FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Winks misunderstood?
Winks misunderstood?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are winks on here lazy? I keep seeing people say they are.
In their purest form, and if used correctly, my cwazeee theory is that they *should* have been one of the most useful tools on the site. But there’s a stigma around them now so people are afraid to use them.
Surely an initial wink flags to the recipient an interest in them and their profile. It’s an invite to say “I like the look of you, go check me out’ and saves everyone the time an effort involved with writing a unique work of prose for each approach they make, the majority of which will be ignored and rejected (so hence why so many people copy and paste that first message .. time is money you know!)
If you don’t get a wink back then at least you know they’re not interested.
A reciprocal wink back says “hey, you don’t look so bad either” and THEN it’s up to you to write a decent, coherent message (with delightful face pic) and hopefully start a wonderful journey together. If you cock it up from there it’s your own fault, innit?
What d’ya think Fabsters? Do winks get a bad rap? Or is it justified to dismiss them as lazy and unimaginative?
I don’t wink anyone btw. Not unless it’s one of those winking games. Because people tend to hate them, but maybe we should start to look at them more sympathetically?
;-) |
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I love a wink. It saves a message if we aren't compatible. I look at winks and check the profile. If I can't think of a witty first message, I'll wink back. If I wink as someone and they wink back, then I message. It saves times of not being what the other person wants. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Surely an initial wink flags to the recipient an interest in them and their profile. It’s an invite to say “I like the look of you, go check me out’ and saves everyone the time an effort involved with writing a unique work of prose for each approach they make, the majority of which will be ignored and rejected (so hence why so many people copy and paste that first message .. time is money you know!)"
I think you've pretty much answered your own question there.
Saving time and effort is usually interpreted as 'I don't consider you worthy of the time it would take to compose a message'
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A wink is a quick and easy hello, and likewise can be quickly and easily ignored.
Saves people having to read my poor attempt at initial contact, it let's anyone know I like what I see in thier profile, and if they want to chat, then wink or message back.
Plus with a wink people don't get spammed with endless messages. You can only wink once in 30 days. So limits the annoyance factor. |
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I don't think they're lazy, if someone winks me and I like them I send a message. I don't wink many myself though as quite a few say they will be ignored.
I think they're better sometimes than sending a message as it's like a quick flirt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love a wink. It saves a message if we aren't compatible. I look at winks and check the profile. If I can't think of a witty first message, I'll wink back. If I wink as someone and they wink back, then I message. It saves times of not being what the other person wants."
This  |
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Traditionally, male users like the idea of winks, because we get so few they mean something, whereas female users find them pointless because they get so many that they're meaningless.
Like so much else in life, it's unfortunate but understandable. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Surely an initial wink flags to the recipient an interest in them and their profile. It’s an invite to say “I like the look of you, go check me out’ and saves everyone the time an effort involved with writing a unique work of prose for each approach they make, the majority of which will be ignored and rejected (so hence why so many people copy and paste that first message .. time is money you know!)
I think you've pretty much answered your own question there.
Saving time and effort is usually interpreted as 'I don't consider you worthy of the time it would take to compose a message'
"
Ah I get that. It’s why winks are generally derided. But maybe the recipient should look from the other side of the fence - your average fella sending dozens of long articulated pieces of prose, all specifically tailored to their intended beau. 99% of which are ignored, deleted, blocked .. that’s eventually going to take its toll.
So the wink works for all involved, surely, if used properly. If after reciprocal winks are exchanged the message they receive THEN lacks effort or imagination then it’s time to be binned!
That’s my exciting radical theory anyway. I might start a campaign!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A wink is a quick and easy hello, and likewise can be quickly and easily ignored.
Saves people having to read my poor attempt at initial contact, it let's anyone know I like what I see in thier profile, and if they want to chat, then wink or message back.
Plus with a wink people don't get spammed with endless messages. You can only wink once in 30 days. So limits the annoyance factor. "
exactly! |
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Yeah I see them as useful. I don’t send them but I check the ones I get and engage if I see a point.
