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He/she is just not that into you
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Depends what you mean by “not that into you” - do you mean they are tired of the arrangement and want to move on?
I would expect them to say something, or I would notice if they messaged less or were less interested in meeting for sex. If they wanted to be just friends without the benefits then that would be fine with me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m one of those “ you’re breathing slightly different today hun, are you sure you still like me” types. So unless you tell me you like me I’m going to assume you don’t anyway  |
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"I’m interested to know - what are your tell tale signs that a partner, FWB or FB are just not that into you? "
Lack of attentiveness, less interest in chatting, meeting, doing things together, on their phone more… just a lack of connection. Xx |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that.  Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer. |
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"Depends what you mean by “not that into you” - do you mean they are tired of the arrangement and want to move on?
I would expect them to say something, or I would notice if they messaged less or were less interested in meeting for sex. If they wanted to be just friends without the benefits then that would be fine with me."
Yes that’s exactly what I meant  love that you would be happy to still just be friends without the benefit - but guess otherwise you’d have just been a FB  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that. Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer. "
TLDR version; the opposite of fanny flutters what ever that is |
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"I’m interested to know - what are your tell tale signs that a partner, FWB or FB are just not that into you?
Lack of attentiveness, less interest in chatting, meeting, doing things together, on their phone more… just a lack of connection. Xx"
Have you had this situation, what did you do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As I found out recently they just block you on WhatsApp. Ouch!!! Ghosting is the very worst thing anyone can do imho and I’m sorry that’s happened to you  "
Known him for years. Came as a surprise I have to say. Still, people are allowed their own decisions. |
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"I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that. Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer. "
I’m very good at doing this, I’m also acutely aware when something changes either for me or someone else. My question was more based on some Friday food for thought  But I always love your kind and thoughtful words  |
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"As I found out recently they just block you on WhatsApp. Ouch!!! Ghosting is the very worst thing anyone can do imho and I’m sorry that’s happened to you "
Definitely.
Just rude and totally disrespectful. |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I'm big on consistent communication (it could be a little or it could be a lot... Both work for me but I need consistency) and reliability. If a guy changes his messaging MO or bails on me then I tend to assume he has lost interest unless I'm specifically told there is other shit going on in his life. I would be the first to acknowledge that because of my fiery temperament I can - and do - jump to the wrong conclusion at times  |
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"I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that. Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer.
TLDR version; the opposite of fanny flutters what ever that is"
I’d say someone as dry as the Sahara desert would do it |
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I can usually pick up subtle changes ,
Their tone changes or they take longer to reply to messages ,despite being online frequently or go quiet.
It's fine though I'm quite good at just backing off once I feel these changes. |
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"As I found out recently they just block you on WhatsApp. Ouch!!! Ghosting is the very worst thing anyone can do imho and I’m sorry that’s happened to you
Known him for years. Came as a surprise I have to say. Still, people are allowed their own decisions. "
True, but I am someone who always appreciates closure so to be ghosted would be the very worst thing anyone could do to me - it would literally drive me insane |
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"I'm big on consistent communication (it could be a little or it could be a lot... Both work for me but I need consistency) and reliability. If a guy changes his messaging MO or bails on me then I tend to assume he has lost interest unless I'm specifically told there is other shit going on in his life. I would be the first to acknowledge that because of my fiery temperament I can - and do - jump to the wrong conclusion at times "
I’m consistently inconsistent at communicating if that works? |
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"I'm big on consistent communication (it could be a little or it could be a lot... Both work for me but I need consistency) and reliability. If a guy changes his messaging MO or bails on me then I tend to assume he has lost interest unless I'm specifically told there is other shit going on in his life. I would be the first to acknowledge that because of my fiery temperament I can - and do - jump to the wrong conclusion at times "
OMG I am exactly like this too!!!  |
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"I can usually pick up subtle changes ,
Their tone changes or they take longer to reply to messages ,despite being online frequently or go quiet.
It's fine though I'm quite good at just backing off once I feel these changes."
Yep I agree, if they’re not into you as much as you’re into them, why would you waste any of your time or energy |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that. Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer. "
One of my very first girlfriends was like this, with me for a while despite not wanting to be, the signs really were not obvious but looking back now knowing what I know it makes sense. I had to think deeply and then essentially confront her about it.
