FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Work night out- am I being unreasonable?
Work night out- am I being unreasonable?
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
My colleagues & I haven't had an Xmas do for the last 2 years, even though our company gives us a good budget for it. With less than a week's notice, our manager has now decided to use that budget on a staff night out (on Wednesday). Part of it will involve having a fair amount of alcohol at some kind of themed event. I will have to get the train there (£15), we all have to bring a bottle of spirits (£15)
organise a cab home £40) or book a hotel for the night (£50).
So this unexpected evening will cost me around £70 minimum!
I think this is taking the piss, but what do you all think? Is it right to try & force everyone to attend the evening, knowing fine well that some can't afford the travel? Would anyone else think it's wrong to tell us we all have to go, even though some are struggling right now?
I'm genuinely interested in other opinions! |
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By *odevilWoman
over a year ago
exeter |
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
Maybe you could suggest that the night out be pushed a bit further into the future so that you have more time to plan (budget and other arrangements etc)? |
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So it's a night out that the company gives a good budget for, but you're expected to bring your own drinks!? Travel I can understand, not many people get a free ride to the office so out of hours won't be any different.
Sounds like a crap night though tbh, may as well just have a night out yourself! The company I work for rarely does them, but they're always fully paid for with either a designated driver from the team or a minibus to get people back depending what the budget allows (paid for by our suppliers). We have to make our own way there though which isn't too bad, usually take clothing etc in to change before we leave off |
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go."
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out  |
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"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go.
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out "
Then don't go. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I used to organise our Christmas event for 190 people. Totally optional but they did give us a generous budget but we’d give plenty of notice and it was always a Friday night. We’d pay £10 deposit but meal and drinks for the table and a couple of drink vouchers were provided.
I’d say they were being unreasonable and it would be better to organise something at a more convenient time for everyone. |
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go.
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out
Then don't go. "
Thank you for that sage advice, but that's not what I asked. I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that this is fair or not. |
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"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go.
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out
Then don't go.
Thank you for that sage advice, but that's not what I asked. I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that this is fair or not."
The answer is, no it's not fair. The question you should ask yourself is what do you get from going and in turn what might you lose from staying away.
Life ain't fair, that's just the way it is |
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Work night outs, especially Christmas ones, albeit it's nearly March should always be suitable for everyone, it seems a bit harsh it's a take it or leave it choice, unless I've read it wrong. It is late for me  |
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night "
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails. |
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"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails. "
All sounds a bit fishy to me |
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"My colleagues & I haven't had an Xmas do for the last 2 years, even though our company gives us a good budget for it. With less than a week's notice, our manager has now decided to use that budget on a staff night out (on Wednesday). Part of it will involve having a fair amount of alcohol at some kind of themed event. I will have to get the train there (£15), we all have to bring a bottle of spirits (£15)
organise a cab home £40) or book a hotel for the night (£50).
So this unexpected evening will cost me around £70 minimum!
I think this is taking the piss, but what do you all think? Is it right to try & force everyone to attend the evening, knowing fine well that some can't afford the travel? Would anyone else think it's wrong to tell us we all have to go, even though some are struggling right now?
I'm genuinely interested in other opinions!"
To my mind you have an easy get out of jail free card. It’s too little notice, you have family commitments you can’t get out of, hope you all have fun and see ya.
I think it is unreasonable personally and if they’ve decided to do it on a whim you shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting to go |
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"I need a job that pays for drinks and a night out lol "
Depends who you work with and the place. They always seem to end up as ‘training’ events where the topic at hand will have you reaching for the nearest fire alarm |
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails.
All sounds a bit fishy to me"
We're being taken to an immersive themed cocktail bar, apparently where we all have to dress up in costume when we get there. there are actors & mixologists all in character & they use the alcohol we bring to mix special cocktails.
It sounds bloody cringe. |
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"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails.
All sounds a bit fishy to me
We're being taken to an immersive themed cocktail bar, apparently where we all have to dress up in costume when we get there. there are actors & mixologists all in character & they use the alcohol we bring to mix special cocktails.
