FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > is throwing in the towel...for now....
is throwing in the towel...for now....
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them  |
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Jeeeeez he sounds like a piece of work, what a selfish twat. I'm sorry you had to give in and it's all well and good people telling you to call his bluff but its hard if you think it will affect the kids.
Is his access court organised or did you agree it between you? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't often swear on the forums but what an utter TWAT he is. Using your children as a weapon to get out of his own responsibilities, such an arsehole!!
Good luck with it all and hold your head up high, us single mums do a great job. Huggles xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aw sounds like a man using the kids as a weapon why do people do this. The kids did not ask to be brought into the world they need both parents. No matter how skint I have got I have always made sure my kids have got what they need and food in there tummys even if it ment I do without. So sorry to hear your situation. There are a lot of dads out there that would love to have their kids stay with them. I am one of these fathers.
My heart goes out to you and your children xxx |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"Jeeeeez he sounds like a piece of work, what a selfish twat. I'm sorry you had to give in and it's all well and good people telling you to call his bluff but its hard if you think it will affect the kids.
Is his access court organised or did you agree it between you? X"
court organised after he accused me of planning on fleeing the country back in 2009...his evidence? Me asking him to stop coming round every night to say good night to the kids, to call instead which of course equals me planning on fleeing to Canada in the middle of the night...lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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im sorry mummy.
we have spoken in the past and youve always come across as a nice person.
i dont know what words i can say to make you feel better right now.
if its a hug you require i'll happily do it.
take care xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldnt call his bluff but I would contact social services or a family solicitor yourself as they dont just work to take children away they have a mediation service also. You are working within the bounds of the law re. csa, it is him who is using the situation and time of year as a method of manipulation.
Try and keep smiling x |
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"Jeeeeez he sounds like a piece of work, what a selfish twat. I'm sorry you had to give in and it's all well and good people telling you to call his bluff but its hard if you think it will affect the kids.
Is his access court organised or did you agree it between you? X
court organised after he accused me of planning on fleeing the country back in 2009...his evidence? Me asking him to stop coming round every night to say good night to the kids, to call instead which of course equals me planning on fleeing to Canada in the middle of the night...lol"
I had this, my ex kept popping in every day then when it was his turn to have our boy stuff kept cropping up. I told him if he didn't wanna take him out that he could suit himself but he's not lazing around my house drinking coffee when he's got nothing better to do. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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beats me how you woman seem to end up with guys like this.
good ones never get a look in.
guess bad ones are more appealing.
but i see you women complain about guys so much and do nothing about changing.
not moaning at you, just saying how i see it from my point of _iew.
id never treat you like that and im beginning to think this is where ive been going wrong?
am i right or wrong? prove it to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them "
Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Times like these I am now thankful my ex left without a backward glance and was never seen again. Chin up Yummy.
You know it makes sense to put your kids first. xxx |
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"Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them
Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site."
Charming. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Times like these I am now thankful my ex left without a backward glance and was never seen again. Chin up Yummy.
You know it makes sense to put your kids first. xxx"
Sadly i agree. I used to hate my daughters dad for not wanting to be a part of her life, but now i know just how lucky i am that i don't have to answer to anyone else.
Hope things work out for you hunni, your kids are amazing and all that you do with/for them. xx |
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(F) has the same thing happening as you which makes me (M) really makes me angry as a father who's ex partner frequently uses the children against him...including not complying with the court order he has have had to fight for years for this Christmas so he hasn't been able to see them, spend a decent amount of time with them and give them their gifts from him and their family.
Call his bluff! He is an idiot who has, in practice, no real rights over them except what you choose to give him!
Do not be scared of the social services, the (F)'s ex partner did this to her; they came into the house, looked around and said there was nothing wrong. The social services have no power or authority other than that derived from a court due to criminal acts or negligence, as long as there has been none there is nothing to worry about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow it is so difficult when personal dramas are played out to the detriment of the kids. He is obviously using the kids as a weapon as many have said, perhaps you could call his bluff in another way and offer to pay for the meals. If he refuses it shows that he doesn't want to be with them as much as he wants to hurt you. As a father who had his children's mother died through drug abuse and was not informed of the full situation by social services who let the kids suffer I am glad to hear that they at least say they will investigate. Not something that they informed us or indeed did. We just hope that your kids have a good Xmas and new year and that somehow you can find a resolution. |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"beats me how you woman seem to end up with guys like this.
good ones never get a look in.
guess bad ones are more appealing.
but i see you women complain about guys so much and do nothing about changing.
not moaning at you, just saying how i see it from my point of _iew.
id never treat you like that and im beginning to think this is where ive been going wrong?
am i right or wrong? prove it to me"
He was not like that when we first met or for the first few years of our marriage either...when we first met he was the most loving and romantic man ever. It changed when he found out that with my 2nd pregnancy we were expecting twins and just went down hill from then and he left when the twins were 4 months old... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site."
