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Best put downs

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My 7 year old nephew came out with the best put down today. Which beat me hands down...

Went like this...

"Uncle Dave, were you born on the motorway?, cuz that's where most accidents happen".

What's the best put down you've heard, or used...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You so dumb you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You’re not at risk, you’re safe, if you lost 20kgs you’d be in trouble, but right now you’re safe…

My brother to me last week

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By *itvclaireTV/TS over a year ago

Birmingham

I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Were you born in Burger King? Because you’re a fucking whopper

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By *icassolifelikeMan over a year ago

Luton

Tardigrades have more intelligence than you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Last time i saw a face like yours, it had a hook in it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was surprised to see your name written on a loaf of bread, then I realised it said Thick Cut

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Were you born in Burger King? Because you’re a fucking whopper

Love it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

well done Trigger!

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By *avie65Man over a year ago

In the west.

You have a very skillful hairdresser, they managed to just dye your roots.

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

A couple from my dad in around 1979 when I used to take part in motorbike competitions and I wasn't very good:

"You're as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest"

"Well, at least you're consistant. Consistantly crap, but consistant"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your face

Offends

My mirror

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

Why am I talking to you, you are a Neaderthal.

Of course you don't know the rules of the road, you are a BMW/Audi/Mercedes/van/4x4 (delete where applicable) driver.

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By *lynJMan over a year ago

Morden

To anyone spouting nonsense.

"You've got nothing to say and you're saying it far too loud"

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By *eard and BoobsCouple over a year ago

Portstewart

"Your face

Offends

My mirror

Absolutely brilliant film

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By *itty HoodooCouple over a year ago

Stockport

1. If you want my come back you’re going to have to scrape it off your mother’s teeth.

2. The smartest part of you dribbled down your mother’s legs.

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By *hyme2020Woman over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland

"Your face

Offends

My mirror

One of my favourite films ever!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're so ugly your mum fed you by catapult from the garden!

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By *eard and BoobsCouple over a year ago

Portstewart

"Your face

Offends

My mirror

One of my favourite films ever!!

You have taste in films lol its a great show and so many great UK actors in it

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By *unsexual MemelordWoman over a year ago

Midlothian

"I was surprised to see your name written on a loaf of bread, then I realised it said Thick Cut"

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

When god was giving out brains. You thought he said trains and asked for a slow one.

Don’t be jealous be happy for me. It’s not my fault your………( and then go into detail of how pathetic they are right now )

The mr

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not the size of the nail

It's how you hammer it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I wanted a come back I'd wipe it off your mums chin

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ya mom!

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

posh lady "sir you are a d*unk and a scoundrel "

winston churchill " Madame you are an ugly harridan but i will be sober in the morning "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let's hope that you are, as rude in bed, as you are in person.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

I could go off you, you know.

Assuming I liked you in the first place….

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By *mallcock44Man over a year ago

blackpool

Your mother must have been a weight lifter to raise a dumbell like you

You have a joke mate ya mum and dad did

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries..

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By *onkeyandBonesCouple over a year ago

Staffordshire

Out of a million sperm, I can't believe you were the best one!

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By *he_turtle_movesMan over a year ago

york

Teenager to my colleague

Why are you so fat?

Well every time I fuck your mum she gives me a cookie

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By *ichaelangelaCouple over a year ago

notts

When I want to hear from an arsehole .... I'll fart

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By *ichaelangelaCouple over a year ago

notts

If your cock was an inch shorter it would be a clitoris .... or

well it looks like a cock, but shorter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Until I met you, I never knew shit could be stacked that high.

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By *illy123789Man over a year ago

llandeilo

There’s a famous Oscar Wilde one…. At a dinner party to a married Lady XYZ of somewhere posh (in a saucy voice) “Madam, would you sleep with me for a million pounds?”

Lady XYZ: (in a tantalised voice) “oohhh Oscar, you naughty boy!!!”

Oscar: “madam would you sleep with me for a pound”

Lady XYZ (in a scandalised voice): “Oscar! What kind of woman do you think I am?

Oscar: “ I thought we’d already established that and were merely negotiating price…”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My 7 year old nephew came out with the best put down today. Which beat me hands down...

Went like this...

"Uncle Dave, were you born on the motorway?, cuz that's where most accidents happen".

What's the best put down you've heard, or used..."

That is genius ….

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By *kmillionaireMan over a year ago

Diss

Teacher goes up to a pupil in class points at him with a ruler and says ‘at the end of this ruler is an idiot’ pupil looks at the teacher and replies ‘but which end?’

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By *onyjoCouple over a year ago

Peterborough

If you didn't have feet you wouldnt ware socks so why the hell are you wearing a bra

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

'Everybody hates you....you must know that from your time at school!'

David Baddiel used that one as part of things hecklers have said to him!

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By *batMan over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)