The "awol" thing can be tricky to navigate, as I've had both sides, had people go awol because of being genuinely busy, I've had them go awol because lack of interest. It is not always obvious which it is, so do we continue to check up or do we just not contact at all. Both can be risky with their outcome.
It can be difficult to walk the line of being concerned and genuinely curious and being needy in some situations. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"The slow fade/disinterested replies/left on read/takes aggges to reply. I preempt all of these & act accordingly "
I can be a fucker to reply on here. Its not intentional, just a thing.
Being left on read can also be acceptable for a short period, but can take the piss if it moves into days. It depends what the person is up to. |
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Lack of conversation, short replies, one word answers etc. I understand people do have busy lives and don’t expect replies back straight away, but generally if I see repeat patterns I’ll call it there & then and wind it down. |
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"I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that. Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer.
One of my very first girlfriends was like this, with me for a while despite not wanting to be, the signs really were not obvious but looking back now knowing what I know it makes sense. I had to think deeply and then essentially confront her about it.
The "awol" thing can be tricky to navigate, as I've had both sides, had people go awol because of being genuinely busy, I've had them go awol because lack of interest. It is not always obvious which it is, so do we continue to check up or do we just not contact at all. Both can be risky with their outcome.
It can be difficult to walk the line of being concerned and genuinely curious and being needy in some situations. "
If someone stops messaging you when they’re usually responsive I’d drop a message to ask if they’re ok, if I don’t get a response then I walk away. If I’m not getting good energy back I won’t waste my time. If something is going on with them that isn’t related to you they’ll likely tell you and you then have the opportunity to either support them or walk away. Not sure there is a right or wrong way to approach it though. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"I'm big on consistent communication (it could be a little or it could be a lot... Both work for me but I need consistency) and reliability. If a guy changes his messaging MO or bails on me then I tend to assume he has lost interest unless I'm specifically told there is other shit going on in his life. I would be the first to acknowledge that because of my fiery temperament I can - and do - jump to the wrong conclusion at times "
This is sort of what I mean with my previous comment. I don't need constant attention (yes me, not needing attention believe it or not) but the reassurances of continued interest is important.
Because some do just cut contact so suddenly and quite sharply too it can be a shock and difficult to differentiate which conclusion to come to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Attraction = interest = curiosity = attention = chat = time = focus
I could go on but you get the gist....
I'd know it's a dead/dying connection:
When the content of messages cools.
When the gap between them lengthens.
When they don't read YOUR message but you can see they are or have been online.
When they leave a message read but don't reply for hours.
When they will answer your direct chat but don't return the interest.
When they don't ask how you are, how's your day
When they don't instigate a flirt.
When they don't message randomly just because they were thinking of you.... because they aren't, don't, won't message at all unless you reach out to them first and they have no better option
It's a joy to go through.
I can overthink and see disinterest where really a person is just busy or not as in to texting.
But when it's real disinterest you always know the difference.
I do properly invest in a person, hate half-assing things in life so I hate that dying out stage, seems like such a waste of the opportunity to connect with a person I admire, so I try not to leap to a cheerio.
But recently I am so very very over being let down by people bith romantically, platonically, and by family and friends so I have gotten very up front about my needs, my expectations of keenness and I will now say... fine, no sexy connection, just friendly chat, or cheerio |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes as a lot of ppl said. You already know deep down.
If they change the way they talk to you on a regular basis (unless they specify why), if they only text you when they want to arrange a sexual meet…
C’est la vie and it is part of the game.
Most ppl use this site as a mean for sexual gratification so expecting being treated as a human being with feelings is a bit far fetched. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"Attraction = interest = curiosity = attention = chat = time = focus
I could go on but you get the gist....
I'd know it's a dead/dying connection:
When the content of messages cools.
When the gap between them lengthens.
When they don't read YOUR message but you can see they are or have been online.
When they leave a message read but don't reply for hours.
When they will answer your direct chat but don't return the interest.
When they don't ask how you are, how's your day
When they don't instigate a flirt.
When they don't message randomly just because they were thinking of you.... because they aren't, don't, won't message at all unless you reach out to them first and they have no better option
It's a joy to go through.
I can overthink and see disinterest where really a person is just busy or not as in to texting.
But when it's real disinterest you always know the difference.