Its a community on these forums. Fabs to me is far more than a 'sex site' We are all adults with plenty of knowledge and experience between us, why shouldnt we be able to embrace and help out others? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them
Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site.
Charming. "
Have to agree to charming thought the forum where ever it is was open for most subjects |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"beats me how you woman seem to end up with guys like this.
good ones never get a look in.
guess bad ones are more appealing.
but i see you women complain about guys so much and do nothing about changing.
not moaning at you, just saying how i see it from my point of _iew.
id never treat you like that and im beginning to think this is where ive been going wrong?
am i right or wrong? prove it to me
He was not like that when we first met or for the first few years of our marriage either...when we first met he was the most loving and romantic man ever. It changed when he found out that with my 2nd pregnancy we were expecting twins and just went down hill from then and he left when the twins were 4 months old..."
well at least youve been honest to explain why.
but i still stand by the point that i just see so many unhappy woman complaining and the honest nice guy doesnt stand a chance.
its like a crazy joke.
i dont like it anymore than you woman do so why choose them? choose better! |
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"Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them
Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site."
She isnt asking us to sort her situation out, she is looking for support from a community that she has become a part of. |
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"beats me how you woman seem to end up with guys like this.
good ones never get a look in.
guess bad ones are more appealing.
but i see you women complain about guys so much and do nothing about changing.
not moaning at you, just saying how i see it from my point of _iew.
id never treat you like that and im beginning to think this is where ive been going wrong?
am i right or wrong? prove it to me"
We don't get with guys who are arseholes. 4 years I was with my ex and for 3 of those we were happy and talking of getting engaged. Lots of relationships break down, doesn't mean the guys were tossers from day 1 x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site.
Its a community on these forums. Fabs to me is far more than a 'sex site' We are all adults with plenty of knowledge and experience between us, why shouldnt we be able to embrace and help out others?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hang on isn't he meant to be going out?? So he's got money for drinks/taxi/food etc but not to buy a loaf of bread and some beans to feed them if he's that skint??? X "
That's what I was thinking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hang on isn't he meant to be going out?? So he's got money for drinks/taxi/food etc but not to buy a loaf of bread and some beans to feed them if he's that skint??? X "
That's how it reads to me, he can't afford the sitter, has no money to feed his own children but can still afford to go out.
He has every other week to do that why do it the week he has his children? |
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If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? "
It certainly would..and of course the same goes for women too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them
Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site.
Charming.
Have to agree to charming thought the forum where ever it is was open for most subjects "
Although this is a personal matter, it is a very difficult time of year for estranged families. Many professionals do use this site and maybe able to offer advice via PM. As long as the posts are tactful I dont see a problem. |
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Well that is a shame ..I did imagine he would do this tho when you said he questioned the week instead of 5 days.. He can of course afford to go out with his GF rather than spending a family night in playing board games. ..
Oh well make sure next year the arrangement suits you... what a Rat.
There is nothing wrong with sharing your problems with people here !!!
For some it is just a sex site..(usually men ) For the forumites its a place to share problems and laughter ..ask advise and share good times.
Many people are lonely and alone. support is needed and given here .
Being a single Mum in a different country to her family she needs to talk and moan.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People grow apart want different things in life and when a relationship breaks down both parties go throu a grieving time. Anger hurt and many other emotions play out.
My ex wife turned round to me and said I can't hurt u any other way so I will make damn sure you won't see your children. I lost them for 8 years have got them back now they are young adults |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"Hang on isn't he meant to be going out?? So he's got money for drinks/taxi/food etc but not to buy a loaf of bread and some beans to feed them if he's that skint??? X
That's how it reads to me, he can't afford the sitter, has no money to feed his own children but can still afford to go out.
He has every other week to do that why do it the week he has his children? "
yes..when he picked them up christmas day and I said see you next tuesday ,the 1st he said well we are going out nye so I said he needed to get a sitter then as he said he was having the kids a whole week.He was also hosting christmas dinner for about 8 people later that day from what he told the children..but he can do all that but can not afford to feed them until Tuesday? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Treating the Trolls with the contempt they deserve....
Look to yourself, then you will continue to do your best for your children, without moving to
the beat of someone else's drum....
I follow your posts regularly on here, and you have my support for being the best _ummy mummy you could possibly be....
There's a lot of US here for you.... |
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"Can I just ask a question. the week/days he has the children does he still pay the csa payments or do you pay him back?"
