FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Genuine question re the etiquette of messaging....
Genuine question re the etiquette of messaging....
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
So I would like some opinions on what people think is good/ bad or maybe just normal behaviour when it comes to Whatsapp, Signal etc, messaging and replying.
When I reeive for example a whatsapp message, which by implication means something from a a friend or at least somebody who knows me personally, I tend to reply either when I read the message or within a couple of hours after. If there is a longer delay I would send a message like "don't know yet" or "will message you later" etc. so I acknowledge them and that I will reply at some point later.
I have recently experienced a number of occasions when people just read the message and do not bother replying, which in my world is a little bit rude. Am I overthinking this? To me it feels like speaking to somebody and they look at you like they have heard the message and they walk away without a word.
All opinions welcome! Thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you're overthinking at all. I too get a bit miffed if my Whatsapp read and not replied to in a timely fashion/not at all. In fact, I feel quite murderous  if it can be read, it can be answered imo, even brief replies such as you've mentioned promising to reply properly at a later time are better than nothing |
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I would normally do the same as you. Sometimes it's more than a couple of hours though as I can't have my phone while working. Sometimes a message feels like it doesn't need a proper reply but I'd give those a quick thumbs up or love heart.
J |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I would like some opinions on what people think is good/ bad or maybe just normal behaviour when it comes to Whatsapp, Signal etc, messaging and replying.
When I reeive for example a whatsapp message, which by implication means something from a a friend or at least somebody who knows me personally, I tend to reply either when I read the message or within a couple of hours after. If there is a longer delay I would send a message like "don't know yet" or "will message you later" etc. so I acknowledge them and that I will reply at some point later.
I have recently experienced a number of occasions when people just read the message and do not bother replying, which in my world is a little bit rude. Am I overthinking this? To me it feels like speaking to somebody and they look at you like they have heard the message and they walk away without a word.
All opinions welcome! Thanks "
.
Well helllooòo stranger,where the Devil have you been?  |
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I just assume they are busy with work or have just gotten into a car and are driving.
I can view messages when they pop up as a notification without opening the app but I may not have time to respond immediately.
I have also found recently though that many apps including whatsapp are glitchy and messages don't appear when they should but are showing as read by the sender.
I've tested this in the same room with someone and was able to show them that their message which showed as delivered and read on their side was not even showing on my phone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I would like some opinions on what people think is good/ bad or maybe just normal behaviour when it comes to Whatsapp, Signal etc, messaging and replying.
When I reeive for example a whatsapp message, which by implication means something from a a friend or at least somebody who knows me personally, I tend to reply either when I read the message or within a couple of hours after. If there is a longer delay I would send a message like "don't know yet" or "will message you later" etc. so I acknowledge them and that I will reply at some point later.
I have recently experienced a number of occasions when people just read the message and do not bother replying, which in my world is a little bit rude. Am I overthinking this? To me it feels like speaking to somebody and they look at you like they have heard the message and they walk away without a word.
All opinions welcome! Thanks "
Yes. I agree its a flow ping over,wait pinged in reply to origin message sent.
In this day on tech/fast paced movements of info exchanges. If work or profesional related it stand fairly dofferently.
But social/loose connections%flexi sexual, maybe off fabb liasons. It beocomes very murky and technical.
I feel on the very socail & sexual platforms scene per say, to many its options, people and many make time where they wish and see fit, otherwise make excuses.
I do reply to all, on fabb,texts,watsapp, telegram,insta etc.
I like qaulity communications and conñectiions.
But this world has !and is changing daily. And becomeing very smaller a disposable trendy society. Yet all this will have affects longterm.
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I think if you see them constantly ‘online’ on the same app and they don’t respond then I’d be a bit miffed but other times I’d assume they’d reply when they can.
If you were important or high up in their thoughts then they’ll reply sooner.
K
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How self important are we when we demand someone reply to us? These are message sending services. The person recieving it has the right to reply when it is convenient for them or not at all if they like. It isn't as if we are face to face, so we cannot assume because a message has been read that it is the right time to reply. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Thanks everybody - a really interesting mix of responses and I appreciate every single one.