I do properly invest in a person, hate half-assing things in life so I hate that dying out stage, seems like such a waste of the opportunity to connect with a person I admire, so I try not to leap to a cheerio.
But recently I am so very very over being let down by people bith romantically, platonically, and by family and friends so I have gotten very up front about my needs, my expectations of keenness and I will now say... fine, no sexy connection, just friendly chat, or cheerio "
Very good points. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Attraction = interest = curiosity = attention = chat = time = focus
I could go on but you get the gist....
I'd know it's a dead/dying connection:
When the content of messages cools.
When the gap between them lengthens.
When they don't read YOUR message but you can see they are or have been online.
When they leave a message read but don't reply for hours.
When they will answer your direct chat but don't return the interest.
When they don't ask how you are, how's your day
When they don't instigate a flirt.
When they don't message randomly just because they were thinking of you.... because they aren't, don't, won't message at all unless you reach out to them first and they have no better option
It's a joy to go through.
I can overthink and see disinterest where really a person is just busy or not as in to texting.
But when it's real disinterest you always know the difference.
I do properly invest in a person, hate half-assing things in life so I hate that dying out stage, seems like such a waste of the opportunity to connect with a person I admire, so I try not to leap to a cheerio.
But recently I am so very very over being let down by people bith romantically, platonically, and by family and friends so I have gotten very up front about my needs, my expectations of keenness and I will now say... fine, no sexy connection, just friendly chat, or cheerio
Very good points. "
Yes totally agree with that too |
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"I’m interested to know - what are your tell tale signs that a partner, FWB or FB are just not that into you? "
You know when they flatten their palm over your face like the alien from alien and push you behind them ?
That's pretty telling. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I think you just know. Deep down. Sit with yourself. Mediate. Try and not listen to any overthinking if you're prone to that. Ignore any pmting.
And ask yourself, has it changed? There's your answer.
One of my very first girlfriends was like this, with me for a while despite not wanting to be, the signs really were not obvious but looking back now knowing what I know it makes sense. I had to think deeply and then essentially confront her about it.
The "awol" thing can be tricky to navigate, as I've had both sides, had people go awol because of being genuinely busy, I've had them go awol because lack of interest. It is not always obvious which it is, so do we continue to check up or do we just not contact at all. Both can be risky with their outcome.
It can be difficult to walk the line of being concerned and genuinely curious and being needy in some situations. "
Oh definitely. And neediness pushes a person away if they're not invested enough in you. I think recogninsing that change and then trying to limit neediness can be difficult.
I think when you give energy, headspace and it's suddenly not reciprocated, you can start to doubt yourself, manifesting that needy side. Trying to limit damage is important - to yourself and others. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
This thread has made me look at an actual connection with a friend and the place it is at. I've kind of had the feeling but now can tell it has gone to the point of zero interest there on their part.
She is somebody who does go in to hermit mode now and again which I'm used to, but this time it feels extra. Too many other little things to point toward none interest and not hermit mode. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This thread has made me look at an actual connection with a friend and the place it is at. I've kind of had the feeling but now can tell it has gone to the point of zero interest there on their part.
She is somebody who does go in to hermit mode now and again which I'm used to, but this time it feels extra. Too many other little things to point toward none interest and not hermit mode. "
Be upfront and ask her directly. Her explanations may even be more revealing |
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"Lack of conversation, short replies, one word answers etc. I understand people do have busy lives and don’t expect replies back straight away, but generally if I see repeat patterns I’ll call it there & then and wind it down. "
I don’t always call it, although occasionally will, usually I just leave it where it is and walk away  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lack of conversation, short replies, one word answers etc. I understand people do have busy lives and don’t expect replies back straight away, but generally if I see repeat patterns I’ll call it there & then and wind it down. I don’t always call it, although occasionally will, usually I just leave it where it is and walk away "
Before walking away , ask him directly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The slow fade/disinterested replies/left on read/takes aggges to reply. I preempt all of these & act accordingly
I can be a fucker to reply on here. Its not intentional, just a thing.
Being left on read can also be acceptable for a short period, but can take the piss if it moves into days. It depends what the person is up to."
I understand that about being a relaxed replier.
