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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. "
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. "
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it ! |
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. "
This |
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Firstly with mod hat on, report abuse. Let admin deal with it.
:Removes hat:
I don't think you have to be kind *to* people but you should always have kindness of attitude at the forefront of any interaction with people. Rudeness and abuse as a first or even last resort is surely an indication of a troubled mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. "
Completely agree with this.
I respond with how I am responded too....'be kind' means nothing because you see people say it when it suits them*
People will say 'be kind' on one thread yet rinsing the shit out of others on other threads
*Not saying this is the case on this thread.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m regularly blocked by ladies and couples for just leaving a nice respectful message. Bewildering"
If you read the "blocking" thread you'll see that it's used as a filter by a fair number of people so it's not necessarily anything personal against you. |
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"I’m regularly blocked by ladies and couples for just leaving a nice respectful message. Bewildering"
People block to save replying. It's not personal and they don't intend it to be disrespectful or unkind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it !"
Agree that abusive messages are completely out of order and offenders should be banned as the abuse is there in black and white on the PMs they send they are bang to rights so to speak.
However when it comes to posting interacting on the forums I do agree with _aitonel completely. You can give advice, guidance, share knowledge and experience to aid and help others, often it's taken the wrong way because the person isn't receptive to hearing anything that they don't want to hear. That's life ultimately.
If I was going about something all wrong, I'd hope my fellow forumites would open my eyes up as to why, so I could learn, grow, make positive changes etc. I wouldn't want it sugar coating on the off chance I'm unable to take constructive feedback in the right way.
Absuive PMs there are no excuses for that.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am always polite, there’s no need not to be. I know it can be tricky for the ladies with the amount of messages they but, but for us blokes to be anything less then polite and courteous isn’t acceptable |
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"I am always polite, there’s no need not to be. I know it can be tricky for the ladies with the amount of messages they but, but for us blokes to be anything less then polite and courteous isn’t acceptable "
Women and couples are abusive too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m regularly blocked by ladies and couples for just leaving a nice respectful message. Bewildering"
It's not bewildering you need to get a better understanding of how this site works. Anyone not interested in you who then blocks you is doing you a favour as you won't be able to see each other from that point on or message and interact, and you won't see them in local updates. You simply weren't compatible so that's a good thing.
Also when there's a 100 men for every single lady or couple then it makes absolute sense for them to block anyone who interests doesn't allign with there's. Especially when given the M - F M/F ratio imbalance they can potentially receive 100s of messages per day.
It's nothing personal to you at all. Focus on finding those who are open to you and share similar interests.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am always polite, there’s no need not to be. I know it can be tricky for the ladies with the amount of messages they but, but for us blokes to be anything less then polite and courteous isn’t acceptable "
It's not acceptable for any to be rude or abusive. It's perfectly acceptable for anyone Single males or lady's or couples to decide that a person is not for them and use the sites features to ensure that they don't cross paths in the future.
KJ |
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. "
It always occurs to me that one person starts a thread , makes a statement, and then everyone that follows just accepts that statement as true.
I find a lot of the psycho babble that is sweeping through society in general to be having adverse affect.
I know of at least one 'real life' person who...... oh TWO 'real life' people who spout this shite and don't behave accordingly.
Our behaviour is who we are ..... not a gift plaque with the sentiments of Hallmark. |
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it !"
Ah .... so this is a personal thing ? A bit of passive aggression ? Calling the person out in the hope they will see the thread ? There was NO mention of it in your opener.
I for one thought you meant the forums were getting worse. Not your messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Abusive messages, fully agree they shouldn't happen but you know what, they do. They do on any online environment because people can get away with it. And surprisingly we don't live in a world where everyone is nice. Do I care what some random stranger online says to me? No.
A lot of the time on here kindness and niceness is just disingenuous anyway. It's a means to an end, the end being the inside of your pants.
I would never be outright mean to anyone, but I would disagree with people, I will ignore people, and I will sometimes, sometimes be a tad sarcastic about stuff and I get told repeatedly that that's not being kind.
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it !