I am not "precious" in that I need attention there and then (well not when it comes to messaging anyway ) But If I ask somebody a question, I feel as somebody said, that I am not that important to them (that is ok btw) but if it happens a lot I probably withdraw.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Takes literally 10secs to reply with a response. "
I ll pick this one to respond - that is how I see it. I do not need War and Peace, a @Hi, will get back to you later" will do and even if that "later" is a couple of days so so later. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Messaging is not real time. If it was urgent/important/personal then you'd call them. I can take days to reply and I'm fine with others doing likewise. "
I'm similar. A lot of people expect instant responses whereas as I like to respond in my own time. And people who have my number know that. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"How self important are we when we demand someone reply to us? These are message sending services. The person recieving it has the right to reply when it is convenient for them or not at all if they like. It isn't as if we are face to face, so we cannot assume because a message has been read that it is the right time to reply."
I hear you and maybe that is the fundamental difference in how we see instant messaging services such as Whatsapp.
To me they are almost like a face to face conversation rather than an email. But to some people they are more like a short extension of emails. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Messaging is not real time. If it was urgent/important/personal then you'd call them. I can take days to reply and I'm fine with others doing likewise.
I'm similar. A lot of people expect instant responses whereas as I like to respond in my own time. And people who have my number know that."
Another good point, I have friends where I know that they are slow in responding for one reason or another.
But I also know people who respond quickly and in depth when it is about something they want from me and I guess that is where I am a bit resentful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I reply as and when I get the chance or remember same as I think anyone I send a message to will do. Im actually quite bad at replying to anyone quickly and anyone that knows me, knows this but I've never had it held against me. If it's important they will call. I also have my read receipts and "last seen" switched off so I and they can't tell when I've read the message or vice versa.
Pxx |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Well people who have my WhatsApp are friends, and I think if you had the seconds to view it then surely you got seconds to respond, especially if it's someone saying fancy linking up later "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How self important are we when we demand someone reply to us? These are message sending services. The person recieving it has the right to reply when it is convenient for them or not at all if they like. It isn't as if we are face to face, so we cannot assume because a message has been read that it is the right time to reply.I hear you and maybe that is the fundamental difference in how we see instant messaging services such as Whatsapp.
To me they are almost like a face to face conversation rather than an email. But to some people they are more like a short extension of emails. "
Think you hit the nail on the head with perception. I don't see messaging services as actual conversations. If I'm talking to someone on the phone or face to face then that's a different type of communication to me. X |
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There is all sorts of reason why people don't reply instantly.
Some times life gets in the way, people might read a message and get distracted by work/kids/just doing 1 of a million tasks.
They may struggle with finding the right words
They may just communicate in a different way. My male friends I message once or twice a month
This isn't that the person doesn't want to reply, they just do it at a different pace/frequency
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I reply as and when I get the chance or remember same as I think anyone I send a message to will do. Im actually quite bad at replying to anyone quickly and anyone that knows me, knows this but I've never had it held against me. If it's important they will call. I also have my read receipts and "last seen" switched off so I and they can't tell when I've read the message or vice versa.
Pxx "
Understand and I guess I was talking specifically about a kind of "one-sided" approach, as outlined in the previous post like when somebody wants something they respond really quickly |
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I tend to agree with you, but I have some good friends whom I know are just busy.
It was the birthday of my very good friend on Sunday. I sent him a hilarious heartfelt message which I know he has read but didn’t respond. The only reasons for that are he was busy or has forgotten to reply, but I know he will when he can/remembers.
Thanks to fab, I’m now past the insecurity of people not responding to my messages. I now delete/archive all messages when I’ve sent them so I don’t have that constant reminder.
Fair enough if it’s a time critical question and I might chase them up, but one might argue that’s better resolved with a phone call.
Ultimately, text messages and emails allow us to schedule how we deal with our lives to our own schedule. Usually it suits the recipient as opposed to the sender, so I think we need to get into that mindset as a society. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"How self important are we when we demand someone reply to us? These are message sending services. The person recieving it has the right to reply when it is convenient for them or not at all if they like. It isn't as if we are face to face, so we cannot assume because a message has been read that it is the right time to reply.I hear you and maybe that is the fundamental difference in how we see instant messaging services such as Whatsapp.
To me they are almost like a face to face conversation rather than an email. But to some people they are more like a short extension of emails.