Some people are just shy at making first contact. One of my favourite people on here saw me at a social and didn’t introduce themselves then winked me when they got home and I’m glad they did  |
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I like the winks feature. If someone winks me & they're not my cuppa I won't wink back and if I wink someone and they don't wink or reply back then I know they're not interested. Saves awkward messages I think! |
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The onus will always be on the person sending the wink to initiate conversation otherwise it's just a game.
I rarely get winks and can't remember the last time I sent one that wasn't part of a forum game.
I've had winks from people and reciprocated and that was the end of it so in my opinion they were expecting me to take it from there and when I didn't they can't be arsed.
The only email notification I have set up here is to alert me to winks and that's only because I keep forgetting to remove it.
I've had two notifications recently about winks and when I've looked the winks aren't there so I'm assuming that's a glitch or they've removed the wink.
I've taken part in wink threads and never get a wink from anyone apart from close friends which is the same situation with fabs.
I did an experiment last year and fabbed and winked every woman and couple in a thread to prove a point and didn't get a single fab or wink in return so regardless of what the initial purpose of winks was intended to be and in spite of how so many say "in" on winkathons most people don't use them at all. |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I rarely look at them as it another Fabmin task. So many are from guys I'm not interested in; who have also messaged me so are covering all bases; and in some cases I assume (rightly or wrongly) it is laziness. Used correctly and consistently it could be a great feature |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like a wink, but tend not to notice they have been sent so often respond well after receiving them. I tend not to send them as I think women on Fab get inundated with messages, so probably not interested in a random wink. But I still like a wink. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I rarely look at them as it another Fabmin task. So many are from guys I'm not interested in; who have also messaged me so are covering all bases; and in some cases I assume (rightly or wrongly) it is laziness. Used correctly and consistently it could be a great feature "
That’s the key right there - used correctly and consistently. It hasn’t been, and because of the stigma now never will. But it *COULD* have been such a great innovation! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer people to wink me. I never send the first message anymore so if they don't want to make the first move but still want to show interest, they can send a wink and then I can send a message off the back of that.
I think they're completely pointless for women though as there would be some profiles that wink anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The onus will always be on the person sending the wink to initiate conversation otherwise it's just a game.
I rarely get winks and can't remember the last time I sent one that wasn't part of a forum game.
I've had winks from people and reciprocated and that was the end of it so in my opinion they were expecting me to take it from there and when I didn't they can't be arsed.
The only email notification I have set up here is to alert me to winks and that's only because I keep forgetting to remove it.
I've had two notifications recently about winks and when I've looked the winks aren't there so I'm assuming that's a glitch or they've removed the wink.
I've taken part in wink threads and never get a wink from anyone apart from close friends which is the same situation with fabs.
**I did an experiment last year and fabbed and winked every woman and couple in a thread to prove a point and didn't get a single fab or wink in return so regardless of what the initial purpose of winks was intended to be and in spite of how so many say "in" on winkathons most people don't use them at all. "
**I might do this experiment next time I'm bored. |
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
"I love a wink. It saves a message if we aren't compatible. I look at winks and check the profile. If I can't think of a witty first message, I'll wink back. If I wink as someone and they wink back, then I message. It saves times of not being what the other person wants."
Same here. Winks are great and very useful. Might feel differently if I got hundreds of messages a day though, 2 is a good day for me x |
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"The onus will always be on the person sending the wink to initiate conversation otherwise it's just a game.
I rarely get winks and can't remember the last time I sent one that wasn't part of a forum game.
I've had winks from people and reciprocated and that was the end of it so in my opinion they were expecting me to take it from there and when I didn't they can't be arsed.
The only email notification I have set up here is to alert me to winks and that's only because I keep forgetting to remove it.
I've had two notifications recently about winks and when I've looked the winks aren't there so I'm assuming that's a glitch or they've removed the wink.
I've taken part in wink threads and never get a wink from anyone apart from close friends which is the same situation with fabs.
**I did an experiment last year and fabbed and winked every woman and couple in a thread to prove a point and didn't get a single fab or wink in return so regardless of what the initial purpose of winks was intended to be and in spite of how so many say "in" on winkathons most people don't use them at all.
**I might do this experiment next time I'm bored. "
You'll get a different outcome cos of the boobies |
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"Winks are rubbish, BanDerks.
Send me your bumhole.
*sent*  "
The pout was especially cute, pal
But honestly, man... they are rubbish.
