I have recently found myself to be more prudish with my meets. I don't want to be spanked, hair pulling etc or do anything really kinky on my meets and I'm getting uncomfortable when these things are happening. I have an aversion to cum atm and just generally feeling like I want more vanilla meets.
During the meet I may indulge if asked or I may feel like it in the moment but it's not something I'm actively looking for. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take away from the fun when having the conversation about limits and pleasures prior to doing anything.
Obviously I am aware this makes me more of a "prude" so to say but I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar that their desires and way they play changed and how did you get out of the "rut" or did you just accept the new way of playing?
Does anyone have any advice? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aversion to cum  I know exactly what you mean. I stay away from playing when feeling this way until I can pin down what I do/don't want. Stick to socials for now? |
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That doesn't make you a prude.
People are so conditioned these days into thinking all those things are normal.
I don't like any of them either! And I make that perfectly clear when I'm chatting to someone. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
My advice would be to chat to people and make it clear you don't know what will happen if you meet, until you meet.
That way, if someone is wanting something specific they can say no thank you.
I really don't like people assuming because I like something it will definitely happen. I make the definitely not happening things known at the beginning, and then anything else is a maybe.
Except kissing. No kissing sex is very rare for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there’s a misconception, that because we’re on this site, we should all have no boundaries, be up for anything at all times (regardless of gender) and when you don’t know someone enough yet, *in real life*, that just isn’t realistic. Or safe!
So if you don’t want to do all the things you’ve liked before, straight away - don’t. There should be no expectations, with the right person(s). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also, as others have said and will say - you have to talk and talk and talk about what you want and like sexually. Before you start. And keep talking.
Easy for me to say, I struggle with it myself at times. Sometimes I assume that because someone is lovely and intelligent, they’ll just know what I want. Which is ridiculous  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get this, I would probably be full on 'prude' now aswell. I dont want to feel its all just a script that needs acting out, and I am not just going to give up these things/or parts of myself without effort involved on the part of the other person too. I think it definitely comes from growing as a person and understanding and respecting yourself a bit more, for me anyway It feels like that. I understand myself much more now than I did years ago when I joined. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say about 90% of the time the thought of a guy coming anywhere near me makes me want to puke.
I have real problems with the "romantic" side of sex, the cuddles, the pillow talk, the kisses. I find the "rougher" stuff easier as it's more detached, for me anyway.
Also, a lot of people talk the talk when it comes to all things kinky but in reality, most would be perfectly happy with just vanilla sex so I wouldn't overthink it. (Says me!!  ) |
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Thank you all. I did worry that something was wrong with me. I know over time People change but the fear was within myself.
I always have the chat before playing about limits and what the other person enjoys etc but tended to water down my own as to not be judged harshly with these aspects. Obviously that will need to change more.
I love the social side, I have more fun with the social element listening to others stories etc and maybe that is the way for now.
Again, thank you all for being understanding and very helpful. I'm glad it's not just me that has gone through this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have recently found myself to be more prudish with my meets. I don't want to be spanked, hair pulling etc or do anything really kinky on my meets and I'm getting uncomfortable when these things are happening. I have an aversion to cum atm and just generally feeling like I want more vanilla meets.
During the meet I may indulge if asked or I may feel like it in the moment but it's not something I'm actively looking for. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take away from the fun when having the conversation about limits and pleasures prior to doing anything.
Obviously I am aware this makes me more of a "prude" so to say but I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar that their desires and way they play changed and how did you get out of the "rut" or did you just accept the new way of playing?
Does anyone have any advice? "
Just put what you don't like , want or do on your profile. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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You're not prudish. Banish that term when it comes to describing what you like in sex. It's perfectly acceptable, very enjoyable in fact to have sex without being turned into a fleshlight/sex doll. It can be really fucking hot but equally so can kissing. Missionary. Lots of intense sex where you grip onto them as they penetrate you...
Back on track.
Spend more time socialising with people. Practise with those you know speaking up about what you're looking for, what you enjoy. You need to focus on your enjoyment a bit more - for one, that should be a primary focus for you. Why do it if you're not enjoying it? And secondly, the more you're into something, the more the other person will enjoy themselves.
You're eloquent via a text form, find little ways to start translating that into real life. Talk more. More freely. Best of luck OP, x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have recently found myself to be more prudish with my meets. I don't want to be spanked, hair pulling etc or do anything really kinky on my meets and I'm getting uncomfortable when these things are happening. I have an aversion to cum atm and just generally feeling like I want more vanilla meets.