Think you hit the nail on the head with perception. I don't see messaging services as actual conversations. If I'm talking to someone on the phone or face to face then that's a different type of communication to me. X"
Absolutely - and maybe communicating to a friend what it means to you would be a way forward. |
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"Thanks everybody - a really interesting mix of responses and I appreciate every single one.
I am not "precious" in that I need attention there and then (well not when it comes to messaging anyway ) But If I ask somebody a question, I feel as somebody said, that I am not that important to them (that is ok btw) but if it happens a lot I probably withdraw.
"
On FAB or FAB related then if they were online often and they didn’t reply then I’d defo see it as not as interested - plate spinning, as I like to refer it to.
I know when me and C started messaging each other on FAB and I’d sometimes see she’d just come online and within a min I’d have a message - people who are keen will message.
People who aren’t and have others in line first, will plate spin and keep it going just so the plate doesn’t drop.
We all do it to some degree but it does show how important you are, how quick/slow a response comes back.
K
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I tend to agree with you, but I have some good friends whom I know are just busy.
It was the birthday of my very good friend on Sunday. I sent him a hilarious heartfelt message which I know he has read but didn’t respond. The only reasons for that are he was busy or has forgotten to reply, but I know he will when he can/remembers.
Thanks to fab, I’m now past the insecurity of people not responding to my messages. I now delete/archive all messages when I’ve sent them so I don’t have that constant reminder.
Fair enough if it’s a time critical question and I might chase them up, but one might argue that’s better resolved with a phone call.
Ultimately, text messages and emails allow us to schedule how we deal with our lives to our own schedule. Usually it suits the recipient as opposed to the sender, so I think we need to get into that mindset as a society."
Very true re scheduling lives in an ever faster society! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Thanks everybody - a really interesting mix of responses and I appreciate every single one.
I am not "precious" in that I need attention there and then (well not when it comes to messaging anyway ) But If I ask somebody a question, I feel as somebody said, that I am not that important to them (that is ok btw) but if it happens a lot I probably withdraw.
On FAB or FAB related then if they were online often and they didn’t reply then I’d defo see it as not as interested - plate spinning, as I like to refer it to.
I know when me and C started messaging each other on FAB and I’d sometimes see she’d just come online and within a min I’d have a message - people who are keen will message.
People who aren’t and have others in line first, will plate spin and keep it going just so the plate doesn’t drop.
We all do it to some degree but it does show how important you are, how quick/slow a response comes back.
K
"
I agree, the fabs scenario is somewhat different, isnt it? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"If its say a Friday and I get a text saying fancy going bar later. Well I can't respond on a Saturday  but if your talking about sites like this then understandable you reply whenever if ever ha. "
Circumstantial, of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well people who have my WhatsApp are friends, and I think if you had the seconds to view it then surely you got seconds to respond, especially if it's someone saying fancy linking up later "
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I have a close friend who seems to just ignore messages, it really irritates me. Even in group chats when I'm organising nights out etc, all my other friends reply but she just doesn't. It's bad mannered and then I feel I'm pestering if I have to send her another message to remind her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everybody - a really interesting mix of responses and I appreciate every single one.
I am not "precious" in that I need attention there and then (well not when it comes to messaging anyway ) But If I ask somebody a question, I feel as somebody said, that I am not that important to them (that is ok btw) but if it happens a lot I probably withdraw.
On FAB or FAB related then if they were online often and they didn’t reply then I’d defo see it as not as interested - plate spinning, as I like to refer it to.
I know when me and C started messaging each other on FAB and I’d sometimes see she’d just come online and within a min I’d have a message - people who are keen will message.
People who aren’t and have others in line first, will plate spin and keep it going just so the plate doesn’t drop.
We all do it to some degree but it does show how important you are, how quick/slow a response comes back.
K
"
In Fabland I'd agree with you. But my kids know I won't necessarily reply instantly. But that's not a measure of how important they are to me. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have a close friend who seems to just ignore messages, it really irritates me. Even in group chats when I'm organising nights out etc, all my other friends reply but she just doesn't. It's bad mannered and then I feel I'm pestering if I have to send her another message to remind her."
