Or maybe in your opinion that is acceptable Thank you for sharing.
No I find that inappropriate.
You are correct. "
Yeah that’s pretty gross and absolutely harassment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you for this thread, it holds a mirror up to those of us who might be unaware of how this kind of behaviour/situation can affect people in the real world, as opposed to the tons of threads I've seen from guys about how to get a shag from a taxi driver.
If I had been in the situation, most probably I would have done the same as you in real life.
Theres plenty of encouragement to say 'please stop' etc which would be nagging at me, but that supposes that you are both on an equal footing and have access to help if it escalates. There's been loads of situations where I've kept quiet just to get out of the situation quicker and easier.
I think the suggestion of recording video is a good one, not necessarily to get actual video but to record the audio, so you don't have to be pointing the phone at him and making it obvious.
For now though, all I can suggest is to email or speak to the new taxi company, and ask them not to pass you on to him when they are busy, for these reasons. Though this might not actually happen in real life, it might help raise a flag for them, they might have a word, or stop using him as back up.
Most probably it would come to nothing, but you never know, but it might give you some peace of mind |
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"Most people find it difficult to be assertive. They think it's rude. But I would suggest if anyone is in this situation that they stay calm and reply in a friendly manner "Look. I don't want to appear prudish and I know you're obviously a friendly person,but I'm in a happy relationship and prefer if you didn't make comments like that please".
As a precaution you could turn on the recorder on your phone to have a record of any come back.
But I think most drivers would feel a bit embarrassed and realise they had overstepped the mark and apologise.
"
I don't want to appear prudish?! Wtf.... Just no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people find it difficult to be assertive. They think it's rude. But I would suggest if anyone is in this situation that they stay calm and reply in a friendly manner "Look. I don't want to appear prudish and I know you're obviously a friendly person,but I'm in a happy relationship and prefer if you didn't make comments like that please".
As a precaution you could turn on the recorder on your phone to have a record of any come back.
But I think most drivers would feel a bit embarrassed and realise they had overstepped the mark and apologise.
"
Prudish?  |
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"Most people find it difficult to be assertive. They think it's rude. But I would suggest if anyone is in this situation that they stay calm and reply in a friendly manner "Look. I don't want to appear prudish and I know you're obviously a friendly person,but I'm in a happy relationship and prefer if you didn't make comments like that please".
As a precaution you could turn on the recorder on your phone to have a record of any come back.
But I think most drivers would feel a bit embarrassed and realise they had overstepped the mark and apologise.
I don't want to appear prudish?! Wtf.... Just no."
Women must make excuses for objecting to men's behaviour. I long for the day that we universally bring young women up to tell any gender of predator to "fuck right off" as loudly and as often as is necessary |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess I dwell on it as it makes me angry that a man would think it's ok to say that to a woman in such a vulnerable situation, even though he is of an age that I don't think he would pose any serious harm to anyone, it still isn't right. I think if it was a large taxi firm with many drivers I would have put in a complaint afterwards, and there is no way that I knowingly let any women I know travel with his firm if I can help it.
So many men are oblivious to how vulnerable they can make men feel and some actually enjoy it. I really wish as women we were encouraged to say "please don't do/say that" but we're not, we're supposed to be nice and not upset anybody especially men. It makes me very angry.
"
I wouldn't say anything either. The problem is, he would likely tell the other drivers and then they'd all be at it. Making suggestive comments and being arsey.
That's why women say nothing. Men think they are just being jokey but we don't know if they will turn nasty.
Most men really have no clue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any why should we have to pretend we're in a relationship? So if we're another man's property they'll respect that more than just us telling them not to do something?!"
Very much agree but many men respect other men more than the woman saying no. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Any why should we have to pretend we're in a relationship? So if we're another man's property they'll respect that more than just us telling them not to do something?!"
I've started telling people I'm married if they ask me. A few times on the tube I've been approached by, or chatted to by men-all very polite and friendly to start with-and they all asked if I was married. The first man I said no I wasn't and he followed me off of the train onto a bus.
So much easier to say I'm married and not give them false hope.
I like a chat on a long tube journey if it's just chit-chat. |
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"There's a local taxi driver who I used to use often, but I obviously thought he had a right to be over familiar with me as started to make the odd sexual comment here and there, I didn't pick him up on it just either ignored it or quickly changed the subject, then went to avoid using his firm like the plague as much as I could. I keep regretting not making some kind of formal complaint, though I won't now as have left it too long"
Please still report it, tell the company why you stop using them.
He might be doing this to others and it is not right.
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Hopefully I never have him as a taxi driver again, but in a small community it is sometimes unavoidable, but it never occurred to me to record the conversations so thank you whoever gave me that idea, I will do that in the future and if he ever oversteps the mark again I will most definitely report it to the council. |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
Report him to his company, even now. You did the right thing by not confronting him as you could put yourself at risk.
He has a profesional responibilty and you have the right to be treated with respect as a customer without having to feel as uncomfortable or unsafe.
If he continues he could think it is ok to behave like that on do it to someone who is in a more vulnerable state.
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"OK for future reference
Should it happen again
Say look if your want me to pay this taxi fare and me not reporting you to your management and the local council to revoke your licence .I ask you once for you refrain from speak to me I have not invited you to do so and I find It totally inspfoprate and sexual harashment .
Or alternative you can direct say pack it talking to me I'm calling your company to complain ."
Easy for you to say as a man.
As women we are more vulnerable and especially so in this situation. Not only in the car itself, but the guy knows where she lives and if she lives alone etc. personal safety is a huge problem for solo women travelers and sadly even law enforcement are quite shit at preventing or even at dealing with once reported. |
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"There's a local taxi driver who I used to use often, but I obviously thought he had a right to be over familiar with me as started to make the odd sexual comment here and there, I didn't pick him up on it just either ignored it or quickly changed the subject, then went to avoid using his firm like the plague as much as I could. I keep regretting not making some kind of formal complaint, though I won't now as have left it too long"
Happened to our son's GF. She reported him via the app he worked via and blocked him. Definitely report to his employer |
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