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Calling all ladies and couples who don't...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We didn't go for a very long time, delved in a year and a half back and enjoyed the ones we went to (mostly). However, last six months or so I haven't been feeling them as much as I did, husband loves going to them. |
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Me too, as a single person, used to have this idea of clubs being a safe space, plus I can’t accommodate so it worked for a while but after a couple of quite unpleasant experiences I don’t think I will be ever going back.
Time will tell but off my list for now though. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Well, I tend to only find people sexually attractive when I have a sort of friendship with them.
Add in my occasional uncertainty that anyone would want to see me naked - I don't think I'm the type of woman a person sees and thinks "yeah, I'd fuck her"'.
But, my confidence is growing and I'm hoping to go to one soon. I love meeting new people and I think being around that sort of atmosphere could, potentially, be rather sexy. |
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I do go to clubs occasionally, but the main things that put me off going more frequently are:
- people (usually women) that have had too much to drink, and their subsequent behaviour
- the incredibly loud volume that most clubs play music, you can't hear yourself think, never mind have a conversation with anyone
- people stood having really loud conversations while watching others have sex
- the inevitable screaming competition that happens at some point, because obviously more noise means you're having a better time that the other person that's screaming
- people not cleaning their wet patches up and just leaving them for others to discover by kneeling or laying in them
Every club has a different vibe though, and the above things are definitely more prevalent in some than others. I'm not completely averse to clubs, but I definitely prefer other ways of engaging with people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only go to clubs. As a single woman I feel much safer. I've had varying experiences in many clubs. It really depends where you go. There are 2 clubs I frequent where there are NO wanking dead, these are townhouse and celestial studios but they are fetish/swing clubs not "just" swing so has a very different level of etiquette.
If anyone comes near who looks like they would touch me they get told immediately
I love the vibe , I love the liberating feeling and adore being naked
Understand totally people who choose not to go , each to their own. If I was a couple I would possibly consider private meets
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I tend to only find people sexually attractive when I have a sort of friendship with them.
Add in my occasional uncertainty that anyone would want to see me naked - I don't think I'm the type of woman a person sees and thinks "yeah, I'd fuck her"'.
But, my confidence is growing and I'm hoping to go to one soon. I love meeting new people and I think being around that sort of atmosphere could, potentially, be rather sexy. "
Methinks you vastly understate your attractiveness Meli. My only suggestion would be to go along with someone you know the first time, as that will help with the first time nerves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In a previous relationship, way back when.
I (Mr) hasn't visited a swingers hotel, similar to a club, though as we're there for the weekend, it meant we got to become friendly with others there.
I also visited private parties and much preferred them, than the thought of a club.
I also had a look around a club when it wasn't open, and again, it just didn't appeal. |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"I’m shy.
I’m not sociable.
I don’t do naked socialising.
I don’t like random bodily fluids flung at me or in my direction."
Err I've never seen any of that 
On a general note there's a variety of days events etc to suit everyone... |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"I do go to clubs occasionally, but the main things that put me off going more frequently are:
- people (usually women) that have had too much to drink, and their subsequent behaviour
- the incredibly loud volume that most clubs play music, you can't hear yourself think, never mind have a conversation with anyone
- people stood having really loud conversations while watching others have sex
- the inevitable screaming competition that happens at some point, because obviously more noise means you're having a better time that the other person that's screaming
- people not cleaning their wet patches up and just leaving them for others to discover by kneeling or laying in them
Every club has a different vibe though, and the above things are definitely more prevalent in some than others. I'm not completely averse to clubs, but I definitely prefer other ways of engaging with people. "
I can see where you're coming from on those points! |
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"I’m shy.
I’m not sociable.
I don’t do naked socialising.
I don’t like random bodily fluids flung at me or in my direction.
Err I've never seen any of that
On a general note there's a variety of days events etc to suit everyone..."
Except those who still don't like the whole idea  |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"Plastic beds with ridiculous porn playing on a large screen TV just didn't appeal to me, wanking zombies & some sights I'd never want to see again.
Put me off more then turned me on.
Mrs "
You guys have been! |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"I’m shy.
I’m not sociable.
I don’t do naked socialising.
I don’t like random bodily fluids flung at me or in my direction.
Err I've never seen any of that
On a general note there's a variety of days events etc to suit everyone...
Except those who still don't like the whole idea "
True they're not for everyone |
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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago
west midlands |
I haven't been to a club for years not since the last time I went and had a bad experience, it was actually with a woman who wouldn't take no for an answer, haven't bothered going back to a club since. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
"
As regular club goers I like this question.