If people are here to meet others (I hear that kinda thing goes on), you have messages. Or the forum, with many different subjects to converse. Or a cam room, to use your voice, or your whole face.
You have clubs, to meet people socially or sexually. Organised socials of varying sizes with varying themes, many with ice breaking shenanagins.
And you have so, sooo many people who deride 'boring' first messages such as 'hey'.
But 'hey' says one word more than a wink.
Dunno man, feels lazy. Click and collect. Characterless.
(I ran out of dong jokes today, sorry pal) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a wink is on a level with catching a guy's eye in a bar.
Useful if you bother to follow them up.
It's an ice breaker. But if a wink gets a wink in return the onus would definitely be on the first winker to then message.
I rarely use it but have in the past. I'm quite submissive as a flirt if/when I'm genuinely interested so like to be pursued more than do all the initial running. Winks can work great 
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"What is the point of this 'wink wink'.
I dont look at them normally but since you mentioned it, I will in a moment.  "
Urrrgh! The wink wink. A couple of times I have looked at my winks and winked back at someone.... No response.  Just reinforcing my belief that the lazy, any hole's a goal guys are scattergunning them around like their (sex) life depends on it |
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I bulk delete winks because they tend to be from people way too far away who do not match what I’m looking for or people I have already said no thank you to. Also often they are from profiles with no pictures and nothing to tell me if they are my type or not. I would rather someone just message and I always answer messages I get so people know for sure then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Surely an initial wink flags to the recipient an interest in them and their profile. It’s an invite to say “I like the look of you, go check me out’ and saves everyone the time an effort involved with writing a unique work of prose for each approach they make, the majority of which will be ignored and rejected (so hence why so many people copy and paste that first message .. time is money you know!)
I think you've pretty much answered your own question there.
Saving time and effort is usually interpreted as 'I don't consider you worthy of the time it would take to compose a message'
Ah I get that. It’s why winks are generally derided. But maybe the recipient should look from the other side of the fence - your average fella sending dozens of long articulated pieces of prose, all specifically tailored to their intended beau. 99% of which are ignored, deleted, blocked .. that’s eventually going to take its toll.
"
Classic mistake!
1. As has already been said by others, women get so many and they also get so many messages from men who CAN be bothered to take the time to write a message, why should they consider 'the other side of the fence'?
2. 'Your average fella sending dozens oflong articulated pieces of prose...' - Oooh, you really wanna go there?
As you've mentioned about considering the 'other side of the fence' try thinking about how that comes across to those on the receiving end.
Anyone you message really doesn't want to be thinking about how many others you might have messaged. I mean, can you hear yourself?
They want to feel special - not a number.
If you're going to start bragging . boasting / owning up to how many different people you're messaging, well, that's like committing fabicide.
Your recipient wants to led to believe that they are the only one you're interested in - and so we're right back to my original point.
If you're really that interested in them, then you'll take the time and trouble to write a message. |
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I rarely, if at all, bother with winks.
I never play the wink games or threads, because in doing so my wink would only fester amongst the hundreds of winks sitting in the woman's profile like neglected children.
I do receive winks, and the ones that really amuse me are ones from profiles that proffer to be "confident" and "articulate". Clearly they're not confident enough to send a message.
Thankfully, I do receive messages from women and so winks are far down the pecking order for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I rarely, if at all, bother with winks.
I never play the wink games or threads, because in doing so my wink would only fester amongst the hundreds of winks sitting in the woman's profile like neglected children.
I do receive winks, and the ones that really amuse me are ones from profiles that proffer to be "confident" and "articulate". Clearly they're not confident enough to send a message.
Thankfully, I do receive messages from women and so winks are far down the pecking order for me."
I think they are useless. Just send a message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stopped looking at them years ago on my single profile. I wouldn't mind if people used them in the way you described, but I found most people don't send a message after you reply with a wink. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Surely an initial wink flags to the recipient an interest in them and their profile. It’s an invite to say “I like the look of you, go check me out’ and saves everyone the time an effort involved with writing a unique work of prose for each approach they make, the majority of which will be ignored and rejected (so hence why so many people copy and paste that first message .. time is money you know!)
I think you've pretty much answered your own question there.
