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That trinity...
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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So. During a flurry of voicenotes with my emotional support pug tonight, we were discussing dating/meeting people etc. And a topic came up.
The importance of finding someone who stimulates your mind, heart and vagina (or penis depending on what you've got).
How important is that to you? Would you meet someone without that joyful trifecta being met? Do you find you place more value on certain parts of it being met?
Is it something you find easy to find if it is important to you? |
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Your threads speak straight to my soul.
For me, I really want to meet someone who can stimulate all three. I’m in a position at the moment where I am wanting to get back out and meet/date but until someone can intrigue all three, I have no interest |
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For me the nethers don’t engage without the mind. Back in my youth it was different, but now I find there has to be something there.
Heart? That’s the golden ticket. If that charred muthafucker flickers into existence then something special is kicking off  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh Meli, another stupendous post.
Personally I think it’s the holy grail, finding someone that can push you mentally, intrigue you, calm your fires and leave you with your jaw dropped. Finding and keeping such a person would be fulfilling indeed.
It’s not essential in everyone you spend time with intimately, but difficult to settle fully without all three being met |
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It's not something that I find easily whatsoever. Someone needs to intrigue me before my heart or my vagina are remotely bothered. And I'm a proper weirdo who likes random things, which narrows the pool of people I find mentally on wavelength  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Going to be in the minority here
But it really all depends
What the person / relationship dynamics is between me and them
Ie if it’s dateing and going out
And and it was open / semi open then only need two off the 3 hart and head the sex can be substituted elsewhere a realship can Tracend awwsome sex
If it’s just a fuck buddy then only needs one off the 3 the sex
But saying that I would probably settle for someone who gets my hart and head and medocor sex and closed if they got the other two
As sex isn’t the be all and end all
It’s the cuddleing the laughing to gether that I miss the most |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All three are important for me when looking for a partner, let it be sexual or otherwise. Unfortunately, I never have encountered such person AND be reciprocated at the same time, so I’m just giving up. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"It's unlikely to be out there for a lot of people so think it's easier to just make do and compromise on the rest"
Definitely. There's also the likelihood of you thinking someone speaks to your heart because you're a bit infatuated and really they're just talking to your penis/vagina. |
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We tried the fuck and go’s in a club and it doesn’t work for us at all.
So we need our mind stimulated and our cock/pussy will follow.
We’ve turned down meeting people who haven’t been able to get into our minds. It’s our biggest sexual organ and one that needs to be played with first before any other parts get touched 
K |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Your threads speak straight to my soul.
For me, I really want to meet someone who can stimulate all three. I’m in a position at the moment where I am wanting to get back out and meet/date but until someone can intrigue all three, I have no interest "
Hello Jamie.
Thank you for that lovely compliment. Your sycophancy makes me smile. 
Yep, apathy is completely understandable. What's the point of settling for less if that's what you want? It wouldn't be fair to you. Or them. But mainly you because you're the main character of your life.
Unless they stimulate one part and have a perfect jawline and Hugh Grant vibes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think now that I am all fab grown up and sensible, if I was going to meet from here again I would keep the heart out of it and go for the mind and the vag part. Im going to need to find you interesting and challenging and a bit drop dead sexy to me. But Im not up for falling for you because thats where all the problems start and a previous brilliant friendship can get a bit wonky. |
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"It's unlikely to be out there for a lot of people so think it's easier to just make do and compromise on the rest
Definitely. There's also the likelihood of you thinking someone speaks to your heart because you're a bit infatuated and really they're just talking to your penis/vagina."
Oh definitely, but there's the other way around too where you can love their personality and they engage your mind and want to find them sexually attractive as a result |
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" Would you meet someone without that joyful trifecta being met? Do you find you place more value on certain parts of it being met?
Is it something you find easy to find if it is important to you?"
Meet - yes.
Be friends with - yes.
Have a relationship with - no.
Having left a disaster, I am principally looking for friends so the mind is most important at the moment. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"For me the nethers don’t engage without the mind. Back in my youth it was different, but now I find there has to be something there.