It's just the one's that are as intense, then they fall off or their behaviour changes in some other way without a really good reason. I can't be doing with that
I look for signs now and bow out as soon as seeing them, can't be doing with the games
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used feel or be made to feel like I was possibly a needy person to get frustrated by low levels of chat.
But I realised it's not coming from a place of emotional insecurity. I'm very confident and calm in myself. I just love reaching out to the people I have connected with. To share my day, say 'hi, I thought of you.' Or to send a pic of xyz for a laugh or because I know they'll enjoy it.
I enjoy all-day arousal bubbling under my skin and it keeps me happy and buzzing and I love to bounce flirts back and forth.
It's amazing to find a person who has the same level of libido/horniness to chat with.
I get quiet days too obv, I'm not going to fake it or force it.
But I just love a high level of chat and flirts.
I no longer let anyone try to frame it as 'needy' behaviour to want a keen flirty interest. It's my greedy libido looking nurtured and I love it.
Fun & frolics and flirts   |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"They stop messaging, or don't message for months then pop back up when they have no better options.
That old “hey, how you been” message is priceless isn’t it!! "
Especially when you deleted them from your contacts and have no idea who they are. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I used feel or be made to feel like I was possibly a needy person to get frustrated by low levels of chat.
But I realised it's not coming from a place of emotional insecurity. I'm very confident and calm in myself. I just love reaching out to the people I have connected with. To share my day, say 'hi, I thought of you.' Or to send a pic of xyz for a laugh or because I know they'll enjoy it.
I enjoy all-day arousal bubbling under my skin and it keeps me happy and buzzing and I love to bounce flirts back and forth.
It's amazing to find a person who has the same level of libido/horniness to chat with.
I get quiet days too obv, I'm not going to fake it or force it.
But I just love a high level of chat and flirts.
I no longer let anyone try to frame it as 'needy' behaviour to want a keen flirty interest. It's my greedy libido looking nurtured and I love it.
Fun & frolics and flirts "
That's a really lovely way of looking at it and not one I'd considered before. I sometimes feel bad that I enjoy talking. Like I'm too much because of that.
Thinking about the OP a bit more.
Sometimes things change/fade/fizzle and it doesn't mean the other person is in the wrong. They might be more focused on new people, (NRE is a real thing) and working out how to communicate where they are. It can be a bit crappy but... it's good to rip the plaster off isn't it? |
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"I used feel or be made to feel like I was possibly a needy person to get frustrated by low levels of chat.
But I realised it's not coming from a place of emotional insecurity. I'm very confident and calm in myself. I just love reaching out to the people I have connected with. To share my day, say 'hi, I thought of you.' Or to send a pic of xyz for a laugh or because I know they'll enjoy it.
I enjoy all-day arousal bubbling under my skin and it keeps me happy and buzzing and I love to bounce flirts back and forth.
It's amazing to find a person who has the same level of libido/horniness to chat with.
I get quiet days too obv, I'm not going to fake it or force it.
But I just love a high level of chat and flirts.
I no longer let anyone try to frame it as 'needy' behaviour to want a keen flirty interest. It's my greedy libido looking nurtured and I love it.
Fun & frolics and flirts
That's a really lovely way of looking at it and not one I'd considered before. I sometimes feel bad that I enjoy talking. Like I'm too much because of that.
Thinking about the OP a bit more.
Sometimes things change/fade/fizzle and it doesn't mean the other person is in the wrong. They might be more focused on new people, (NRE is a real thing) and working out how to communicate where they are. It can be a bit crappy but... it's good to rip the plaster off isn't it? "
What’s NRE Meli? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"What’s NRE Meli? "
New Relationship Energy.
It's that rush you get when you're talking to/meeting someone new. That desire to find out more about them, the want you have to explore how compatible you are. You end up siphoning energy into that, not in a bad way it's human nature. We focus on and like new, it stimulates us.
It's quite easy to see in another person, whether they're aware of it or not. It's also rather lovely and fuzzy feeling inducing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I do always read messages as soon as I find them. I just can't not. It feels like it's glaring at me from my phone and shaming my bad manners. I try to not seem like I'm attached to my phone but with how my life is running atm, I basically am.
Sometimes it'll be as they beep on my phonescreen if I am using it already.
Other times I'll be away from it for a bit and find them long after.
I think answering straight away is good manners. But I think some guys will see it as desperate???