Saving time and effort is usually interpreted as 'I don't consider you worthy of the time it would take to compose a message'
Ah I get that. It’s why winks are generally derided. But maybe the recipient should look from the other side of the fence - your average fella sending dozens of long articulated pieces of prose, all specifically tailored to their intended beau. 99% of which are ignored, deleted, blocked .. that’s eventually going to take its toll.
Classic mistake!
1. As has already been said by others, women get so many and they also get so many messages from men who CAN be bothered to take the time to write a message, why should they consider 'the other side of the fence'?
2. 'Your average fella sending dozens oflong articulated pieces of prose...' - Oooh, you really wanna go there?
As you've mentioned about considering the 'other side of the fence' try thinking about how that comes across to those on the receiving end.
Anyone you message really doesn't want to be thinking about how many others you might have messaged. I mean, can you hear yourself?
They want to feel special - not a number.
If you're going to start bragging . boasting / owning up to how many different people you're messaging, well, that's like committing fabicide.
Your recipient wants to led to believe that they are the only one you're interested in - and so we're right back to my original point.
If you're really that interested in them, then you'll take the time and trouble to write a message. "
Are people really seeking “the One” on here? It’s not a site for finding life partners, it’s a site (essentially) for casual sex.
By definition on a swingers site, people are likely to be seeking multiple partners (over time) so does this really hold true that every recipient needs to feel like the most special person on the site?
If so, displaying multiple meet verifications on your profile is clearly crazy! And someone should really tell those greedy girls that I’ve seen on club nights!
Anyway, the horse has bolted now. The fact that the wink has long since been derided means that the pure concept of them is already tainted, and hence the usefulness is long since dead!
However, as sometime alluded to above, used purely and CONSISTENTLY, they could have been a great tool!
Anyway, anyone fancy a fuck? Send me a wink! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are winks on here lazy? I keep seeing people say they are.
In their purest form, and if used correctly, my cwazeee theory is that they *should* have been one of the most useful tools on the site. But there’s a stigma around them now so people are afraid to use them.
Surely an initial wink flags to the recipient an interest in them and their profile. It’s an invite to say “I like the look of you, go check me out’ and saves everyone the time an effort involved with writing a unique work of prose for each approach they make, the majority of which will be ignored and rejected (so hence why so many people copy and paste that first message .. time is money you know!)
If you don’t get a wink back then at least you know they’re not interested.
A reciprocal wink back says “hey, you don’t look so bad either” and THEN it’s up to you to write a decent, coherent message (with delightful face pic) and hopefully start a wonderful journey together. If you cock it up from there it’s your own fault, innit?
What d’ya think Fabsters? Do winks get a bad rap? Or is it justified to dismiss them as lazy and unimaginative?
I don’t wink anyone btw. Not unless it’s one of those winking games. Because people tend to hate them, but maybe we should start to look at them more sympathetically?
;-)"
100% Spot On |
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Prefer a message saying they read the profile and that we share an interest so a conversation can continue .but a wink gives an opportunity to see the other persons profile and you or they can message or not if interested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are people really seeking “the One” on here? It’s not a site for finding life partners, it’s a site (essentially) for casual sex.
By definition on a swingers site, people are likely to be seeking multiple partners (over time) so does this really hold true that every recipient needs to feel like the most special person on the site?
If so, displaying multiple meet verifications on your profile is clearly crazy! And someone should really tell those greedy girls that I’ve seen on club nights!
Anyway, the horse has bolted now. The fact that the wink has long since been derided means that the pure concept of them is already tainted, and hence the usefulness is long since dead!
However, as sometime alluded to above, used purely and CONSISTENTLY, they could have been a great tool!
Anyway, anyone fancy a fuck? Send me a wink! "
You've completely misunderstood what I meant.
Yes, this is a swingers site, and yes people are on here for casual sex, but women still like to feel special. They still like to feel important enough to you.
I saw a thread the other day where a chap mentioned that he'd sent out about 200 messages.
Now think about how that might feel if you were one of those 200 to receive a message from that person, knowing how many others they were messaging.
You'd feel like they were just spamming. Desperate to get a meet.
Now do you get it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Wink function get a worse rap than it deserves.