I am usually the organiser of things in my friendship groups and that is precisely what I am talking about. It is sometimes hard enough to get a date that suits everybody, a pub or whatever everybody likes etc... and then having to chase individuals is no fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Different folk have different standards and also I guess it depends if you’re in early days of messaging and they get distracted by someone else, which is shit but it happens to all of us. Fab can be a total meat/meet market at times x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Thanks everybody - a really interesting mix of responses and I appreciate every single one.
I am not "precious" in that I need attention there and then (well not when it comes to messaging anyway ) But If I ask somebody a question, I feel as somebody said, that I am not that important to them (that is ok btw) but if it happens a lot I probably withdraw.
On FAB or FAB related then if they were online often and they didn’t reply then I’d defo see it as not as interested - plate spinning, as I like to refer it to.
I know when me and C started messaging each other on FAB and I’d sometimes see she’d just come online and within a min I’d have a message - people who are keen will message.
People who aren’t and have others in line first, will plate spin and keep it going just so the plate doesn’t drop.
We all do it to some degree but it does show how important you are, how quick/slow a response comes back.
K
In Fabland I'd agree with you. But my kids know I won't necessarily reply instantly. But that's not a measure of how important they are to me."
Agreed - bizarrely my kids are really good at responding! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone leaves me on read it doesn't bother me unless they are ignoring me often for days on end. I get life gets in the way and it's easy to read a message and not as easy to respond there and then. I think you've got to look at your relationship overall and go with your gut feeling but in general it doesn't bother me.
I'll sometimes not respond to texts straight away but if I know it'll take me a few days for a response I'll let them know I'll text back when I can. It's only really my partner I text back and forth with. I'm shite at keeping in touch.
The above only applies to family and friends. If I'm on Fab then you're fucked because I will ignore your message and I won't respond for seven weeks.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"If someone leaves me on read it doesn't bother me unless they are ignoring me often for days on end. I get life gets in the way and it's easy to read a message and not as easy to respond there and then. I think you've got to look at your relationship overall and go with your gut feeling but in general it doesn't bother me.
I'll sometimes not respond to texts straight away but if I know it'll take me a few days for a response I'll let them know I'll text back when I can. It's only really my partner I text back and forth with. I'm shite at keeping in touch.
The above only applies to family and friends. If I'm on Fab then you're fucked because I will ignore your message and I won't respond for seven weeks.
"
So general question: Are messages on fab (not whatsapp but actually on the site) different then? |
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"If someone leaves me on read it doesn't bother me unless they are ignoring me often for days on end. I get life gets in the way and it's easy to read a message and not as easy to respond there and then. I think you've got to look at your relationship overall and go with your gut feeling but in general it doesn't bother me.
I'll sometimes not respond to texts straight away but if I know it'll take me a few days for a response I'll let them know I'll text back when I can. It's only really my partner I text back and forth with. I'm shite at keeping in touch.
The above only applies to family and friends. If I'm on Fab then you're fucked because I will ignore your message and I won't respond for seven weeks.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone leaves me on read it doesn't bother me unless they are ignoring me often for days on end. I get life gets in the way and it's easy to read a message and not as easy to respond there and then. I think you've got to look at your relationship overall and go with your gut feeling but in general it doesn't bother me.
I'll sometimes not respond to texts straight away but if I know it'll take me a few days for a response I'll let them know I'll text back when I can. It's only really my partner I text back and forth with. I'm shite at keeping in touch.
The above only applies to family and friends. If I'm on Fab then you're fucked because I will ignore your message and I won't respond for seven weeks.
"
Agree with that. The people you are closest to know you best and you know them. So the speed of response shouldn't really matter.
In Fabland it is different because you don't really know what's going on in their world. If I get a quick reply that's great. If not then I'm not going to stress over it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone leaves me on read it doesn't bother me unless they are ignoring me often for days on end. I get life gets in the way and it's easy to read a message and not as easy to respond there and then. I think you've got to look at your relationship overall and go with your gut feeling but in general it doesn't bother me.
I'll sometimes not respond to texts straight away but if I know it'll take me a few days for a response I'll let them know I'll text back when I can. It's only really my partner I text back and forth with. I'm shite at keeping in touch.
The above only applies to family and friends. If I'm on Fab then you're fucked because I will ignore your message and I won't respond for seven weeks.