During the meet I may indulge if asked or I may feel like it in the moment but it's not something I'm actively looking for. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take away from the fun when having the conversation about limits and pleasures prior to doing anything.
Obviously I am aware this makes me more of a "prude" so to say but I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar that their desires and way they play changed and how did you get out of the "rut" or did you just accept the new way of playing?
Does anyone have any advice? "
A woman isn't at all being prudish as regards of what's she's into , if you don't like it don't do it , it's as simple as that , do not do things just to please anyone else , be yourself ..always, if you're with a person that understands what you want then your good to go, always..always be yourself , it's your mind , your body ..no one else's. |
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"I have recently found myself to be more prudish with my meets. I don't want to be spanked, hair pulling etc or do anything really kinky on my meets and I'm getting uncomfortable when these things are happening. I have an aversion to cum atm and just generally feeling like I want more vanilla meets.
During the meet I may indulge if asked or I may feel like it in the moment but it's not something I'm actively looking for. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take away from the fun when having the conversation about limits and pleasures prior to doing anything.
Obviously I am aware this makes me more of a "prude" so to say but I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar that their desires and way they play changed and how did you get out of the "rut" or did you just accept the new way of playing?
Does anyone have any advice? "
Just be yourself and do what you want and set your own boundaries. If they don't like it or say or think you're a prude that's their problem x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even when we do want the finer kinks in life, it doesn’t mean we want to discuss them with everyone who messages.
Doesn’t make you a prude OP, you’re entitled to want/not want whatever the hell you like  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have recently found myself to be more prudish with my meets. I don't want to be spanked, hair pulling etc or do anything really kinky on my meets and I'm getting uncomfortable when these things are happening. I have an aversion to cum atm and just generally feeling like I want more vanilla meets.
During the meet I may indulge if asked or I may feel like it in the moment but it's not something I'm actively looking for. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take away from the fun when having the conversation about limits and pleasures prior to doing anything.
Obviously I am aware this makes me more of a "prude" so to say but I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar that their desires and way they play changed and how did you get out of the "rut" or did you just accept the new way of playing?
Does anyone have any advice? "
Tbf thats why i like socials first because you can establish a connection and the right time for such a topic.
Doesnt make you prude just makes you human |
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Sex like everything else evolves, changes depending on mood and what happened last time and whether you enjoyed it or not. Very little point in putting on profile what you like and don't like unless they're hard boundaries as you may or may not fancy something the next time. Prudish absolutely not, just more in tune with yourself and unwilling to just be used for someone else's gratification.
Carry on your doing great |
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From a male’s POV I’ve found the older I get the more I’m not into that all of the time. 20 years ago I was a bull in a china shop. Now I simply want to go with the flow. I kind of “get” it OP. Be yourself and enjoy yourself as and when you wish to. |
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I've been vanilla sexually for a long time. It makes finding guys difficult on fab for sure, but once they realise they can play spanky with others and sensual with me. Everyone is happy. Stick to your likes and find guys who are happy to play within your likes. It will just take a little more time. Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hiya OP, there's nothing wrong in effectively communicating your likes and dislikes when playing. Any reasonable partner will respect your wishes and both of u should have equal amount of fun. I get some guys and women trying to finger me, use toys on me and some even wanting to fist me, all of which are a no go for me since I don't like and they respect this; so we still manage to have an abundance of fun with only their tongues and cocks allowed inside my hole. Is all about mutual (consent) fun. If u don't like simply say. Never ever feel awkward about communicating your desires (likes and dislikes). Enjoy.  |
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"That doesn't make you a prude.
People are so conditioned these days into thinking all those things are normal.
I don't like any of them either! And I make that perfectly clear when I'm chatting to someone."
Very much this! Too many men believe nowadays that every woman is dying to have her hair pulled, her face slapped, her arse spanked and to be called all the bad names under the sun. That's we need to educate our potential meets about what WE like, what OUR boundaries are and make sure they stick to them. That's why communication beforehand is so important, on both sides, discussing likes, dislikes, hard and soft boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's sad that normal sex is described as 'prude'. We aren't there to be fucked like a pornstar, anyone with respect will treat you with that no matter how 'vanilla' you or they may see it.
It's okay to have boundaries, it's okay to say what you want and it's okay to not apologise for doing so. |
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