......do I feel like this? I'm sitting in the new bungalow, able to get around in my wheelchair (barring the boxes in the way (temporary) and the front door lacking a ramp - solution hopefully in progress).
However, this move has been preceded by a month of agony caused by degenerative disc disease and stenosis. I have really bad neurogenic claudication in my left leg (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurogenic_claudication) which is affecting my ability to weight bear, even with a Zimmer or crutches. I spent 2wks in hospital at the end of Jan/start of Feb.
Despite my issues, I am normally very active. I work FT, I play wheelchair sports, I use my chair to do 5k and 10k (e.g. Parkrun) and go to the gym. I had a really stacked back and shoulders, which I liked and so did my husband. I've lost at least 5kg since being unwell and it all seems to be muscle and my boobs (which Mr KC says are smaller now). I feel just as fat in the tummy as I did before, but in the upper body, it looks like I've turned to soup.
It's like my body doesn't belong to me anymore. I can't control what it does or doesn't do. It just decides. Sometimes I can stand for a bit, sometimes not. Sometimes I can walk a bit, sometimes not. And when I lose weight, why is it straight off my fucking boobs and upper body????? What about the eleventy thousand kilos of pure CHUB on the bottom half?! Take some of that, for the love of god!
My plan going forward is to start a stretching and mobility programme at home. Once I'm happy that doesn't massively flare up my issues, we now have an all-in-one home gym trainer and I'll start back on light weights, with my PTs advice. I hope to be back at work in 2-3wks and so then I can go to the gym after work again and start building back up.
I just feel so very meh physically. I honestly despise how I look right now (also my hair is WAY overdue a cut and I can't easily do my legs or undercarriage so I resemble a yeti too).
*Here endeth the self pity rant* |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
You have plenty to feel sorry for yourself about.
I'm ready to cry and I don't have half as many problems as you.
I can't offer advice, as I can't even get my own health issues sorted.
If I were religious I'd pray for you, but I'm not, so all I can say is, keep on fighting.
You sound like a fighter. |
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I’m in no way in as much shit as you..
But when I have a flare up - all of my spoons go on family, work, staying alive…
So after a while I look in the mirror and I’m dull skinned, bad head hair & fluffy.
I find just doing one thing at a time helps. Face mask, pluck, shave, cut…. Some may say it’s vain but mind, spirit, body & ego are intertwined |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its ok to lick your wounds and have a little wallow in self pity. I would say we were all the same after any illness - and being female we also have to deal with shit hormones on top and we all know that boobs are the first thing to shrink 
I love that you have positive plans on the horizon..but don't forget that moving is one of the most stressful things you can do... So give yourself a break x
What about smaller hits - face pack family time, co-ordinating family toe nail polish.... Fun things that you can 'control' |
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I think what you're feeling is perfectly natural. You've had a tough time; don't be hard on yourself and let yourself recuperate.
If you get a good run, and I really hope you do, all the physical stuff you've been missing will come back. You'll be smashing the 10ks again before you know it! |
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"......do I feel like this? I'm sitting in the new bungalow, able to get around in my wheelchair (barring the boxes in the way (temporary) and the front door lacking a ramp - solution hopefully in progress).
However, this move has been preceded by a month of agony caused by degenerative disc disease and stenosis. I have really bad neurogenic claudication in my left leg (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurogenic_claudication) which is affecting my ability to weight bear, even with a Zimmer or crutches. I spent 2wks in hospital at the end of Jan/start of Feb.
Despite my issues, I am normally very active. I work FT, I play wheelchair sports, I use my chair to do 5k and 10k (e.g. Parkrun) and go to the gym. I had a really stacked back and shoulders, which I liked and so did my husband. I've lost at least 5kg since being unwell and it all seems to be muscle and my boobs (which Mr KC says are smaller now). I feel just as fat in the tummy as I did before, but in the upper body, it looks like I've turned to soup.
It's like my body doesn't belong to me anymore. I can't control what it does or doesn't do. It just decides. Sometimes I can stand for a bit, sometimes not. Sometimes I can walk a bit, sometimes not. And when I lose weight, why is it straight off my fucking boobs and upper body????? What about the eleventy thousand kilos of pure CHUB on the bottom half?! Take some of that, for the love of god!
My plan going forward is to start a stretching and mobility programme at home. Once I'm happy that doesn't massively flare up my issues, we now have an all-in-one home gym trainer and I'll start back on light weights, with my PTs advice. I hope to be back at work in 2-3wks and so then I can go to the gym after work again and start building back up.
I just feel so very meh physically. I honestly despise how I look right now (also my hair is WAY overdue a cut and I can't easily do my legs or undercarriage so I resemble a yeti too).
*Here endeth the self pity rant*"
I do really feel for you, best wishes hope you feel better soon x |
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Thanks all. This is the obvious downside to having floor to ceiling mirrors in your new bedroom! Too much self scrutiny 
I don't think it's helped that I've felt do useless in helping with the move too. Obviously I haven't just been lazy, I know that, but doesn't stop me feeling guilty that Mr KC has had to do the vast majority on his own and he's straight back to work in the morning.
I just wish it was the spare tyre that had melted from my midriff and not my hard-earned muscles! And why must it be the boob fat that suddenly goes?! I liked the boob fat! They look even more like tennis balls in a sock now.
I'm considering just sitting in a vat of Veet, to remove all hair from the waist down 
Thank you for ideas around pampering but that's not really something I've ever enjoyed. I'd like to take myself to a hotel pool for a nice warm swim, but the place I used to go for a day pass has stopped offering them and now you have to buy a whole spa day for hundreds of pounds I was rejected when referred for NHS hydrotherapy and I find regular municipal pools far too cold and I actually get worse pain. The hotel pool and jacuzzi used to be a brilliant treat to myself every so often 
Oh. And I need to get a wheelchair hoist put in the boot of my car before I can do much on my own, because lifting the chair is really not a good idea anymore. I'll be looking into that this week (thank you Grandad for leaving me some money in your Will for such eventualities  ) |
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