Lots of people like to say winks are lazy, winks are pointless. And usually these comments are almost exclusively to a fault aimed at the single male demographic on Fab.
But what do you expect single men and users in general to do on Fab, when they put in effort to send a message, yet it almost always ends up being deleted or lost in the pile of messages couples and single women get on here?
The entire Fab ecosystem is built such that it DISINCENTIVISES thoughtful, proactive participation from individuals who bother to put in effort on their profiles and interactions with other members.
You can't slate people for "taking the lazy way out" with winks, when the ROI on messaging be it with or without effort (and arguably even bothering to send a one-worded message takes more effort than a wink) is so dismally low.
The solution isn't always to say "try harder", "improve yourself", "meet people IRL in clubs and social events". There comes a point when people say screw it, I'll stop bothering because the swinging community dynamics seem impossible to please or understand, or because (for real or perceived impression) the swinging scene is always stacked against people of a certain sex/race/whatever. And if the advice is just "skip Fab and go to an actual swinger club", then what's the point of this site and all its functions of winking messaging and networking when I can easily google "Swinger club near (insert whatever place you live in)", find out all the info needed online, and go there myself?
The vast majority of experiences on Fab here are differing shades of lose-lose whether or not you put in effort or otherwise. It's like this site and the swinging community is content and fine with managed decline and morphing of swinging into something increasingly indistinguishable from a Tinder or Hinge hookup dynamic/community.
The whole debate about winks is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the decline of swinging and Fab as a whole. And there can be no right answer about how to fix it because this site and the community's dynamics is increasingly insular and unwelcoming as it is. I'm still on Fab mainly due to nostalgia reasons. But if I were to have found out about swinging and Fab only now there'd be very little incentive for me to join and stick around as a single non-White male on here. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
never used winks and never reply to winks for no other reason than ive enough messages on the go at all times and since more effort has been put into messages they will always come first ..
i just bulk delete them they mean nothing |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"Are people really seeking “the One” on here? It’s not a site for finding life partners, it’s a site (essentially) for casual sex.
By definition on a swingers site, people are likely to be seeking multiple partners (over time) so does this really hold true that every recipient needs to feel like the most special person on the site?
If so, displaying multiple meet verifications on your profile is clearly crazy! And someone should really tell those greedy girls that I’ve seen on club nights!
Anyway, the horse has bolted now. The fact that the wink has long since been derided means that the pure concept of them is already tainted, and hence the usefulness is long since dead!
However, as sometime alluded to above, used purely and CONSISTENTLY, they could have been a great tool!
Anyway, anyone fancy a fuck? Send me a wink!
You've completely misunderstood what I meant.
Yes, this is a swingers site, and yes people are on here for casual sex, but women still like to feel special. They still like to feel important enough to you.
I saw a thread the other day where a chap mentioned that he'd sent out about 200 messages.
Now think about how that might feel if you were one of those 200 to receive a message from that person, knowing how many others they were messaging.
You'd feel like they were just spamming. Desperate to get a meet.
Now do you get it?"
Well said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are people really seeking “the One” on here? It’s not a site for finding life partners, it’s a site (essentially) for casual sex.
By definition on a swingers site, people are likely to be seeking multiple partners (over time) so does this really hold true that every recipient needs to feel like the most special person on the site?
If so, displaying multiple meet verifications on your profile is clearly crazy! And someone should really tell those greedy girls that I’ve seen on club nights!
Anyway, the horse has bolted now. The fact that the wink has long since been derided means that the pure concept of them is already tainted, and hence the usefulness is long since dead!
However, as sometime alluded to above, used purely and CONSISTENTLY, they could have been a great tool!
Anyway, anyone fancy a fuck? Send me a wink!
You've completely misunderstood what I meant.
Yes, this is a swingers site, and yes people are on here for casual sex, but women still like to feel special. They still like to feel important enough to you.
I saw a thread the other day where a chap mentioned that he'd sent out about 200 messages.
Now think about how that might feel if you were one of those 200 to receive a message from that person, knowing how many others they were messaging.
You'd feel like they were just spamming. Desperate to get a meet.
Now do you get it?"
And what's it say about this site if women and couples can score say 1 meet out of 20 messages they send to 20 different profiles, but a single man can send 200 messages to 200 different profiles and fail to score a single meet?