Heart? That’s the golden ticket. If that charred muthafucker flickers into existence then something special is kicking off "
Charred muthafucker. Oh your way with words.
Yes, I think the mind can be so important. If that's stimulated, you're excited and actively enjoying it, it has potential. Equally, once the mind stops being stimulated, it's kind of telling isn't it? |
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"For me the nethers don’t engage without the mind. Back in my youth it was different, but now I find there has to be something there.
Heart? That’s the golden ticket. If that charred muthafucker flickers into existence then something special is kicking off "
Just realised I repeated what you said but not as eloquently  |
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It depends what I'm looking for out of someone.
If it's just a fuck, all they have to do is stimulate my mind and body.
If it's a romantic endeavour, then they have to stimulate all three.
I've yet to find someone that can do all three. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Oh Meli, another stupendous post.
Personally I think it’s the holy grail, finding someone that can push you mentally, intrigue you, calm your fires and leave you with your jaw dropped. Finding and keeping such a person would be fulfilling indeed.
It’s not essential in everyone you spend time with intimately, but difficult to settle fully without all three being met "
Ha, my threads are more often than not based off of my ever curious mind and conversations that leave me with even more questions. Thank you though.
Calm your fires is a beautiful expression, I adore that. I'm not sure it is essential with everyone you're intimate with. I also think you find them in varying quantities with people. And your general mood etc can affect the value you place on each thing. |
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"Your threads speak straight to my soul.
For me, I really want to meet someone who can stimulate all three. I’m in a position at the moment where I am wanting to get back out and meet/date but until someone can intrigue all three, I have no interest
Hello Jamie.
Thank you for that lovely compliment. Your sycophancy makes me smile.
Yep, apathy is completely understandable. What's the point of settling for less if that's what you want? It wouldn't be fair to you. Or them. But mainly you because you're the main character of your life.
Unless they stimulate one part and have a perfect jawline and Hugh Grant vibes. "
Having such main chatter energy can be exhausting. I’m not prepared to be wooed by a supporting cast member.
I think I may be celibate for quite some time. |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"So. During a flurry of voicenotes with my emotional support pug tonight, we were discussing dating/meeting people etc. And a topic came up.
The importance of finding someone who stimulates your mind, heart and vagina (or penis depending on what you've got).
How important is that to you? Would you meet someone without that joyful trifecta being met? Do you find you place more value on certain parts of it being met?
Is it something you find easy to find if it is important to you?"
How would I know if she stimulate all three without a meet. Moreover, few meets would be needed. So my answer yes, I’d meet without all three of there is minimum Connection and attraction. I am not the one jumping into fast conclusion on minimum data. Meeting New people is fun, even if you aren’t meant to be together for life.
Another question wether I see my self in relationship without that holy trinity - no, definitely not. No compromise.  |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So. During a flurry of voicenotes with my emotional support pug tonight, we were discussing dating/meeting people etc. And a topic came up.
The importance of finding someone who stimulates your mind, heart and vagina (or penis depending on what you've got).
How important is that to you? Would you meet someone without that joyful trifecta being met? Do you find you place more value on certain parts of it being met?
Is it something you find easy to find if it is important to you?"
Having read most of the responses so far it's no surprise that the singles seem to respond in a different way to what I suspect would be the view more common from couples.
I suspect most of them may be less concerned about the heart element, given they have each other and won't be seeking that same emotional attachment that a single might.
It's great when there's friendship involved, but that's possibly a different emotion to what a single pringle may feel. For us? We need stimulation mentally and of course physically, but there's no real need for any form of deep emotional connection.
We have to like someone to get jiggy with them, but equally it's not beyond the realms of possibility that we'd enjoy an occasional pure physical connection, especially in a club environment.
So as Marvin Lee Aday once said....two out of three ain't bad.
