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Non sexual marriage
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hi I have a real question and need so advice.
How do you leave a non sexual marriage, when you don’t want to hurt your partner also ?
No sex in 5 years in a marriage and it feels just like good friends.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Steve. |
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My dad once said to me “Son, I never realised what it was like to sleep alone. ‘Til I married your mother.”
They’re no longer married.
Do what’s right for you and if you have them your children. Many couples have split but remained good friends. |
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"Hi I have a real question and need so advice.
How do you leave a non sexual marriage, when you don’t want to hurt your partner also ?
No sex in 5 years in a marriage and it feels just like good friends.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Steve."
Hi OP.
Have you tried talking to your wife? And I don’t just mean the odd hint about sex? Have you really sat down and *both* talked about your feelings?
What is the rest of your marriage like? If it’s just sex (and I accept that is a very important part of a relationship), there may be a resolution available to you. Maybe couples counselling?
If the rest is also underwhelming, and you’ve tried everything, perhaps ending it is the way forward. But it’s still going to involve several big talks and you can’t escape the pain on either side. So, if you’re looking for an easy way out, it ain’t happenin pal!
I don’t advocate staying in a marriage that is genuinely doomed, but it’s a big thing to walk away from and will leave scars. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Ask her and discuss options.
You could stay together but have an open marriage with joint finances & separate rooms/partners , split up but stay good friends and support her emotionally, financially, practically still etc , in my experience both can work , doesn’t mean it will for you guys though. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Hi I have a real question and need so advice.
How do you leave a non sexual marriage, when you don’t want to hurt your partner also ?
No sex in 5 years in a marriage and it feels just like good friends.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Steve.
Hi OP.
Have you tried talking to your wife? And I don’t just mean the odd hint about sex? Have you really sat down and *both* talked about your feelings?
What is the rest of your marriage like? If it’s just sex (and I accept that is a very important part of a relationship), there may be a resolution available to you. Maybe couples counselling?
If the rest is also underwhelming, and you’ve tried everything, perhaps ending it is the way forward. But it’s still going to involve several big talks and you can’t escape the pain on either side. So, if you’re looking for an easy way out, it ain’t happenin pal!
I don’t advocate staying in a marriage that is genuinely doomed, but it’s a big thing to walk away from and will leave scars."
 totally agree. Sex on its own can usually be fixed easily by simply demonstrating love ,but if it’s a result of other underlying problems then it may not be fixable. Don’t walk away if it’s only sex, fix it instead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very true , that’s the problem."
The problem is that you don’t want to hurt yourself.
I’ve been there, OP. Unfortunately, there will be hurt on both sides, but pain isn’t necessarily bad. It can drive you on to do better for yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ask her and discuss options.
You could stay together but have an open marriage with joint finances & separate rooms/partners , split up but stay good friends and support her emotionally, financially, practically still etc , in my experience both can work , doesn’t mean it will for you guys though. "
Don’t think she would be up for open relationship to be honest she is set in her ways and just happy . But for me I’m really not but don’t want to hurt her.
I think you only get one life and I respect her enough to be honest about all this.
Thanks for reply
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Very true , that’s the problem.
The problem is that you don’t want to hurt yourself.
I’ve been there, OP. Unfortunately, there will be hurt on both sides, but pain isn’t necessarily bad. It can drive you on to do better for yourself. "
Very true, I will be hurt as I don’t want to lose my best friend but there is no physical attraction there anymore on both sides .
Thanks for reply. |
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"Very true , that’s the problem.
The problem is that you don’t want to hurt yourself.
I’ve been there, OP. Unfortunately, there will be hurt on both sides, but pain isn’t necessarily bad. It can drive you on to do better for yourself.
Very true, I will be hurt as I don’t want to lose my best friend but there is no physical attraction there anymore on both sides .
Thanks for reply."
Has she told you she doesn’t find you attractive anymore |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Ask her and discuss options.
You could stay together but have an open marriage with joint finances & separate rooms/partners , split up but stay good friends and support her emotionally, financially, practically still etc , in my experience both can work , doesn’t mean it will for you guys though.
Don’t think she would be up for open relationship to be honest she is set in her ways and just happy . But for me I’m really not but don’t want to hurt her.
I think you only get one life and I respect her enough to be honest about all this.
Thanks for reply
"
I’m sure she isn’t ‘just happy’ maybe she can’t see a better solution like you and is hiding how she feels. Talk to her, be brave & create the version and f the future that works for you both |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can’t help but think guys who post on here that they are in a sexless marriage, yet have a single male account on a swingers site that their partner probably doesn’t know about, subconsciously checked out of their relationship before she did, resulting in her not feeling like having sex any more  |
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I believe that sex is a reasonable expectation in a marriage and Therfield is a reasonable reason to leave a marriage if its withdrawn unilaterally. You will hurt your partner but you are also setting both of you free to find a more satisfactory relationship. I doubt your partner feels great about the present situation either.