I can't ignore people though.
I can't see a text pop up and set an internal clock to not read or reply for a suitably 'cool' hour or whatever the time is meant to be.
What is the 'cool' length of time to wait to read or reply?
That is where I do definitely feel uncool.
But it's how I was raised with the social manners and internal shame if I am rude by design or by default |
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Usual signs are. No communication after regular communication, never having or making time to spend together, ignores texts or phone calls. Sometimes you just know yourself but you still make the effort. Better to just let it go and move on. Perhaps its nothing to do with you but the other person's own shite. |
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"What’s NRE Meli?
New Relationship Energy.
It's that rush you get when you're talking to/meeting someone new. That desire to find out more about them, the want you have to explore how compatible you are. You end up siphoning energy into that, not in a bad way it's human nature. We focus on and like new, it stimulates us.
It's quite easy to see in another person, whether they're aware of it or not. It's also rather lovely and fuzzy feeling inducing."
Ah yes, and that rings very true! |
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"I do always read messages as soon as I find them. I just can't not. It feels like it's glaring at me from my phone and shaming my bad manners. I try to not seem like I'm attached to my phone but with how my life is running atm, I basically am.
Sometimes it'll be as they beep on my phonescreen if I am using it already.
Other times I'll be away from it for a bit and find them long after.
I think answering straight away is good manners. But I think some guys will see it as desperate???
I can't ignore people though.
I can't see a text pop up and set an internal clock to not read or reply for a suitably 'cool' hour or whatever the time is meant to be.
What is the 'cool' length of time to wait to read or reply?
That is where I do definitely feel uncool.
But it's how I was raised with the social manners and internal shame if I am rude by design or by default"
I’m super responsive on WhatsApp (so uncool!) but some of my friends will send a message and go immediately offline for ages - I find it mildly irritating but generally don’t have an issue with that as know that’s their way and this is mine. On here however I’m awful at replying to messages because they don’t pop up on my screen |
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"Usual signs are. No communication after regular communication, never having or making time to spend together, ignores texts or phone calls. Sometimes you just know yourself but you still make the effort. Better to just let it go and move on. Perhaps its nothing to do with you but the other person's own shite."
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"Messages left unread for a few days when they've been active
Replys take days and when it happens its usually just a couple of words "
I love receiving one word answers when I’ve written an essay but at least it helps tell you where you stand in their life.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"What’s NRE Meli?
New Relationship Energy.
It's that rush you get when you're talking to/meeting someone new. That desire to find out more about them, the want you have to explore how compatible you are. You end up siphoning energy into that, not in a bad way it's human nature. We focus on and like new, it stimulates us.
It's quite easy to see in another person, whether they're aware of it or not. It's also rather lovely and fuzzy feeling inducing.
Ah yes, and that rings very true! "
Doesn't it? It doesn't have to be bad, I think it's how it's handled. Not mistaking infatuation/cunt/dicklust for more. This is a tangent somewhat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do always read messages as soon as I find them. I just can't not. It feels like it's glaring at me from my phone and shaming my bad manners. I try to not seem like I'm attached to my phone but with how my life is running atm, I basically am.
Sometimes it'll be as they beep on my phonescreen if I am using it already.
Other times I'll be away from it for a bit and find them long after.
I think answering straight away is good manners. But I think some guys will see it as desperate???
I can't ignore people though.
I can't see a text pop up and set an internal clock to not read or reply for a suitably 'cool' hour or whatever the time is meant to be.
What is the 'cool' length of time to wait to read or reply?
That is where I do definitely feel uncool.
But it's how I was raised with the social manners and internal shame if I am rude by design or by default
I’m super responsive on WhatsApp (so uncool!) but some of my friends will send a message and go immediately offline for ages - I find it mildly irritating but generally don’t have an issue with that as know that’s their way and this is mine. On here however I’m awful at replying to messages because they don’t pop up on my screen "
I'm not so responsive on WhatsApp or anywhere else It's not because I don't care or that I'm lazy but I'm happy not to be beholden to what pops up on my phone...  |
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"This thread has made me look at an actual connection with a friend and the place it is at. I've kind of had the feeling but now can tell it has gone to the point of zero interest there on their part.