So general question: Are messages on fab (not whatsapp but actually on the site) different then? "
Yes. Because people I have off here would be people who are my family and friends, so I owe them my time and effort. I don't owe anyone on here that part of me. I just make an effort for them if I like them, but I don't feel as bad about not responding etc when it comes to fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a close friend who seems to just ignore messages, it really irritates me. Even in group chats when I'm organising nights out etc, all my other friends reply but she just doesn't. It's bad mannered and then I feel I'm pestering if I have to send her another message to remind her."
Don't remind her, sounds like she wants to be chased |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have a close friend who seems to just ignore messages, it really irritates me. Even in group chats when I'm organising nights out etc, all my other friends reply but she just doesn't. It's bad mannered and then I feel I'm pestering if I have to send her another message to remind her.
Don't remind her, sounds like she wants to be chased"
I sometimes wondered whether some people need to be chased because it makes them feel wanted? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Also I only have close family and friends on WhatsApp noone from here so I know they will eventually answer"
Agree, my close friends and family do respond in a timely manner, too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"…….
I have recently experienced a number of occasions when people just read the message and do not bother replying, which in my world is a little bit rude. Am I overthinking this? To me it feels like speaking to somebody and they look at you like they have heard the message and they walk away without a word.
All opinions welcome! Thanks "
Haha. It’s a polite no. |
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"So I would like some opinions on what people think is good/ bad or maybe just normal behaviour when it comes to Whatsapp, Signal etc, messaging and replying.
When I reeive for example a whatsapp message, which by implication means something from a a friend or at least somebody who knows me personally, I tend to reply either when I read the message or within a couple of hours after. If there is a longer delay I would send a message like "don't know yet" or "will message you later" etc. so I acknowledge them and that I will reply at some point later.
I have recently experienced a number of occasions when people just read the message and do not bother replying, which in my world is a little bit rude. Am I overthinking this? To me it feels like speaking to somebody and they look at you like they have heard the message and they walk away without a word.
All opinions welcome! Thanks "
Depends on the message. I don't automatically send a reply just to acknowledge I have received and read it, would I then expect a message from them to acknowledge my acknowledgement?
Perhaps they really can't be arsed with all the messaging malarkey, I hate it myself. Far easier to call someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I often can't resist looking during work, but i rarely have chance to reply... But once I've looked, the notification disappears and then its a dead cert I forgot to follow up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it depends on the message.
“Help I’m drowning” would require an immediate response.
“Look what I’m having for lunch” might get dropped down the ‘must reply’ list a little.
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It depends on the message.
If someone was asking me for help, I'll obviously reply immediately.
If it's just general chat and I don't have anything to add in response, I won't say something just for the sake of replying. I'll get back to them when there's something to say.
Some people I don't speak to for months and we just fall back into place as if we spoke minutes before. |
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"I guess it depends on the message.
“Help I’m drowning” would require an immediate response.
“Look what I’m having for lunch” might get dropped down the ‘must reply’ list a little.
"
I wouldn't reply to either. A text wouldn't be much help to someone drowning. They would get their phone wet looking at it, fuck up the phone and guaranteed their insurance won't cover it. Besides which they'll be dead anyway.
As for the lunch, they should know better than to bother me with tittle tattle like that. If they showed me to my face I would struggle to feign interest. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I guess it depends on the message.
“Help I’m drowning” would require an immediate response.
“Look what I’m having for lunch” might get dropped down the ‘must reply’ list a little.
I wouldn't reply to either. A text wouldn't be much help to someone drowning. They would get their phone wet looking at it, fuck up the phone and guaranteed their insurance won't cover it. Besides which they'll be dead anyway.
As for the lunch, they should know better than to bother me with tittle tattle like that. If they showed me to my face I would struggle to feign interest. "
Of course, different strokes for different folks - I understand that.
I am not one for sharing pictures of my lunch etc either. But if a friend ask me for an opinion on something, anything really - I would acknowledge that and either give an opinion or at least acknowledge that it is clearly important to them even I do not really have an opinion.
To me those are the little things that make interaction pleasant and more than a functional exchange.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Oh I think it's complicated. Well, not complicated. Very nuanced isn't it? It depends on your relationship with people.
