FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Should you tell all your FWBs about each other?
Should you tell all your FWBs about each other?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
"
Depends.
Are you likely to be at risk or put them at risk through your sexual shenanigans?
Are they possessive and or jealous?
Do they know (of) each other and if so whats that relationship like?
Anyway.. who is he!
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them.
I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
"
no i certainly wouldn't appreciate that, some might but definitely not me  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Anyone new would always know from the start about current relationships. Mainly because I have no reason to lie to anyone and also because some people can't cope with being non monogamous even if they say so at the start.
Pxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party.
Usually bake a red velvet cake.
They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It depends on your FWB dynamic, I'd say? Presumably before entering into the "benefits" dynamic, you'd discuss the sort of "terms of the deal", including anything about exclusivity etc? "
I'd agree with this. I originally joined Fab with a fwb, he was meeting women without telling me and I usually found out when I replied to a status or in chatting and ended up looking like a dick.
Obviously outwith fab it's different but I think it's important to discuss the dynamic beforehand
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is tricky.. I prefer to know... more so from a sexual health perspective (ie, lets use condoms if we are no longer exclusive)
I have experience where the other person gets jealous and therefore doesn't want to know - that feels deceptive to me tho - and a veri would be like ticking time bomb |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I prefer to know and did not mind my last FWB having other lovers, however, she tended to lie and also got jealous of my other Fab friends even though they were not lovers. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If I was seeing more than one and they wanted to know I’d tell them but I find it all a bit awkward tbh feels like I’m cheating even though I’m not cheating |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In real life, what's the likelihood that people would have more than 1?"
In the past I have had 2 FWBs at the same time. They both knew about each other. I am only meeting one of them now though .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
As I am Poly, ant FWB has the potential to become something more, so they would definitely need to know about anyone else I| was seeing, as would my current partner.
I believe in being open and honest on my relationships, even though this had bitten me in the arse a couple of times, 3 in the last year alone.
So yeah, my FWB's would know about each other. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
In the past someone I met here and who already had 2 FWBs insisted I be exclusive to her.
She was honest enough to tell me about the other guys and very open about the fact she would continue to meet both of them but I was not allowed to meet anyone else.
This wasn't a dynamic I was ever interested in and told her so.
It was either a two way street or nothing as far as I was concerned.
Long story short I left Fab for over a year because of the drama she created when I didn't step in line. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In the past someone I met here and who already had 2 FWBs insisted I be exclusive to her.
She was honest enough to tell me about the other guys and very open about the fact she would continue to meet both of them but I was not allowed to meet anyone else.
This wasn't a dynamic I was ever interested in and told her so.
It was either a two way street or nothing as far as I was concerned.
Long story short I left Fab for over a year because of the drama she created when I didn't step in line. "
That's hardly fair to expect you to accept that she can see others but you can't. I don't get how some people's minds work. Sorry to hear she caused you drama. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
No one has to tell anyone anything.
UNLESS - you had an agreement about exclusivity and letting each other know
No one else is responsible for YOUR sexual health. You should be getting yourself checked out anyway.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
I'm single and have a regular FWB. We meet others and are both aware and happy with this. We use condoms at all times, apart from with each other. For me it's important to be open about what's going on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party.
Usually bake a red velvet cake.
They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans "
Same. Only mine each bake a different cake to bring round and I am Pru Leith and do a taste test.... Then we all have very dirty sex , smear cake and swear allegiance to Paul and Noel then go home with different partners. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party.
Usually bake a red velvet cake.
They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans
Same. Only mine each bake a different cake to bring round and I am Pru Leith and do a taste test.... Then we all have very dirty sex , smear cake and swear allegiance to Paul and Noel then go home with different partners. "
Do you do that for all of them or only the special ones that get bum fun?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn’t want to know details but I’d want to know if/how many others they were playing with besides me. Purely from a health point of view. I wouldn’t be fwb with anyone I had feelings for or got jealous about |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
My long term partner knows I have sex with other men and I know about other women he's seeing.
