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By *lowhands7 OP Man
over a year ago
South Leicestershire |
I have once enjoyed a polyamorous relationship with a great couple and would love to repeat the experience. How common is polyamory? Any others had experience or couples thought about it but haven't yet dipped their toes in? |
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"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship"
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works."
Well it's all pre arranged and settled upon prior to going in to it. It's a bit more detailed and complex than that but it's the basics.
But yes, this is the part I will and have struggled with being poly. While I'm not exactly a needy person (yes really) , at times we all have that needy mood, and if it hits but they have time with somebody else, it hits harder. |
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"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works."
I don't think it's necessarily about equality though (obviously every poly situation is different). I understand it as knowing that one person isn't going to fulfill every single aspect perfectly, so it's about having partners who add to and compliment your lives in different areas, in a beautiful balancing act 
LvM*
*not poly, could be thirty-two miles off the mark... |
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"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works."
It's all about the time and nurture that you want to put in. Say a man who has two families in two different houses. He spends half a week with one family, half with another. Equal quality time spent together. Some are happy enough to all live together, but they all make an effort to nurture each other
Poly is what you want to make it be 
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By *lowhands7 OP Man
over a year ago
South Leicestershire |
"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works.
It's all about the time and nurture that you want to put in. Say a man who has two families in two different houses. He spends half a week with one family, half with another. Equal quality time spent together. Some are happy enough to all live together, but they all make an effort to nurture each other
Poly is what you want to make it be
"
Exactly that. It's what you make it and all depends on the initial parameters you agree on |
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By *lowhands7 OP Man
over a year ago
South Leicestershire |
"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works.
It's all about the time and nurture that you want to put in. Say a man who has two families in two different houses. He spends half a week with one family, half with another. Equal quality time spent together. Some are happy enough to all live together, but they all make an effort to nurture each other
Poly is what you want to make it be
"
Exactly that. It's what you make it and all depends on the initial parameters you agree on |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works."
Poly triangles are something else, it’s not what being poly is, it’s a very specific type of poly relationship. They are definitely not for me ! I’m
Poly but don’t ever mix relationships like that |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
"ENM here
I really dislike this phrase , ethics is much more than not being unfaithful "
Take it up with a society that has raised and trained us all to think only loving and having sex with one person (used to be forever, now it's at a time) is the only ethical and moral choice... meaning that non-monogamy is inherently, and by definition, unethical.
So, the phrase 'ethical non-monogamy' (or ENM) is simply a consequence of having to differenciate it from cheating... which is still what a lot of mainstream society percieves polyamory to be. |
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ENM - Beta in non nesting couple open relationship. First and foremost, it is not for booty call. It requires a lot of your time and maturity to understand others. Arrangements are pre-discussed, alpha takes priority, so be mindful of that. We don’t just fuck but also spent quality time, sharing things with each other. I am a switch in D/S relationship and that works well for us. Not collared yet, and not planning as it is difficult to manage someone all the time, and it’s it too restrictive. We all enjoy poly, hippy and very ASMR setups. One of my policule is long distance across the pond, very fulfilling. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"ENM here
I really dislike this phrase , ethics is much more than not being unfaithful
Take it up with a society that has raised and trained us all to think only loving and having sex with one person (used to be forever, now it's at a time) is the only ethical and moral choice... meaning that non-monogamy is inherently, and by definition, unethical.
So, the phrase 'ethical non-monogamy' (or ENM) is simply a consequence of having to differenciate it from cheating... which is still what a lot of mainstream society percieves polyamory to be."
Exactly, the last thing I need to do is try and explain myself to mainstream society. If I did it wouldn’t be with special words and acronyms or by trying to justify my kinks & preferences with ethics or morality. |
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"Exactly, the last thing I need to do is try and explain myself to mainstream society. If I did it wouldn’t be with special words and acronyms or by trying to justify my kinks & preferences with ethics or morality. "
That's okay, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone you don't want to.
Personally, I prefer when people do know and use the common terminology, as it indicates they've at least had enough of an interest to look into it or some actual experience. At least I prefer it when considering a potential partner.
I have no problems being an immoral slut in the eyes of many. |
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Polyamory is just loving and being in a relationships with more then one person.
There is a huge amount of names to help describe exactly how people have arranged it. But it's just loving/relationship with more than one person.
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Also to answer Op
I was in a polyamerous relationship before. It was a lot of fun but difficult because of a couple of the women, but would have been difficult with them in monogamous relationships too
Mr Salopes |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
"Exactly, the last thing I need to do is try and explain myself to mainstream society. If I did it wouldn’t be with special words and acronyms or by trying to justify my kinks & preferences with ethics or morality."
Okay? So don't, then. But clearly there was a need, or a perceived need, among the wider community to make the differentiation clearly defined... likely due to a lot of stigma and misguided information about non-monogamy from mainstream society. Your dislike of the phrase seems equally misguided, like you take it as personal slight against your own ethics and/or morality or something? You needn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Myself and husband had a relationship with a woman last year for a few months, we would absolutely love to try again, the reason the last one didn't last long she wasn't from the lifestyle so found it quite hard to navigate and obviously being in a throuple she had difficult conversations with her nearest and dearest, as much as we all liked each other, that barrier was always in the way x |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
I was in a poly relationship with two women many years ago (before I knew the word poly), I saw one last monday to thursday and the other friday to sunday. they knew eachother and where fine with it.
alas it all ended when a 4th came on the scene and hated it, so one lady stopped for him and the other relationship fizzled out.
would love a poly bi quadroople given the chance |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Exactly, the last thing I need to do is try and explain myself to mainstream society. If I did it wouldn’t be with special words and acronyms or by trying to justify my kinks & preferences with ethics or morality.