I'm going to be rather honest - I'm quite rubbish at maintaining a steady stream of communication, always replying when I perhaps should. I don't always have the spoons at the end of the day to reply, feel guilty I can't give the right energy to match and end up overthinking.
But, when I do reply I try and make sure it's a proper reply. Covering questions asked etc. Waffling my stream of consciousness with reckless abandon. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people catch me at the right time and I'm ready to do a flurry of message exchanges.
I don't expect people to respond to me immediately. This is where the hypocrisy comes in - if it's someone I'm close to and I've asked something quite important/time urgent, I may be a tad irked if they don't reply and leave me on read. Or if I'm on my period.
But bar one person who doesn't live with me, I don't talk to people daily. And I like that sort of understanding between friends where they know I'm high/low energy and don't expect immediate replies. Where I can pick up conversations and there are no hard feelings, no pushing to ask more of me than I can give at a certain point. I don't have to apologise for not always waffling immediately.
If a person really wants me, they can call. If I really want someone, I'll call them.
I prefer phone calls over messages anyway. |
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I get people showing me messages, "ooh what do you think they meant?".
Texting just makes things more complicated in my opinion. It's almost like wanting info but not being prepared to talk. I hate using the phone, but will call rather than text. I will only really use text for very specific purposes. Usually because they're meeting me somewhere loud! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Oh I think it's complicated. Well, not complicated. Very nuanced isn't it? It depends on your relationship with people.
I'm going to be rather honest - I'm quite rubbish at maintaining a steady stream of communication, always replying when I perhaps should. I don't always have the spoons at the end of the day to reply, feel guilty I can't give the right energy to match and end up overthinking.
But, when I do reply I try and make sure it's a proper reply. Covering questions asked etc. Waffling my stream of consciousness with reckless abandon. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people catch me at the right time and I'm ready to do a flurry of message exchanges.
I don't expect people to respond to me immediately. This is where the hypocrisy comes in - if it's someone I'm close to and I've asked something quite important/time urgent, I may be a tad irked if they don't reply and leave me on read. Or if I'm on my period.
But bar one person who doesn't live with me, I don't talk to people daily. And I like that sort of understanding between friends where they know I'm high/low energy and don't expect immediate replies. Where I can pick up conversations and there are no hard feelings, no pushing to ask more of me than I can give at a certain point. I don't have to apologise for not always waffling immediately.
If a person really wants me, they can call. If I really want someone, I'll call them.
I prefer phone calls over messages anyway. "
I understand that phone calls seem to be more immediate and perhaps therefore more genuine than texts. I guess I like texts as I can message on the go, while doing other things whereas that is ore difficult with a phone call (I cannot multitask to save my life |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I get people showing me messages, "ooh what do you think they meant?".
Texting just makes things more complicated in my opinion. It's almost like wanting info but not being prepared to talk. I hate using the phone, but will call rather than text. I will only really use text for very specific purposes. Usually because they're meeting me somewhere loud!"
I think it is easier to misunderstand a text message, despite emojis etc. |
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I'm guilty of doing this all the time (reading & not replying) I've 2 young kids they run off with my phone or pee, poop, sick whatever and my priorities change, generally I'll then forget I even opened the message until the next time I look at the app, I usually do start most my replies with "sorry for the late reply" I'm also a nightmare for typing the reply and not pressing send then don't notice until I get another message.
Life just gets in the way sometimes and attentions shift.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get people showing me messages, "ooh what do you think they meant?".
Texting just makes things more complicated in my opinion. It's almost like wanting info but not being prepared to talk. I hate using the phone, but will call rather than text. I will only really use text for very specific purposes. Usually because they're meeting me somewhere loud!
I think it is easier to misunderstand a text message, despite emojis etc."
Fully get misunderstood, much on here too. |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
I try to reply when I see it, and if I know I don’t have time to reply then don’t open it, but I accept that for others, they might not have time to reply but still want to know what I’ve said, so I try to not worry about opened messages not replied to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I reply as and when I get the chance or remember same as I think anyone I send a message to will do. Im actually quite bad at replying to anyone quickly and anyone that knows me, knows this but I've never had it held against me. If it's important they will call. I also have my read receipts and "last seen" switched off so I and they can't tell when I've read the message or vice versa.