It sounds bloody cringe."
As they say, the choice is yours |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't go personally, mid week will be shit to start with, no hotel provided, and who the hell will be sat at their desk first thing Thursday morning with a hangover from hell?
Remember, if you don't go, you'll be the only one at work the next day until at least lunchtime when the rest appear! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need a job that pays for drinks and a night out lol
Depends who you work with and the place. They always seem to end up as ‘training’ events where the topic at hand will have you reaching for the nearest fire alarm "
Public body. Im happy if i get christmas day off lol
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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago
Terra Firma |
"My colleagues & I haven't had an Xmas do for the last 2 years, even though our company gives us a good budget for it. With less than a week's notice, our manager has now decided to use that budget on a staff night out (on Wednesday). Part of it will involve having a fair amount of alcohol at some kind of themed event. I will have to get the train there (£15), we all have to bring a bottle of spirits (£15)
organise a cab home £40) or book a hotel for the night (£50).
So this unexpected evening will cost me around £70 minimum!
I think this is taking the piss, but what do you all think? Is it right to try & force everyone to attend the evening, knowing fine well that some can't afford the travel? Would anyone else think it's wrong to tell us we all have to go, even though some are struggling right now?
I'm genuinely interested in other opinions!"
I wouldn't go to any party that I was instructed to bring a bottle of spirits along with every other invited person. Why is that thing?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails.
All sounds a bit fishy to me
We're being taken to an immersive themed cocktail bar, apparently where we all have to dress up in costume when we get there. there are actors & mixologists all in character & they use the alcohol we bring to mix special cocktails.
It sounds bloody cringe."
Ask for a Mai tai |
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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago
Bath |
I don’t think it’s down to your work to cover expenses on how you get there and back. I personally think that’s down to you.
However, I don’t think you should have to take a bottle of spirit if they have a budget. That should be covered in the budget.
It’s also a bit odd to do a team night out which involves a lot of booze on a week night when I presume people have to work on the Thursday…
I don’t think your work are being unreasonable but neither are you if you don’t want to go. If you don’t want to spend the money and think it sounds crap then don’t go. |
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I wouldn't be attending anything where alcohol was the central theme and certainly would not be bringing bottles of spirits. How is this event suitable for non drinkers?
Our works dos involve being given tokens for a certain number of basic drinks, including soft drinks and tea/coffee. I always drive to events because it's impossible for me to get home by public transport at night via wheelchair. I have no desire to be inebriated and out in the wheelchair at any time, because I need my wit's about me to prevent other d*unk people from seizing my chair and pushing me somewhere I don't want to go (this is a common occurrence in the wee hours).
The whole thing sounds hideous to me. |
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"My colleagues & I haven't had an Xmas do for the last 2 years, even though our company gives us a good budget for it. With less than a week's notice, our manager has now decided to use that budget on a staff night out (on Wednesday). Part of it will involve having a fair amount of alcohol at some kind of themed event. I will have to get the train there (£15), we all have to bring a bottle of spirits (£15)
organise a cab home £40) or book a hotel for the night (£50).
So this unexpected evening will cost me around £70 minimum!
I think this is taking the piss, but what do you all think? Is it right to try & force everyone to attend the evening, knowing fine well that some can't afford the travel? Would anyone else think it's wrong to tell us we all have to go, even though some are struggling right now?
I'm genuinely interested in other opinions!"
If there has not been one held for two years znd there is a good budget available for ut then there should be an excellent budget now really.
I think at a time when people are struggling with a cost of living crisis then it's very unreasonable to alexoect that you go and that you take a bottle of spirits really.
I'd raise tge issue of affordability and notice with someone above your manager.
Just voice your concerns. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go.
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out
Then don't go.
Thank you for that sage advice, but that's not what I asked. I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that this is fair or not."