She is somebody who does go in to hermit mode now and again which I'm used to, but this time it feels extra. Too many other little things to point toward none interest and not hermit mode. "
It was me pondering a situationship this morning that had me wondering what everyone else’s tell tale signs were. Hopefully you will resolve your issue either way (I am a believer that if it’s meant to be it will be, but I won’t waste time or energy working on something that’s one sided). |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I tend to ignore anything related to messaging , it’s nearly always inaccurate but I have a good test.
When you are out in a group that person will often be with you but almost ignore you, talk mostly to others light up to others jokes and conversations and give you minimal eye contact, they are now looking beyond you . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I’m super responsive on WhatsApp (so uncool!) but some of my friends will send a message and go immediately offline for ages - I find it mildly irritating but generally don’t have an issue with that as know that’s their way and this is mine. On here however I’m awful at replying to messages because they don’t pop up on my screen
I'm not so responsive on WhatsApp or anywhere else It's not because I don't care or that I'm lazy but I'm happy not to be beholden to what pops up on my phone... "
See, if someone has literally just sent a message in a chat and I reply but then they don't read or respond to my reply.... to my mind that's deliberate and that's rude.
They HAVE to be there beside their phone. Unless they're the Flash. They're choosing to ignore the message. That tells me everything I need about where I land within their priorities.
I'd be patient because I'm not a petulant child and quite plausibily someone called their attention away. That happens to me... I'll be chatting, feel my phone buzz with a response but maybe a kiddo needs me and they get my attention first over my phone.
So when I pick the chat back up I'll apologise and say why I was delayed. Respect matters.
So if it's always happening ....I'd cheerio them as soon as I've picked up on a pattern.
I'm up front with liking someone but equally up front with not taking shit treatment.
No time for games waiting the 'cool' hour to respond, no time for rudeness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This isn't just for relationships with guys btw it's all relationships and chats.
I've recently called time on a female friendship because I'm just not wasting any more of my life on people who can't reciprocate.
Sorry to derail the thread.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Its such a wrench isnt it, from a stranger becoming a best friend and you know all about each other to them becoming a stranger again. "
I think that's the worst part of any relationship (platonic etc) ending. That shared language that was carefully curated over messaging and time spent with each other slowly fades.
I'm quite fortunate in that the majority of times it's become a good friendship later. But even now, years later, I do miss one person. Wonder how he is sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its such a wrench isnt it, from a stranger becoming a best friend and you know all about each other to them becoming a stranger again. "
When all the things only the two of you know or lived or loved suddenly cease to exist or hold value. |
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"This isn't just for relationships with guys btw it's all relationships and chats.
I've recently called time on a female friendship because I'm just not wasting any more of my life on people who can't reciprocate.
Sorry to derail the thread.
"
Not derailed at all and actually a very valid point! I too have done the same in the past |
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"When you ask how they are and they don't ask you back. It's a little thing but it speaks volumes to me."
100%!!! I get that it can happen sometimes when you end up chatting about stuff and forget/don’t ask how the other is but when it’s consistent, mahoosive red flag right there!
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I’m interested to know - what are your tell tale signs that a partner, FWB or FB are just not that into you? "
when they keep saying " aye" and you're telling him the parrot died and he should get his hearing checked  |
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"Its such a wrench isnt it, from a stranger becoming a best friend and you know all about each other to them becoming a stranger again. "
Agree, when you go from speaking/messaging someone daily to zero it is a whole loss process you inevitably need to go through even when it’s your choice.
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"
...
I'm not so responsive on WhatsApp or anywhere else It's not because I don't care or that I'm lazy but I'm happy not to be beholden to what pops up on my phone... "
A high percentage of people alive now have no experience of how social life was, not that long ago, when telephones were attached to a building (including kiosks in the street) and were not capable of presenting one with non spoken messages. Those of us who grew up in such times are probably more used to a different scale of urgency.
With regard to the topic, I have people in my life who will never be discarded or discard me. We might have moved on to different activities and priorities but we are always excited to catch up. If that excitement shows through whenever we do make contact, we know that the fundamental bond has not changed.
Just had a good example this afternoon. Neither would have been offended by not having an immediate (or equally comprehensive) reply. Probably at least six months with no contact at all but right back to being mutually significant when the call gets made. In this instance no texting etc. Just a good old fashioned phone call.