Pxx "
Conversely, I tend to be quick on the reply and enjoy a back and forth repartee but feel no guilt if I need to say 'can't chat now'
E xx |
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The initial message should be a few sentences to introduce yourself. Don't send single word ones like "hi" or "hello" as this shows lack of effort. Don't send two messages in a row without reply. Give it 2 days before assuming no interest and move on. |
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My opinion is :
I recognise EXACTLY what you are saying.
It IS being left in limbo as if you are being ignored.
I need to point out something we should consider though........
When you text someone, you have NO idea of what they are involved in at that time. They may have had time to press the screen and read the message but not been able to repy immediately ...... personal to me in that respect would be, when my hands are covered in bread dough, if i'm driving, in a meeting , dealing with any event that requires full attention , in a vain effort to comply with the rules of manners etc..... this isn't the case face to face...
I almost always reply straight away or type ' get back to you' ... just to let people know they've been read.
I loathe and detest people who leave you hanging for hours. It's not that I feel jilted but I do begin to wonder if they are okay and have to re text to find out...
I have learned to ignore it and not confuse 'real life' rules with 'whatsapp rules' |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
If the reply requires some thought or will be a long winded message, it can wait until I have time to do it, could be a day.
Short messages are usually answered in a couple of hours, if someone requires an immediate response, they can call me. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"The initial message should be a few sentences to introduce yourself. Don't send single word ones like "hi" or "hello" as this shows lack of effort. Don't send two messages in a row without reply. Give it 2 days before assuming no interest and move on."
You are talking about messages on here, right?
I was just talking about whatsapp messages with friends/ family, in other words people I know. I think on here things may be a bit different and no reply is considered a "not interested". |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My opinion is :
I recognise EXACTLY what you are saying.
It IS being left in limbo as if you are being ignored.
I need to point out something we should consider though........
When you text someone, you have NO idea of what they are involved in at that time. They may have had time to press the screen and read the message but not been able to repy immediately ...... personal to me in that respect would be, when my hands are covered in bread dough, if i'm driving, in a meeting , dealing with any event that requires full attention , in a vain effort to comply with the rules of manners etc..... this isn't the case face to face...
I almost always reply straight away or type ' get back to you' ... just to let people know they've been read.
I loathe and detest people who leave you hanging for hours. It's not that I feel jilted but I do begin to wonder if they are okay and have to re text to find out...
I have learned to ignore it and not confuse 'real life' rules with 'whatsapp rules' "
Spot on GC |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"If the reply requires some thought or will be a long winded message, it can wait until I have time to do it, could be a day.
Short messages are usually answered in a couple of hours, if someone requires an immediate response, they can call me."
Sounds sensible and acceptable to me! |
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"So I would like some opinions on what people think is good/ bad or maybe just normal behaviour when it comes to Whatsapp, Signal etc, messaging and replying.
When I reeive for example a whatsapp message, which by implication means something from a a friend or at least somebody who knows me personally, I tend to reply either when I read the message or within a couple of hours after. If there is a longer delay I would send a message like "don't know yet" or "will message you later" etc. so I acknowledge them and that I will reply at some point later.
I have recently experienced a number of occasions when people just read the message and do not bother replying, which in my world is a little bit rude. Am I overthinking this? To me it feels like speaking to somebody and they look at you like they have heard the message and they walk away without a word.
All opinions welcome! Thanks "
I agree... It only takes a minute to acknowledge someone |
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"Takes literally 10secs to reply with a response. I ll pick this one to respond - that is how I see it. I do not need War and Peace, a @Hi, will get back to you later" will do and even if that "later" is a couple of days so so later. "
I would have picked that one to respond to also not for the reasons you have put though .... Knowing how much time is needed to operate a phone is hugely reductive. It does not take the receiver of the message into account at all.