People (single guys in particular) are often advised to go to clubs. Hell, I've often suggested it myself.
But they're not for everyone. Much like normal nightclubs, pubs and bars.
They are great for people who like to socialise, are comfortable chatting to strangers and making approaches, those that are self confident in their bodies, anyone with a voyeuristic or exhibitionist streak and anyone that wants to be 100% sure that they will be able to in actual physical company with others (not playing, just that people will be there) due to being frequently let down via online planned meets.
If you're shy, struggle to engage with people online, are self conscious or have an expectancy that because you've paid a fee you'll get action then they're not the place for you.
Honestly - there are some that should never consider clubs in a million years. They're definitely not for everyone.
But never base your view on the opinion of others if there's any curiosity. Go find out for yourself and bear in mind all clubs are different and even the same club will have a totally different vibe on specific themed nights.
A |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
"
As a sk gle man the price of joining and getting in is not worth being cold shoulderd and ignored all night. |
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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
"
We have been to a couple of clubs probably about 4 or 5 times overall. its very nerve-racking even when you have been there before. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
As a sk gle man the price of joining and getting in is not worth being cold shoulderd and ignored all night. "
Ask some single men.
Ask others and they'll say it's a great idea.
A |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"I only go to clubs. As a single woman I feel much safer. I've had varying experiences in many clubs. It really depends where you go. There are 2 clubs I frequent where there are NO wanking dead, these are townhouse and celestial studios but they are fetish/swing clubs not "just" swing so has a very different level of etiquette.
If anyone comes near who looks like they would touch me they get told immediately
I love the vibe , I love the liberating feeling and adore being naked
Understand totally people who choose not to go , each to their own. If I was a couple I would possibly consider private meets
"
Finding private meets as a couple is difficult as many threads here will testify! |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
As a sk gle man the price of joining and getting in is not worth being cold shoulderd and ignored all night.
Ask some single men.
Ask others and they'll say it's a great idea.
A"
I look at it like a social network event. Sometimes it takes time to build up friends or people who know you are ok |
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By *ORBCouple
over a year ago
Dundalk |
There are no clubs in Ireland where you can just turn up and walk in.
They are only open once a month or so for invitation only events so aren't really suited to going along for a nosey.
Neither of us have ever been to a club and aren't chomping at the bit about attending one.
Having to drive for hours or getting a flight just for that experience doesn't really appeal either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Going to our first club night on Saturday (Pleasures) and only heard good reviews from couples we’ve met…..will report back Sunday our findings  "
Pleasures is a really good one, the only one I’ve been to as a single woman and felt safe  |
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We enjoy some clubs and view them as a place where we can just relax in the confines of like minded people. We never go with the thought of playing, but socialising and if something happens so be it.
The porn on the TV, yep we ignore that. But the general vibe for us is enjoyable. That said, we only go 3 or 4 times a year really. Although we're at VA this Saturday  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Completely turns me off.
Why?"
The whole concept, I dont want anyone looking over my shoulder when I'm being intimate and I've no interest in seeing anyone else in that situation. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Completely turns me off.
Why?
The whole concept, I dont want anyone looking over my shoulder when I'm being intimate and I've no interest in seeing anyone else in that situation."
I can understand that.
But I've yet to visit a club that didn't have lockable private rooms.
A |
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"Plastic beds with ridiculous porn playing on a large screen TV just didn't appeal to me, wanking zombies & some sights I'd never want to see again.
Put me off more then turned me on.
Mrs
You guys have been!"
Been for a look, didn't stay long.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
As regular club goers I like this question.
People (single guys in particular) are often advised to go to clubs. Hell, I've often suggested it myself.
But they're not for everyone. Much like normal nightclubs, pubs and bars.
They are great for people who like to socialise, are comfortable chatting to strangers and making approaches, those that are self confident in their bodies, anyone with a voyeuristic or exhibitionist streak and anyone that wants to be 100% sure that they will be able to in actual physical company with others (not playing, just that people will be there) due to being frequently let down via online planned meets.
If you're shy, struggle to engage with people online, are self conscious or have an expectancy that because you've paid a fee you'll get action then they're not the place for you.
Honestly - there are some that should never consider clubs in a million years. They're definitely not for everyone.
But never base your view on the opinion of others if there's any curiosity. Go find out for yourself and bear in mind all clubs are different and even the same club will have a totally different vibe on specific themed nights.
A"
 We actually agree on something.
If you're a guy unless you look pretty good (even then no guarantee) you have to make an effort at clubs.