CSA is calculated for amount of days. So for example if he were to pay £70 a week that £10 a day. But if he arranged to have them 2 days a week he would only pay £50. |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier??
It certainly would..and of course the same goes for women too "
Of course, I only mentioned blokes coz that was the subject of the thread. I know of plenty of woman who have turned into nasty buggers too x
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"Can I just ask a question. the week/days he has the children does he still pay the csa payments or do you pay him back?"
he is supposed to have the kids 3 out of 4 weekends..and the csa deduct it from the payments before it reaches me. Any extra time he has them such as Christmas,summer holidays etc is also reported to them, by me, and it is also deducted...same as when he does not have them, like he has not at all this month until christmas, it is also reported... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? "
i still dont understand why they would do this though. they have everything to loose and nothing to gain.
if i had kids they would come first in everything.
maybe im old fashioned but i see parenting a full time job and not just as a sperm donor |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was so proud of how I stood up to the ex...but I have given in...Yesterday he text saying that he was bringing the kids home Sunday night as according to him as I have all of his money(csa payment) I am better placed to pay for a sitter..saying that he can not afford to feed them extra days "at my whim" When I pointed out to him that they were not staying extra days, they were staying the week that he said that he was having them, he came back with this:
I would have had them a week. You caused this situation with your greed and shortsightedness. I can not afford to keep them longer unless you want them not to eat for 3 days. You have all the money so you need to either do something about that or live with the consequences of your actions.If you are not home when I bring them home Sunday I will have to call social services and explain the whole situation to them.
I have had varying advice from call his bluff to do not mess with him and although I would love to call his bluff...I do know how nasty he can be and I do not want the kids to have to go through a social services investigation no matter how bogus it may be. I called them myself to disscuss it with them and they said they are obliged to investigate every single call so..he won this time...
Can not wait to hear what bullshit he has told them this visit round. It is so hard because they miss him so I want them to see him but then he feeds them such bull when they are with him it makes me want to limit access. I just want what is best for them "
We have had to put up with these/similar games for years. The worst thing you can do is pander to his demands. If it is a court set time then social services would look at him as the problem, not you. IF they investigate they only come and have a chat with you and your kids at your house, once they see the 'real' problem that'll be the end. If it is a court set date stick to your guns otherwise you'll have the same problem every time he wants something. Let's be honest what's he going to say to social services? I had to leave them because I wanted to go out on the piss?!!!!! Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier??
i still dont understand why they would do this though. they have everything to loose and nothing to gain.
if i had kids they would come first in everything.
maybe im old fashioned but i see parenting a full time job and not just as a sperm donor"
I agree it is a full time job for both parents even when they don't live together |
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"Call his bluff! He is an idiot who has, in practice, no real rights over them except what you choose to give him
Why's that then ?"
Just detailing the experience I have had; she has repeatedly stopped me seeing / having any contact with my children for 4 years, I finally managed to get a court order only after she seriously assaulted one of her partners young children and she is now flouting the court order with no consequences to her. She is my ex-wife and they are all my children with my name on their birth certificates.
I have had no violence in my past, no criminal record and the end of the relationship was down to her; nothing that would prevent my children from seeing me except that she doesn't like it
This demonstrates no real rights as a father I'm sure you will agree. |
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By *teborahCouple
over a year ago
warrington |
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier?? "
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This so called excuse for a man does not understand the concept of being a loving father who would die for his children.
I wish that my ex was not such an hurtful inept blood sucking mutant of the highest level, stopping me seeing my little girl. I get to speak to her on the telephone every Sat at 11am not a min before and I am lucky if I get a 5 min conversation before she says she has to go.
I always remember a song sung by Elvis Presley called Seperate Ways & there is a line in it
" Someday when she's older maybe she will understand, why her Mom & Dad are not together. The tears that she will cry when I say goodbye will tear at my heart forever. "
I love my little girl so, so much and it pains me when I hear of people like this because he has the blessing of seeing his children yet doesn't comprehend the importance of making each and every day with them precious, cause things change in a heartbeat. Sadly the Law is a slow turning wheel and fathers really don't have much clout. My Solicitor told me possession is 9/10ths of the law. My ex continues to get away with preventing me seeing my daughter. So unfair. Your ex needs to grow a pair and be a man not a pathetic syphletic dingo's dong. |
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Contact social services again and ask if they will come and witness him bringing them back early and his reasons why.
Then keep an eye on his facebook etc and if he mentions a wild night out on new years be sure to copy the page...
Good luck yummy and keep your cool - as you know he exasperates you but it can distress the kids.
Big hug. |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you."
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad! "
yes you did and its been noticed x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I just ask a question. the week/days he has the children does he still pay the csa payments or do you pay him back?