I've shown him videos of me with someone else with their permission, and he's shown me videos.
It's all good. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them.
I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars."
This. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them.
I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars."
I’m exactly the same as this! I’m honest about not being exclusive and if they want to know details they can ask, but I also expect the same honesty back. In my experience on fab I find that guys aren’t generally as honest or open which is mind boggling for me at times. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It depends on your FWB dynamic, I'd say? Presumably before entering into the "benefits" dynamic, you'd discuss the sort of "terms of the deal", including anything about exclusivity etc? "
Yea, this.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I like to hear the details too.
I like to but purely in a masochist type of way. It tortures me at the time to hear it "
It excites me imagining him with other women. The downside is I'm not there with them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? "
Condoms with all but 1 partner who I have a fluid-bonhd with - ie she only plays unprotected with me.
This is expandable but would only be with someone who we both trust to do likewise with us. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party.
Usually bake a red velvet cake.
They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans "
Honestly, I was all set to cum'n'go on you guys until you broke out that cake
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
"
Anyone I am meeting like that would know I'm not exclusive. They would not know details though.. as its none of their business and vice versa.
However if we were playing without condoms I would expect to know and tell others if there was anyone else |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
Yes, I tell them I shag others. Emphasis on us as non exclusive partners at this stage. Through experience there were fwb who were genuinely interested to know more as part of sex game, but there were few becoming jealous so we usually stick to the fact that we could and we did but no details.
If you are lying to your fwb saying you are exclusive - it’s basically cheating in the relationship.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We like to have them all around once a month for a tea party.
Usually bake a red velvet cake.
They compare notes and generally talk about how lucky they are to have us and that they don’t mind sharing as long as they are a part of our sexual shenanigans
Honestly, I was all set to cum'n'go on you guys until you broke out that cake
"
Cum ‘n’ go again soon  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes, I tell them I shag others. Emphasis on us as non exclusive partners at this stage. Through experience there were fwb who were genuinely interested to know more as part of sex game, but there were few becoming jealous so we usually stick to the fact that we could and we did but no details.
If you are lying to your fwb saying you are exclusive - it’s basically cheating in the relationship.
"
FWB isn't a relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Yes I would tell because if they are a friend then I think it is only right you tell them. I prefer honestly from a fwb. If they are just a FB that's different I wouldn't expect to tell them or for them to tell me either. In saying that I wouldn't want either to lie to me either about it.
But a FB is just a fuck buddy you meet for sex that's it you get on but it revolves around meeting for sex. A fwb is meant to be a friend.While I wouldn't expect details I would expect them to be truthful about meeting others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments."
true.
Unless you consider them as toys you can use when you wish to ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments.
true.
Unless you consider them as toys you can use when you wish to ? "
it doesn't matter how you consider them they are still human beings with feelings please respect them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wouldn’t want to know details but I’d want to know if/how many others they were playing with besides me. Purely from a health point of view. I wouldn’t be fwb with anyone I had feelings for or got jealous about "
Same. I make it quite clear I'm not looking to be exclusive with anyone and that I look after my own sexual health... They can do then choose to do what they like with that information.
I don't go into any details and I don't want to hear about others either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship "
Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments.
I disagree.. it's not a relationship
Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’"
You think there's a line between commodity and friend with nothing in between? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments.
I disagree.. it's not a relationship
Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’
You think there's a line between commodity and friend with nothing in between? "
It depends on how you treat them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
"
Yeah I'm not great at lying. And I definitely do not lie to my friend with benefits because he is my actual friend before the benefits.
Being neurodivergent means I need to have some really clearly defined boundaries and I'm too brutally honest.
Friend with benefits is a title only reserved for people I would actually call in an emergency as well as when I'm feeling horny.
Other people are lovers, Fab meets, intimate companions, a date, etc.
