FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Reciprocity in swinging

Reciprocity in swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I (the female)was just conversing with a couple who contacted us ( on another site).

I believe that it is very important to be honest and upfront about what we are interested in and what our boundaries are, as we would expect others to be upfront with us. It also means that we do not waste other people’s time if they are looking for something different.

Amongst other things, I was explaining that I class myself as bi –playful, in that I happily engage in some play with other women as part of group action, but have no interest in having one on one fun with just another woman.

I also went on to explain that whilst I like to kiss women, and stimulate them with both my hands/fingers and toys, I have no desire to perform oral sex on another woman.

The immediate question to me was “ are you happy for the other woman to perform oral on you?” and I replied that if she wished to do so then yes.

This resulted in them calling me a user, saying I was selfish, how dare I be willing to receive oral sex from another woman if I don’t want to give it, people like me gave swingers a bad name etc etc.

I am not posting this as a “ make me feel better” thread, as I was over it before I had even pressed delete, but I AM interested in how other people view this?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I (the female)was just conversing with a couple who contacted us ( on another site).

I also went on to explain that whilst I like to kiss women, and stimulate them with both my hands/fingers and toys, I have no desire to perform oral sex on another woman.

The immediate question to me was “ are you happy for the other woman to perform oral on you?” and I replied that if she wished to do so then yes.

I am not posting this as a “ make me feel better” thread, as I was over it before I had even pressed delete, but I AM interested in how other people view this?

"
people like that seriously need to look elsewhere for fun snd leave fab to genuine fun people like ourselves x

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By *ub bbwWoman over a year ago

oldbury

You do what ever your comfortable with that's the whole point surely. You are honest and upfront and more people should be. We have played with bicurious women in the past and I would never expect anyone to return the favour so to speak. If I give oral to a woman its because I want to not because I want them to do it to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if people dont take you for what you are they arent worth the bother - a lot are receivers not givers and vice versa - i think its great youre so honest its the way to be - no shockers on the night

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To me this is another of the regular examples we see of people thinking that their way is the one and only true and right way to swing.

I applaud you for being so open and upfront and I wish everyone was the same. It makes it so much easier to get quality, compatible meets if folk are willing to communicate with open minds beforehand and not jump straight to judging/ranting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am sorry, but if we invite people to us our rules and nothing else.

If you aren't happy with something, don't let others "force" you into it.

Loads don't understand that swinging has to be that all are happy with a situation; if one isn't then it is not fun...

If people get upset about what is allowed or not then it is their problem and they should move on. Not be agro and be rude... Swinging is about having fun without stress and pressure

Angel

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You play the way you play. You were up front in telling them what you were into they should of respected you for your honesty and simpley said thanks but no thanks you are not for us then. Can you imagine what they would of said if you met tham and at the meet the woman went down on you and pleasured you to orgasm, and then said right your turn. You would of had to say oh no sorry that's not for me. Now that would of been akward. I often suck off "straight" guys who do not wish to recipricate as we come to that arrangement before we meet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am fine with people saying “ if you don’t like doing that, you are not for us”, as if the woman really enjoys another fem going down on her, me not doing that is a deal breaker for them.

I am also fine with the idea that if I don’t do it to them, they may not want to do it to me ( though that does make me wonder how much enjoyment they get from doing it usually).

What I object to is the idea that if someone performs an act on you, that there is some kind of obligation for you to do the same act to them.

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By *onnoisseur100Man over a year ago

Woking-ish

I think you're right OP, you are letting the potential meet know exactly where you stand in advance so no one gets disappointed.

I think I would be exactly the same, I should imagine I would find it very hard to tell the difference between a woman and a man giving me a blowjob if I had my eyes shut. But really not interested in giving another man a blowjob. Sorry. It is two different things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing wrong with how u approached this op, some men don't like giving oral some women don't, each to their own surely as long as all parties r happy with the agreed terms, it's the same as men loving the taste of u but u not wanting their cum in ur mouth, some like others don't

people eh!? Lol

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Each to their own. You were open and upfront about expectations and boundaries and that's all to the good. If they didn't like what you suggested, they could have said so in a more appropriate manner. Sucks to them!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I (the female)was just conversing with a couple who contacted us ( on another site).

I also went on to explain that whilst I like to kiss women, and stimulate them with both my hands/fingers and toys, I have no desire to perform oral sex on another woman.

The immediate question to me was “ are you happy for the other woman to perform oral on you?” and I replied that if she wished to do so then yes.

I am not posting this as a “ make me feel better” thread, as I was over it before I had even pressed delete, but I AM interested in how other people view this?"

My view? I think it was fortunate that your open, upfront approach exposed someone with an attitude problem who could, should you have met them, gone on to turn nasty if you had been reluctant to perform to their requirements on the day.