CSA is calculated for amount of days. So for example if he were to pay £70 a week that £10 a day. But if he arranged to have them 2 days a week he would only pay £50. "
thank you for that. I have my children on a 50-50 basis but still pay money 52 weeks a year. |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x"
Not by everyone apparently, lol,my best friend has recently got with a chap who has not long split with his wife and moved out of the family home leaving her with their 7 year old. He wants to see him, has sent money while CSA is being organised, bought Xmas presents and took them round there only to have them snatched out of his hand without seeing his son and the door slammed in his face. The mum has been turning the boy against his dad as my friends little girl goes to the same school and had come home with messages from the lad saying me and my mum think your mum is a bitch?!
Disgusting behaviour x |
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"Can I just ask a question. the week/days he has the children does he still pay the csa payments or do you pay him back?
CSA is calculated for amount of days. So for example if he were to pay £70 a week that £10 a day. But if he arranged to have them 2 days a week he would only pay £50. thank you for that. I have my children on a 50-50 basis but still pay money 52 weeks a year. "
You need to check what the original payment plan was then, as you should only be paying half x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't often swear on the forums but what an utter TWAT he is. Using your children as a weapon to get out of his own responsibilities, such an arsehole!!
Good luck with it all and hold your head up high, us single mums do a great job. Huggles xx"
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By *teborahCouple
over a year ago
warrington |
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x"
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. where is the arsehole icon???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i have dealt with many domestic situations and its never easy and always very messy.
adults can move on and recover a little.
sadly the kids never forget.
chin up ladies i know you try your best in the face of the odds. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier??
i still dont understand why they would do this though. they have everything to loose and nothing to gain.
if i had kids they would come first in everything.
maybe im old fashioned but i see parenting a full time job and not just as a sperm donor"
Not everyone sees it that way. Even with the best intial intentions, some men (and some women) find parenting too big a job and not the one they hoped it would be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can I just ask a question. the week/days he has the children does he still pay the csa payments or do you pay him back?
CSA is calculated for amount of days. So for example if he were to pay £70 a week that £10 a day. But if he arranged to have them 2 days a week he would only pay £50. thank you for that. I have my children on a 50-50 basis but still pay money 52 weeks a year.
You need to check what the original payment plan was then, as you should only be paying half x "
thank you I have a service pension and the money is taken from that ( we had children after I left the services ) x |
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"Call his bluff! He is an idiot who has, in practice, no real rights over them except what you choose to give him
Why's that then ?
Just detailing the experience I have had; she has repeatedly stopped me seeing / having any contact with my children for 4 years, I finally managed to get a court order only after she seriously assaulted one of her partners young children and she is now flouting the court order with no consequences to her. She is my ex-wife and they are all my children with my name on their birth certificates.
I have had no violence in my past, no criminal record and the end of the relationship was down to her; nothing that would prevent my children from seeing me except that she doesn't like it
This demonstrates no real rights as a father I'm sure you will agree. "
Have been there myself with my ex but theres not a chance in hell i'd let her dictate to me regarding what is "our" child. You can either sit back and take it or man up and fight for your access and shared responsability.
I was ready to sell up and move into digs to fight for my child it was only when her lawyer actually sat her down and told her she would be fucked for a better word she decided to act like an adult and place our daughters interests first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier??
i still dont understand why they would do this though. they have everything to loose and nothing to gain.
if i had kids they would come first in everything.
maybe im old fashioned but i see parenting a full time job and not just as a sperm donor
Not everyone sees it that way. Even with the best intial intentions, some men (and some women) find parenting too big a job and not the one they hoped it would be."
but you try like hell.
even if you fall out of love for each other you still try to do whats right.
in my book you do anyway |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????"
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry, but im not going to kiss your arse and tell you what a nasty man he is, and how nice you are etc etc but we have a one sided story, probably with a spin on it for the "woah is me" factor.
Your situation should be sorted outside of a public forum on a swinging site.
Its a community on these forums. Fabs to me is far more than a 'sex site' We are all adults with plenty of knowledge and experience between us, why shouldnt we be able to embrace and help out others?"
This |
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"Have been there myself with my ex but theres not a chance in hell i'd let her dictate to me regarding what is "our" child. You can either sit back and take it or man up and fight for your access and shared responsability.
I was ready to sell up and move into digs to fight for my child it was only when her lawyer actually sat her down and told her she would be fucked for a better word she decided to act like an adult and place our daughters interests first."
I have fought for 4 years and continue to fight for them.
I have not stopped fighting for them through the courts, unfortunately, as I say, the deck appears to be stacked in her favour.