Is it his fault? Or is it the dynamics/demographical/sexual imbalance of the swinging community?
You might say a single guy messaging 200 others on Fab is spamming. But if that's not an example (albeit not a very good high and proper one) of putting in effort on Fab (because come on, sending 200 messages even if it's copy paste single worded stuff takes time and a lot of clicking), then I don't know what is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
You've completely misunderstood what I meant.
Yes, this is a swingers site, and yes people are on here for casual sex, but women still like to feel special. They still like to feel important enough to you.
I saw a thread the other day where a chap mentioned that he'd sent out about 200 messages.
Now think about how that might feel if you were one of those 200 to receive a message from that person, knowing how many others they were messaging.
You'd feel like they were just spamming. Desperate to get a meet.
Now do you get it?"
I got it before you even replied for the very first my friend!
I absolutely understand WHY people don’t like winks. I don’t need that explaining to me!
The whole PREMISE of the thread is that winks have maybe been misunderstood over time and I’ve said *multiple* times that in the PUREST form, and had they been used CONSISTENTLY from the outset that they COULD HAVE BEEN a useful tool.
I’ve even stated, right from the outset, that I DON’T use winks myself (for the reasons you outline!) but that’s not the point of the thread.
Now do you get it?  |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"Are people really seeking “the One” on here? It’s not a site for finding life partners, it’s a site (essentially) for casual sex.
By definition on a swingers site, people are likely to be seeking multiple partners (over time) so does this really hold true that every recipient needs to feel like the most special person on the site?
If so, displaying multiple meet verifications on your profile is clearly crazy! And someone should really tell those greedy girls that I’ve seen on club nights!
Anyway, the horse has bolted now. The fact that the wink has long since been derided means that the pure concept of them is already tainted, and hence the usefulness is long since dead!
However, as sometime alluded to above, used purely and CONSISTENTLY, they could have been a great tool!
Anyway, anyone fancy a fuck? Send me a wink!
You've completely misunderstood what I meant.
Yes, this is a swingers site, and yes people are on here for casual sex, but women still like to feel special. They still like to feel important enough to you.
I saw a thread the other day where a chap mentioned that he'd sent out about 200 messages.
Now think about how that might feel if you were one of those 200 to receive a message from that person, knowing how many others they were messaging.
You'd feel like they were just spamming. Desperate to get a meet.
Now do you get it?
And what's it say about this site if women and couples can score say 1 meet out of 20 messages they send to 20 different profiles, but a single man can send 200 messages to 200 different profiles and fail to score a single meet?
Is it his fault? Or is it the dynamics/demographical/sexual imbalance of the swinging community?
You might say a single guy messaging 200 others on Fab is spamming. But if that's not an example (albeit not a very good high and proper one) of putting in effort on Fab (because come on, sending 200 messages even if it's copy paste single worded stuff takes time and a lot of clicking), then I don't know what is. "
If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The Wink function get a worse rap than it deserves.
Lots of people like to say winks are lazy, winks are pointless. And usually these comments are almost exclusively to a fault aimed at the single male demographic on Fab.
But what do you expect single men and users in general to do on Fab, when they put in effort to send a message, yet it almost always ends up being deleted or lost in the pile of messages couples and single women get on here?
The entire Fab ecosystem is built such that it DISINCENTIVISES thoughtful, proactive participation from individuals who bother to put in effort on their profiles and interactions with other members.
You can't slate people for "taking the lazy way out" with winks, when the ROI on messaging be it with or without effort (and arguably even bothering to send a one-worded message takes more effort than a wink) is so dismally low.
The solution isn't always to say "try harder", "improve yourself", "meet people IRL in clubs and social events". There comes a point when people say screw it, I'll stop bothering because the swinging community dynamics seem impossible to please or understand, or because (for real or perceived impression) the swinging scene is always stacked against people of a certain sex/race/whatever. And if the advice is just "skip Fab and go to an actual swinger club", then what's the point of this site and all its functions of winking messaging and networking when I can easily google "Swinger club near (insert whatever place you live in)", find out all the info needed online, and go there myself?