I don't do well with fuckbuddies because I'm not always around when people want to fuck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Fwb is a type of relationship, just like friendship is. "
See people have lots of different boundaries and definitions of the word "friend"
I've known my Friend with benefits for nearly 30 years. We've hung out at each other's parents' homes and we've hung out with other non-sexual friends together. We've gone to the beach with his daughter. We offer each other emotional support.
we are not in a relationship because we just agree to disagree on certain values and life outlooks and mindsets but we don't hit each other over the head due to those differences.
Some people if you've fuck 3 times in three weeks you automatically become their friend in their mind.
With my FWB, there are strings attached but we know where the boundaries are and we know enough about each other to not stomp all over each other's boundaries.
Yes my FWB knows I'm polyamorous and fucking other guys and I know he fucks other people. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I used to, I had one partner who wanted a full evaluation of them against the other ??"
Cringe and no.
I don't want to know every single detail about their other sex partners and I won't be comparing myself to their other sex partners. Any guy who tries to get that kind of information from me on other men will put me right off.
I'm not feeding my insecurities or anyone else's. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I tell them, like openness & honesty but no details. If they object to me having multiple lovers then I’ve chosen badly "
Mate I tell them from the beginning. "you are not the only one and I don't have to be the only one." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments. I disagree.. it's not a relationship "
The definition of relationship that I use from the good ole Oxford English dictionary:
the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.
Now if some dude is sticking his body parts in mine I'd say there's a connection...or at least I would hope there is a connection and we are not just doing it for likes..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
FWB carries a particular meaning for me and I don't feel that I have ever experienced that. I have guys in my life who I love to spend time with from time to time with no expectation of exclusivity on either side, though I prefer it when our conversations don't go into the detail of other meets. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"FWB isn't a relationship.
Wrong, it is still a relationship, just not one with strong commitments.
I disagree.. it's not a relationship
Then don’t can them friend and use the term ‘commodity’
You think there's a line between commodity and friend with nothing in between? "
Um.. there is lots of things between commodity and friend...I dunno I read a lot of psychology books and spoke to a lot of psychotherapists so maybe this is why I know this.
acquaintance
lover
date
meet
fuckbuddy
drinking buddy
clubbing buddy
companion
associate
Nudist pal
Romance joy rider...okay I made that up.
Lol!
Please don't make me use a dictionary again.
One word can mean different things to different people so it's always important to say exactly what you mean and don't assume.
I know people hate labels but labels are the only way I can understand things with my neurodivergent traits. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"FWB carries a particular meaning for me and I don't feel that I have ever experienced that. I have guys in my life who I love to spend time with from time to time with no expectation of exclusivity on either side, though I prefer it when our conversations don't go into the detail of other meets. "
Hugs. my FWB is a real friend who I spend time with in groups or alone together. He puts up with me dragging him to places he would never go alone and I listen to his sexual escapades (He likes recounting it but I don't compare myself). If something bad happened during a meet, I could tell him for emotional support and vice versa. So details aren't really off-limits although I do restrain myself from discussing details that I know he might be insecure about.
Men things like cock size, car size, bank account size, height size.
There is no expectation of exclusivity but when he was in a committed relationship I backed off because he should be speaking to his committed partner more than me. We chat online if not every day, every other day.
If it's an emergency I know where his mom and closest male friends live and their telephone numbers.
We just fancied each other since school and we are now both single middle-aged perverts lol! life is too short. Lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Fwb is a type of relationship, just like friendship is.
Exactly. Otherwise, replace friend by object. "
Shudder...I hope to God I don't treat anyone like a commodity or an object...
If someone told me I did that to them, I would feel worse than if I recognized that they treated me like that.
I can ignore people but that's due to me feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and starting to dissociate. I try to let people know up front but it still blindsides people including me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
"
Our preference is honesty. If everyone is clear from the start what the expectations are, and are happy with the agreement then there no issues and no potential for drama. You either agree your exclusive or not.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"Assuming they aren't on Fab or even aware that you are on here, so no veri trail.
Should you tell all your FWBs that you're fucking more than just them?
Would you lie if they asked and say you're only fucking them?