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, no-one believed that she was bat-shit insane until she stabbed a 5 year old in the throat...which is the only thing that persuaded the court to finally give me the court order.
They were always (intentionally or not) defending her simply because she was the mother, no other reason which was incredibly frustrating for me.
This is why it makes me so angry when fathers take the piss and do not make the effort to see their children when it is handed to them on a platter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X "
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"maybe im old fashioned but i see parenting a full time job and not just as a sperm donor
Not everyone sees it that way. Even with the best intial intentions, some men (and some women) find parenting too big a job and not the one they hoped it would be.
but you try like hell.
even if you fall out of love for each other you still try to do whats right.
in my book you do anyway"
In my book too but I have met so many people with age but not the maturity to be parents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted."
how did you know of the situation ? |
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"Have been there myself with my ex but theres not a chance in hell i'd let her dictate to me regarding what is "our" child. You can either sit back and take it or man up and fight for your access and shared responsability.
I was ready to sell up and move into digs to fight for my child it was only when her lawyer actually sat her down and told her she would be fucked for a better word she decided to act like an adult and place our daughters interests first.
I have fought for 4 years and continue to fight for them.
I have not stopped fighting for them through the courts, unfortunately, as I say, the deck appears to be stacked in her favour.
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, no-one believed that she was bat-shit insane until she stabbed a 5 year old in the throat...which is the only thing that persuaded the court to finally give me the court order.
They were always (intentionally or not) defending her simply because she was the mother, no other reason which was incredibly frustrating for me.
This is why it makes me so angry when fathers take the piss and do not make the effort to see their children when it is handed to them on a platter."
I'm glad your making ground and agree at times it feels like no one cares and everything is stacked in her favour but times are changing and legislation in place now solely to take into account what is best for the children and that is having a dad that care's and gives a fuck enough to see them. Stick with it bud |
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"I'm glad your making ground and agree at times it feels like no one cares and everything is stacked in her favour but times are changing and legislation in place now solely to take into account what is best for the children and that is having a dad that care's and gives a fuck enough to see them. Stick with it bud "
Cheers mate, appreciate it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?"
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association"
not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x"
they were evicted in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x"
POCA , POVA is adults |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x
POCA , POVA is adults it also covers children and if the house was as bad as stated I would say the adults where vounreble as well wouldn't you ?"
Depends on if the adults have brought it on themselves , children can't chose who or how their parents decided to raise them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 29/12/12 19:19:48]"
a child in the legal system is up to age 16 but a adult is from age 18 so as no age was mentioned the children concerned could have been I'm the 2 years in between which is a POVA issue.
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By *hawy06Man
over a year ago
warrington |
Woman want it all there own way blokes should always just remember one thing in every single court on this land we are just sperm doners how the hell can a bloke in a wig decide the fair of the child the whole British system is outdated and beyond times it's about time the mother and farther have equal rights but that will never happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x
POCA , POVA is adults it also covers children and if the house was as bad as stated I would say the adults where vounreble as well wouldn't you ?
Depends on if the adults have brought it on themselves , children can't chose who or how their parents decided to raise them. "
fair call. Do we know the family history? Is there a mental health issue? Mother or father ( or both ) suffering PTSD or do we just see people with problems as not worth the bother. These people could have been upstanding people before they had problems!!! Your call |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x
POCA , POVA is adults it also covers children and if the house was as bad as stated I would say the adults where vounreble as well wouldn't you ?
Depends on if the adults have brought it on themselves , children can't chose who or how their parents decided to raise them. fair call. Do we know the family history? Is there a mental health issue? Mother or father ( or both ) suffering PTSD or do we just see people with problems as not worth the bother. These people could have been upstanding people before they had problems!!! Your call"
Exactly |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x
POCA , POVA is adults "
Anyone else noticed the link to redtube that was bizarrely in an earlier post and subsequently quoted by everyone else (including me now!)...?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x
POCA , POVA is adults
Anyone else noticed the link to redtube that was bizarrely in an earlier post and subsequently quoted by everyone else (including me now!)...? "
Only just noticed it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know where you are coming from as my ex tried this just after we split up
Now i dont get any money of him and he doesn't have them and he can only see them when if i am in my house as he's that bad
stay strong everything comes back 10 fold xxxxx |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
My ex was paying for his daughter for only a year after we split. He then hooked up with a woman who had 4 kids and then said he could no longer afford it as he had four other kids - kids who were also supported by their own father.
So, I got nothing for my child from the age of 12 - I was even homeless at one point.