Okay? So don't, then. But clearly there was a need, or a perceived need, among the wider community to make the differentiation clearly defined... likely due to a lot of stigma and misguided information about non-monogamy from mainstream society. Your dislike of the phrase seems equally misguided, like you take it as personal slight against your own ethics and/or morality or something? You needn't."
I don't think so.
You know there is no poly community ? Same as there is trans community. There is no straight men community or gay community or swinging community either.
There are just individuals with a wide range of views, beliefs etc , some things in common and others not in common.
These words / phrases are not created by the ‘community’ they are often created by activist types with a specific agenda needing to group support and then people adopt the words because they think it’s correct , there is no independent debate or discussion involving everyone.
We’re you consulted ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Polyamory is just loving and being in a relationships with more then one person.
There is a huge amount of names to help describe exactly how people have arranged it. But it's just loving/relationship with more than one person.
"
 |
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"We have a live in boyfriend, mostly good fun but hard to be all equal in the relationship
This is the bit I can never quite get my head around with poly - I genuinely don’t see how everyone can be equal. Would love to know how that really works."
Do you believe people are equal in monogamous relationships |
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"You know there is no poly community ? Same as there is trans community. There is no straight men community or gay community or swinging community either.
There are just individuals with a wide range of views, beliefs etc , some things in common and others not in common.
These words / phrases are not created by the ‘community’ they are often created by activist types with a specific agenda needing to group support and then people adopt the words because they think it’s correct , there is no independent debate or discussion involving everyone.
We’re you consulted ? "
If you don't believe in community that's fine. But other people actually enjoy connecting with people who understand certain parts of their lives that don't make sense to anyone else.
If I need to talk to someone about issues in my relationships, I prefer to talk to someone who understands how it actually feels to be in those situations.
If my trans partner needs to talk to someone about certain issues that I have no experience of, regardless of acceptance or understanding, he turns to the trans community because they have the lived experience.
Sympathy and empathy are very different.
It's okay to want to be independent and individual. But there's no need to drag down the people who like to be a part of something |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
"I don't think so."
Great. You're free to think whatever you like. Your personal thoughts don't change the existence of ENM as a phrase, though, nor the reasons for its existence - the latter being where you and I clearly disagree.
"You know there is no poly community ? Same as there is trans community. There is no straight men community or gay community or swinging community either."
Again, if you personally choose not to accept or understand the (pretty basic, honestly) concept of a wider community / consensus of thoughts, opinions and values then great, you do you, I suppose. Doesn't change the fact that it exists, though.
"There are just individuals with a wide range of views, beliefs etc , some things in common and others not in common."
And? This is not mutually exclusive with group consensus or wider communities.
"These words / phrases are not created by the ‘community’ they are often created by activist types with a specific agenda needing to group support and then people adopt the words because they think it’s correct , there is no independent debate or discussion involving everyone."
Well, you're generalising massively here. I'm not. I'm speaking specifically about ENM as a phrase. I've already told you what the 'agenda' was with its creation. You can choose not to accept that, just as you can choose not to use it. All I did was point out that your dislike of it seems misplaced / misguided, and more and more like a personal issue with you, rather than ENM itself. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"I don't think so.
Great. You're free to think whatever you like. Your personal thoughts don't change the existence of ENM as a phrase, though, nor the reasons for its existence - the latter being where you and I clearly disagree.
You know there is no poly community ? Same as there is trans community. There is no straight men community or gay community or swinging community either.
Again, if you personally choose not to accept or understand the (pretty basic, honestly) concept of a wider community / consensus of thoughts, opinions and values then great, you do you, I suppose. Doesn't change the fact that it exists, though.
There are just individuals with a wide range of views, beliefs etc , some things in common and others not in common.
And? This is not mutually exclusive with group consensus or wider communities.
These words / phrases are not created by the ‘community’ they are often created by activist types with a specific agenda needing to group support and then people adopt the words because they think it’s correct , there is no independent debate or discussion involving everyone.
Well, you're generalising massively here. I'm not. I'm speaking specifically about ENM as a phrase. I've already told you what the 'agenda' was with its creation. You can choose not to accept that, just as you can choose not to use it. All I did was point out that your dislike of it seems misplaced / misguided, and more and more like a personal issue with you, rather than ENM itself."
You forgot your *mic drop* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have once enjoyed a polyamorous relationship with a great couple and would love to repeat the experience. How common is polyamory? Any others had experience or couples thought about it but haven't yet dipped their toes in?"
Would love to me a part time 3rd person in one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I ask, in a poly relationship, does that mean all three members have other partners. Or is it unbalanced, that someone is going to be in effect monogamous? |
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"Can I ask, in a poly relationship, does that mean all three members have other partners. Or is it unbalanced, that someone is going to be in effect monogamous? "
People do it in different ways.
I prefer to operate purely in independent dyads. Some people have a closed triad, some people just have a harem. My way is the way that works for me, I don't like to get involved in the other ways. |
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