Life has really changed. Even people you are not with usurp your time now. Sometimes messaging services are a boon but not always. At least we used to choose whether to socialise or not - now others decide it for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People can overthink responding to messages in a certain time frame or not at all. It depends how active I am on my phone, sometimes I can reply in a minute other times hours or even a day later. Also sometimes the conversation comes naturally to an end so it doesn't need a reply. Texting can be misread so generally I go off how they treat me in person, not over the phone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Allways reply straight away x"
Same. If I thought they weren't worth answering pretty much straightaway, they'd not be on my WhatsApp. I don't leave people on 'read'
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I think the question was do you reply whatever the message is, seen as its taking 10 secs outta your busy day to read it, so you basically would you send a message that takes 10secs back saying call you later today tonight as busy etc right???. Or just totally blank em, remember this is your personal private whatsapp so people on there should be very special to you. I've never been blanked on a whatsapp even if its the shortest text speak message saying "call u 2mor". Now here you can wait months for reply if you get a reply that is and that's correct in most cases here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I don't see the obsession with replying straight away. I'm not at the beck and call of WhatsApp. People on my WhatsApp are special but equally I don't expect them to jump to attention when I message. It may be because I grew up when there was no real time communication apart from talking face to face which is far and away the best form of communication. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the question was do you reply whatever the message is, seen as its taking 10 secs outta your busy day to read it, so you basically would you send a message that takes 10secs back saying call you later today tonight as busy etc right???. Or just totally blank em, remember this is your personal private whatsapp so people on there should be very special to you. I've never been blanked on a whatsapp even if its the shortest text speak message saying "call u 2mor". Now here you can wait months for reply if you get a reply that is and that's correct in most cases here "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If it's just general chat and I don't have anything to add in response, I won't say something just for the sake of replying. I'll get back to them when there's something to say."
I agree with this. I’m not just gonna add something for the sake of it. |
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"Oh I think it's complicated. Well, not complicated. Very nuanced isn't it? It depends on your relationship with people.
I'm going to be rather honest - I'm quite rubbish at maintaining a steady stream of communication, always replying when I perhaps should. I don't always have the spoons at the end of the day to reply, feel guilty I can't give the right energy to match and end up overthinking.
But, when I do reply I try and make sure it's a proper reply. Covering questions asked etc. Waffling my stream of consciousness with reckless abandon. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people catch me at the right time and I'm ready to do a flurry of message exchanges.
I don't expect people to respond to me immediately. This is where the hypocrisy comes in - if it's someone I'm close to and I've asked something quite important/time urgent, I may be a tad irked if they don't reply and leave me on read. Or if I'm on my period.
But bar one person who doesn't live with me, I don't talk to people daily. And I like that sort of understanding between friends where they know I'm high/low energy and don't expect immediate replies. Where I can pick up conversations and there are no hard feelings, no pushing to ask more of me than I can give at a certain point. I don't have to apologise for not always waffling immediately.
If a person really wants me, they can call. If I really want someone, I'll call them.
I prefer phone calls over messages anyway. I understand that phone calls seem to be more immediate and perhaps therefore more genuine than texts. I guess I like texts as I can message on the go, while doing other things whereas that is ore difficult with a phone call (I cannot multitask to save my life "
I'm shit at texting because I have hands like cows tits. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I have WhatsApp & Facebook messenger notifications off so can can take time to read a new message, up to a day. I get a lot of messages , over 50 most days (family, friends, work , fab, suppliers ) and it’s impossible to reply to them all and sometimes I just don’t have headspace to reply to a how do you feel
About this type messages.
I just say if it’s important and you need a reply the just call me
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I am so with you op.
I treat messages on those apps as if it was face to face interactions.
"
Yayyy I feel heard
Seriously, I accept and respect all the views I have seen on here and have taken away from the responses that there are indeed different ways of looking at this.
Thanks everybody who has taken the time to comment - much appreciated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am so with you op.
I treat messages on those apps as if it was face to face interactions.
Yayyy I feel heard
Seriously, I accept and respect all the views I have seen on here and have taken away from the responses that there are indeed different ways of looking at this.
Thanks everybody who has taken the time to comment - much appreciated. "
Likewise. Really interesting to see the different ways people treat these interactions and given me a different perspective too. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I am so with you op.
I treat messages on those apps as if it was face to face interactions.
Yayyy I feel heard
Seriously, I accept and respect all the views I have seen on here and have taken away from the responses that there are indeed different ways of looking at this.
Thanks everybody who has taken the time to comment - much appreciated.
Likewise. Really interesting to see the different ways people treat these interactions and given me a different perspective too. "
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