Now she is 30 and he has just got back in touch with her after separating from this woman. My daughter has no interest in him now - he left it too late (18 years too late) and is now alone and much much older. He has lost so much. What goes around, comes around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? "
. So women never cheat or leave the kids? Oh how lovely you all are ( please try and contact my ex wife ) come on be real |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
This will probably go against the grain of what has been said ( I havn't got to the bottom of the thread yet but from what I have read the man has been called all the names under the sun )
I would just be happy that I had my kids back after them being gone for nearly a week rather than complaining he must have money to go out.
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"beats me how you woman seem to end up with guys like this.
good ones never get a look in.
guess bad ones are more appealing.
but i see you women complain about guys so much and do nothing about changing.
not moaning at you, just saying how i see it from my point of _iew.
id never treat you like that and im beginning to think this is where ive been going wrong?
am i right or wrong? prove it to me
He was not like that when we first met or for the first few years of our marriage either...when we first met he was the most loving and romantic man ever. It changed when he found out that with my 2nd pregnancy we were expecting twins and just went down hill from then and he left when the twins were 4 months old...
well at least youve been honest to explain why.
but i still stand by the point that i just see so many unhappy woman complaining and the honest nice guy doesnt stand a chance.
its like a crazy joke.
i dont like it anymore than you woman do so why choose them? choose better!"
Do you think these guys go round saying
'hi, I'd like a relationship with you, get married, treat you like Shit, have some kids then clear off thinking nothing of my responsibilities and leave you fending for yourself. I'll pay CSA when I feel like it but expect to see the kids when it's convenient for me.......you know it's a good deal so what do you say?'
Of course they don't so the choice at the time is not a poor one.
And of course this goes for the women to.....before the equality brigade jump on me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"beats me how you woman seem to end up with guys like this.
good ones never get a look in.
guess bad ones are more appealing.
but i see you women complain about guys so much and do nothing about changing.
not moaning at you, just saying how i see it from my point of _iew.
id never treat you like that and im beginning to think this is where ive been going wrong?
am i right or wrong? prove it to me
He was not like that when we first met or for the first few years of our marriage either...when we first met he was the most loving and romantic man ever. It changed when he found out that with my 2nd pregnancy we were expecting twins and just went down hill from then and he left when the twins were 4 months old...
well at least youve been honest to explain why.
but i still stand by the point that i just see so many unhappy woman complaining and the honest nice guy doesnt stand a chance.
its like a crazy joke.
i dont like it anymore than you woman do so why choose them? choose better!
Do you think these guys go round saying
'hi, I'd like a relationship with you, get married, treat you like Shit, have some kids then clear off thinking nothing of my responsibilities and leave you fending for yourself. I'll pay CSA when I feel like it but expect to see the kids when it's convenient for me.......you know it's a good deal so what do you say?'
Of course they don't so the choice at the time is not a poor one.
And of course this goes for the women to.....before the equality brigade jump on me "
no not going to jump on you at all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just ask a question. the week/days he has the children does he still pay the csa payments or do you pay him back?"
You don't pay back CSA, when you claim it, you claim for time children are spent with you, so if dad has kids every other weekend you claim for month minus number days he has children, same for school holidays etc.
He can't use CSA as excuse to bring kids back.
He has court order to say he has kids for a week, bringing them back early is breaking court order.
And having no food to feed them, he should made sure he bought enough for the week (though find it hard to believe a couple days after Xmas he has no food in the cupboards) most people overbuy on food this time of year. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex was paying for his daughter for only a year after we split. He then hooked up with a woman who had 4 kids and then said he could no longer afford it as he had four other kids - kids who were also supported by their own father.
So, I got nothing for my child from the age of 12 - I was even homeless at one point.
Now she is 30 and he has just got back in touch with her after separating from this woman. My daughter has no interest in him now - he left it too late (18 years too late) and is now alone and much much older. He has lost so much. What goes around, comes around."
My eX came back into my daughter and sons life after 21 years.
He told both of them i refused to let him see them.....
In fact the courts sorted a half way house for him to see them for 3 hrs each Saturday( he had legged it with them before).
He only ever turned up once.
He was ordered to pay 5p a fortnight for both, of which i never received a penny.
He's always known where we lived yet he told them he had no clue.
My daughter contacted him through Facebook he never contacted her.
Yet he still continues to lie.
My daughter is now 23 and my sons 22
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this is one of them subject which is riddled with bad stories and lots of opinion.
i know the saying 'walk a mile in someone's shoes' is true in this case.
what i am getting out of this is reading personal experiences and the _iews of others.
its all valuable learning for me. |
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Oh hun, I am so very sorry to hear of your troubles .... I am fortunate and unfortunate in equal measures with my ex .... but suffice it to say that the female breed are very strong, and at the end of the day the children will always remember the good times they have shared with you and all your lovely mummy qualities .... I am a great believer in fate and everything happening for a reason, and undoubtedly he will get his comeuppance, as many have done in the past !!