Ah .... so this is a personal thing ? A bit of passive aggression ? Calling the person out in the hope they will see the thread ? There was NO mention of it in your opener.
I for one thought you meant the forums were getting worse. Not your messages."
My opener was not about a particular message
But I then responded to a message on here to dsy that an opening message from someone was abusive and there’s no need for it |
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it !
Ah .... so this is a personal thing ? A bit of passive aggression ? Calling the person out in the hope they will see the thread ? There was NO mention of it in your opener.
I for one thought you meant the forums were getting worse. Not your messages.
My opener was not about a particular message
But I then responded to a message on here to dsy that an opening message from someone was abusive and there’s no need for it "
Thanks Annie. So it wasn't about a message it was about the whole site in general ? |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it !
Ah .... so this is a personal thing ? A bit of passive aggression ? Calling the person out in the hope they will see the thread ? There was NO mention of it in your opener.
I for one thought you meant the forums were getting worse. Not your messages.
My opener was not about a particular message
But I then responded to a message on here to dsy that an opening message from someone was abusive and there’s no need for it
Thanks Annie. So it wasn't about a message it was about the whole site in general ?"
Yes surely we are all here to have fun ?? |
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite. "
Couldn’t agree more. It’s the internet, it’s mostly trolls who are arseholes. They’re trying to upset people. Ignore it. |
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"i honestly dont get it why people are abusive,,
Frustration, default response, 'banter', depression, attention seeking, deep unhappiness, low self esteem..."
Excuses......
They are abusive because they are inadequate and have taken on board negative behaviours as a way of responded...
e.g. there is fuck all else in their belt |
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"Oh.
I don't get abuse and rarely see abuse.
I have had unreasonable people reply in the forum with ill thought out responses but that's hardly abuse.
Can't say I see a lot of abuse either"
I don’t either. But I don’t reply to messages where I’m not interested. I block people. I don’t give reasons why I won’t meet them. People should really do this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
I think that’s slightly different to getting a first message from someone on here and it’s abusive, there is no need for it !
Ah .... so this is a personal thing ? A bit of passive aggression ? Calling the person out in the hope they will see the thread ? There was NO mention of it in your opener.
I for one thought you meant the forums were getting worse. Not your messages.
My opener was not about a particular message
But I then responded to a message on here to dsy that an opening message from someone was abusive and there’s no need for it "
I've reread the thread and I'm pretty sure you were the first person to move the conversation and topic to abusive PMs unless admin have deleted a user's post?
Your original post was about the site and had no mention of abuse in PMs and as that was posted on the forums many people will take that as your talking about needing to been kind on the forums.
So on that note I totally understand Granny's point as I was similarly confused.
KJ  |
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"i honestly dont get it why people are abusive,,
Frustration, default response, 'banter', depression, attention seeking, deep unhappiness, low self esteem...
Excuses......
They are abusive because they are inadequate and have taken on board negative behaviours as a way of responded...
e.g. there is fuck all else in their belt"
FFS...... just noticed 'default response' , you should have typed that in caps..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do I miss the juicy stuff? 
I thought it was pretty groovy today, I must be in the wrong threads.
Your right op, you got nothing good to say, don’t say anything!!!
*I’ve been known to lose my patience now and again.   |
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"i get it nearly every day on here. from women. been called ugly as fuck and told i look like a serial killer. like what the hell you try to be polite and get that crap"
So what did you do about it ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i get it nearly every day on here. from women. been called ugly as fuck and told i look like a serial killer. like what the hell you try to be polite and get that crap"
Although it's mainly from single guys (thanks to the insane ratios) We have also had couples and single lady's accounts been nasty in PMs, sadly it happens. There's some shitty human beings out there unfortunately.
For me though it says way more about them than it does us. I'm also very thankful they exposed what they are like so we could dodge that bullet.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i get it nearly every day on here. from women. been called ugly as fuck and told i look like a serial killer. like what the hell you try to be polite and get that crap"
Which serial killer  ? |
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Forums are for debate and discussion, some of those discussions could be about mental health issues, in those threads a #bekind attitude should be welcomed. As you need to accurately read the room.