We've had similar from people on all sorts of things. Just end the conversation, block and move on... Hopefully if it keeps happening to them, they will either get the message or go and do Origami instead...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am fine with people saying “ if you don’t like doing that, you are not for us”, as if the woman really enjoys another fem going down on her, me not doing that is a deal breaker for them.

I am also fine with the idea that if I don’t do it to them, they may not want to do it to me ( though that does make me wonder how much enjoyment they get from doing it usually).

What I object to is the idea that if someone performs an act on you, that there is some kind of obligation for you to do the same act to them.

"
OP - this 'obligation' thing is getting more prevalent. One of our friends had an experience where they met a couple, played and the other failed to cum with J (our fem friend). TWO DAYS later... he phoned them up demanding a meet within the next week as HE thought he was 'entitled' to 'get what he was owed'.. ie. cumming with her. How's that for an 'obligation'??

You will appreciate that he was told to have sex and travel.... in no uncertain terms...

And, as a slight aside, that was the reason we also got ourselves a 'swinging phone' so the SIM can be changed if anything like that should happen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am fine with people saying “ if you don’t like doing that, you are not for us”, as if the woman really enjoys another fem going down on her, me not doing that is a deal breaker for them.

I am also fine with the idea that if I don’t do it to them, they may not want to do it to me ( though that does make me wonder how much enjoyment they get from doing it usually).

What I object to is the idea that if someone performs an act on you, that there is some kind of obligation for you to do the same act to them.

OP - this 'obligation' thing is getting more prevalent. One of our friends had an experience where they met a couple, played and the other failed to cum with J (our fem friend). TWO DAYS later... he phoned them up demanding a meet within the next week as HE thought he was 'entitled' to 'get what he was owed'.. ie. cumming with her. How's that for an 'obligation'??

You will appreciate that he was told to have sex and travel.... in no uncertain terms...

And, as a slight aside, that was the reason we also got ourselves a 'swinging phone' so the SIM can be changed if anything like that should happen.

I have no words!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am fine with people saying “ if you don’t like doing that, you are not for us”, as if the woman really enjoys another fem going down on her, me not doing that is a deal breaker for them.

I am also fine with the idea that if I don’t do it to them, they may not want to do it to me ( though that does make me wonder how much enjoyment they get from doing it usually).

What I object to is the idea that if someone performs an act on you, that there is some kind of obligation for you to do the same act to them.

You will appreciate that he was told to have sex and travel.... in no uncertain terms...

And, as a slight aside, that was the reason we also got ourselves a 'swinging phone' so the SIM can be changed if anything like that should happen.

I have no words!"

I could suggest a few..? Lol!

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By *nvictusMan over a year ago

Beeston

Sounds like another bratt screaming and kicking on the supermarket floor to me 'cause mummy dared to say no.

You were honest, they were mardy buggers. Forget them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is okay if that is clear from the outset but otherwise we expect all play or no play and we have lost our patience in the past with some very selfish couples who are all take and no give!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lol, this reminds me of the old joke of rather than a 69, let's do a 68 and I'll owe you one.

When did sex become quid pro quo? Do we all have to have the equivalent number of orgasms to be balanced? If that's the case I'm likely to end up dead as Tor is multi-orgasmic and I'm not so it's a ratio of about 1:30 for us. But, that's what I love.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh dear! if it were me then I'd just be glad that I'd had an early escape from meeting some right idiots!

Some people just seem to think that there is some sort of "obligation" in swinging, and that we should simply behave as free sex workers - to supply whatever service is wanted...

Personally, I'm mostly gay and have been in long-term lesbian relationships - and I do know what works between women. But while I love to please another woman orally, it isn't what works for me, I want different things. I say so, and I expect my preferences to be respected!

OP - you're worth so much better than that - just move on and be thankful that you can leave people like that behind - there are much nicer folk out there who are worthy of your time!

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

I can be a bit stroppy with guys who are very generous at the first meet but at the second make no effort to go down on me or ensure I get to cum but almost immediately start pushing my head to their groin!

I have even been known to kick a guy out of my bed after he boasted for ages about his lingual skills but expected praise and his blow job when I hadn't even got comfy let alone cum!!!

(my neighbour was able to relate his pleading grovel outside my bedroom window word for word, it amused her enormously

)

But the whole point of exchanging messages or even chat over a coffee is to establish boundaries and preferences and even expectations. OP you did nothing wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always thought swinging catered for all kinds not just one way and one way only, if your upfront and honest about what you like and dislike who has the right to tell you otherwise? It should be about the mutual pleasure and satisfaction for all concerned, be thankful they showed their true colours before you went any further and enjoy the people you find

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people just take things far too seriously and have everything worked out before they have even met whoever they are meeting... they do my fucking tits in

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I have told plenty of couples that the bi-fem of the couple can do pretty much anything she wants to me once the group action gets started... but I won't be doing anything back to her.