The vast majority of experiences on Fab here are differing shades of lose-lose whether or not you put in effort or otherwise. It's like this site and the swinging community is content and fine with managed decline and morphing of swinging into something increasingly indistinguishable from a Tinder or Hinge hookup dynamic/community.
The whole debate about winks is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the decline of swinging and Fab as a whole. And there can be no right answer about how to fix it because this site and the community's dynamics is increasingly insular and unwelcoming as it is. I'm still on Fab mainly due to nostalgia reasons. But if I were to have found out about swinging and Fab only now there'd be very little incentive for me to join and stick around as a single non-White male on here. "
As stated in my opening post, Winks *could* have been a great tool had they been used properly from the outset.
It’s too late now, people generally dislike them for all of the reasons people have articulated over the thread.
Keep your chin up and don’t let the scene get you down
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I don't actually think they're misunderstood.
The sort of person who considers a wink suitable initial contact are likely more compatible with others who do. If your wink goes ignored because it was sent to someone who wants more than that amount of effort, then odds were it wouldn't have worked out anyway. |
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I agree with the OP.
In fact I would say that the site should have been set up so that an initial message can only be sent after receiving a wink.
ie If yo9u wink someone they can respond with a DM, if they wink bank then either of you can send a message.
Basically use it as a like/match mechanic.
As said, whould hopefully lead to better, non cut and paste first messasges.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't actually think they're misunderstood.
The sort of person who considers a wink suitable initial contact are likely more compatible with others who do. If your wink goes ignored because it was sent to someone who wants more than that amount of effort, then odds were it wouldn't have worked out anyway."
No ….. but also yes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree with the OP.
In fact I would say that the site should have been set up so that an initial message can only be sent after receiving a wink.
ie If yo9u wink someone they can respond with a DM, if they wink bank then either of you can send a message.
Basically use it as a like/match mechanic.
As said, whould hopefully lead to better, non cut and paste first messasges.
"
Well exactly. Kind of like an early adoption of swiping right! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with the OP.
In fact I would say that the site should have been set up so that an initial message can only be sent after receiving a wink.
ie If yo9u wink someone they can respond with a DM, if they wink bank then either of you can send a message.
Basically use it as a like/match mechanic.
As said, whould hopefully lead to better, non cut and paste first messasges.
"
So it becomes a numbers game.
I want EVERYONE. To be able to Dm Me. So I wink at EVERYONE. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree with the OP.
In fact I would say that the site should have been set up so that an initial message can only be sent after receiving a wink.
ie If yo9u wink someone they can respond with a DM, if they wink bank then either of you can send a message.
Basically use it as a like/match mechanic.
As said, whould hopefully lead to better, non cut and paste first messasges.
So it becomes a numbers game.
I want EVERYONE. To be able to Dm Me. So I wink at EVERYONE. "
It seems to work on Tinder |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought "
And given the sheer imbalance of single men to couples and single females on this site, I'm sure that reducing message quantity for quality would definitely increase one's hit rate on here, when it's still what, couple hundred guys to every single female/couple account on here?
It's not so simplistic. And I've already made the point that lots of guys have their efforts go unrewarded simply because what they send just gets lost in a deluge of messages from so many other competitors on here. If you want to say "get single guys to put in more effort and be more discerning in sending messages to suitable profiles", can I then say "get single women and couples on here to be less lazy and clear their inboxes more often"?
p.s. quite sure I'm never going to be on many people's hotlist or even blocked because of what I say on here. Unfortunately, you're also off my hotlist too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't actually think they're misunderstood.
The sort of person who considers a wink suitable initial contact are likely more compatible with others who do. If your wink goes ignored because it was sent to someone who wants more than that amount of effort, then odds were it wouldn't have worked out anyway."
For what it's worth I don't wink profiles that explicitly say no winks will be seen or entertained.
My winks still get ignored by the majority of profiles I send them to anyway, considering that I've never seen them pop up on my "who's viewed you" list! |
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"For what it's worth I don't wink profiles that explicitly say no winks will be seen or entertained.
My winks still get ignored by the majority of profiles I send them to anyway, considering that I've never seen them pop up on my "who's viewed you" list! "
Most women and couples live in ninja mode to avoid being messaged by people who get excited that they viewed their profile, when there's a reason they viewed their profile and then closed it without further action.