Take care and stay strong xxx |
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Sounds like Friskys ex... He'd say I can't pay for the boy I've got no money... A week later she'd get a call... I can't have the boy(his words) on these dates I'm off to the caribbean with my girlfriend. He did that twice...
He tried all sorts. Funny thing was when it went to court, they were totally on his side. All he did was tell lie after lie and they swallowed it all... Got sorted in the end he got bored and we haven't seen or heard from him in about 4 years...
If someone wants to share problems or good news in here that is up to them. If you don't like it go away...
And gents I know every story has two sides but moaning in here just makes you sound bitter, oh and us good guys get a chance when the bad boys fuck up....
So good for you putting your children first...  |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? . So women never cheat or leave the kids? Oh how lovely you all are ( please try and contact my ex wife ) come on be real "
no one ever said that...people keep taking this post out of contex as it was in response to someone questioning why us women always went for assholes who treated us like crap...women can be just as bad I do not think anyone has said otherwise... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? . So women never cheat or leave the kids? Oh how lovely you all are ( please try and contact my ex wife ) come on be real
no one ever said that...people keep taking this post out of contex as it was in response to someone questioning why us women always went for assholes who treated us like crap...women can be just as bad I do not think anyone has said otherwise..."
your right yummy.
no one has said otherwise x |
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There are probs on both sides I had an ex sister in law that walked out leaving two young children sat in a cot until their dad got home from work that evening we helped him bring them up. She wanted to know them when they were adults. My daughter had a pig of a husband after they split he claimed benifits was ordered to pay 5 quid a week. He would then stop claiming. We knew he was working. Wonder why job seekers and csa couldn't see this. |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"This will probably go against the grain of what has been said ( I havn't got to the bottom of the thread yet but from what I have read the man has been called all the names under the sun )
I would just be happy that I had my kids back after them being gone for nearly a week rather than complaining he must have money to go out.
"
shame on me for wanting to have had a bit of a break to recharge my batteries after not having had a break for months..and after tomorrow not having another one for a few months...I apologize ..I will stop my belly aching now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This will probably go against the grain of what has been said ( I havn't got to the bottom of the thread yet but from what I have read the man has been called all the names under the sun )
I would just be happy that I had my kids back after them being gone for nearly a week rather than complaining he must have money to go out.
shame on me for wanting to have had a bit of a break to recharge my batteries after not having had a break for months..and after tomorrow not having another one for a few months...I apologize ..I will stop my belly aching now "
always here if you need to vent off at someone yummy.
doesnt matter love just send away xx |
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My ex husband tried to start actin a twat, basically saying i was an unfit mother. His reasons where more than ridiculous and he would be going to his solicitors every five minutes. Unfortunatly for him he underestimated my intelligence someone and just made himself look a twat |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I just think its a private matter...involving family and not for a swinging site....just my opinion.."
I think I can understand where you are coming from and I personally would speak in person to close friends as a preference. I can understand however that somebody would seek the collective wisdom, in want of a better word, of a forum to let of steam and bounce off ideas. No right or wrong really for me.  |
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"I just think its a private matter...involving family and not for a swinging site....just my opinion.."
yep i agree 100% and there are 2 sides to every story bet he would tell a very different story indeed |
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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago
In Your Bush |
"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own
Wouldn't that make things easier??
I had an ex WIFE that did pretty much that too me now the kids are both 21 and 26 respective they now hate her for what she proved to be please don't judge all men the same thank you.
If you read up a bit I did say that I only used men as an example as that was the subject of the thread and that I know woman who are just as bad!
yes you did and its been noticed x
Sorry diddn't read it all but my ex and I shall say my kids is a very roar subject and still is after many many years!! how many mothers turn their young children out in favour of a new man??? not many. thats what makes her special. http://www.redtube.com/15878where is the arsehole icon????
My cousin and her husband have just spent thousands and thousands of pounds, private investigator, trips from Kent to Wales weekly to go to court after a woman he had a one night stand with turned up on his doorstep 2 years later with a child claiming to be his, she then disappeared with the girl 2 more years later after he has stepped up and loved her, paid for her, had regular access and she just went. It's taken 3 years of hell to get full custody after the mum has had 2 more kids since, but kept this girl locked in her room with water and a bucket but the social services wouldn't take her out if the house! X
yes i know a situation where a home had about 20 cats in it and the parents were alcoholics and drug abusers.
social services refused to remove the kids saying they had seen a lot worse.
i was flabbergasted. how did you know of the situation ?
because i was called in to deal with the horrible smell coming from the flat.
and i was the estate inspector for a housing association not being argumentiv I work same line but if things where that bad the police should have been involved they have the power to remove at risk people. Also your association should have contacted POVA x
POCA , POVA is adults
Anyone else noticed the link to redtube that was bizarrely in an earlier post and subsequently quoted by everyone else (including me now!)...? "
It's an Easter egg |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Yep there's always to sides to a story.."