Our preference is honesty. If everyone is clear from the start what the expectations are, and are happy with the agreement then there no issues and no potential for drama. You either agree your exclusive or not.
Mrs "
I'm genuinely interested in the variety of responses. Surely agreeing to be exclusive takes the 'relationship' to a whole new level. Aren't you then a couple or a throuple? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm not here for lots of FWBs and much rather spend time exploring with someone I trust.
I place as much emphasis on the friendship as I do on the benefits and would never allow those benefits to damage the friendship.
If she was to meet others as FWBs or FBs I know for a fact that she would be open and honest with me because of the level of trust we have built over 3 years and I would owe her that same degree of honesty. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them.
I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars."
This |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don’t lie and I don’t like liars.
I had a FWB for years. He broke our rules constantly and lied often. Put my health at risk as a result. It was tricky with other factors so lasted way longer than it should, but ultimately couldn’t continue.
Very upsetting. I always thought the friend part was the most important, he clearly didn’t.
Boundaries, respect and honesty are key to any kind of relationship, including FWB, I think.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
For fwbs I don't tend to bother, the situation is as known as it needs to be already.
For partners I let them know if I'm introducing any new potential vectors so they can make informed decisions about their own sexual health.
That's in terms of initiating the discussion at least. Generally if anyone asks a direct question I'll give them a direct answer. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I prefer complete honesty. I also expect the same from people that I have sex with. If I find out that they have lied, I will no longer wish to have sex with them.
I don’t have a problem with them having sex with others, but I have a massive problem with liars."
Fair enough. Straight rule. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I prefer to know and did not mind my last FWB having other lovers, however, she tended to lie and also got jealous of my other Fab friends even though they were not lovers."
.very truely unbalanced.. il eat all the cake. You cant even look at the Crumbs lol.
People are more fragile than they care to admit.
Somewhere down the line, FWB's will develope into feelings from one of them. Coz the lovw,closeness hormone gets released during sex and brings bond and closeness.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In the past someone I met here and who already had 2 FWBs insisted I be exclusive to her.
She was honest enough to tell me about the other guys and very open about the fact she would continue to meet both of them but I was not allowed to meet anyone else.
This wasn't a dynamic I was ever interested in and told her so.
It was either a two way street or nothing as far as I was concerned.
Long story short I left Fab for over a year because of the drama she created when I didn't step in line. "
Good you didnt step in line. Hold form! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? "
Multiple partners. Who knws about soul- ties? And pair bonding? .issues later. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think it depends on the dynamic.
I did in the past, we were both very open and enjoyed hearing of the others experiences in truth so that helps
Helped that there was trust there and a genuine friendship that made it good news
Plus we’re both as nosey as each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The only time my FWBs find out about each other's presence in my life (assuming I even get to a lucky stage in life where I can have more than 1 FWB at a time) is if they're interested in an MFF together with me! 
That aside, I'd probably tell them that I'm not sleeping with them exclusively, but that's all they need to know of my sex life with other people. And I wouldn't just tell them this out of the blue; it'll be a case of "ask the right questions if you want the right answers". |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So for everyone sleeping with multiple people, do you use condoms with all partners? "
Always and at all times.
I won't have unprotected sex unless I'm in a loving monogamous relationship and we have both had a fresh STI screen.
I only know for sure where I have been, I don't ask or question anyone else's situation but have found single men can get very funny when they know you're having sex with others.
So honesty is the best policy but people don't always feel that way in reality.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It depends on the dynamics and rule of the FWB relationship.
We were FWB when we first met, we were only sleeping with each other after discussion. So completely individual circumstances
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I tell them, like openness & honesty but no details. If they object to me having multiple lovers then I’ve chosen badly
Mate I tell them from the beginning. "you are not the only one and I don't have to be the only one.""
Yeah, I don’t beat around the bush , but some people are new to poly so I take a slightly different approach, explaining why monogamous relationships are flawed. I care about the feeling of the people I have sex with and don’t want them having feelings of jealousy or insecurity. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