A
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"It's not something that I find easily whatsoever. Someone needs to intrigue me before my heart or my vagina are remotely bothered. And I'm a proper weirdo who likes random things, which narrows the pool of people I find mentally on wavelength "
Hello Frida *waves*
I like your avatar.
That aside, yes. Random things can definitely narrow the pool and then you have to wade even deeper to get a bit wet (look, I'm running with the pool thing). I find little things switch me off. And because I'm a bit of a twonk, my mind is easily switched off. Far too easily.
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"For me the nethers don’t engage without the mind. Back in my youth it was different, but now I find there has to be something there.
Heart? That’s the golden ticket. If that charred muthafucker flickers into existence then something special is kicking off
Just realised I repeated what you said but not as eloquently "
I’m not sure charred muthafucker is eloquent, but thanks |
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I have a fanatical obsession to delve deep beyond the veneer for my mind to be truly engaged before my phallus is stimulated or even before lusting after a woman's pudendum.
Mèlí, my "trifecta" is like a 3-digit padlock, comprising of my manhood, heart and mind. All three have to be perfectly aligned in order to unlock my desire to take things further. |
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I don't need my heart stimulated except by coffee. But I've never found anyone attractive without wanting to delve into their mind as well as their body. I've never had a one-night stand, for example, and I know myself well enough to know I never could. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t need the 3 jaded in 1 before meet or dating …
As give a chance and time for the 3 elements to forge … slowly as you getting to know .
But yes , it will have to happen at some point or the connection and the chemistry will not exceed the expectations .
Specially on dating . Don’t imagine myself settling for something that doesn’t feel special .
I believe in special feeling on first sight .
The rest will only help to prove it |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Going to be in the minority here
But it really all depends
What the person / relationship dynamics is between me and them
Ie if it’s dateing and going out
And and it was open / semi open then only need two off the 3 hart and head the sex can be substituted elsewhere a realship can Tracend awwsome sex
If it’s just a fuck buddy then only needs one off the 3 the sex
But saying that I would probably settle for someone who gets my hart and head and medocor sex and closed if they got the other two
As sex isn’t the be all and end all
It’s the cuddleing the laughing to gether that I miss the most "
That makes perfect sense. Different dynamics, different relationships will have more importance on some things, less on others. Sex isn't the be all and end all, there's a lot to be said for enjoyable companionship with another - that ease. And being able to laugh and discuss nothing but everything is truly one of life's great pleasures. |
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"I’m not sure charred muthafucker is eloquent, but thanks
eloquent
adjective
fluent or persuasive in speaking or writing.
Taken from the Oxford Online Dictionary. Persuasive af muthafucker.  "
. You bossed me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m not sure charred muthafucker is eloquent, but thanks
eloquent
adjective
fluent or persuasive in speaking or writing.
Taken from the Oxford Online Dictionary. Persuasive af muthafucker.
. You bossed me "
And you liked it, admit it |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"All three are important for me when looking for a partner, let it be sexual or otherwise. Unfortunately, I never have encountered such person AND be reciprocated at the same time, so I’m just giving up."
Ach. I'd say don't give up but that veers in to patronising territory. I think that you (a generic, general you) can find it when timing is right. Sometimes things align and all three are ticked. |
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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago
stockport |
"So. During a flurry of voicenotes with my emotional support pug tonight, we were discussing dating/meeting people etc. And a topic came up.
The importance of finding someone who stimulates your mind, heart and vagina (or penis depending on what you've got).
How important is that to you? Would you meet someone without that joyful trifecta being met? Do you find you place more value on certain parts of it being met?
Is it something you find easy to find if it is important to you?"
Back in the day of feral Lexi I wasn’t too bothered about a long term partner as I was having far too much fun being single.
But saying that I still needed these things stimulated to be interested in someone.
Now I HAVE to have these met. And luckily enough for me they are. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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"I’m not sure charred muthafucker is eloquent, but thanks
eloquent
adjective
fluent or persuasive in speaking or writing.
Taken from the Oxford Online Dictionary. Persuasive af muthafucker.