Start the conversation and explore possible solutions, divorce being only one possible solution. You don't have to live without sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you both need to take time to communicate properly. A counsellor would be the best start. You say you're good friends, so there's obviously no hatred there - do you know why she's not keen on sex? There can be any number of physical or mental reasons people can go off sex but you'll only be able to find out what these really are, and how they can possibly be rectified, if you communicate honestly. |
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"I think you both need to take time to communicate properly. A counsellor would be the best start. You say you're good friends, so there's obviously no hatred there - do you know why she's not keen on sex? There can be any number of physical or mental reasons people can go off sex but you'll only be able to find out what these really are, and how they can possibly be rectified, if you communicate honestly."
Agreed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you both need to take time to communicate properly. A counsellor would be the best start. You say you're good friends, so there's obviously no hatred there - do you know why she's not keen on sex? There can be any number of physical or mental reasons people can go off sex but you'll only be able to find out what these really are, and how they can possibly be rectified, if you communicate honestly."
Thanks for advice I agree |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I believe that sex is a reasonable expectation in a marriage and Therfield is a reasonable reason to leave a marriage if its withdrawn unilaterally. You will hurt your partner but you are also setting both of you free to find a more satisfactory relationship. I doubt your partner feels great about the present situation either.
Thanks that’s how I feel
Start the conversation and explore possible solutions, divorce being only one possible solution. You don't have to live without sex."
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Very true , that’s the problem.
The problem is that you don’t want to hurt yourself.
I’ve been there, OP. Unfortunately, there will be hurt on both sides, but pain isn’t necessarily bad. It can drive you on to do better for yourself.
Very true, I will be hurt as I don’t want to lose my best friend but there is no physical attraction there anymore on both sides .
Thanks for reply.
Has she told you she doesn’t find you attractive anymore "
No she hasn’t told me that |
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"Hi I have a real question and need so advice.
How do you leave a non sexual marriage, when you don’t want to hurt your partner also ?
No sex in 5 years in a marriage and it feels just like good friends.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Steve."
You can't without hurt but if its come to it you have to for at least your sanity  |
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The only way to leave a marriage with minimal hurt is if both people want out.
Have a chat, see how your partner reacts when you tell her you're leaving her and take it from there. A woman friend of mine was in a sexless marriage, when she told her husband she was leaving him he sought professional help and they turned things around. They remained together until he passed away.
Hoping to leave a marriage with no fall out is not realistic |
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"Hi I have a real question and need so advice.
How do you leave a non sexual marriage, when you don’t want to hurt your partner also ?
No sex in 5 years in a marriage and it feels just like good friends.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Steve.
Hi OP.
Have you tried talking to your wife? And I don’t just mean the odd hint about sex? Have you really sat down and *both* talked about your feelings?
What is the rest of your marriage like? If it’s just sex (and I accept that is a very important part of a relationship), there may be a resolution available to you. Maybe couples counselling?
If the rest is also underwhelming, and you’ve tried everything, perhaps ending it is the way forward. But it’s still going to involve several big talks and you can’t escape the pain on either side. So, if you’re looking for an easy way out, it ain’t happenin pal!
I don’t advocate staying in a marriage that is genuinely doomed, but it’s a big thing to walk away from and will leave scars.
totally agree. Sex on its own can usually be fixed easily by simply demonstrating love ,but if it’s a result of other underlying problems then it may not be fixable. Don’t walk away if it’s only sex, fix it instead."
How can you say that when you done know the hole history. OP I'm In a similar position dated if you do dated if you don't love the wife but we want diferent things completely sex is a part of it but she will not talk about that as it brings up the past. |
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You both owe it to each other after your time together to focus fully on trying to resolve the issues within the relationship, from your perspective OP I would start by deleting this profile..
At this point I would think of getting yourselves back on track as a couple if that's what you both want, and it probably won't be easy but could be beneficial in the long run..
If as a couple in time with much communication this aspect in whatever form is part of your life then all well and good but at a time when your not in a good place this is not the answer..
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"I can’t help but think guys who post on here that they are in a sexless marriage, yet have a single male account on a swingers site that their partner probably doesn’t know about, subconsciously checked out of their relationship before she did, resulting in her not feeling like having sex any more "
No that's not true the reason she is not in to sex is being ra*ed at a young age witch I did not know about for years then it came out after a death on her side of the family. So it's not all black and white. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can’t help but think guys who post on here that they are in a sexless marriage, yet have a single male account on a swingers site that their partner probably doesn’t know about, subconsciously checked out of their relationship before she did, resulting in her not feeling like having sex any more "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think you both need to take time to communicate properly. A counsellor would be the best start. You say you're good friends, so there's obviously no hatred there - do you know why she's not keen on sex? There can be any number of physical or mental reasons people can go off sex but you'll only be able to find out what these really are, and how they can possibly be rectified, if you communicate honestly."
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