To be fair, its fair... No work place is going to pay for your travel to/from a works night out. If you choose to byob if no alcohol os on offer, then that's on you. It's not mandatory, yiu don't have to go. I'm assume they're not asking you to pay your own dinner (my workplace actually does) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't be attending anything where alcohol was the central theme and certainly would not be bringing bottles of spirits. How is this event suitable for non drinkers?
Our works dos involve being given tokens for a certain number of basic drinks, including soft drinks and tea/coffee. I always drive to events because it's impossible for me to get home by public transport at night via wheelchair. I have no desire to be inebriated and out in the wheelchair at any time, because I need my wit's about me to prevent other d*unk people from seizing my chair and pushing me somewhere I don't want to go (this is a common occurrence in the wee hours).
The whole thing sounds hideous to me. "
I'm assuming they may lay on soft drinks, but not offer a paid for bar? So if OP wants to drink booze then they're saying that's on her? Not that she must |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't be attending anything where alcohol was the central theme and certainly would not be bringing bottles of spirits. How is this event suitable for non drinkers?
Our works dos involve being given tokens for a certain number of basic drinks, including soft drinks and tea/coffee. I always drive to events because it's impossible for me to get home by public transport at night via wheelchair. I have no desire to be inebriated and out in the wheelchair at any time, because I need my wit's about me to prevent other d*unk people from seizing my chair and pushing me somewhere I don't want to go (this is a common occurrence in the wee hours).
The whole thing sounds hideous to me.
I'm assuming they may lay on soft drinks, but not offer a paid for bar? So if OP wants to drink booze then they're saying that's on her? Not that she must "
I seriously doubt any work environment night out would insist everyone drinks alcohol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go.
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out
Then don't go.
Thank you for that sage advice, but that's not what I asked. I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that this is fair or not."
Yes.  |
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It sounds like your manager has found something they really want to do on a night out and are taking you all along for the ride. I think it's unfair to expect a bottle of spirits to be brought, especially if there are non drinkers going.
Personally I'd go for the dinner, have a few non alcohol cocktails made for me, as I watch their skills and then I'd drive home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless you will actually be working, these days/nights out are not compulsory whatever your manager says. Just say no, you're entitled to do that with no questions asked. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Personally I wouldn't go if I thought it was going to cost me too much or if I wasn't keen on the idea either.
I think however it's not unreasonable of your company to hold it on a Wednesday with short notice ,it's not up to them to pay for how you get there or how you get home after.
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As stated above if its not in your contract you don't have to go it just looks bad on you for letting the side down. Pier pressure.
As for the Alcohol this is a mine field and would mention to your manager or HR.
1. You don't like the idea that bottels could be tamperd with.
2. Control should be down to bar staff as the company still has a duty of care. On a work function.
3. If you don't drink spirits its just not fair. |
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By *ane DTV/TS
over a year ago
London |
I seldom drink, and being "told" to bring a bottle of booze would not make me a happy bunny.
To me "works Christmas dinner" type events are optional ourwith working hours.
I only just restarted attending my works one after a 6 year break. Not sure if I will bother next year. |
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I'm assuming the boss has hired a private venue/room somewhere for all to be bringing your own booze for a private party...
My suggestion (being we are nowhere near Xmas, £70 costs at least! and a Wednesday... ) maybe choose have a nice meal out together somewhere, a good restaurant or a decent local pub, on a better night (or the weds) and for the boss to put the costs they are spending on the venue behind the bar for drinks or towards the meal bill. Much nicer and more fitting for February /March. Keep it simple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My colleagues & I haven't had an Xmas do for the last 2 years, even though our company gives us a good budget for it. With less than a week's notice, our manager has now decided to use that budget on a staff night out (on Wednesday). Part of it will involve having a fair amount of alcohol at some kind of themed event. I will have to get the train there (£15), we all have to bring a bottle of spirits (£15)
organise a cab home £40) or book a hotel for the night (£50).
So this unexpected evening will cost me around £70 minimum!
I think this is taking the piss, but what do you all think? Is it right to try & force everyone to attend the evening, knowing fine well that some can't afford the travel? Would anyone else think it's wrong to tell us we all have to go, even though some are struggling right now?
