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What's you most embarrassing bout of flatulence?
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OK, it's a rather crude topic, but who hasn't dropped one at possibly the most inappropriate moment?
I'll start the ball rolling.
At a trip to the cinema (the Sandra Bullock thriller "Premonition") I knew that I had one coming, so decided to head to the back of the cinema and go to the bottom of the back stairway to let it all out.
A loud, violent bout of chronic flatulence later, I felt refreshed and ready to head back in, reassured that I had handled things discretely. I noticed heads turning as I returned to my seat, only to find my wife absolutely mortified.
She later told me that the stairway had functioned as a resonance-chamber, and the auditorium was filled with a flatulence akin to someone ripping up really thick sheets of cardboard.
My timing apparently couldn't have been better, as it was during one of the most tense pieces of the film, where you could have heard a pin drop.
Charcoal tablets all round... |
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Hahaha!! That’s what you get for airing your back stairway in a back stairway - it created an auditory vortex of bum guff 
I was once in the photocopier room and absentmindedly dropped a proper stinker. Then the door opened and a girl I really fancied came in. There were no words. |
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Ooh I'd been holding one in for ages at work, it was a very small office. 5 o clock rolled around, I ran to my car, got in, immediately let go ...it was disgusting. A real eye waterer. I had just begun to relish the double relief of a) no longer holding it and b) that I didn't risk it in the office, when there was a tap-tap-tap on my window. The company MD. I had no choice but to roll down the window of course. As I did so, he leant down as he was speaking to me - he had seen me rush to leave and wanted to check everything was ok - he visibly recoiled when the stench hit him, he tried to hide it but it was clear he had just got a faceful of it. I quickly blurted something about being fine just have an appointment, and sped away, dying inside. He never mentioned it, and neither did I.  |
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"Ooh I'd been holding one in for ages at work, it was a very small office. 5 o clock rolled around, I ran to my car, got in, immediately let go ...it was disgusting. A real eye waterer. I had just begun to relish the double relief of a) no longer holding it and b) that I didn't risk it in the office, when there was a tap-tap-tap on my window. The company MD. I had no choice but to roll down the window of course. As I did so, he leant down as he was speaking to me - he had seen me rush to leave and wanted to check everything was ok - he visibly recoiled when the stench hit him, he tried to hide it but it was clear he had just got a faceful of it. I quickly blurted something about being fine just have an appointment, and sped away, dying inside. He never mentioned it, and neither did I. "
I love this!!! And I love the phrase “A real eye waterer”!! |
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One time, I desperately wanted to sneak it out during a training day at the main office, and being the only male at the company, I was in a room populated by women who would frown upon such release. But then, I spotted that the door was ajar.
I thought "I'll time it with slamming the door - genius!" When the pains were really kicking in, I got up, went over to the door, and gave it a nice, firm shove, waiting a second before making my trousers cough with timing George Burns would have been proud of.
Problem was, I didn't realise that it was a fire-door, and on a slow-closer. The fart almost bellowed out, followed - agonisingly seconds later - by the firm clunk of the door shutting.
Things were a little frosty for the rest of the training session. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most awkward was with an ex, I was going down on her and she accidentally let rip as she was about to cum, that wasn't tye worst part though because as she did it she suddenly closed her legs with my head still there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On the subject of flatulence,
Can someone please explain why men are so obsessed with hearing a woman do it?
If us women got caught letting one go like the above stories men would be highly entertained and not stop mentioning it for life!
T |
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By *alvin.Man
over a year ago
Cork/Dublin |
I'll probably go to hell for giving away a family secret but my My Ma is in a league of her own.
Shes 82 and after a life well lived shes found an ingenious method of cover up. When out walking she loves a big double Decker bus or a truck to pass by on the road and she times it just right and let's the trumpet blast away. It's known in the family as the HGV fart 
My son is putting together an illustrated book at the moment called "My Nanas 10 best Farts. It will either be a best seller or our family will be shunned. Number 3 on the list is called the "Walking 20 Yarder". The title speaks for itself.
Judging by recent events it seems I'm on the same path as her. How bad!. She's the best  |
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