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Friends who misread signs??
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Recently had a friend of mine, tell me they have always "loved" and wanted to be with me.
For me, nothing against the individual herself. But she's a friend, an I let her down politely. But now she's trying to do guilt trip. Am I wrong to feel close to the point of telling her to back off?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. If you’ve made it clear you only want to be friends and she won’t accept that, then you have every right to tell her to back off if it’s making you feel uncomfortable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. Look at it from another point of view. What if it was a woman who just wanted to be friends but her male friend wanted more. Would SHE be wrong for wanting him to back off? No
In fact, he'd be out of order for trying to pursue something that clearly wasn't going to happen.
I once got manipulated into a relatonship. It didn't end well |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I don't think guilt tripping is a particularly healthy space to be in. Explain you need some distance and time, reevaluate your friendship. What she means to you.
I don't think you can help who you fall for, I do think you can treat people with kindness though - your friendship meant something at one time, so be firm but gentle with her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recently had a friend of mine, tell me they have always "loved" and wanted to be with me.
For me, nothing against the individual herself. But she's a friend, an I let her down politely. But now she's trying to do guilt trip. Am I wrong to feel close to the point of telling her to back off? "
No...if you've made it clear. Just tell her that her reaction since is making you uncomfortable and you intend to put some distance between you.
Be clear and firm...just don't be an asshole about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be kind but firm. No mixed messages. No half open doors. It's tempting and can be lovely to have someone interested in you. But it's cruel to lead a person on with false promises. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recently had a friend of mine, tell me they have always "loved" and wanted to be with me.
For me, nothing against the individual herself. But she's a friend, an I let her down politely. But now she's trying to do guilt trip. Am I wrong to feel close to the point of telling her to back off? "
Both people are NOT on the same wavelength so it's good luck & thanks ,in this case it matters sweet fuck all that one person feels the way she does ..BOTH have to feel the same way .. simple really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're not wrong, and your "friend" is being a creep and a pest as much as a man would be in the same scenario with a female friend who turned him down. Be firm. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I’m always suspicious when I hear this. Attraction like that builds if you let it, falling in love is not a one sided thing if nothing is being returned , if not and she always felt like that why did she not tell you before now and why didn’t you know ? How could you not have noticed ?
You let her politely? I thought she was a friend. I let randoms on here down politely |
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Trying to send you on a guilt trip to enter into a relationship you obviously don't want is manipulative. That's just wrong and surely any relationship based on that would become toxic? OP, you're not wrong in how you feel. As others have said, please be firm and clear with her that she can't guilt you into doing what she wants. |
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"I don't think guilt tripping is a particularly healthy space to be in. Explain you need some distance and time, reevaluate your friendship. What she means to you.
I don't think you can help who you fall for, I do think you can treat people with kindness though - your friendship meant something at one time, so be firm but gentle with her."
Perfect advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m always suspicious when I hear this. Attraction like that builds if you let it, falling in love is not a one sided thing if nothing is being returned , if not and she always felt like that why did she not tell you before now and why didn’t you know ? How could you not have noticed ?
You let her politely? I thought she was a friend. I let randoms on here down politely "
This....
It's never a sudden reveal or realisation.
It's more like a make or break point where you have to move forward or break it off.
My personal experience was of open ended assurances. "Who knows what's possible..." "we'll see how things shake out...." all of that kind of fudging and hedging of bets.
I own it that I let them duck&dive for too long because of the length of our connection. But they were playing both sides and got sucked in to the party circuit clique and changed beyond my recognition. So I cut me & them loose eventually, but not soon enough. |
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I can understand people who sometimes read more into a situation than what's really there. Most times it's because they want to believe there's more and it's got nothing to do with the actions of the other.
Don't take it personally and don't let this friend guilt you. Distance yourself if needed. It's probably best to let things cool down and show you're serious. |
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"Recently had a friend of mine, tell me they have always "loved" and wanted to be with me.
For me, nothing against the individual herself. But she's a friend, an I let her down politely. But now she's trying to do guilt trip. Am I wrong to feel close to the point of telling her to back off? "
Does she know you swing? Tell her that any partner you enter a relationship with has to be willing to swing. She'll probably back off. Unless you lucky/unlucky (depending on your pov).  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Be firm with her and don't let her guilt you. You are friends nothing else.If she can't handle the fact you don't want a relationship with her that's not your fault,if you've only ever seen her as a friend and didn't go beyond those lines at any point. She has no right to try and guilt you and she isn't a real friend if that is what she is trying to do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be kind but firm. No mixed messages. No half open doors. It's tempting and can be lovely to have someone interested in you. But it's cruel to lead a person on with false promises."
Totally. Even if you aren’t 100% sure that you aren’t interested in that person.
Don’t make them hope why you are trying to figure it out, because your behaviour will be contradictory to your words and it would be detrimental to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recently had a friend of mine, tell me they have always "loved" and wanted to be with me.
For me, nothing against the individual herself. But she's a friend, an I let her down politely. But now she's trying to do guilt trip. Am I wrong to feel close to the point of telling her to back off? "
This supports the men and women can't be friends theory if 1 is attracted to the other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recently had a friend of mine, tell me they have always "loved" and wanted to be with me.
For me, nothing against the individual herself. But she's a friend, an I let her down politely. But now she's trying to do guilt trip. Am I wrong to feel close to the point of telling her to back off? This supports the men and women can't be friends theory if 1 is attracted to the other. "
One example does not make a consensus for a conclusion. Some people can, others can't is more likely. |
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