I'm genuinely interested in other opinions!"
It's absolutely taking the piss. No notice, making you take bottles. The whole thing would be my worst nightmare. And midweek!!! W T F
I'd say I already have plans. |
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Or plan B suggestion...
Save the money and have a summer BBQ. Theme free. Funds towards drinks and food costs. In nice pub or outdoor garden venue afternoon to evening. Relaxed affair in lovely warm weather. |
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It doesn't really sound fair to me.
I work in educations, and there is often a similar feeling of malcontent amongst the lower paid staff whenever there is a social event organised.
As a general rule, any social events will be organised by the senior leadership team who are paid huge sums of money. They choose places such as good restaurants and cocktail bars, usually somewhere away from where the majority of staff live. Although these events are within the budgets of the average teacher, they are far out of reach for support staff who are often paid close to minimum wage.
Cal |
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It is unreasonable with such short notice.
I had a situation a few years ago a few months after joining a company.
They were having a leaving do for someone who had to retire due to ill health.
It was on a Friday night but as the warehouse manager I had concerns as mine was the only department who were all working Saturday.
The majority of staff lived within 15 mins of the venue and some within walking distance. I had an hours drive each way.
I was expected to go because I was management and new to the company.
Long story short, half my staff didn't turn in on Saturday morning and those who were there were operating on one cylinder and it took all day to do what should have taken a couple of hours.
Very poor planning in my opinion but for some people these nights out take priority. |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
also with the "generous budget " your company can claim tax relief of upto £75 per year per person for entertainment and training expenses tho this may be more as it been a few years since my union found this out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s fine for you to pay for:
Travel or hotel if the event is local, if it’s not local the company should put on transport, at the very least from the office.
Bringing a bottle is just cheap.
If people can’t afford it they should not be forced to go, it’s good that’s it’s on a Wednesday as this doesn’t impact your weekend.
These night outs are great for team building.
Ask your boss if he wil pay for all the costs if you give him a BJ  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its wrong to tell staff they have to go whether they can afford it or not.
Enforced fun. Nobody likes that.
I mean, I like the majority of my work colleagues, but the social time I choose to spend with them is up to me, same as it is for them.
Telling you, you have to go..why? Weird. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails. "
£100 pp for dinner 
You could drive, assuming you do drive? My work involves a 3 hour round commute, so any dinners i need to attend involve driving and drinking lime +soda or staying overnight at a friend's house
Its rare my company provide a fully expensed meal /drinks - its usually a recognition /work discussion |
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Not on to expect you to bring your own drink. If they do just decant a bottle of vodka and fill it with water.
As for making you go, they can’t do it. However your company might not like this attitude. That’s definitely been the case as some places I’ve worked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My last work placement paid for everyone's taxis home after a summer event, so it's not totally unheard of.
So yeah, if its costing you 70 quid to travel plus byo booze, just say you don't have the budget for it. |
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I certainly wouldn't go. If the company organises an event (rather than colleagues having a night out together) then they should be responsible for that. It should also be close to the place of work so there are no additional expenses, other than the normal, for you to get to it or they should arrange or pay for transport. If the event is at a different location that necessitates people to stay overnight that should be their responsibility too, not yours. I would never attend a work event where I am expected to bring my own drinks. I am not even keen when people ask you to do that to private parties even though of course I will always bring a bottle or a present to those, as one would.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder if your manager has been pulled up for not using the party budget and that's why it's turning into a shit show because it's rushed and not very well thought out and she's panic planned.
I wouldn't go, it's midweek and if it's a hassle to get there, you want to know you're getting home safely
That said I've only ever worked for a company who have paid for Christmas nights out and your transport was your own responsibility
But they should of put more thought in it for you.
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
It's outside work hours therefore you can't be made (forced) to go.
Why have a works night out in the middle of the week and why do you have to take alcohol to it if there is a budget for it! |
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The bring a bottle sounds to me like it's being stipulated by the events company, not your manager...I guess the "fun" is seeing what the mixologists can make with the array of spirits that are brought.