. You bossed me
And you liked it, admit it "
A rare occasion indeed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All three are important for me when looking for a partner, let it be sexual or otherwise. Unfortunately, I never have encountered such person AND be reciprocated at the same time, so I’m just giving up.
Ach. I'd say don't give up but that veers in to patronising territory. I think that you (a generic, general you) can find it when timing is right. Sometimes things align and all three are ticked. "
Sweet as ever, beautiful Meli x I appreciate your kind words and don’t feel patronised at all. Maybe is wiser to be the funny aunt or wait to have grandchildren to love….not long now |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Yes please! Can you find that person for me, Meli?
Ha! My matchmaking skills are dire but I could give it a good go. "
Can't be worse than my own, surely.
Also "you must be truely desperate to come to me for help" comes to mind  I am! |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"We tried the fuck and go’s in a club and it doesn’t work for us at all.
So we need our mind stimulated and our cock/pussy will follow.
We’ve turned down meeting people who haven’t been able to get into our minds. It’s our biggest sexual organ and one that needs to be played with first before any other parts get touched
K"
I don't think there's anything wrong with fuck and go's; definitely did a few of those in my younger years. But yes, if the mind isn't quite in it it's hard to want to get in anywhere else isn't it? I'm surprised though, I thought your ears were your biggest sexual organ K. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could of met lots of women if I wasn't a fussy fucker. If she ain't got the x-factor I don't want to meet her.
And with me trying to punch above my weight on here, I will probably never meet anyone again through this site. |
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"I’m not sure charred muthafucker is eloquent, but thanks
eloquent
adjective
fluent or persuasive in speaking or writing.
Taken from the Oxford Online Dictionary. Persuasive af muthafucker.
. You bossed me
And you liked it, admit it
A rare occasion indeed "
 |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I take the "Meatloaf" on this one.
Meli, as a poly, do you need the trifecter (sic) with each or altogether?"
It took me some time to understand what you meant, sorry Tessa!
A poly. Like that.
As a poly, no. I don't need all three. I'm quite guarded with my heart, it's rare for someone to truly appeal to that. I value my mind being stimulated an awful lot though.
I think for me; I'd happily meet someone if they spoke to my heart in some small way, it could be the way a friend lights you up. It doesn't have to be in a big romantic way. I'd rather it wasn't. |
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"It's not something that I find easily whatsoever. Someone needs to intrigue me before my heart or my vagina are remotely bothered. And I'm a proper weirdo who likes random things, which narrows the pool of people I find mentally on wavelength
Hello Frida *waves*
I like your avatar.
That aside, yes. Random things can definitely narrow the pool and then you have to wade even deeper to get a bit wet (look, I'm running with the pool thing). I find little things switch me off. And because I'm a bit of a twonk, my mind is easily switched off. Far too easily.
"
Hello Meli,
Why thank you.
Yes my mind switches off far too easily in general. Which can make it hard to stay focused on people. Yep I said I said most people bore me somewhat. But those that don't I adore this counts for romantic and platonic friendships. So I'll be a twonk with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's so important. I guess I find it hard to let go with someone I don't have a connection with... but my heart? Maybe not like that, but I do want someone I can trust who makes me smile. I find it quite difficult to get to that point. It's very rare I click with someone on several different levels. I'm trying to work on it since all I am seeking is sex, but it is proving difficult for me to let myself go and be with someone who doesn't tick all the boxes. |
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I don't think I've ever had all three. There are people that I have shared intellectual understanding with, and people who have grabbed my heart (and I hope I have grabbed theirs). Rarely both of these, but it has happened.
The third part has never really happened other than sometimes a bit of NSA with near strangers. My gender dysphoria makes it difficult for me to be properly aroused even when it is with someone I find overwhelmingly attractive, so my sexual performance is rarely brilliant. And conversely, I think the trans thing makes it so that those who I do have mental and/or emotional connection with, relate to me in a less sexual way.
Perhaps I've just never met the right person. Seems unlikely now that I ever will. |
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