One difference from the hard wired phone days is you don't get 'side tone' any more to reassure users that the line hasn't gone flaky. Not all technology is an improvement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its such a wrench isnt it, from a stranger becoming a best friend and you know all about each other to them becoming a stranger again.
When all the things only the two of you know or lived or loved suddenly cease to exist or hold value."
Funny to think of all the things we will know and hold onto about other people even if we never see them again yes. Nice in a way, but also sad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its such a wrench isnt it, from a stranger becoming a best friend and you know all about each other to them becoming a stranger again.
I think that's the worst part of any relationship (platonic etc) ending. That shared language that was carefully curated over messaging and time spent with each other slowly fades.
I'm quite fortunate in that the majority of times it's become a good friendship later. But even now, years later, I do miss one person. Wonder how he is sometimes. "
I will always keep a door open for a few people myself. I found I can keep sparks going for years, Im like a peat fire, difficult to put out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its such a wrench isnt it, from a stranger becoming a best friend and you know all about each other to them becoming a stranger again. Agree, when you go from speaking/messaging someone daily to zero it is a whole loss process you inevitably need to go through even when it’s your choice. "
It is definitely a loss process yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you ask how they are and they don't ask you back. It's a little thing but it speaks volumes to me.
"
When they say they've lost their libido, but you find that they have had recent meets with others on Fab! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m interested to know - what are your tell tale signs that a partner, FWB or FB are just not that into you? "
Message replies end at:
LOL
Haha
Thanks
OK
Or just the simple
x
To me, all read as "OK, leave me alone now" |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
Running hot and cold is extremely frustrating and at times just confusing. It can mess with genuine friendships and make you go from really liking somebody to just not wanting to deal with them, even when they are in need. |
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For me it's when I realise I'm the only one instigating conversations, their responses are slow, perfunctory and unenthusiastic.
It's frustrating if someone won't just have an open "thanks, it was great while it lasted" conversation and would rather leave you hanging, but shit happens. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"For me it's when I realise I'm the only one instigating conversations, their responses are slow, perfunctory and unenthusiastic.
It's frustrating if someone won't just have an open "thanks, it was great while it lasted" conversation and would rather leave you hanging, but shit happens."
I've just gone through my phone and messenger apps, removed any and all that I've been the conversation instigator, those not responded for a while, or those with weak ass attempts to feign interest. Not blocked but removed. And noticed it was quite a fair few number of people. If removing contacts reduced the weight of my phone, it would be getting some sort of weight watchers certificate for great progress in weight loss.
Doing the same with friends and hotlist on here now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me it's when I realise I'm the only one instigating conversations, their responses are slow, perfunctory and unenthusiastic.
It's frustrating if someone won't just have an open "thanks, it was great while it lasted" conversation and would rather leave you hanging, but shit happens.
I've just gone through my phone and messenger apps, removed any and all that I've been the conversation instigator, those not responded for a while, or those with weak ass attempts to feign interest. Not blocked but removed. And noticed it was quite a fair few number of people. If removing contacts reduced the weight of my phone, it would be getting some sort of weight watchers certificate for great progress in weight loss.
Doing the same with friends and hotlist on here now."
I love this for you.
I find it a relief letting go of some as nursing things along can be exhausting. But I still really and truly miss the person that they used to be to me and for me.
People changing in ways that take them out of your circle is sad, heartbreaking at times. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"I've just gone through my phone and messenger apps, removed any and all that I've been the conversation instigator, those not responded for a while, or those with weak ass attempts to feign interest. Not blocked but removed. And noticed it was quite a fair few number of people. If removing contacts reduced the weight of my phone, it would be getting some sort of weight watchers certificate for great progress in weight loss.
Doing the same with friends and hotlist on here now.
I love this for you.
I find it a relief letting go of some as nursing things along can be exhausting. But I still really and truly miss the person that they used to be to me and for me.
People changing in ways that take them out of your circle is sad, heartbreaking at times."
Thanks. It is quite shocking to see just how many people don't bother with others. In some of them it begins to align with the person they are and makes sense after all, in others its a shock in how one sided interest actually is in certain "relationships" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think some situations are because people get assigned roles within a friendship or group over time. So you become the planner and they followers. Not because of malice, just habit. But it needs a shake up and a conversation if that's not okay with all concerned |
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