However, some subjects such as the death penalty or certain government policies can bring another type of poster, those quite passionate in their beliefs. Don’t join in if you can’t take criticism over your views. Why have a mind if you can’t change it occasionally or understand someone else’s world view.
I have more issues with the grammar police, over someone perceived nastiness to another poster. For me the most enjoyable threads to read are those in which two people are really going at it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forums are for debate and discussion, some of those discussions could be about mental health issues, in those threads a #bekind attitude should be welcomed. As you need to accurately read the room.
However, some subjects such as the death penalty or certain government policies can bring another type of poster, those quite passionate in their beliefs. Don’t join in if you can’t take criticism over your views. Why have a mind if you can’t change it occasionally or understand someone else’s world view.
I have more issues with the grammar police, over someone perceived nastiness to another poster. For me the most enjoyable threads to read are those in which two people are really going at it. "
100%
Some of the best threads are the debates on here where through another's posters lived experience and articulate reasoning leads you to adapt or develop a new view point or perspective.
That's how we grow.
KJ
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"I won't be kind. I'll be respectful of a situation and topic, and act accordingly.
I'll be realistic and grounded to the situation. Harsh truth and facts might hit hard, but that doesn't make them not kind, it often means people just don't want the truth, or another take on things.
Yes there is having some tact, and reading the room, and navigating your audience without going out of your way to be intentionally mean.
But "be kind" is a load of dressed up shite.
It always occurs to me that one person starts a thread , makes a statement, and then everyone that follows just accepts that statement as true.
I find a lot of the psycho babble that is sweeping through society in general to be having adverse affect.
I know of at least one 'real life' person who...... oh TWO 'real life' people who spout this shite and don't behave accordingly.
Our behaviour is who we are ..... not a gift plaque with the sentiments of Hallmark. "
Threads go the way of the first few replies to that subject or tend to but that can be based on whether a female or male replies, whether they make a comical retort or just go for the jugular, i haven't noticed an increase in nasty comments made its always been the norm for some to make the holyer than thou comment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do I miss the juicy stuff?
I thought it was pretty groovy today, I must be in the wrong threads.
That’s exactly what I was thinking.
I sometimes think I must be oblivious to drama."
Maybe it’s in DMs. If I ever felt this place was more balanced towards bad vibes, I’d be off.
But I find there’s 99prrcrnt good to s majority of bad. So I’ll stay here for a bit.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a big believer in being kind. But I don't think that means we should withhold our opinions, feelings and thoughts on things that others might disagree or be triggered by.
If you're on here purely to abuse, be unkind and deliberately hurt people that's a whole other story. I sometimes see people attacked when there's literally no need and that's not OK. Kindness is something that's ridiculously important in my day to day life but sometimes I think people expect too much of it on here. Men expecting replies, sensitive thread subjects where people disagree etc.
I guess we all have a different idea of what being kind is. All you can do is your fucking best. |
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I agree LBC......
People use 'be kind' as a weapon.
It is possible to treat others with humanity and hold and express firm beliefs....
It's the psychobabblers who just spout it or use it as a silencer that are the problem. |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"I agree LBC......
People use 'be kind' as a weapon.
It is possible to treat others with humanity and hold and express firm beliefs....
It's the psychobabblers who just spout it or use it as a silencer that are the problem."
I don’t use the be kind as a weapon and never would. I actually work for a humanitarian organisation and treat others with humanity and respect whether their views are different to mine |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
Be honest and mindfull of others feelings
be polite and mannered.
and try always to be nice and respectful!
Unless the other person is a disrespectful twat who is not nice to you.
If the latter. fuck rm off and try to keep the moral high ground
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The abuse on this site seems to be getting worse.
Be kind everyone it cost absolutely nothing to be kind, caring and respectful.
Love Annie xx"
Reframe it in your mind as a compliment. The worse the abuse, the more heartbroken they are that they can't fuck you.  |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"The abuse on this site seems to be getting worse.
Be kind everyone it cost absolutely nothing to be kind, caring and respectful.
Love Annie xx
Reframe it in your mind as a compliment. The worse the abuse, the more heartbroken they are that they can't fuck you. "
there is that x |
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