Couples do too, seen many couple think they are god's gift and then nobody talks to them as they seem unapproachable and then moan that the club is cliquey.
Single ladies don't have really have to do much. Just turn up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Completely turns me off.
Why?
The whole concept, I dont want anyone looking over my shoulder when I'm being intimate and I've no interest in seeing anyone else in that situation.
I can understand that.
But I've yet to visit a club that didn't have lockable private rooms.
A"
I get that too but I'd rather stay home or a hotel. I have been before and it's just not my gig but totally get why some love it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
As a sk gle man the price of joining and getting in is not worth being cold shoulderd and ignored all night. "
But once you've joined you'll not pay the joining fee again. And frankly you'd probably get more ignored as a solo male in a standard nightclub on your own. And see less 'stuff' going on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
As a sk gle man the price of joining and getting in is not worth being cold shoulderd and ignored all night.
But once you've joined you'll not pay the joining fee again. And frankly you'd probably get more ignored as a solo male in a standard nightclub on your own. And see less 'stuff' going on "
As a mid 40s woman there's probably more chance of me winning the lottery than going to a standard night club these days. So swingers clubs still give me the option of going out, out. Without feeling like I'm 195, and dressed all wrong |
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Different clubs have different vibes and not everyone feels welcome everywhere. Think we have all experienced that.
Also depends on the night theme and agenda.
Having been to clubs I can see why the single guys nights can be off putting and couples or ladies may only go on restricted evenings.
Some of clubs also like to promote the experience by doing away with privacy rooms which I think is counter productive for many couples etc who aren't there to be exhibitionists.
But I'm sure club shy couples and ladies still enjoy their fab encounters on a smaller more intimate level.
Have fun, play safe, enjoy the memories. |
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By *essaMayWoman
over a year ago
Fairytale Wood |
Clubs have very different apeal to different people. Have visted a few but they never did anything for me, never found them very social or exciting. Many like the anonymity, talking and socialising is not really on the cards. Not a great fan of being stared or publicly watched.
As i said thats just me
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go to clubs?
I'm curious as to why as they strike me as Safe and lovely places to go. I get it if there's none in your area.
So come on tell us why you don't go....
As a sk gle man the price of joining and getting in is not worth being cold shoulderd and ignored all night.
But once you've joined you'll not pay the joining fee again. And frankly you'd probably get more ignored as a solo male in a standard nightclub on your own. And see less 'stuff' going on
As a mid 40s woman there's probably more chance of me winning the lottery than going to a standard night club these days. So swingers clubs still give me the option of going out, out. Without feeling like I'm 195, and dressed all wrong "
Yes I've been to a couple of swingers clubs and feel more comfortable there than I would in a regular night club where the music's so loud that it's hard to chat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well, I tend to only find people sexually attractive when I have a sort of friendship with them.
Add in my occasional uncertainty that anyone would want to see me naked - I don't think I'm the type of woman a person sees and thinks "yeah, I'd fuck her"'.
But, my confidence is growing and I'm hoping to go to one soon. I love meeting new people and I think being around that sort of atmosphere could, potentially, be rather sexy. "
This resonates. I'm slowly building confidence but don't think I'm an instant 'Oh,she's hot' kinda gal.
I also love meeting new people and a club seems a good place to meet like-minded folk but I wouldn't want any expectations of there being more than just getting to know people. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Completely turns me off.
Why?
The whole concept, I dont want anyone looking over my shoulder when I'm being intimate and I've no interest in seeing anyone else in that situation.
I can understand that.
But I've yet to visit a club that didn't have lockable private rooms.
A
I get that too but I'd rather stay home or a hotel. I have been before and it's just not my gig but totally get why some love it "
Nope. Completely understand and respect that.
There's nothing wrong with a hotel meet and if we could we'd meet at home. Clubs suit us and make meets easier for less than the cost of booking hotels, more scope to meet people and also its a more social environment where we can enjoy each other if there's nobody that floats our boar.
In an ideal world we'd utilise all three options. 
A |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"We like Purple Mamba and have also been to Cupid's. We prefer the vibe at PM, and would happily return, but probably not Cupid's. Aside the accessibility issues, it's not as much our scene. "
That's interesting what do you think the difference is? Not been to PM but have Cupid's.. |
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I'm desperate to try a club. Mr has come round to the idea of attending a Couples and Single Females night, but they're only on once a month and never land on the right date for us. I wouldn't mind a regular Fun for All night, but Mr is very wary of lurking single men. The Wanking Dead as some of you have described them  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"We like Purple Mamba and have also been to Cupid's. We prefer the vibe at PM, and would happily return, but probably not Cupid's. Aside the accessibility issues, it's not as much our scene. "
What kind of vibe does PM have? Thinking about going there soon. |
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"We like Purple Mamba and have also been to Cupid's. We prefer the vibe at PM, and would happily return, but probably not Cupid's. Aside the accessibility issues, it's not as much our scene.