I don't specifically state I don't look at winks on my profile, but I do mention I'm only here to see what's on at the clubs, yet I still have over 700 unlooked at because anyone who's winking me clearly hasn't read the profile if they think that's a way to initiate contact and because I cannot be bothered to go look at 700 profiles that can't be bothered to read mine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with the OP.
In fact I would say that the site should have been set up so that an initial message can only be sent after receiving a wink.
ie If yo9u wink someone they can respond with a DM, if they wink bank then either of you can send a message.
Basically use it as a like/match mechanic.
As said, whould hopefully lead to better, non cut and paste first messasges.
So it becomes a numbers game.
I want EVERYONE. To be able to Dm Me. So I wink at EVERYONE.
It seems to work on Tinder "
What does? Just swiping right(or left, I don’t which) to be able to Dm? Of course it would work, it’s a numbers game. |
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"... ...If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought."
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Terribly sorry HC  , but that's a somewhat unavailing approach which would achieve next to nothing in results.
There are men out there who are indeed "more selective' AND "read profiles" AND "send better messages" and yet, despite their honourable intentions, their hand-crafted messages fall into the same bucket of rancid coal, lost, forgotten, oblivion...
With all things said and done, as it is quite often on here, it's a numbers game. |
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"... ...If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought.
•
Terribly sorry HC , but that's a somewhat unavailing approach which would achieve next to nothing in results.
There are men out there who are indeed "more selective' AND "read profiles" AND "send better messages" and yet, despite their honourable intentions, their hand-crafted messages fall into the same bucket of rancid coal, lost, forgotten, oblivion...
With all things said and done, as it is quite often on here, it's a numbers game."
And very often those numbers are weaponised in the form of profile screenshots and forum comments about how some people have hundreds or thousands of unread messages.
Some fabbers genuinely don't want men to be selective or choosy. They want and need those numbers because it's part of their USP and personal marketing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... ...If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought.
•
Terribly sorry HC , but that's a somewhat unavailing approach which would achieve next to nothing in results.
There are men out there who are indeed "more selective' AND "read profiles" AND "send better messages" and yet, despite their honourable intentions, their hand-crafted messages fall into the same bucket of rancid coal, lost, forgotten, oblivion...
With all things said and done, as it is quite often on here, it's a numbers game.
And very often those numbers are weaponised in the form of profile screenshots and forum comments about how some people have hundreds or thousands of unread messages.
Some fabbers genuinely don't want men to be selective or choosy. They want and need those numbers because it's part of their USP and personal marketing.
"
Thank goodness I'm one of those whereby if I see a profile being extremely popular or flooded with interest, I'm extremely turned off and disinclined to try my luck in connecting with or hooking up with them.
Last thing I want to do is be yet another statistic to boost their egos. Especially if they show it off on their statuses or brag about it anywhere on Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... ...If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought.
•
Terribly sorry HC , but that's a somewhat unavailing approach which would achieve next to nothing in results.
There are men out there who are indeed "more selective' AND "read profiles" AND "send better messages" and yet, despite their honourable intentions, their hand-crafted messages fall into the same bucket of rancid coal, lost, forgotten, oblivion...
With all things said and done, as it is quite often on here, it's a numbers game."
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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
Gave up on winks a long time ago after experience has told us they lead absolutely nowhere. There again most messages lead nowhere - but they tend to have a better success rate than winks.
Most messages we get seem really lazy - so we feel winks are even lazier - we’d much prefer a decent message or a little effort to engage us rather than a throw away quick press of a button. |
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"If guys were more selective, read profiles and sent fewer better messages to the profiles that are actually looking for them then their hit rate might increase. And we might actually stand a chance of reading them. Just a thought "
I am selective, I only send messages to people who may be interested, ie if I don't meet their height or cock size I don't bother.
I send, in my opinon, decent but brief messages, tailored to some aspect of their profile and attach a non-cock pic - the main one on my profile.
They still sit unread for weeks then get deleted.
An unread message is limbo - was it lost in the sea of messages? Do I try again, ignoring the Fabs warning?
it IS pretty dicouraging and is kind of why I now attend as many Socials as I can get to as at least I know where I stand if I talk to someone.
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