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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Does the notion of having found the ideal partner, our soulmate exist ? As in life partner with all it entails -sexual, emotional, financial… partner. Before anyone goes there, I understand why the concept of Friend With Benefits would come handy in order not to impose someone the burden of fulfilling everything.
As everyone would have a different answer, the question should be :
What ultimately does ‘ideal’ mean to you in the context of your own relationship?
Or why the partner you have chosen to spend your life with is better or more suited to you than the ones you are seeking for sexual or emotional gratification ?
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Perhaps it does. I don't know if I believe in soulmates. I think you find people who talk to your soul in varying levels. Sometimes you find someone who speaks more deeply and they feel like home.
I think an ideal for me would be someone who understands me as I am. Where I don't feel like I need to be less me but equally want to grow and become better when I'm with them. Where we can date other people, bicker, but make it work because we choose to.
That freedom to be our own person but choose to be with another, to choose someone without losing who we are.
That's my ideal.
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The partner I've chosen to spend my life with is more suited to me than the ones I seek for sexual or emotional gratification because having been together for nearly 43 years nobody else could come close in terms of understanding of knowing me. I don't think any relationship is truly ideal at the start, there's so much to learn about each other, so much to go through and experience. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps it does. I don't know if I believe in soulmates. I think you find people who talk to your soul in varying levels. Sometimes you find someone who speaks more deeply and they feel like home. "
Interesting. Your last sentence ressembles much at what I’d call a soulmate anyhow. Someone you see you, see through your soul.
" I think an ideal for me would be someone who understands me as I am. Where I don't feel like I need to be less me but equally want to grow and become better when I'm with them. Where we can date other people, bicker, but make it work because we choose to. "
Is the need to meet others a necessity for you and for him or more just like a curiosity for variety ?
" That freedom to be our own person but choose to be with another, to choose someone without losing who we are.
That's my ideal.
"
I can relate |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The partner I've chosen to spend my life with is more suited to me than the ones I seek for sexual or emotional gratification because having been together for nearly 43 years nobody else could come close in terms of understanding of knowing me. I don't think any relationship is truly ideal at the start, there's so much to learn about each other, so much to go through and experience."
Does defining him as ideal counterbalance the other arguments above mentioned ? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"The partner I've chosen to spend my life with is more suited to me than the ones I seek for sexual or emotional gratification because having been together for nearly 43 years nobody else could come close in terms of understanding of knowing me. I don't think any relationship is truly ideal at the start, there's so much to learn about each other, so much to go through and experience."
Yes definitely. I think relationships and people become an ideal but you need to give that time to learn and experience each other as people don't you? You grow but you can't do that with placing each other on a pedestal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think one person can be all things for you and meet all your needs.
That's why friends are important and having time to pursue your own interests, stay interesting, have tales to tell when you come back together, to continue to grow but keep them in step with your changing self.
Leaving them trailing behind you with an 'old' version of yourself will kill a relationship.
But having nothing newsworthy makes us dull and will also bore a relationship to death.
It's important to live fully and be a whole person not just disappear in to a blended blob of coupledom.
But I do think you can have one person be your foundation. Someone who has your back in all things. Sometimes that means standing with you and sometimes that means holding you accountable.
But ultimately it's about 2 individuals becoming a solid single unit in life.
I want that co-pilot, for sure.
I often think sitting out on a porch drinking and rifling through all the old tall tales of a shared life well lived would be an awesome sunset in life. |
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Dave and I are soul mates. We agree on everything. We have the same values and like the same food, music, decorations, lingerie, sex, threesomes ...
We are hardly ever apart (except for work) and wouldn't change a single thing about each other.
We're quite nauseating to be honest!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's no such thing as the ideal person and anyone looking for it isn't going to find it. I don't necessarily believe in soul mates but certainly do believe in meeting people that instantly connect to every part of you.
Relationships are compromise. Once they give you the important stuff like trust, honesty, loyalty and communication, everything else is a choice. You need to accept their flaws as they do yours and realise that they might not give you everything you need always.. but they are worth the days they dont. |
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The ideal relationship would be compatible in most areas. I would not expect perfection, I would expect compromise and I would hope to grow together.
I don’t know if soulmates exist as a concept for me, but I do believe you can have deep meaningful relationships that can last a lifetime if people are realistic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Soulmate. I found mine, I found my true love and “the one”. Sadly it’s not always realised from them. True love seems to be something you give and not received for me.
A soul mate, is and always will be. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Relationships are compromise. Once they give you the important stuff like trust, honesty, loyalty and communication, everything else is a choice. You need to accept their flaws as they do yours and realise that they might not give you everything you need always.. but they are worth the days they dont."
 You write so beautifully when you're not being a daft sausage.  |
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"Soulmate. I found mine, I found my true love and “the one”. Sadly it’s not always realised from them. True love seems to be something you give and not received for me.
A soul mate, is and always will be. "
Soul mates are the worst.
I found mine. The way his soul sings to me is like nothing on earth. I'm lucky that it's reciprocated. I'm unlucky that we are absolutely incompatible.
Any attempt to make it more than the brief moments we enjoy being able to bask in each other at most once a year would become only an exercise in compromise and mediocrity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Soulmate. I found mine, I found my true love and “the one”. Sadly it’s not always realised from them. True love seems to be something you give and not received for me.
A soul mate, is and always will be.
Soul mates are the worst.
I found mine. The way his soul sings to me is like nothing on earth. I'm lucky that it's reciprocated. I'm unlucky that we are absolutely incompatible.
Any attempt to make it more than the brief moments we enjoy being able to bask in each other at most once a year would become only an exercise in compromise and mediocrity."
I feel sad talking about this stuff, simply because it’s where I’m (was) happiest. I’m a soulful/spiritual type of guy, and now, not having someone to share it with, I feel like I’m hibernating and no reason to wake up.
That’s the only way I can describe it.
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"The partner I've chosen to spend my life with is more suited to me than the ones I seek for sexual or emotional gratification because having been together for nearly 43 years nobody else could come close in terms of understanding of knowing me. I don't think any relationship is truly ideal at the start, there's so much to learn about each other, so much to go through and experience.
Does defining him as ideal counterbalance the other arguments above mentioned ? "
Which arguments in particular?
We frequently joke that it's a good job we met each other because nobody else would have us but there's an awful (in the true sense of that word) lot of truth in it. We've stuck together through thick, thin and indifferent and our relationship has become ideal *for us* at this time. We've changed, circumstances surrounding us have changed but the one central foundation is our relationship which has changed with those things.
I'm not sure there's a pattern for ideal in a relationship and I can feel myself starting to ramble
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"I never believed all that bullshit before, but..... As much as it pains me to say, the Mr for me is perfect it makes me question the whole soul mate rubbish.
Mrs
Awww bless you are cute
The mr "
Cute  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found my soul mate. My twin flame. And we live with different people. It’s a mess, our relationship is fucked up beyond recognition, but it’s our relationship and we can’t be without each other via whatsapp/email/voice notes.
It’s unconventional. Painful, and I don’t know where it ends up - but I do know that we’ll never be without one another. |
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