I've never had a problem... they either accept it or they can fuck off somewhere else.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i always say about many things in life - you cant go any quicker than the slowest in the group

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oh i agree that seeing how pushy they are is better now than upon meeting.

It appears from some replies that this kind of attitude is not that rare either.

Ah well, onwards and upwards

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By *phroditeWoman over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I d say that everybody should respect other people's boundaries and never ever push them to go further, do things they dont want to do. As such you were right in exploring each others' ideas of what you were expecting and happy to do.

I cannot see any reason whatsoever for judging people on their preferences - after all we have the choice of meeting or not meeting if we dont like what we hear and see?

If anybody feels the need to judge you... I think you are better off not meeting and move on to the next couple.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

fuck em ...

... or not as the case may be

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am sorry, but if we invite people to us our rules and nothing else.

If you aren't happy with something, don't let others "force" you into it.

Those two statements are contradictory.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people just take things far too seriously and have everything worked out before they have even met whoever they are meeting... they do my fucking tits in"

.. and makes you wonder just how many meets they actually have... You'd think they'd stop and ask themselves the obvious question 'Is it us?' but most don't..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would not be happy going to a meet without an idea of peoples boundaries, we got stung many years ago by that. Chatted to a lovely looking couple who were physically just our type, the only discussion about boundaries we had with them were them saying they likes same room fun, and us agreeing. Arranged to meet them in a pub near their home with the intention that if we clicked, back to theirs for “fun”.

Met them and got on quite well, though when the conversation turned sexual it became apparent that their idea of same room fun was not the same as ours. We meant same room fun as in the opposite of separate room swap. THEY meant same room fun as in they had sex with each other and we had sex with each other – in the same room!

Oh how we laughed on the drive home – NOT!

Though we do laugh now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To the OP:

Is sounds very much like that they were looking for an 'out' and you gave them one. They may have decided already that they, or he, or she, one of them, didn't fancy you and needed to find a way of getting out of the conversation. You provided it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"To the OP:

They certainly got an "out" when they started spouting the rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I once said I'm happy to join a couple but at the same time don't think I could invite a single guy to join us if I was in a LTR as I would probably stop swinging when I settle down.

I was being honest but got shot to bits for it, more or less the same as you. X

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

"I am sorry, but if we invite people to us our rules and nothing else.

If you aren't happy with something, don't let others "force" you into it.

Those two statements are contradictory."

Not if their rules and my rules match up

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

"To me this is another of the regular examples we see of people thinking that their way is the one and only true and right way to swing.

Yup

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Reciprocity is fine as long as everyone agrees the terms. Like for like isn't necessarily reciprocity.

I don't meet couples for this reason. I don't mind who feasts on me but there are only a few women I fancy feasting on. A meet on here described me as bi-selfish and it's the term I now use to avoid confusion.

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

I've not read all the thread... A bit of a blurry beer haze going on....

You were up front with them, tell him ok when you've had sex with him you'll get your strap on and do him... Fairs fair...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would not be happy going to a meet without an idea of peoples boundaries, we got stung many years ago by that. Chatted to a lovely looking couple who were physically just our type, the only discussion about boundaries we had with them were them saying they likes same room fun, and us agreeing. Arranged to meet them in a pub near their home with the intention that if we clicked, back to theirs for “fun”.

Oh how we laughed on the drive home – NOT!

Though we do laugh now.

Surely same room fun means you have sex with your own partners but don't swap?

As for the OP, you had a lucky escape. How rude of them! Good for you for saying exactly what you like and don't like. Nothing wrong with that at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You do what ever your comfortable with that's the whole point surely. You are honest and upfront and more people should be. We have played with bicurious women in the past and I would never expect anyone to return the favour so to speak. If I give oral to a woman its because I want to not because I want them to do it to me."

I agree, as long as everyone knows up-front.

Giving pleasure to a woman ( or man) gives me pleasure.

I don't do something because I expect it to be reciprocated, I do it because I enjoy it.

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

" Surely same room fun means you have sex with your own partners but don't swap?

Same room fun means you swap partners but all stay in the same room.

When you have sex with your own partners all in the same room, it's soft swing.

Hope this helps....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am similar to you OP in that I am not bisexual but in a group situation if my hand reaches out and touches a breast then I won't pull it hurriedly away and vice versa.

I don't perform oral sex on women but I have had women do this to me and I've enjoyed it. In a club once I had 2 ladies ask if they could take turns in licking me. I told them yes but I didn't want to return the favour and they were fine with this (and so were the many men who sat around the bed watching).

I don't demand that anyone performs an y sex act on me and I agree that just because you do something then the same must be given back

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By *oulou45Woman over a year ago

Bucks

I was always taught u don't give to receive. At least u were honest. I bet they don't get many meets lol

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By *stwo2011Couple over a year ago

dundee

Iv done both and I can safely say I loved both,U don't know what your missing

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