In this case there may well be 6 - _ummy mummy's, his, his new partner and the three children. The only side that is important is story the children tell. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Yep there's always to sides to a story..
In this case there may well be 6 - _ummy mummy's, his, his new partner and the three children. The only side that is important is story the children tell."
How very very true! |
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I've known _ummy mummy for a long time now ... her ex is an arsehole of the highest order.
Yes there are two sides to every story - but this pathetic excuse for a man would be hard pressed to justify his utterly contemptible behaviour since their separation.
I admire yummy for her devotion to her children and her dignity in dealing with this b*stard ... I'm not sure I could have been that patient. |
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"If only all blokes walked around with a big sign saying 'ill be all nice and lovely for X amount of years then ill start acting like a prick, cheat on you and leave you to raise the kids pretty much on your own! '
Wouldn't that make things easier?? . So women never cheat or leave the kids? Oh how lovely you all are ( please try and contact my ex wife ) come on be real "
For the third time... I said after this post that I used men as an example as that was the topics of the thread and I know woman who are just as bad and I've given 2 examples of that!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt call his bluff but I would contact social services or a family solicitor yourself as they dont just work to take children away they have a mediation service also. You are working within the bounds of the law re. csa, it is him who is using the situation and time of year as a method of manipulation.
Try and keep smiling x"
I understand the last thing you would want is social services contacted ! But while the children are with him he is responible for them and that includes feeding them it wouldnt look good on his part ! Maybe mention this to him but the sad thing is that its the children who suffer as it seems to be that he wants his freedom as well as his kids very sad when a lot of men have to fight to see they're kids myself included in the past. Whatever the differences are between ex's the kids should never be used as pawns in a game! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I've known _ummy mummy for a long time now ... her ex is an arsehole of the highest order.
Yes there are two sides to every story - but this pathetic excuse for a man would be hard pressed to justify his utterly contemptible behaviour since their separation.
I admire yummy for her devotion to her children and her dignity in dealing with this b*stard ... I'm not sure I could have been that patient. "
I think it is llovely that you are speaking out for Yummy, I really do and by teh sound of it, she needed to let off steam tonight. I cannot see, as I said before anything wrong with that and I hope she gets that much needed break sometime soon.
I can see also that it is difficult for people to comment sensibly when they only know one side of the story... and I am not doubting for one moment that her story is anything but true. Nonetheless people will respond and it isoften our own life experience , some call it baggage that makes us respond ina certain way. Some things in the forums, not just this thread do hit home at times. Hope that makes sense. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I agree there are two sides... Probably 3 at times and the same can be said of 100% of the ranty posts involving activities on here where it involves other members. I do think people share too much information but it is their choice and whether it is family upset, illness in the family, love affairs going through crisis to abortions... Some will comfort, others condemn, both are easy to do. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"This will probably go against the grain of what has been said ( I havn't got to the bottom of the thread yet but from what I have read the man has been called all the names under the sun )
I would just be happy that I had my kids back after them being gone for nearly a week rather than complaining he must have money to go out.
shame on me for wanting to have had a bit of a break to recharge my batteries after not having had a break for months..and after tomorrow not having another one for a few months...I apologize ..I will stop my belly aching now "
That was probably the reaction I would have expected going by your posts on this subject.  |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"This will probably go against the grain of what has been said ( I havn't got to the bottom of the thread yet but from what I have read the man has been called all the names under the sun )
I would just be happy that I had my kids back after them being gone for nearly a week rather than complaining he must have money to go out.
shame on me for wanting to have had a bit of a break to recharge my batteries after not having had a break for months..and after tomorrow not having another one for a few months...I apologize ..I will stop my belly aching now
That was probably the reaction I would have expected going by your posts on this subject. "
So happy to have lived up to your expectations |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm, just read through this (took a while) and I find it amazing that people would be so critical and disrespectful of someone based on what appears to me quite a bitter and clearly one sided opening post. There could be a whole different side to this and therefore to call the OP’s ex some of the names banded about on this thread to me is uncalled for to say the least.
It just feels to me that there are a number of responses based on people’s own bitter experiences and it only generally serves to fuel the OP’s fire. How people can be so judgemental, critical and downright unpleasant about another person hearing only one side of an argument/dispute is beyond me  |
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