That's interesting what do you think the difference is? Not been to PM but have Cupid's.."
PM is very small, intimate and with a classy wine bar vibe. The decor is plush, sexy but not tacky and the play areas are largely private or can be made "public" via opening the doors/peepholes. I've never seen a wanking dead wanker and never seen anyone be pushy or grabby. Sadly we did see all of that at Cupid's and because it's so big and with more open areas, it's less intimate. |
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"We like Purple Mamba and have also been to Cupid's. We prefer the vibe at PM, and would happily return, but probably not Cupid's. Aside the accessibility issues, it's not as much our scene.
What kind of vibe does PM have? Thinking about going there soon."
See above, Meli. Happy to explain more privately if you wish. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"We like Purple Mamba and have also been to Cupid's. We prefer the vibe at PM, and would happily return, but probably not Cupid's. Aside the accessibility issues, it's not as much our scene.
What kind of vibe does PM have? Thinking about going there soon.
See above, Meli. Happy to explain more privately if you wish. "
Thank you, x |
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"We’ve not been to one yet, almost certainly will but the idea of the wanking dead does not exactly scream sexy.
They are a minority. Pick your day or event carefully "
Any hints? I've been to fetish clubs and loved it, but usually as part of a group. And it was a LONG time ago
(Her) |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"We’ve not been to one yet, almost certainly will but the idea of the wanking dead does not exactly scream sexy.
They are a minority. Pick your day or event carefully
Any hints? I've been to fetish clubs and loved it, but usually as part of a group. And it was a LONG time ago
(Her)"
It depends what you're looking for?
Couples only or guys or a single female?
There's two clubs up your way see what events they're running and what you fancy... |
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I went to a club on a relatively quiet night with a friend to see what it was like. We basically sat chatting & giggling all night at the bar. When we did venture upstairs, the only "action"was a disinterested threesome in the orgy room. Guys stood by wanking but it just left me cold.
Socially, it was fun.
But I've no desire to see or smell other folk shagging again!
Thankfully I don't need to. I live on my own & can happily accommodate. |
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Ok so Saturday was our first venture in to the clubbing world and have to say what an absolute blast we had my girlfriend has said that she would rather do the club nights from now on than meeting off here and I have to agree with her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Plastic beds with ridiculous porn playing on a large screen TV just didn't appeal to me, wanking zombies & some sights I'd never want to see again.
Put me off more then turned me on.
Mrs "
This - we thought about it early on as a possible safe first step and a way to find genuine people, but didn’t want to risk the above killing off the entire idea. Possibly a very unfair perception. |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
"Ok so Saturday was our first venture in to the clubbing world and have to say what an absolute blast we had my girlfriend has said that she would rather do the club nights from now on than meeting off here and I have to agree with her "
Good to see you had a positive experience |
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I've been to one just for the experience, since they always seem to be so highly recommended for women on here.
I'm neither exhibitionist nor voyeur, and the idea of having sex where someone can watch is a huge turn off for me. I can think of nothing more off-putting than looking up to see someone watching and wanking.
That leaves time in a private room, which are really busy and there is an awareness that others are waiting to use it, so all that I'd end up with is a quickie while clock-watching.
It's not an environment that gives me the sort of encounters I want. |
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By *d4fun73 OP Man
over a year ago
Shipley |
In case you're interested here is a great article about one of our local clubs
https://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/business/consumer/pandora-armley-inside-the-leeds-swingers-superclub-finding-success-despite-initial-backlash-4077185 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Plastic beds with ridiculous porn playing on a large screen TV just didn't appeal to me, wanking zombies & some sights I'd never want to see again.
Put me off more then turned me on.
Mrs "
'Ridiculous Porn'?? Why cant i find that theme on xHamster??
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We think the fact we treat it as a club night and like to av a dance all be it a fun or sexy dance and people watching in general is our favourite sport as a think everyone loves a bit of people watching even when your sat in a bar or restraunt
And the plus side is if you get to meet a nice couple go and lock yourself away an do what you do x  a do agree with the plastic bed being a bit ‘ Well you know |
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There are none near me, but also I don’t want to go alone but then I don’t want to go with someone who’s sole purpose is to go to a club. I just don’t particularly know what to expect and fear feeling the fat frumpy one |
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