Although my company does often provide transport and/or accommodation for events (generally funded by suppliers or partners), it's not something that I would expect.
As with anything outside of your contracted hours, it can't be mandatory and you're free to decline no matter how much "encouragement" there is to attend. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails.
All sounds a bit fishy to me
We're being taken to an immersive themed cocktail bar, apparently where we all have to dress up in costume when we get there. there are actors & mixologists all in character & they use the alcohol we bring to mix special cocktails.
It sounds bloody cringe."
Ah sounds like alcotraz or similar in Manchester |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"If they’ve got a good budget I’d expect open bar and hotel for the night
There are 8 of us & they've paid £800 for dinner & a themed event of some kind. There isn't much money left after this, apparently. She won't tell us exactly what this event entails.
£100 pp for dinner
You could drive, assuming you do drive? My work involves a 3 hour round commute, so any dinners i need to attend involve driving and drinking lime +soda or staying overnight at a friend's house
Its rare my company provide a fully expensed meal /drinks - its usually a recognition /work discussion "
£100pp is about right for 3 course meal with some drinks.
I'm part of the team that organises our departments social events. Sit down meals generally work out around that. (£70-£150pp) |
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By *icktMan
over a year ago
hockley |
"I can't believe you're being forced to go. If you don't want to go, don't go.
It's not that we're being forced to go, exactly- that would be impossible, but it's being strongly encouraged. I like my colleagues, but I personally don't want to spend that much money to attend a social evening with them! My manager is justifying it by telling us it's still a cheap night out "
Tell the manager that as you haven’t had a works night out in over 2 years there’s plenty in the budget to provide alcohol and transport, and if there isn’t it would indicate that someone is possibly stealing from the company and maybe this needs to be looked into as a matter of urgency. This might help xx |
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"How did it go at work today OP? Any updates? "
I told my manager & deputy that I really didn't want to go & neither of them seemed very impressed. They wanted an explanation, so I told them I struggling with last minute plans & it was very expensive...all they could say, was to ask me to make a final decision asap, so they can get a refund on my tickets  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did it go at work today OP? Any updates?
I told my manager & deputy that I really didn't want to go & neither of them seemed very impressed. They wanted an explanation, so I told them I struggling with last minute plans & it was very expensive...all they could say, was to ask me to make a final decision asap, so they can get a refund on my tickets "
That speaks more about how unreasonable they are. Springing that on you at such short notice doesn't seem right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did it go at work today OP? Any updates?
I told my manager & deputy that I really didn't want to go & neither of them seemed very impressed. They wanted an explanation, so I told them I struggling with last minute plans & it was very expensive...all they could say, was to ask me to make a final decision asap, so they can get a refund on my tickets "
Ahhh another caring, sharing company 
Honestly dominos pizza lunch and a £50 voucher would preferable to me |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Its unfair of them to expect you to go
One weeks notice and it'll cost you a lot of money you dont have.
Say no and stick to your guns.
Its none of their business why you dont go and lets be honest your work colleagues can be arseholes that you have to work with but not go out with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's totally unfair to only give a week's notice and why do you have to take a bottle of spirit? Surely they should be supplying the alcohol if they have a good budget for it? |
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Yeh it seems a bit unfair that its short notice and expensive but as its a choice on whether you go or not its not really unreasonable of them and they haven't done anything wrong from an employer view point. Thats not to say they got it completely right either a good employer/manager would engage with the team and got sense of what works best for everyone.
How do your colleagues feel about it? |
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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"So there's a decent budget for it and it's not been used for 2 years yet you have to bring a bottle??sort your own travel??? Organise your own hotel????
I'd tell them to foxtrot Oscar personally. "
thanks for that- it's what I've decided to do! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So there's a decent budget for it and it's not been used for 2 years yet you have to bring a bottle??sort your own travel??? Organise your own hotel????
I'd tell them to foxtrot Oscar personally.
thanks for that- it's what I've decided to do!"
Hurrah!! A happy ending. |
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